PositivelyBeautiful

Hi Clark5677, So it's very uncommon to contact herpes from sharing food and drinks with people. The herpes virus does not live outside of the body for long, and contacting it usually involves skin-to-skin friction, sores or no sores present. It's likely what you were experiencing earlier was not herpes, and that this recent outbreak is a new and actual herpes infection. Also, I'm not entirely sure on this point, but I think once you get herpes, the outbreaks normally recur in the exact same place that you initially were infected, and so should not be spreading to other locations randomly. Another sign that this is likely new... You can try using daily supplements of L-lysine and vitamin C to help your body fight the virus, and in extreme cases, or when you want, antivirals can be helpful to keep outbreaks at bay. Hopes this helps. Tons of information on here to help minimize symptoms.

Thanks Dancer! I knew there was a place for these. Will add them here next time!

MMissouri made a good assumption here... the pain you are feeling, 1- is normal, and 2- stems much deeper than the herpes diagnosis. Look, life is completely unpredictable, and we do the best that we can with what we know and believe at the time. You did your best, and it's not your fault that your relationship failed, that you were betrayed or that you ended up with this skin condition. This probably feels like the lowest point in your life, but you know what? that means there is only up from here! It's ok to hurt, and cry and be angry, take the time to feel all those emotions... but don't get stuck there. Life is far too beautiful to dwell in a negative place. Find help if you need it, don't be scared to ask others for support, do what it takes to get yourself back in a place that gives you the opportunity to live and love fully. No one can help you make this pain go away, it's all up to you to work through the emotions, to forgive yourself for the decisions you made, to accept the reality of life today, and then choose to move forward by fully accepting and loving yourself as you are. I know it's almost impossible to understand, but you WILL become stronger, more empowered and gloriously more happy than you were ever before. There is a silver lining in this heartache, but it's probably too fresh for you to see it right now... You will find love, someone will tell you one day that you are an amazing person, and nothing will stop them from being with you. That is likely something you ex fiance never was able to give you. But right now, it's all about you. Take time to heal... you can do this, and you will be ok. I promise. If nothing here helps you, know that the depths of our pains are equivalent to the heights of joys... that when you do get through this, thriving in life and feeling tremendously happy again, you will be supremely grateful... only because you have known this depth pain. Here are a few quotes for you.. sending you lots of love. Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief. Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity: For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen, And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears. - Kahlil Gibran Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced. When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall. - Kahlil Gibran The Void It's that place in our lives where what we've been hanging onto . . . clinging to for dear life . . . is stripped away. It's that place in us where we let go of what we know, what we think we know, and what we want and surrender to the unknown. It is the place of saying and meaning, 'I don't know.' It means standing there with our hands empty for a while, sometimes watching everything we wanted disappear; our self image, our definition of who we thought we should be, the clones we've created of ourselves, the people we thought we had to have, the things we thought were so important to collect and surround ourselves with, the job we were certain was ours, the place we thought we'd live in all our lives. . . Surrender control to the supreme wisdom and authority of the universe and to the divine in your soul. Step into the void with courage. Learn to say, I don't know. That's not blind faith. It's pure faith that will your spirit to lead you wherever your soul wants and needs to go.

To all you radiant souls, I watched this tedtalk yesterday and thought it can be helpful to some of you who are struggling to find positive perspective. I believe, as this presenter does, that our thoughts are tremendously powerful, and that we have the ability to control and alter our thoughts to better and strengthen ourselves. I know this is not easy for everyone. I understand that if putting yourself down is something that has become second nature, it will be eternally difficult to overcome... that it will seem impossible to change. However, the more you try, the more you catch yourself in a self-defeating moment, and choose in that moment to change your thoughts, to give yourself encouragement and love instead, the easier it will become. As days turn into months and months turn into years, this single shift will transform your life in the most uplifting ways. Allow yourself to be happy, fight to be happy, because everyone in this world, regardless of their background, their upbringing, their mistakes, their pitfalls in life, deserves to be loved and to be happy. But it starts with you. Change your thoughts, love yourself always.

Thank you for sharing your story!! I looooove reading these successful disclosures because it is proof that the stigma is built on fallacies. You so deserve this, so enjoy whatever this experience brings!! :)

Yes, but it might not even be an STD, could be any sort of skin irritation, ingrown hairs, or other. I get bumps all over my body, been dealing acne and eczema, and other fun skin conditions, so it literally could be a number of things. A swab would help confirm if it's herpes, so yes, might want to do that for peace of mind too.

Hey! So everything you have described indicates that he will be compassionate and understanding, regardless as to whether or not he wants to accept the small risk. That said, maybe start by explaining how your feelings have developed for him over the last year and that you truly value his friendship in your life. Explain to him that the reason you are sharing this with him is because you trust him and care for him, but if you're going to take the relationship further, you want him to really know everything about you. Tell him you want to offer him the choice, because you care about him so much. Since he should be educated, the rest of the conversation should be easier... and you can openly talk about what you can do to protect him. But just lead from your heart... if it's easier, maybe write a letter? I think it's best to verbalize how you feel, but if you're scared it won't come out right, handing him a well-written letter with all your thoughts and feelings for him to read, while you are there next to him, is the next best thing. Be brave... and don't jump to any conclusions. He's shown you already that you cares for you, so be your authentic self and let him see how truly beautiful you are... it's scary, but a quote I once read said : Vulnerability is the only way to build true connection' and here you are. You can do this, and we'll all be here to support you no matter what. Sending you lots of love and positivity!

Heya, so not every bump on our body is herpes, so perhaps go to your doctor or a dermatologist to get another opinion. It might be something completely different that requires another form of treatment. I don't think a herpes outbreak would typically last that long, especially if you are saying another region cleared up... but I'm not an expert or doctor, so would be best to consult a professional that can examine it properly. A 2nd opinion would at least help put your mind at ease.

Hey, and welcome! Anything below 1.1 is considered negative.. but you are close to the false positive zone (1.1-3.5). 40% chance of a false positive in that range. Body and head aches don't necessarily indicate herpes. Your immune system could have been fighting anything, and pain killers should not affect your results. To be as sure as possible, you would normally need to wait 4 months post exposure. If you decide to test in a month and your antibodies are higher, this could indicate a recent infection. If your results stay the same, you might want to get the Western Blot test, which is the gold standard of herpes tests. It tests for 14 different proteins in the strains as opposed to 1 or 2. That will give you a more solid yes or no, over Igg. For now, don't assume anything, but take precautions. Just treat others as you would want to be treated, that might be telling someone that you are physically involved with that you are unsure of your status at this point in time. Another thing to note... since you don't have 'visible' symptoms, and you are not completely sure at this point, it could be HSV1 oral or genital. Did the person you were with indicate that they had either? Just keep that in mind. If you have any more questions, or need to vent for any reason, we are all here to help.

@Getbetter11, I can tell by all of your posts that you are suffering... in a very big way. I strongly recommend professional help, as in going to talk to a counselor or therapist. You need to make this priority number one. A lot of people have tried to counsel you, and tried to help you through this very difficult time in your life, and provided many many words of wisdom and support. But there is only so much that we will be able to help you with. Something more invasive, more regular, face-to-face will probably do you tremendous amounts of good. If not for you, do this for your family. When you get to a better place emotionally and mentally, you will be able to give them so much more support and love. And it appears that is what you all need right now. You will come out of this one day, and you have to find a way to forgive yourself, and release this burden of guilt and shame. Life is completely unpredictable, and a lot of it is out of our control. Yes, we make mistakes, but there are lessons concealed in those mistakes and it is up to each of us, to learn and to fight and move from a place of sorrow into healing and love. If you keep feeding into those thoughts, if you keep putting all the blame on your shoulders, you will never get out of the darkness. You need to take serious action, and work with someone to fight through this trying time in your life. Take action today. Find someone to talk to, to help you through this process of healing. You deserve to forgive yourself, to love yourself, and to feel to happy again. It starts with you... please seek the professional help you need. One step at a time, and you will get there. A quote for you: "Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we be able to discover the infinite power of our light."

@callmecrazy26, To get straight to the point, if your IGG was 8, that definitely means you have contracted herpes. Anything above 3.5 is a confirmed positive. Do you know if it's type 1 or 2? Herpes is tricky and everyone reacts differently, so the fact that you have no typical symptoms (ie: blisters) doesn't mean anything. I also do not have the typical lesions, but I am thankful for that... a lot of people suffer with the physical symptoms, so consider yourself lucky to not have to deal with those... yet. They can creep up later in life or during stressful periods, just keep that in mind. Many people have gone years without any symptoms, some never get them at all. Anyways, concerning the emotional hurt and feeling rejected... you are not alone, a lot of people here have felt that. When I was diagnosed, I was seeing someone, and as soon as I told him, he was gone. It hurt so much, and dealing with that was far more difficult than accepting the diagnosis itself. However, you can't take one bad reaction as fact. Yes, people will walk away when you tell them you have herpes, and that's a choice they are allowed to make. But this has nothing to do with you as a person. People are rejected all the time for various reasons, such as having kids, smoking, distance, height, jobs, you name it. But there are tons of stories on here that prove that not everyone will think herpes is a big deal (cause it's not), and will love you regardless. Go read the success stories, they are truly uplifting. Yes, your ego is bruised, but you are not the scum of the earth. You are human, you caught a virus and it could have happened to anyone. Nothing about you has changed, so start with trying to change your thoughts. Don't allow your self-worth to be dictated by a stigma that holds no value. Love yourself anyways, appreciate all the good, because realistically, it could have been far worse... think of those that contract HIV, those that become paralyzed, those that lose their sight... put things into perspective. And work on healing. You deserve to feel accepted, loved and valued, but it all comes from you first. A quote for you: "I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become." Reach out when you need us. We are all here for you.

Thank you for sharing your uplifting story! To hear from someone who has survived and come through not just coping with an STD but a very traumatic life event, is inspiring. You deserve all the love in this world, so enjoy this great guy! :)

First of all, welcome. I don't think there is an easy answer here... One on hand, yes, you should definitely tell him this, but on the other hand, is this the right time? At this stage, it might be worth waiting until he gets back home and tell him face to face. I say this because he probably is already dealing with a lot. You need to decide what is best for you, but why the sense of urgency here? Are you trying to relieve your own guilt? Perhaps you can allude to having something very important to share with him, and that you would like to have a conversation with him when he is back. Again, i don't think there is a right or wrong answer here. You have to do what you feel is best, but just consider he already has a lot to contend with right now in his life. Perhaps others will provide a different perspective, but hope this helps a little.

I agree with Dancer... I have trusted people I shouldn't have, but other options did I have? There was no way of me knowing until the very moment that they broke that trust. Someone people take longer than others to show us who they really are. I would trust again and risk heartache any day over never opening myself up to love. Yes, i am more cautious now with who I let into my heart, and of course, bed, but that's an opportunity that herpes presents, as Dancer said. It forces us to really take more time, to really get to know people, and see if they can be trusted before sharing the most vulnerable parts of ourselves. I think right now, you need to be alone. You need to find love and acceptance within yourself. How can you give love to another, if you don't love yourself? Take this time to focus on loving yourself again, on being whole. Only then will you be ready to find a love that is worthy of your heart and body. A quote for you: "If we want to be able to move through the difficult disappointments, the hurt feelings, and the heartbreaks that are inevitable in a fully lived life, we can't equate defeat with being unworthy of love, life and joy." - Brene Brown

I think it's a matter of reassuring him that you will do everything you can to keep him from getting herpes, ie: use condoms, take anitvirals and avois sex during OBs or prodromes. I am not sure if you have already had sex, but if not, maybe go slow, do other things besides sex until he gets to a place where his fears slowly dissipate. Develop that trust, so that you are not just going all in right away. Also, has he been tested? There is no way of knowing if he is carrier or not unless he has been, and this could be beneficial for both of you. Also, perhaps, it might be useful if both of you sit down with a medical professional who knows the ins and outs about herpes and STDs, so he can openly express his concerns and get some answers. If you don't have a doctor in your area that you trust, the Westover Heights Clinic does phone consultations at $5/min, but they are experts, and perhaps consulting an expert can help him better accept and understand what it means to be with you and how to deal with this. Hope this helps.

@Days_mommy... welcome... to give you some insight, I have been diagnosed with all three... HPV (although no warts, and low risk, ie; not cancerous), HSV1 and HSV2 (asymptomatic). I feel ya. HPV was honestly something I expected because literally everyone gets it by the time they reach a certain age... but the HSV2, that was the hardest blow. I cried for two days, but then made a choice. Because ultimately, nothing about me had changed, and I was not going to allow society's stigma to define my worth. I'm not invincible; sometimes I am scared, and sad... but I know life could be faaarrr worse. I can run, see, sing, dance, travel and love... I am ok. It's all a matter of perspective. I also feel more love for myself than ever before... you'll get there too one day. Keep trying. :)

Hey, I don't know if my words will help beyond what was already expressed... but you are not alone. We have all felt those feelings at some point in time... all questioned our self-worth... but ask yourself, honestly, how can anyone else in this world determine YOUR worth? You have control over that... you decide. So you're human, and you caught a virus, that doesn't change anything about who you are as a person, as a loving mother and friend, that does not diminish anything you have to offer this world. You are unique, and you are beautiful, and the right person will recognize just how special you are, and will love you regardless of any medical diagnosis. But you have to love you first. You have to do the work to get your mind and your heart back to a place where you feel and believe that you are worthy of love. It all starts from within. It's not going to be easy, and it might just be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but every moment that you make a conscious effort to change those negative thoughts, you will be taking a step in that direction. Make a list of all the things that make you worthy and special, and read it every single day if you can. Do anything and everything to bring joy and happiness in your life, and live in those moments to remind yourself how beautiful it is to be alive and well. Please don't take your life for granted, it's far too precious to dwell in negativity. Yes, you might falter and have bad days... but that's ok. As long as you keep striving to love yourself, you will prevail. Believe. I'm a quotes kinda girl... and found this one the other day: "We don't live in a world where we're taught to look inward to resolve ourselves. We look outward to fulfill ourselves, a feat that leaves us defeated time after time." Find the love in you, and don't ever let anyone decide on your behalf that you are unworthy. Claim your worth, you deserve love.

Hey, first of all, I just want to zero on in the fact that you like this girl and beyond the lust, it's obvious by your description that you see potential with her. That in itself is never easy to find, so on behalf of all the HSV2+ women out there who want to find an accepting and loving partner, thank you for taking the time to educate yourself about what it means to live with herpes before jumping ship. I understand that you are scared, and you are doing the right thing by examining all angles of the situation before making a firm decision. You have to be comfortable with your own choice, no matter what. That said, the first thing you need to realize is that because she is aware of her status and her body, she is in the best possible position to protect you from getting it. 80% of people with genital herpes don't even know they have it... so any other woman you meet following her, could very well land you in the same place, but unknowingly, potentially putting you more at risk. If you develop trust, openly communicate and take proper precautions, the chances of you getting this from her are very slim... 2% with condoms and antivirals. As you have read, your likelihood of dying in a car crash this year are about the same. There a tons of people on this forum who have been with H- partners who never acquired it, some using protection and others nothing at all. The fact that you have HSV1 should help you fight off contracting HSV2, but it can still happen, so don't consider that a shield of any kind. If you do contract HSV2 with HSV1 antibodies, your symptoms could also be minimized. But again, there are no guarantees and everyone has different reactions/symptoms. The truth? there is a risk, there will always be a risk, but risks are everywhere in life... every decision we make has a risk, some that lead to fatal outcomes, some that lead to injuries, or emotional trauma. There are no guarantees in life. The risk here is that you 'may' catch a virus, a non-terminal skin condition... but if you look at the other side of the coin, you 'may' be walking away from someone who will become your best friend, who will be your rock in times of need, who will fill you heart with tremendous joy for years to come. Since this a very new relationship, you should definitely take more time to get to know her, and decide if this is the right choice for you... but consider that this will be a difficult process for her too. Talk about your fears, honestly open up to her, and keep those lines of communication open so no assumptions are formed along the way as to how you or she might be feeling. This could be the beginning of something truly special, don't let fear of 'what if' get in the way of that. Also, feel free to come back here and ask questions or vent anytime, that's what this forum is all about. Hopes this helps, and good luck.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share you story! Enjoy these moments together, so happy for your uplifting turn of events! :)

I agree with MMissouri. I totally understand that you are angry and feel completely betrayed by this man. However, what will this confrontation offer you? Do you think he will FINALLY admit that he was wrong and apologize? Based on everything he has said and done so far, that likely won't be the outcome. And if he does, where does that leave you? You will still feel hurt, and resentful, and it will not change anything. Continuing to find resolve through him doesn't appear to be the right answer here... I strongly suggest that as MMissouri said, to let him go. Learn to accept that you trusted someone who never could be trusted, forgive yourself for wanting to believe him, and subjecting yourself to more pain by enduring more time with him. And then show yourself love and respect by letting him go. We have no control over the actions of others, we cannot ever expect other people to act how we might want or need them to act. So trying to control or force the matter will not do you any good. The healing for you will start from within. Recognize that this man stirs all kinds of unhealthy emotions, and if you continue to feed into them, you will never move on from this situation. It hurts like hell, I get that. Feel the hurt, take time to process those emotions, but stop trying to remedy or control the situation through external means and by subjecting yourself over and over to his negativity and all those feelings that he brings up within you. This might be hardest thing you ever do, but maybe after much time, you will be able to find compassion and forgiveness for him. But put you first, and step away from him to heal. I say all of this, but know that it is easier said than done. At some point in time, we have all been there. Betrayed by someone we trusted, hurt deeply by our own decisions, unsure of how to deal with the consequences and the pain. You will ultimately have to decide what is best for you, but I just don't think you will find peace from confrontation. I think you need to accept what has happened, learn the lessons, take time to heal and reconnect with and love yourself again and move on with life. Here's a quot for you: “Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.” ― Deepak Chopra I was also watching a show where he said something along the lines of: Every decision you make, ask yourself if it is fueled by self-love or fear. Always act in self-love. Hopes this helps just a bit, and I sincerely hope you find peace, no matter your decision.

Agree with MMissouri... Seeing as you guys are already friends, i think it's worth sharing up front before you get too invested. And although there is no guarantee that he will respond favorably, the chances are pretty good. He might not necessarily want a relationship, but he will hopefully be supportive and compassionate, not matter what. I think in disclosing, you might want to share your feelings towards him as well... maybe that's the starting point? That you have come to really care about him, and would be interested in seeing if there is more. If he responds positively then tell him there is something he needs to know before you pursue anything....etc. I think putting the feelings on the table might make you feel more vulnerable, but isn't what that discussion is all about? This might not be the best approach for you or everyone, but I think I would want him to know why I am telling him, and get everything on the table... leaves less 'what ifs', and offers more opportunity to connect on a deeper level. Good luck, keep us posted!

Hi witchofportobello, Just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that you are not alone. As Ihaveittoo said, we have all been there, and most of us come through stronger, more loving and compassionate than before. Being in the beginning, you will go through a series of emotions, and the negative ones are the hardest to shake. But you seemed to have started out on the right foot, understanding that you can take this experience and turn it into something positive in your life. When will you stop crying? I can't answer that, everyone takes the time they need. But you must recognize that you do have a choice here... we can't take this back, we are going to have to deal with this and live with this, so we have two options: 1- beat ourselves up, feed into the narrow-minded stigma, destroy our beauty and self-worth with negative thoughts, or 2- forgive and accepted ourselves as we are, recognize that nothing has changed about who we are, and love ourselves even more than we did before. I choose the latter. What is the point of living negatively? We still have so much to appreciate and be thankful for. We have not lost our sight, our ability to run or walk, to explore this boundless world. We are not going to die from this, and we can undertake every opportunity and experience that presents itself, even love. We caught a virus, just like the common cold, and all that means is that we are human... and susceptible to catching viruses. It could happen to anyone. Take some time to cry, to sulk, to process those emotions, but don't get stuck there. Work your way back to a positive place, and try to find the silver lining... you will be ok, and you will get through this, and love yourself no matter what. And when you struggle, we will all be here to support you, and tell you how worthy you are to love and be loved.

Hi Golddust, hives are normally a sign of allergies, as far as I know. And allergies can develop at any point in our lives, sporadically, for no known reasons. Perhaps look into getting a sensitivity/allergy panel done? Could be something you are eating or a detergent or soap or cream that is causing irritation. Otherwise, I suppose there could be a possibility that it is herpes related, but not herpes itself. As in, it could be an inflammation of your skin caused by a weakened immune system or related to you diagnosis... but I am not a medical professional and would divert to their opinions. I have had hives before, pre-h, and my mother had them frequently, but they were allergy-related, so I would be more likely to suspect it has something to do with that than herpes. Hope this helps a bit.

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” Harriet Beecher Stowe

It's hard to say, a sore throat could indicate that your immune system has been weakened and that you might be more susceptible to an outbreak, or experience prodrome symptoms. Everyone has different reactions, so there is no clear cut answer unfortunately. Time again is what you need. You will become much more acutely aware of your body, and how it reacts over time and you will be in a better position to protect others at that point. I would recommend daily supplements of l-lysine and vitamin C to help boost your immune system on the regular. Over time, your body will get this under control, and you will be more educated on your triggers or symptoms. It's all a huge learning process, take it one day at a time. And yes, perhaps just tell him one last 'I'm sorry and I'm here for you.', point him to the site for additional info, and let him have his space. He might come back, he might not, but again, that's completely out of your control, so let things happen as they are meant to happen. And try always to stay positive, that will help with the healing process too.