PositivelyBeautiful

Hi @beautifulbreanne, and welcome to the forum! First of all, I am so glad that you have come to reach an ok perspetive about all of this... It's not an easy pill to swallow sometimes and it can be difficult to shake the stigma that is associated to what is truly just a skin condition. Concerning your ex, he may or may have not know... possibly he might have suspected it at some point, but the fear of the reality and the stigma likely stopped him from seeing someone about it, and getting everything checked out. I suspect the same was true for my giver. Shame and denial are powerful emotions, and can make very kind people do horrible things in hopes of self-preservation. Sounds like that relationship was turbulent anyways, so moving on is probably in your best interest. Try not to hang onto the anger and resentment though, as it will only hurt you more. And if herpes has the ability to teach us anything, it's finding self-love... like, true love for oneself, because ultimately we are the only ones who will be able to give ourselves real fulfillment and validation. We have to go deep inside and recognize that we are still the same beautiful and compassionate and kind people, who deserve all the love and happiness that this world has to offer. For me, it has also make me slow down on the physical side of relationships and really get to know the person before deciding if I want to invest more of myself... blessing in disguise!! The right guy will find you and not see this virus as an issue, trust in that!! So, a papsmear is usually to test for abnormal cells... a swab is less painful, which is what would be required to test any internal lesions. Bring your results, she might just prescribe the meds, or she might want to do a visual exam too. Depends on the doctor, it's something to discuss with her. In the mean time, you might want to start taking L-lysine supplements, and vitamin C to help boost your immune system. There are a whole bunch of topical and natural treatments that people use to help with the pain, just keep reading on the site, plenty info!! Hope this helps, and reach out any time!

@parbla42, thank you for taking the time to join the forum and to write those words. It's a small gesture that will likely have a huge impact on a lot of women here, as well as all of those (men, women, straight or gay) who fear they will never meet someone that will accept them completely. I always love hearing from H- people on the forum because it brings a whole other perspective that is equally valuable. As @ihaveittoo1975 said, thank you.

Thanks @Dancer and @Jessika! You know, that guy was never pushy and never expected anything from me. He was very respectful when I told him I didn't want to rush, but of course, had I been game, he likely would have jumped at the opportunity... we are all sexual beings, and sex is fun, exciting and of course, feels amazing, so when you are hitting it off with someone, it's hard not to want to go there. I think while some men may expect it, most often it's just a natural part of getting to know someone. I think if you are clear upfront that you don't want to go there, and hold to that, it won't take long to find out their true motivations. And if they stick around, taking the time to get to know them will add another level of 'screening'... lol. I never asked why he was quieting down, or why he stopped communicating, because it didn't matter. When someone is really interested, it shows. I respect myself enough to know how I deserve to be treated, and happy that I didn't put myself in a position to diminish my self-worth. The rest if out of my control. :) @Jessika, I think taking the time for you is the best idea ever. I was listening to an interview the other day and person being interviewed said, we allow other people to become thieves when we give away what we already don't have to give... fill yourself up to the fullest, love yourself inside and out, completely, put yourself first in every situation, take the time to be alone... when you meet a good guy in that frame of being, he'll reciprocate everything you already feel for yourself inside, and you'll have plenty to offer him in return without sacrificing the parts of you that you need to still feel whole.

ah, so there are numerous types of tests... if you want to be certain, get an Elisa IGG test, which provides the antibody levels (numbers). Not sure where you are, but in certain countries (ie Canada) that is not offered. If you are travelling to the US, you can get an Elisa IGG test at a private clinic or with the help of westover heights, or just do the western blot to be extra sure. Cause if you do the IGG and you fall in the false positive range, then you might want to do the western blot anyways.

Hey @Spaquin, glad that you came to terms with the decision to let it be on your own... it's funny how the universe works... as he came back to finally give you what you ultimately wanted following that. I know you can't understand the nature of his decisions and actions, but fear of rejection IS a powerful emotion and can lead many to put other people at risk... it involves a massive level of denial, and false sense of hope that maybe nothing bad will come of it. From what you are describing, he does sound like he was finally able to be honest, and although you can't understand it all, I think what you need to do now is just accept it. People make decisions based on the information they have and who they are at that point in time... and just because they make poor choices does not mean they are terrible people. Knowing that, try to find compassion. Forgiveness is not saying it's ok that you hurt me. Forgiveness is coming to terms with the reality of the situation, taking responsibility for your own actions, and letting go of the hope that things could have been any different... it's about acceptance... of the situation you lived through, of the person you met, of your own denial with him, of all the events that have happened up until this point. Forgiveness is about letting the past be the past, as it is, and focusing on the present and moving forward with a happier, healthier you. I think it takes time, nothing that you will feel or come to overnight, but try to let go of the anger and resentment by understanding that what is done is done, you or he, cannot change it, take it back, or wish it would have turned out differently. It is, and you will become stronger and more resilient for it. I hope this helps a little... here are some quotes to ponder: "“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.” - Wayne W. Dyer "The quickest way to get over any issue is acceptance. It is not until you accept the situation at hand that you will begin to heal and move on from the pain."- Miss Raina.

or you can make an appointment to speak with a doctor at westover heights clinic, they charge $5/min but will answer all your questions. They are herpes experts, the only ones able to oversee the western blot test: http://www.westoverheights.com/

sorry, we don't diagnose, nor can I tell you exactly why the results are what they are... i would just advise that you consult another doctor to get another test.

I think someone else would be better to weigh on on those results, but i am pretty sure that 1.1 and above is considered positive, and again, with 1.1-3.5 having a 40% chance of false positive. However, note that if it's a recent infection, those number can climb... it takes about 3-4 months to fully develop the antibodies... are you beyond this range since your last sexual encounter? Just something to factor in. You might want to wait until you are past that range to do another test, but you should definitely do another test. The 'best' herpes test is Western Blot, it tests for 14 different proteins in the herpes virus instead of 1 like the elisa igg. It will provide a more conclusive yes or no.

.9 should be a negative.... but it is close to the positive zone... not sure why she told you that you were positive. Perhaps you should get another blood test from another doctor who will be better informed.

Some people have symptoms, and many other people don't. We are called asymptomatic carriers... some people will NEVER experience symptoms, but carry the virus inside and can pass it on to other people through something called viral shedding. People without symptoms is very common, contributing to the statistic that 80% of people with genital herpes don't know they have it... because the symptoms are so minimal or have none at all. My symptoms, as far as i know, are tiredness and rundown feelings. if you are female, you might also have it internally in the cervix, which you can't see, and likely won't feel. There is plenty of information on this site to inform you.

Hey, so unfortunately herpes is tricky, and not everyone will react the same way. I also do not have any 'typical' symptoms, as in no lesions or sores. So I also find it difficult to understand how it is affecting my body, but it's the nature of what it is. Consider yourself lucky that you are not dealing with the painful symptoms because a lot of people suffer daily with those and it can take a very big toll on someone emotionally and physically. That said, how were you diagnosed? Did they do a blood test? and if so, did you receive your antibody levels/numbers? Anything above 1.1 is considered positive, but there is a 40% chance of a false positive between 1.1 and 3.5.

Hi @JessikaRabbit89, thanks for sharing such an uplifting perspective about dating with us! It's so easy to assume how people will react and feed into the terrible stigma, but there are so many people out there who know a good person when they see one, and don't care about a pesky little virus. Obviously, everyone is different, and everyone has a choice to make, but we can't take it personally if they choose to walk away. It's always refreshing to meet people who are open-minded and compassionate, and really, those are qualities that I looked for in someone before I even had H. Now, it's just magnified even more, which serves my own best interest. I have not had to disclose to anyone yet... but have been dating. To add to your experiences, I had actually met a guy I really liked, we had been talking for a little over a month or so, and spent some time together, but I made it clear I didn't want to rush the physical side.... time went on and the real in the back of mind starting playing... I'm going to have to tell him soon... but I was enjoying the slower process of getting to know him, and waiting it out to see if he was someone I wanted to share that with... one day, messages from him slowed down until they stopped completely. I hadn't even told him yet!! Based on what I did know about him, there was a lot going with his work and I honestly don't think he knew what he wanted relationship-wise. It was hurtful, but I knew it had nothing to do with me, so I let it go and moved on. But man, all I kept thinking was "thank you herpes!"... Had it been the old me, I probably would have slept with him... (the physical attraction was definitely there!) and it would have been far more disappointing and painful when he stopped showing interest. No one wants to have herpes, but I am grateful for what I have learned and how it has forced me to slow down and really think about the person I am getting to know... in a way, herpes is doing a great job of protecting my heart. :)

Heya, I agree with Dancer. I think that the herpes conversation just kind of made him take some time to think about what he was getting involved in and whether he was ready. So, it's not necessarily herpes itself... but herpes acting as a wingwoman as Dancer often says. :) Honestly, if I were you, I would be taking this time to think about whether or not you want to get involved with someone who is unsure about whether he is ready for a relationship... if there is hesitancy from the start, that's never a good sign. They might open up to the idea as time goes on, but I prefer to enter into a relationship with someone who is emotionally ready, to avoid any unnecessary hurt later on. He might be a great guy, but unless he has processed and healed from his past relationships, he will be bringing open wounds into the relationship, and as it becomes more serious, he might not be able to fully give you what you are ready to received, and might want to bail to deal with those wounds. Thank him for being honest, and keep on open mind... but don't hang on to the idea. Just let it be, and things will happen as they are meant to. I know that's easier said than done, but the acceptance and let go part will bring you greater strength and peace of mind. Here's a quote for you: "Sometimes life doesn't want to give you something you want, not because you don't deserve it, but because you deserve more."

Hey getbetter111, glad to hear that you made the appointment! One step in the right direction. You seem to be learning more about yourself, and where all this anxiety is stemming from, which is great to hear as well. I think you should try the medication and see if it helps you. It couldn't hurt at this stage. Back pain can be from herpes, but it can also be related to other things.

Hey there, I think this is very personal choice.... are you ready to get involved with someone? And do you really want to be with her? Or are you settling because she is accepting of your status? If feel you are ready and want to seriously give this a shot with her, than perhaps asking her to get tested would put your mind at ease. I would definitely want the other person to be tested, just to alleviate any doubts or guilt later on if/when they do contract it. She also might be a carrier without even knowing, and that might help you feel less distraught about potentially passing it on to her. It's really up to you on how you want to handle this, but knowing the facts up front on her status would likely be helpful later on. Just make sure you are getting involved with her for the right reasons... and btw, don't be surprised by how 'ok' she is about this... sometimes we tend to think the worst of what other people's reactions will be, when in fact, there are numerous example here that prove that herpes is often no big deal. You deserve to be loved, and you deserve to be happy... let it in.

Hi ele3, I know exactly how you feel, and was just having a conversation yesterday with a friend about sex, and the topic of testing came up. She indicated that she had only been tested once in her adult life, and since has had numerous partners, but ALWAYS uses condoms. I jumped in a gave a word of caution, without saying anything about myself. I just casually made her aware that even condoms can't protect anyone from stds, and used herpes as a concrete example. I reiterated about asymptomatic carriers of any STD, and that testing is important not only for her, but to protect other people as well. I understand your frustration with the situation, because not a lot of people know the facts... at one time, we didn't either. Btw, just because your roommates are casually talking about sex, doesn't mean none of them are carrying anything. They may know and not feel comfortable sharing with everyone (like you and me), or they might not even know that they have something because they have not been tested. Don't assume anything, right? Perhaps you should voice up a bit in those situations, not divulging anything personal, but just casually explain the facts. It might not change anything since nothing likely changes until it happens, but at least you are trying to educate them. I also suffer from acne... so I feel your pain too. It can be overwhelming to deal with everything at once... but if there is something that H has taught me, is that my beauty is far more than skin deep. You are a truly amazing young woman... and you know how I know that? From a post (yoga and self-love) of yours that I have read over and over and over again in my moments of hardship and weakness. It was honestly one of the most inspiring pieces of self-love that I have ever read. I have shared your post with my friends too; those who don't even have herpes, because what you shared from your heart because of your experience with H has the ability to resonate with so many people, for so many reasons. I have also been deeply inspired by some of the quotes you references in that post too. You are feeling shitty now, but know that there is a tremendous amount of strength and love in you. That in these moments of despair, reach for that strength and love. Find ways to remind yourself that you are beautiful, and that life is still full of wonderful opportunities. The pain of this moment will pass, and you are not alone. A quote for you: "When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." - Harriet Beecher Stowe Sending lots of love.

Dizziness, not really... just general feeling of malaise. However, have you considered trying a new medication? It could also be a side effect... again, everyone would react differently and might be worth a shot. If nothing changes, then you know it's not the meds. At the beginning, everything will be a bit of trial and error... until you figure out how your body copes.

"If you can’t change the circumstances, change your perspective." Unknown

(Sorry, on a quotes binge right now... finding some good ones!!) To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength. - Criss Jami

"View your life with kindsight. Stop beating yourself up about things from your past. Instead of slapping your forehead and asking, ‘What was I thinking,’ breathe and ask yourself the kinder question, ‘What was I learning?" - Karen Salmansohn

I owe no explanations for my flaws. I don’t have to justify my mistakes, my past or my insecurities. I am growing and learning. - unknown

Aaaaah, ok! Thanks for the clarification Dancer! So many facts to remember, and so many 'maybes' to consider.

Hey Katt123, at this point, the symptoms I can distinguish are general fatigue and a feeling of being worn-down... that's when I know to really focus on getting more sleep, resting, lowering my stress levels and taking it easy on the exercise. I also add more l-lysine and vitamin C to my regimen, giving my body all it needs to get back its fighting spirit. So, you are not alone... everyone reacts differently to the virus, so these symptoms could certainly be herpes related. However, for your own peace of mind, there could be something else going on too and you might want to keep doing other tests to make sure. Only you know your body and what feels right, so it's really up to you. Also, I love what your therapist told you about anxiety being comparable to a thunderstorm... I use seasons... recognizing that nothing is permanent, that it will all pass and things will be ok again, from winter into summer. Such a good reality to adopt... nothing is permanent, just feel your feelings and let them pass.

This a fabulous and insightful post, thank you for sharing! It's so important to remind ourselves not take rejection personally... everyone has a choice, and we can't hold that against them, whether it's herpes or something else. Your strength makes you beautiful, and you should be very proud of how you handled this situation and processed its outcome. One day, someone is going to be so grateful that he let you go. :)

Heya! Glad to hear that things are moving along well!! As @seeker once wrote, it's nice to be in a position to disclose, even it's scary. It's nice to know that you like someone enough to want to share that part of you with them. If you known him for so long, there really no reason to wait, so date 2 or 3 seems very reasonable. Speak from your heart, and I'm sure no matter what, it will be a success. Please keep us posted, and sending you all kinds of positive vibes! :)