PositivelyBeautiful

Hey ShaeShae, I saw from your other post that you're having a bit of a hard time. First of all, kudos for taking action and trying to find another way to see things... that's an awesome step in the right direction. But don't feel bad either for feeling down sometimes... we all do. It's normal. If we felt happy and joyful all the time, we wouldn't really have any inclination as to what happiness would feel like. We need the sad and rough times to help us appreciate the moments when joy fills our hearts. I've come to accept those raw feelings as just that, moments that are fleeting, which my heart needs to fully appreciate the moments of joy that I know are imminent. They can't last forever, change is a constant. However, I also know it's not easy to just sit with those feelings either. I have taken up mediation... when my mind starts racing, or I just need to reconnect with myself and find that love within me, I find a quiet spot, take some time and try to quiet those thoughts. I like to repeat positive affirmations, to remind myself that I am beautiful and worthy. I take deep breaths to remind myself to be there in the moment and not worry about tomorrow and what it might bring, because I really have no control over any of it. I also try to reconnect with nature, take walks and appreciate all that surrounds me, to just be here to appreciate everything in its glory. So many other people don't have the luxury to walk, to see, to feel healthy and smile; there are so many little things to feel grateful for and getting out in nature and staying awake in those moments reminds me of that. Another thing I want to do more of in 2015 is volunteer ... I think that giving to others is a great way to- 1) help those who might not be as fortunate, 2) focus less on myself and my own perceived issues and 3) reaffirm how truly lucky I am to have this life. Reading is always a great way to gain different perspectives too. Visit a book store or go online and find book recommendations that might help change the mentalities and biases that we form over the course of our lives based on our interpretations or experiences. Books can always help you to consider a different way of doing, thinking or feeling. Hope this helps a bit, and reach out if you need us.

Hey ann122, Yes, the western blot is the gold standard of test as it tests for 14 different proteins in the HSV virus versus, 1 or 2 on igg tests. Westover Heights is the only clinic that can recommend/handle the testing, so I think it would be best to call them and discuss your options. They charge $5/min but it's worth it. I know there are a few states that don't do the testing, can't recall off the top of my head, but they would know. If you want the most accurate test, it's definitely that one. Good luck!

Hey Kaybee, that's definitely not an easy situation to be in and I understand your concern. If he is a good friend and you've known him for years, perhaps he will be more accepting of the situation than you think. If he doesn't want to take the risk, he may still be compassionate and supportive, and be a good reminder than people will care for you regardless of this skin condition. Is there a reason to automatically think he will reject the idea of the hookup? And if he does, do you get the sense he would still be compassionate and caring? I don't think there is an easy answer here. But someone reminded me last night of the saying: 'you regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did'... meaning, the only way to really find out if he would be willing is to put it out there, and allow the cards to fall where they may. If you walk away and not tell him, will you regret it and wish you would have taken a chance and disclosed? That's a question only you can answer. Personally, I think I would use this as opportunity to practice being vulnerable, because it is someone that I know, and would have known for a while. I would like to think that they would be more compassionate and understanding than someone I just met. However, perhaps that's wishful thinking. I know this is scary for you, no one wants to face rejection, but your successes in the past should give you the confidence to take another leap of faith. Who knows what will happen, but if you don't try, one thing is certain: you will never know. I don't know if this gives you any food for thought, but hope you make the decision that sits well with your heart. Goodluck, and keep us posted.

Hey FLNewH, just wanted to say congrats, and you deserve this, so as Dancer and Adrial said, please don't allow the fear of the unknown, the what ifs to creep in and steel the happiness, love and joy that you are so entitled to. I know where you are coming from, and likely so do a lot of people on this forum... it's scary opening yourself up, putting your heart on the line and being completely vulnerable... but if we always hide behind tough exteriors, if we never take down the walls, if we never let people see our imperfections, then we are never really giving ourselves the opportunity to authentically and deeply love and be loved. Also, remember that this man has taken down his barriers too, and opened up to you as much as you have to him... let him, and believe him when he says you are worth it... soak it all in, and enjoy every single moment for whatever it brings... nobody knows what's ahead, and it's irrelevant anyways... let it happen, enjoy as it comes, you are worthy of this experience, of greatness and love. I hope to tell a similar story one day, thank you for sharing your joy. All the best to you both. :)

I read this and thought of you @ihaveittoo1975 - "Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know here you stand."

Hey ladies, just want to jump in and say give them time. It's so easy to make assumptions about what someone might be thinking or feeling, but we never really can know. I know it's probably very difficult not really knowing where they stand, but try to stay positive. Focus on the goods and not the bads, stay optimistic, and don't let doubt creep in... they'll come around.

Whitedaisies has some great advice. Please don't give up on love. As she said, you deserve love, we all do, everyone in this world does. I know it's really scary to put yourself out there, knowing some people might not be ok with this and that you will face rejection, but we are all in the same boat, and many have found loving, accepting partners, regardless of this skin condition. Don't allow society's narrow-minded stigma stop you from experiencing one of life's most precious gifts. Dig deep and find love for yourself first... regardless of your imperfections, find the things that make you special and appreciate them every day. Be grateful for the joys in your life everyday. It's only when you find love for yourself that you will be able to give someone love. It all starts with you. Perhaps when you are ready, consider std dating sites? Maybe knowing that someone has gone through a similar experience and there are no disclosures really lined up, it will ease you back into dating? Some find it limiting, while others have had very positive experiences. Don't give up yet... you deserve love, amazing love that gives you butterflies and makes you smile every morning. Find your love in you and then keep going.

Hi Ashley, Thank you so much for providing an update, and I cannot express how happy I am for you, both in terms of your successful recovery and your new-found happiness for life and love!! You deserve every ounce of love in the world, and I am certain that you will not take any blissful moment ahead for granted. Your journey has touched a lot of people on this forum, and I think I speak for many when I say thank you for sharing your vulnerability, also known as your strength and courage. You are truly beautiful, and I wish you the very best in life, love, health, happiness, you name it!! Oh, and thank you for making my heart smile today :)

Hi @greeneyes, First of all, a lot of us have felt exactly what you are feeling. Many, if not all of us, have been there. My very first post was all about it... when I was diagnosed, I was seeing someone, and it was actually much more difficult to deal with losing him than coming to terms with having herpes. You read my story here: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4384/coping-with-diagnosis-and-039what-if039#Item_4 Here's another string with a similar situation: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/comment/20921#Comment_20921 Since then, I have not had to disclose to anyone yet, but I have come a long way on the path to healing, and feel very confident that if a man will not accept this part of me, then he was not meant to be mine, or I, his. People are rejected for many different on a regular basis, and I bet you have already done it while online dating. Sometimes, it's height, age, distance, kids, smoking, drinking, faith, and sometimes it's herpes... I know I have rejected men for other reasons, and this is no different. If they don't want to assume the risk, then they don't have to... it doesn't make them bad people. Be proud of yourself for being honest, being vulnerable and giving them the choice to decide. That commands a lot of respect, and trust and says just how beautiful you really are as a person. One day, a man will come along that will want to assume the risk, because he will see that everything about you is worth it. There is no one on this planet exactly like you, and he will see all of your greatness and never want to let you go. I know this hurts like hell, but it will get better with time... just give yourself some time to heal before getting back out there. But please, get back out there... what is the alternative in not putting our hearts on the line? A life of loneliness and despair? I say, no thank you! That is just not an option anyone should ever have to consider at the expense of society's narrow-minded view of herpes. And, think of the opportunity, to be that vulnerable, to be that open to something, and than have them openly accept you and love you, that's profound love, and it also says a lot about their ability to handle the hard stuff in life. Herpes is nothing in comparison to very difficult life events. Knowing someone will be able to take it in stride resonates deeply with me. Anyways, cry if you have to cry, sulk if you have to sulk, but don't stay there too long. Life is far to beautiful to waste it on the past, or on people who can't appreciate everything we have to offer. There is so much to look forward to, stay strong. Here's a quote that I thought was sweet and a good reminder that people will appreciate you: "Someone you haven't met yet is wondering what it would be like to know someone like you." And some words of strength from another member, my go-to in moment's of doubt: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/comment/20999#Comment_20999 Hope this helps, sending you lots of love.

Hey guys, I know other people will probably jump on a tell you about their experiences, but I certainly think that if you are having a hard time with this, that seeing a therapist is a good idea. You just have to find one that will be considerate and compassionate, and will suit you best. I believe there have been a few bad experiences on here, but for the most part, there are a lot of people that have a very long way with the help of therapy. It's ok to ask for help when all else seems impossible... we are only human so don't get discouraged... do what you need to do to get yourself back in a good place. You matter, your happiness matters. And as the saying goes, this too shall pass. I know that is really hard to believe right now, but you will come through this, and you will feel ok with this one day. In the meantime, remember that we do have a choice to alter out thoughts. I am not going to tell that it's easy, but in those moments when all the negative feelings creep in, try to make a conscious effort to think of something you are grateful for. Remind yourself of all the beauty in your life and in yourself, because none of that has changed. Every time you do that, every single time, you will be one step closer to believing it. I hope this helps, even a little. Sending you both lots of love.

So happy to hear that RookieBex; and we all have our moments of weakness, and it's ok. We just cannot allow this to define who we are and limit our greatness, because receiving and giving love is our birthright. We are all worthy. So when you have those moments, reach out, we are all here for you. :)

@CC1985, so happy to hear my words helped you! You've got this. Sending all kinds of positive vibes your way! :)

Hey, I haven't gone through all that yet, but when I do, I will likely be feeling all those terrifying emotions. Since you do care about him, remind yourself that telling him is all about putting him first, and giving him the option to decide one way or another. Remember if he does walk away that he is not walking away from you, but from a stigma that frightens him. I understand you don't want to lose him, but before your heart gets more invested, wouldn't rather know now where he stands? The fact that he introduced you to his son speaks volumes about how much he trusts you, give him another reason, be your authentic, honest self. Also, have you considered giving him a letter? It might be easier to say the things you have to say, in the best way possible. You can read it or not, but once he has that in his hands, there's no more holding back. I believe you are strong enough, and I believe that no matter what, you will pull through. And when you think you can't, we'll still be here to send you words of encouragement and strength, and support you in any way we can. I wanted to post this in the quotes section... but i'll post this for you: "I used to think if I was vulnerable and told people my real story, it would be the end of me. But I did it anyways... and what I have found is that whenever I'm COURAGEOUS, and let people see the real me -- all of my messes, mistakes, errors and imperfections -- I find new beginnings bursting with empathy, not endings. I hear 'me too' a lot more often too. Ans it's easier for my heart to connect to another now that I don't have to spend all my time trying to hide or pretend I'm someone I'm not. I'm imperfectly worthy and committed to vulnerability." Of course a classic: You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice. - Bob Marley. You can do this. Lots of love to you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the time to share your story. It was really heart-warming and I am really happy for you! You deserve this, so enjoy it!! :)

As beachdude said, they likely won't know what acyclovir is for, and your chances that they searching and questioning you about a medication that you are prescribed is slim. Don't worry, pack your meds and enjoy your trip.

Beachdude has a very good point. If you want to play it safe, keep them in the original packaging.

You can travel with whatever medication. People take all kinds of medications for all kinds of reasons, and they can't stop people from traveling with them. I have never had a problem either, and I would assume you could carry them in any container you choose.

ShaeShae, I am so proud of you.. that takes immense courage, and I am so incredibly happy for you. You have been working really hard, and I can see/hear a change happening, and you deserve all the happiness in this world!!!

Hey Ihaveittoo1975, sorry to hear that you are having a hard time with this... First of all, I want to start by saying that I have been given every privilege in this world and more, from two very loving parents, who sent me to good schools and have supported me my entire life, in every endeavor. I am a beautiful, confident, driven person, with a job and life that most people would die to have as well. I have friends here and all over the world who love and support me. I have traveled extensively and pursued and accomplished dreams that some would never dare try to even realize. For all of this, I am grateful, and have always been grateful. My heart is throbbing with gratitude as I write this. I am 33 and have never been married, yet... but I have experienced great love and experienced great heartbreak because of it. Before H, I was on mission to find that guy, the right one. I never want to settle. I have been lucky to have met many amazing men, who so wanted to give me their hearts (the kind of men who likely love me regardless of my new H status), but I always walked away, because they weren't right for me. Some of them, I could have had a great life with, but I knew that I would have never really been happy, and that wasn't fair to them... If I wasn't happy, I could never have been able to make them happy. I was and still am going to keep looking until I do find that right guy. That said, my life has always been amazing, and nothing has changed, it still is. But here's what I learned after H... I always got caught up in the physical side of the relationship, giving my body before my heart, before really getting to know someone. Many of the great (and awful) relationships I did have started with sex. I knew this before I got H, and was trying to do better... but I was always reverting to my old tendencies... I can't do that anymore. I can't give my body to someone without trusting them enough to open up the most vulnerable part of my heart. I can't walk into a bar, and fall in lust. But here's what I can do, put sex aside, get to know them, spend time with them, completely outside the bedroom, give them my heart before my body. The opposite was not working for me. I am 1000% certain, this will lead me to that right guy, and so, I am grateful to have H, for that reason. It has also made me more compassionate, and I love myself even more because of it. I always loved myself, or thought I did, but now, after feeling completely empty and working hard to build myself back up, I understand that I needed so much more love from me than I ever realized... and this will be vitality important to me moving forward in my life. Now, what I took from your post above, in reading between the lines, is that you were happy, and probably grateful for everything in your life, except your marriage. Although beautiful in every way, the woman you married was not right for you. You chose to walk away, and I am sure that wasn't an easy decision for you, but even now, even after she is willing to take you back, you know it isn't right. Now, the events following that decision led you to this new diagnosis, and here you are, single after so many years of marriage, seeing beautiful women walk into a bar in Dubai... The old you, the self-declared "I want it now guy", pre-H, probably would have been all over those women, random hook-ups and fun experiences, driven by lust, that may or may not have led to anything fulfilling and long-term. You say want to meet that girl, that you want a family... but chances are that you would never have found it through instant gratification and lustful encounters... here's what I am getting at, perhaps the opportunity is similar to mine... H has in a sense stopped you from your care-free, impulsive tendencies, and forced you to get to know someone, deeply, before opening your heart to them... In a way, it has given you an opportunity to find that lasting connection, putting sex on the back-burner, properly courting a woman, until you are ready to go there. Because when you meet that beautiful woman that captures your heart, and you tell her, and she accepts you with loving and open arms, you'll know she's right. And you'll be grateful for every step that led you to meeting her, and loving her deeply and vice versa... and one of those steps, was getting H. Anyways, all that to say, you will fall in love and meet that girl, and you will realize that H was never holding you back from that, but pushing you forward. I invite you to take a different perspective on this, and spend some time loving yourself in the mean time. I hope this helps... And here are some quotes for you: "You believe that a lover will bring you love, but it is your love that will bring you a lover." "Everything that you are going through is preparing you for what you asked for."

Ok, even I will chime in here and say, ya, listen to Dancer, he sounds like an asshole. Whatever pain he is going through, let him, he's far from being in a good place to give you anything remotely close to what you deserve!! Put yourself first here and let him go.

Hey, Funny enough had a friend who had something similar. She was concerned it was herpes so she told me about it. Lol. Anyways, she had it removed by a derm, and it's all gone now. Don't think it was itching though, just didn't like the sight of it. I would go back too, as dancer suggested, or go see a dermatologist. I cannot comprehend how estrogen cream has anything to do with a skin tag... Second opinion would do you some good.

JessikaRabbit89, I would encourage you to stop messaging him. First of all, he's not in a place to openly receive those messages, and second of all, it is doing you no good. It's a way for you to try to keep some control over the situation because his lack of response provides no other means for you to understand, and that's scary. I know you miss him, but as part of this journey, learn to let go. Learn to accept the pain you are feeling in your heart, and know that by fueling your own self-love, day by day it will get easier. It's ok to hurt and cry, and when you are feeling those emotions, honor them, recognize them, and then release them. The truth is you don't have control, you can't shake him and wake him up, you can't make him love himself enough to reach out to you, you can't change any of the thoughts or feelings he has in order to produce the desired outcome that will make your heart stop hurting. So stop trying. Accept this pain, in each moment you feel it, send him love if you need to, and then go on with life. You are never going to stop thinking about him, or caring for him, and that's ok, but don't let fear of the unknown hold you back from living fully. This will be the hardest thing you have to do, but just try your best. Here are some quotes for you: Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief. Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity: For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen, And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears. - Kahlil Gibran Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced. When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall. - Kahlil Gibran The Void It's that place in our lives where what we've been hanging onto . . . clinging to for dear life . . . is stripped away. It's that place in us where we let go of what we know, what we think we know, and what we want and surrender to the unknown. It is the place of saying and meaning, 'I don't know.' It means standing there with our hands empty for a while, sometimes watching everything we wanted disappear; our self image, our definition of who we thought we should be, the clones we've created of ourselves, the people we thought we had to have, the things we thought were so important to collect and surround ourselves with, the job we were certain was ours, the place we thought we'd live in all our lives. . . Surrender control to the supreme wisdom and authority of God and to the Divine in your soul. Step into the void with courage. Learn to say, I don't know. That's not blind faith. It's pure faith that will allow God and your spirit to lead you wherever your soul wants and needs to go. Here's another string where someone had a hard time letting go. A lot of us have been there, so you are not alone. Just let time pass. http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4539/can039t-stop-obsessing-over-my-rejection#Item_5

Hey there, yes, you can work out and work out hard, but know that when you do, your body will get tired and thus, your immune system will likely get compromised. Just listen to your body, and make sure that you get enough rest too, especially before or after the days when you do want to push yourself. Also, certain foods can trigger it, but I suspects in your case, your body was just slightly overworked and more vulnerable. Are you taking supplements? Consider adding vitamin C and lysine to your daily regime. Might help too.

Hey, so, I know you are hurting right now, and my words might not make that hurt go away, but I want to help you understand something... His actions, or better yet, his inaction, have nothing to do with you. This is not him rejecting you, or telling you he wants nothing to do with you... this is about him. He is likely going through a ton of feelings right now, of guilt, shame, sadness, unworthiness... and needs time to get through those emotions on his own. You need to change your mindset around why he is doing what he is doing, and try to see that it stems from his own pain and insecurities. Sure, it doesn't seem right or fair, especially considering you guys have shared a lot together... but give yourself and him the time to heal a bit here, and maybe down the road, he'll come around again, or maybe you'll be ok with letting him go. But I repeat, him cutting you off, has nothing to do with you. Also, I can relate in a sense, because when I was first diagnosed, I was seeing someone who I had an amazing connection with. When I told him about it, he was very compassionate but cut me off. I spent the next 2 months working on me and loving myself, coming to terms with the diagnosis, and in the midst of it, realized that his actions were selfless, that I really did need the time to find all the love,compassion, and acceptance to make me whole within myself. He gave me the opportunity to feed my own heart and soul, and had he been there to support me, I may have never had that gift. Later, he came back. He reached out to me almost 2 months after we had stopped speaking, and I was shocked. That connection was still strong, and he was disappointed in himself for not being there, or reaching out. He sincerely apologized. What I learned, was what I just told you... his silence had nothing to do with me. He didn't say that, but it was very apparent to me. He had a lot going on, so much in fact, that I chose to walk away. It was not out of spite; I will always care for him. It was the most difficult thing I have done, but I knew in my heart it was right. All that to say, take this time for you. See it as a gift, an opportunity to fuel your own heart with the love and support you need. Let yourself be the light that carries you through. If you miss him, send him love and let him go. But most importantly, don't assume his actions have anything to do with you... cause they don't. Here's a quote for you: "Be truly whole, and all things will return to you." And for him: "We can only love others as much as we love ourselves." ... Maybe he hasn't found love for himself yet. Give him time.

"One of the most commonly overlooked spiritual practices is daring to be completely honest with everyone you encounter. Some may say others cannot handle their honesty, but true honesty is not a strategy or a weapon of any kind. It is the willingness to be open and absolutely transparent in sharing how any moment feels in your heart. It has nothing to do with confrontation, accusation, or any form of blame. True honesty is the willingness to stand completely exposed, allowing the world to do what it may, and say what it will, only so you may know who you are – beyond all ideas."