WCSDancer2010

This is brilliant! And so true! https://www.facebook.com/theworkofthepeople/videos/10153934006900682/

@Confused2016 Hello and welcome! Well, sadly most people don't realize that 80% of people with HSV (1 or 2) are asymptomatic. Meaning you don't have symptoms after you get it or at least nothing that you realize are symptoms. Which is why the virus is as common as it is... most people that pass it on don't even know they have it. That said, with a 2.9 and no symptoms, I'd certainly suggest that you get the Western Blot as 40% of people who have a result under 3.5 who don't have symptoms are actually false positive. Here's the info for where to get the test: Westover Heights Clinic,http://westoverheights.com/ (503) 226-6678 ... they can order the test for you through Quest Labs. It costs $5/minute for a consult … cheap IMO for clarity and/or peace of mind. Now - *IF* you have herpes, it's not the end of the world. I got HSV1 oral as a toddler and HSV2 genital on my first sexual experience. I'm 55 now and I've had a very normal, full life with a 20 yr marriage and several relationships with H- men. I've had 2 beautiful daughters who are H- and a wonderful H- grandbaby. If anything Herpes has helped me to weed out the jerks when I'm dating a lot faster....I quickly learn who wants to get into ME as opposed to who wants to get INTO me. And we have people here who are VERY successful with having FWB's and casual sex 🙂 These links may help you a bit to get more clear about what H is and how you live with it... (((HUGS))) http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video

@NSgreenville has been wonderful with keeping us up to date with his relationship and subsequent engagement. I suggest that folks click on his name and go see some of his early posts ... he was exactly where many of you are right now. His story is not unusual, but most men don't come on boards like this and those who do don't share as much once they get over the initial adjustment. His story is so beautiful and I hope it gives you a glimpse of what is possible when you just accept and embrace having H and don't let it be an excuse to stop living life!

Yaaaaasssssss!!!!

Yeah I have ghsv1. I am shit out of luck I guess. Odds are it will work for HSV1 as well - it's just that they are focusing on H2 for the study....

Well, you just don't seem to get it that you have done more swabs than anyone I know and EVERY ONE is negative. That means that if you do indeed have genital herpes, you are hardly shedding at all. So that part really is much simpler for you than you realize. I get it that they symptoms are a downer and that it makes life harder, but honestly, as I've told you many times, the fact that you just plain can't seem to get even ONE positive swab tells me that your risk of passing H on to someone is slim to none, esp if you use condoms and or antivirals. So as far as the disclosure, you are in a FAR better place than most. Now, as far as LIVING with it, yes, you are certainly more challenged and it will take a man who is empathetic to your "bad days" to be with you.... but again, that is an opportunity that your H is giving you to find a man who will stand by you even on the "bad days" much earlier in the relationship. :) And you don't have to be "out" - we are talking about disclosure. Ella just does it more publically. In your case, you can do it in private one on one. My point was more about how she OWNS is and doesn't let it stop her from living her life :)

I suggest that you read all the "Success Stories" that you can because you will see where other's have had success and how they approached the subject. And remember the first time you do ANYTHING it can be quite scary! So sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet, get it over with, and accept the outcome. :) As for the info, you have the link for the e-book. There's a lot of great info on here. but the fact of the matter is, if the guy has been dating for any time odds are he's been exposed to H unwittingly anyway. So the fact that you KNOW actually, in a way, makes you "safer". It gives you the "opportunity" to bring up the STD talk that you really SHOULD have (and likely wouldn't if you are like most of the population!) before you have sex. At this point, while you feel like you are scared to give out info, odds are you know more about STD's now than 90% of the population! The e-book should give you the info you would want to pass on... or just give him the link so he can read it himself. And remember, his reaction is much more about who HE is than the fact that you have H. I call H my Wingman. The H talk shows me a lot about who my prospective partner is. How does he react initially? And does he then continue to act the same or not? Some men will seem ok at first but then they pull away - mostly because they are too chicken shit to be honest and say that they are scared/ignorant/etc. Odds are they will be that way about EVERY awkward situation that comes up in their life. That guy isn't for me. Some men are very empathetic from the start. They really *get* that for you to open up took a lot of courage. And they appreciate you for that. Doesn't mean they will stay but odds are they will really consider how they feel about you as a partner while they digest the H info. If they REALLY value you, most will stay (unless they are really germ-phobic, but again, that is someone that *I* personally probably wouldn't do well with anyway!). If they suddenly realize that they don't see a future with you (for other reasons) then H just made them get real before the got INTO you ... Because H is really great for helping you to see which guys are into YOU, as opposed to those who want to get INTO you. :) Sounds like you could use a little help with what to say for "the talk". So I'll put an example below. The bottom line is to let them know that you respect them enough to give them CHOICE. Just as you really should be straightforward with a potential new partner about other things in life - financial issues (recent bankruptcy), life-altering illnesses, crazy ex's that you have to deal with, children, etc. There are MANY things that we eventually have to disclose to a new partner that they may not want to be involved with. When you *get* that, disclosure of H gets easier :) And you may want to look into @Adrial's guide #3, "The Talk" ( covers disclosing in a way that makes “the talk” something that brings you closer together instead of being a dealbreaker) in the Lifestyle Guides. ( https://herpesopportunity.com/lifestyle-guides.html ) Use this code ( P25 ) if you decide to purchase it to get 25% off or ( P50 ) for 50% off the whole set if you think they are something that speaks to you. (((HUGS))) PS - you talked about a destigmatizing campaign... every disclosure you do is one more small stem towards that..... and hopefully at some point I will manage to get something going. Right now I have my 87 yr old father moving in with me so I have to get that dealt with before I can focus on the campaign :) This is what I tell others about disclosure: Let them know you have something personal to share, and that you are doing so because you have got to a point where you feel you can entrust them with this information. Also let them know that you want to start with honesty and openness, and that you need to share this with them because you care for them and this is something that has the potential to affect them, and that you need to discuss it now because you feel the relationship is moving towards sexual intimacy and you want to put this on the table before that happens. Be confident in yourself and your knowledge of the facts... or at least have the handouts with you so you can refer to them and give them to your partner to take home and use for reference. Make sure to direct them to places like this site, my blog, the CDC's site, Westover Heights and other trusted, RELIABLE sources ... direct them AWAY from Google images and the Yahoo groups where all the Debbie Downers hang out. Give them permission after to take as much time to research and consider their response. Whatever happens, don't take anything they say or do personally if it's negative. Odds are, it's their ignorance (because we all know that the education about H is pretty pathetic) or their fear of something marring them in some way (very possible if they are OCD/hypochondriac/anxious). You can also point out that the risk of getting H from someone who KNOWS they have Herpes is far less than most of the population because 80% of people with H don't know they have it ...and that the vast majority of cases are from asymptomatic carriers or people who have been led to believe that they can't pass it on without an OB and thus don't need to tell a partner as long as they don't engage in sex during an OB. Make sure that you don't wait till the clothes are off to tell someone either (and it happens all too often!) because that is how poor decisions are made then the person has regrets AND is scared silly ... rather than making a well thought out choice to be with you. Approach it with confidence and a trust that it will work out as it is meant to..... because that really is all you can do anyway

You can certainly get a wax. For one thing the pot should be cleaned between waxing but the heat would kill Herpes anyway. I would tell them you carry the virus and don't go when you have an OB. For *some* the waxing may cause an OB. If you find that happens, get some antivirals to keep on hand and take a dose or two before you get waxed. That can often be enough to stop the OB. Yes you can swim in a pool. That's why they put chlorine in them... to kill virus and bacteria :) Yes you can play with your nephew in the sea... Yes you can share towels (I just would be careful if you are having an outbreak, and of course you wouldn't want to share a towel that you had rubbed all over your vajayjay anyway, now would you? Yes you can wash your clothes with your sisters clothes. Remember soap? That's why we use it... to kill germs! Besides, odds are you wouldn't have enough virus on your underwear that would be live that would transfer anyway. You are WAAAAAAAAAYYYY overthinking this. Herpes spreads by direct, skin to skin contact. If it spread as easy as you fear (in the ways you described above) EVERYONE would have it! 80% of the population has it and doesn't know it (orally, but that can spread to the genitals with oral sex) ... Over time this won't be a big deal for you. You really don't have to change much of what you do. Just be more careful when you are having SEX ... the rest of your life will carry on as normal as far as concern about transmission. :) Have a read of my blog here about this subject :) (((HUGS))) http://supporttruthanddialog.com/toilets-towels-and-touching-oh-my/

@Renee10 Hello and Welcome! Hate to say it but you are going to have to go on blood tests, and even at 14 weeks you may be too early to get a definite result... we recommend 4 months. Certainly those other tests were a total waste of time and money because unless you already had H, it wouldn't show up that soon. It's possible you had a yeast infection even if you have H... given that the guy didn't bother to tell you he has H (Which we frown upon here... we strongly advocate for disclosure before any sexual encounter), odds are he may well be quite careless about his sex life. It's possible for a man to carry yeast infections and have no symptoms. They can also carry HPV and not know it as they can't be tested for it. So I would suggest in future that you ALWAYS use a condom with anyone who you don't know their sexual history... whether you have H or not. The "cuts" *could* be H - could be irritation from the diarrhea - if you get one that is large enough that it's oozing, I'd get it swabbed ASAP after it comes up. Swabs give a better diagnosis if you manage to get them when the area is shedding, which is usually right after the sore/ulcer comes up. You may also just be dealing with the fact that your immune system is quite compromised from the pregnancy, and subsequent surgery. While you are waiting on the test, I'd start taking some good probiotics and remove as much sugar and white flour from your diet and see if that helps - if it's a yeast issue, odds are your bio-flora in your vagina (and possibly even your digestive system) are really out of balance which might explain why you succumbed to the stomach flu as well. The thing with H is that it can show up very differently in different people. So not everyone gets swollen lymph glands, or the blisters... given that 80% of the population never has a recognizable outbreak, you can see that it can be hard to give a diagnosis based purely on symptoms. Hope that helps a bit!

@whitedaisies Then take note of Ella's approach. She's 100% comfortable with her status. She was totally open in the group at the bar (she did work her way towards her Herpes status, but the reality is she doesn't hide from the facts when she gets to that part of herself), so she's going to attract men who like her straightforwardness, confidence, and honesty. It's unlikely you are going to meet someone like this AND maintain their interest if you are not willing to accept your H status and be ok with however the other person is about it. Not to say you can't find love, and a wonderful man who will adore you exactly as you are, but if you want "a guy like that" then you need to figure out how to take Ella's approach. Go back and read what he said I was also impressed by your forwardness because the better sexual relationships that I’ve had have been with girls who are very forward upfront. Most relationships I’ve had that petered out quickly were with people who either played mind games or were reserved sexually. So my point here is that if she had been ashamed of her status, or if she withdrew (because of fear of rejection) or anything like that, odds are this guy would have quickly turned off. Some men want this kind of of confidence in women. Some are ok with women who need time to warm up and process the relationship at a slower rate. However, the odds are that the former will get you more prospects than the latter ;)

@hippyherpy This was over a year ago... don't know if @Spouse3 is still with us.....

:I met an actual sane human in a bar and then I had sex with him and then I interviewed him about it. HAPPY STD AWARENESS MONTH EVERYONE!" https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com/2016/04/02/the-herpes-interviews-the-guy-from-the-bar/

@notmyrealname Hello, Welcome, and a Big Fat (((HUG))) to you friend! So - as @Adrial and @hippyherpy said, this is normal, the "vulnerability hangover" ... in fact, Brene Brown (my personal Hero!) talks about it here: Vulnerability So - try to allow yourself to understand that this is ok - AND - it's opening you up in ways you are not used to and it's going to be uncomfortable as all hell for awhile. Like a flower, or a butterfly, you have been bound up, inside your protective shell for 8 yrs. You just cracked that sucker open and it can be scary to suddenly have all this beautiful space around you to spread your wings. It can also be tempting to crawl back inside where it's safe. Don't. Open your wings and let them dry in the sun. You don't have to fly just yet. Just BREATHE and take it all in. In the meantime, just let your man know you are dealing with this discomfort of being open and vulnerable which you haven't in awhile. He sounds like the kind of guy who will totally understand. You've been playing SuperMom for 8 yrs and it's going to take a bit (even without herpes!!!) to let someone in again. These links may help you too.... there's a lot of great info here and all the support you need. When you want to run, come here, get a little support and a hug, and then get back out there and give this guy a chance :) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love Shame

The general thinking is that if you are asymptomatic and you have a result UNDER 3.5, then there's a chance that it's a false positive.... about 40% of people in that situation are false positive.... If you want a definitive answer, do the Western Blot test. It tests for 14 proteins (instead of 1) and will give you a pretty clear result. That way, you could show that to anyone in the future (that you went to the top Herpes clinic in the country for your test) and you can tell them they need to get more up to date on their info. Sad because usually PP is a bit better than that. :( http://westoverheights.com/ (503) 226-6678 ... they can order the test for you through Quest Labs. It costs $5/minute for a consult … cheap IMO for clarity and/or peace of mind.

Well, that's great, but only Phase 2 ... so it will likely be about 5 yrs if we are lucky before it hit's the pharmacies :(

Honestly, in future if someone tells me that I am a slut and/or I deserve this disease, I won't get mad, I don't feel hurt. I just laugh. I figured, if they tell me such things, they show their true colours, their lack of understanding logic, how things work in life, their logically impaired judgement. It has nothing to do with me. @janedoe YOU, my friend, just hit the nail on the head and have basically said what I say all the time. When people talk like that, they are doing you a FAVOR as they are showing you what an asshat they are. It's nothing to do with you! And that lets me get them out of my life before I waste time on their sorry, ignorant, judgemental, bullying asses... :)

Like many members pointed out, if we can make people aware about herpes and make it a high profile subject, certainly it could change the flow of grant money and public's perception. Eventually, that means better research, better treatments and better screening. THIS is what I have been saying all along. The problem is that a group - admittedly small number - of people have ongoing,sometimes almost uncontrollable OB's. Bad enough that THEY deserve more attention. And even bigger is that by not testing, not talking about it, pretending that it's not a big deal (which is isn't for *most* ... at least not until they are diagnosed) the CDC and Dr's FEED the stigma. And that stigma causes a LOT of mental anguish after people are diagnosed.... thanks to the silence around H. The SILENCE is what causes most of the issues around H. And the silence is caused by the blissful ignorance of the 80% who are carriers. It's caused by the blissful ignorance of all those who believe they are "clean" and then have sex without condoms because their partner also has no idea that their test didn't include "everything". That's the part that browns me off.... the lie that Dr's and the CDC are supporting by letting people assume they have been tested for "everything" when in fact they have not been. I for one would be tempted to sue the CDC and the local clinic if I found out I had passed on H unwittingly if I had been STD tested and not tested for H and then passed it on. That may be one way to get things changed.... and I'm not into litigation ... but sometimes it's needed to gain attention. Either way, I have some family issues going on and once they are under control I have plans to start a public awareness campaign.... because I think that if/when people hear that they are not being tested, if it happens in large enough numbers, then we will get a change. Thanks for the inside perspective. None of it surprises me.... but it helps people to understand how the system works :(

@Sunshineandwhiskey 1) I'd definitely talk more to him about it - I'd strongly suggest that you make sure he gets tested because if you have HSV1 there's an 80% chance he's carrying it anyway, in which case, while you still want to be *cautious*, odds are you won't have to worry nearly as much with as many precautions... I'd just avoid sex during an OB to be careful. If you have HSV2, same deal - it's worth knowing his status and using that as a way to make sure he gets educated. 2) I'd go with him for the test, make sure he gets any questions answered. You can give him our handouts, or some links like the ones below. Whether he reads them is his issue, but at least you will know you gave him the opportunity to get educated. 3) My suggestion about your concerns with others finding out is to not disclose till you feel the person DESERVES to know and can be TRUSTED with something you have told them in confidence. In that way H sorta forces us to make better choices of partners 🙂 This really isn't complicated. YOU make it complicated! It's just a fact of life that you have this thing that you need to inform partners about. You need to make good choices about who you tell if you are concerned about being outed (or you do like me, you don't give a shit, and you discuss it with anyone who is interested in being educated... and neither approach is right or wrong). You need to just give them the info, perhaps a link or two, and if they say they don't want to use condoms, then just make sure they understand that whether it's with you or someone else, not using condoms puts them at a higher risk of an STD because you can't "tell" who has one most of the time. AND, when a guy tells you that, it's your BIG RED FLAG that you want to make sure they are tested before you have sex because who knows what else he's been exposed to. Herpes Disclosure is just one of many, MANY things people might be afraid to tell their new partners about ... things that they are afraid to disclose. Bankruptcy may be a deal breaker for some (as they might feel you are fiscally irresponsible). The Crazy Ex. Kids. Other diseases like Mental Illness, Autoimmune issues, Cancer, etc can all be deal breakers for some. Recent job issues. etc. So don't overthink it. Give him the info, make sure you CYA as far as making sure he's tested for YOUR sexual health, and then enjoy your time with him. http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook http://supporttruthanddialog.com/disclosure-its-not-just-about-herpes/ Herpes facts video

I would guess you are negative but if you want a definitive answer I'd contact Westover Heights and get their advice. http://westoverheights.com/ (503) 226-6678 ... they can order the test for you through Quest Labs. It costs $5/minute for a consult … cheap IMO for clarity and/or peace of mind.

Sooo much goes into the virus being passed on. Location of the OB/main shedding area. If you get OB's on your butt cheek, you can avoid that area as long as you don't go doggie style. If the guy gets his on his penis, a condom would reduce the risk of viral loads being large enough to pass to the other partner. How vigorous your sex is (really rough sex is more likely to cause micro-tears that can make an entryway for H) Shaving (more likely to cause mild rashes/nicks that allow the virus in and a full buck is more likely to keep your skin from making contact with the other person's skin) Shedding RATE: which you will never know how much that is - but if YOUR immune system is strong, odds are you are not shedding much when you shed ... or shedding as often. The AMOUNT you shed will affect the risk of the other person getting it. Odds are most people have been exposed to H many times and didn't get it because the viral load that they picked up was small enough for their system to kill it off before it established.... Immune system strength of the H- partner. Frequency of sex Your sex practices - if you have HSV2 and you love giving and receiving oral then odds are you won't be as likely to pass it on How well the H+ partner monitors their body. I have had several long term H- partners. I was VERY careful to avoid sex if I had ANYTHING going on down there that was questionable... if we wanted to get freaky, we found a way to play that avoided skin to skin contact with that area. To be honest, it sorta forces you to keep things fresh and always looking for new ways to play :) Possibly DNA - 1% of all people have a gene that keeps them from getting HIV - I would bet that there's a similar variant gene for HSV Possibly the strain that you have.... I don't know if there are studies on this but assuming that there are some "stronger" strains, I expect that some people would be shedding more or would have a "stronger" virus. How long you have had H. I'm 35+ yrs. I don't have OB's hardly at all now. They say that shedding is worst the first year or so..... I'd say that could be more likely several years. I got a lot of OB's for the first 5-10 yrs. After that it started to settle down..... every year my OB's were less frequent and less severe. Today I can knock it right down with a pill and some Alum if I hit it within 24 hrs of the first sign. Dumb luck. We don't know when or how much we are shedding. Or the exact status of our partners immune system.

I don't think there are any stats for that.... sorry :(

Well, we are not Dr's here - you may want to get to a Rheumatologist to see if you have set off an autoimmune issue when you were dealing with the broken ankle. It sounds like you have had HSV2 for awhile so scratching it normally shouldn't have set you off... but you may have got an infection in the lymph glands.... so I'd get it looked at. Have you been to a Dr for it at all yet?

I can't really say what the rate of shedding would be in the pubic area... probably much less than the vaginal area - I'd just be cautious about shaving if that tends to set your H off... that seems to trigger some people into having an OB. But if you haven't passed it to him in 20 yrs, sounds like you are fine - So why are you going on antivirals now given that it sounds like you mostly have it under control and haven't passed it on?

I also have read that HSV2 gives more protection against HSV1 than those who have HSV1 have against HSV2 ... meaning you have more natural protection thanks to the H2 antibodies than someone with H1 or no Herpes at all. :)

The one thing that is pointed out with the antivirals is that they are harmless to most people UNLESS there are liver/renal issues.... so I suggest you get to a NEW Dr and get that tested... if somehow you have to go back to the Dr take the printout with you and SHOW the stupid SOB the part that mentions the rare reactions. My ex hubby had a rare reaction to Zoloft (made him stutter and ultimately couldn't talk for hours or even days). His shrink tried to tell me he was "self hypnotizing" and it wasn't the meds... a year later he admitted that he had another patient with the same reaction... and if you go online you will find "speech difficulties" as one of those "rare" reactions. I've since heard of a third person with the same reaction. In all honesty Dr's can't know all the "rare" side effects, BUT, the way they treated you is inexcusable. So I suggest that you get a new Dr, and take the printout with you and ask if you need to test for liver/kidney function or whatever.