PositivelyBeautiful

So happy for you!! You deserve this, enjoy it!!

@lookingforanswers, my heart broke for you when I read this post... because I hear such regret in your words, and I feel the depth of your pain. I hope she reads this and hears your heart, because love, the love you are describing is a rarity, and it should never be taken for granted. However, we are all human, and we hurt, and in trying to heal our pains, we hurt others, unknowingly. Please forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made, and take some time to love yourself again, because no one is perfect. Try to find the lessons here, because there is always an opportunity to grow from something that hurts us deep inside. And be grateful, that even though she might not come back, you had the opportunity to know her, to love her deeply, to experience those thrilling emotions. Life is unpredictable, and we don't know when our time will be up... be grateful for the joys, the laughter, the experiences that brought you two together, and made you fall in love... but then let it go, let fate decide whether you were actually mean to be, because that's all you can do right now. Your heart will heal, if you let it.

CONGRATS!!! Love this part of life... when everything seems hopeless and dire, something truly beautiful happens. Unpredictability, the unknown, and how we move forward and enjoy life no matter what, through the good, bad, or ugly, it's a gift! Enjoy every minute of this amazing experience! :)

Great add Dancer! It's in my directory of go-to quotes! It's so nicely written.

JessikaRabbit89, I commend you for your courage and strength!!! This is an amazing act of selflessness and love, because it stems from a part of you that wants to ultimately help others. I thank you for being so brave in openly loving yourself regardless of what anyone has to say or think, because it is the best example of how no one can define us but ourselves. For all those who feel shattered and broken and tainted, your strength will resonate and hopefully brighten their thoughts and hearts. For those who learn something, you are giving them the opportunity to be more mindful and compassionate. This is really the highest form of self-love and acceptance and I am so happy for you. It's simply AMAZING!! A quote for you: 'Courage is not the absence of fear; it's learning to overcome it.'.... boy did you!! :)

Btw, here are two great posts worth reading. You will be ok, believe. http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3498/exhale-finally-herpes-talk-success#Item_12

Hi alloloneks, Many more people will probably jump on to tell you about their experiences with their children, and how they have handled that side of the diagnosis. But rest assured, you will be fine, and you can give them all the love in the world without ever giving it to them... just have to be mindful of a few things. Aside from that, it will get easier, promise. It's the initial shock and coming to terms with the stigma that our society has so graciously created. But please recognize that nothing about you has changed, that you are still the same gorgeous woman you were before. Someone will love you, and they will love you for the right reasons, because they will see everything that you have to offer, everything that makes you uniquely special, and recognize that you are worth it. I know this is hard to believe that right now, but one day you will believe it... how? you must believe it first. What is most important is taking the time to forgive yourself, finding acceptance, and loving yourself regardless. This has happened, and none of us can take it back, so how can we move forward? By finding even greater love for yourself than you ever thought was possible. For being strong and resilient but accepting your shortcomings when you falter. Give yourself time, every day will get better. Remember, this does not define you. No one can define you or your worth, except for you. Here is a quote i stumbled on the other day: "You will never find yourself in what you've built to define yourself." Your thoughts are powerful, don't let your negative thoughts define any part of you. Be strong, you are beautiful and some will love you one day, more honestly and deeply than you have ever been loved. If you need us, reach out. We have all been there, and we are all growing stronger every day. You will too. Lots of love.

It's beautiful. So simple, yet so powerfully true. Thank you for sharing. When and if you feel you want to share your story, or if you need support at any point in time, we are all here for you.

eeek, just saw it was already posted by Dancer! I won't delete though, for those who have yet to watch. Face your fears, take risks, be you!!

"This journey is one of passing through exactly where you have been struggling not to go."

Hey, so has your bf been tested? I think that should be priority number one. He could be carrying the virus without showing any symptoms, and if so, this could clarify a lot for you guys. If he is refusing to get tested, then that is a huge indicator, herpes or not, he will never be the supportive guy you need. And if he can't willingly support you through this, imagine when life really gets hard. Concerning your question... No, dating someone with herpes also won't necessarily give you the emotional support and love you need. Sure, they might be able to relate, but I think it all comes down to the person you are with, and there are lot of H- people who will openly accept you, love you and give you the support you need, for herpes and other adversities. Take time to read through the success stories; there are plenty of examples there. If you are newly diagnosed, please understand that you will need time to heal from all of this, and come to terms with the diagnosis. This might initially cause a rift in your relationship, but if you work through it together, you might just find even greater love and appreciation for one another. If not, we are all here to offer you the support you need. Take time to heal, to forgive, to accept and love yourself anyways. It doesn't happen over night, but it will be the game changer here. Sending you lots of love.

Heya, ya, anything above 3.5 is conclusive... Could it be a recent exposure? That could explain the lower results. Otherwise, you might fall into the category of false positives. I wonder also if there is any cross-reactivity... Don't quote me on this, but I was told that the inverse is possible... if you have high levels of HSV1, it can affect your HSV2 results. So, I would only assume that the inverse could be possible. Again, maybe something to look into. But if you really want to be sure, the western blot is the 'gold standard'. Hope this helps.

Heya, first of all, so happy to hear that you are handling everything ok. You remind me of me when I was first diagnosed, so I can tell you that your positivity, forgiveness and acceptance will do you wonders on your journey. This is not to say that it will always be easy, but your attitude will help you through the harder times. As for your question, Adrial is right. There is no right or wrong answer to this question. It will all depend on your level of comfort with who you want to share your diagnosis. I chose to tell all my closest friends, because I knew they would be super supportive and it wouldn't change a thing to them. I can talk to them any time about it, and have been able to educate them as well. I chose not to tell my mother or family, just because I didn't feel it was necessary. It's not life-threatening, and I am handling this very well. If I needed (or need) their support, I know they would be by my side. I just didn't want to worry my mother or family for no reason. There might be a time when I will want to tell them, but otherwise, I feel ok about my decision to not tell them. Hope this helps!

I'm so glad you have this positive insight and will take some good lessons from your experience. Truth is that we do always have the choice, but we never want to believe the worst will happen to us. Like the person who gets into a car after a few drinks and kills someone, or like the person who smokes for years, saying every year they will quit, until they one day find out they have lung cancer, etc. Until something scary smacks us awake to the reality that we are not invincible, we will make mistakes, and it's what we do after, how we learn from them, how we cope, how we move forward that makes us all better, stronger, wiser, and hopefully more loving, compassionate people. Wish you all the best on your journey, rterrel. Here's a quote for you: "There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning." -Louis L'amour.

This is a real support forum. The clinic is the only one that is capable of referring the western blot test, which is the most conclusive herpes test available... they are also experts in herpes. Since there are a lot of mixed opinions/advice from medical experts and even online, they are just another resource to consult, especially if there is any uncertainty about any particular case. I called them to ask about the western blot, and had some other questions about my case that they were very helpful in answering, and quickly so that I didn't unnecessarily rack up a huge bill for the consultation. Again, just another resource, but a credible one.

Yes, it does. People use different abbreviations on the forum because it's easier than writing the whole word. You'll catch on.

Hey Jax13N, in the same boat. I had no 'typical' symptoms, and asked for herpes test specifically, cause I had had unprotected sex and just wanted an 'all clear' for peace of mind moving forward. My doctor gave me a funny look, but went ahead with it anyways. Bam, tested positive. I didn't get any antibody levels with the test, and unless I get the western blot, I won't know with certainty, but i've accepted this fate, and when I meet someone who accepts this too, then I would want us both to get tested together. In the meantime, I am trying to find signs and symptoms. Looking back, I did have flu-like symptoms, and so did my likely giver. I personally think I might have it internally, which is difficult to decipher, as you apparently don't feel much pain. I intend to try to set up swabs and exams to get more confirmation on that... but all that to say, had I never asked for the test, I would have never known. crazy.

Hi Rterrell, I'm sorry that the person you slept with didn't have the courage to face her fears and be honest with you before you were intimately involved. But I want you to understand that all of us here have been in your shoes at some point in time, caught up in whirlwind of emotions at the possibly of having herpes, some catching from people who knowingly didn't disclose, others from people who had no clue they were even carrying the virus, and others who took the risk regardless. That said, unlike you, whose chances are pretty good of not having herpes, we have accepted the reality of the card we were dealt, and we are far from naive to the fact that life gets hard, and that we will have moments of self-doubt. But we choose to see the positive side of whatever this diagnosis brings because there are far worse things that could happen, and we can't go back in time and alter the choices we made, like you can't. Because we find ourselves with this virus, and often (as you feel right now), either feel cheated by the giver, the medical world, or our irresponsible selves, we want nothing more than to give every person we are with the choice we never had... Now, as dancer said, we can find an opportunity in these situations, and here's one for you to consider... consider that you have the opportunity to be more compassionate with those who have lived through what you are going through but have come out the other end with a positive diagnosis, yes, but also positive attitude too. You came here looking for support/answers, to vent, whatever, and you have been given that by kind, caring, strong people who are dealing with this the best way they can. Please respect that.

Beautifully said Goldust... thank you for sharing your strength and words of hope... And glad to hear that you are seeing the light after all of this. You deserve all the happiness and love in the world, keep writing those songs... it will heal you. Lots of love.

Hi RookieBex! Thank you for sharing your story. I just want to start by saying, good for you for trying to stay strong and positive. I'm really sorry to hear this guy was a complete jerk about all of this, but one lesson I have learned from my giver was as the quote goes: 'You'll end up very disappointed if you believe everyone has the same heart as you'... just because we are good people, with good intentions and good hearts, doesn't mean the people we connect with will always offer us the same. And it's not because they are bad people; their decisions don't make them bad people; they just make them who they are, and it all stems from the experiences they have already lived. I, like you, felt somewhat invincible in my sexual encounters and for a while I was... but life throws us curve balls, and wakes us up the reality of what's not working anymore... I am glad you recognize that this an opportunity to find deeper connections, to not just jump into bed and pursue lust in hopes it will turn into love. But instead, to see true loving potential in another, be at our most vulnerable, and then make it that much better and stronger by sharing our bodies with them... when they completely accept us for who we are. Imagine the level of trust, compassion and love that will be shared before we even consider what it would be like to be with them intimately. That's empowering. I know you are already off to a good start, and recognize there will be tough days ahead, but I encourage you to stay positive and take the right amount of time heal. The opportunity to love oneself deeply is another gift that herpes gives... accepting that gift is transformational. In the meantime, I invite you to read this post; it has to be one of my favorites: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love It was beautifully written, and I like to read it once in a while to remind myself how amazing this journey can be, if we allow it to be. Stay strong, and reach out if you need to; this forum is packed with amazing, supportive and resilient souls who will help you through trying times. Sending you lots of love.

I believe that anything above 3.5 is considered conclusive, and that 2 can still fall in the bracket or 40% chance false positive. This would depend on when your last exposure was, since you could also be in the middle of building up antibodies. If you absolutely want to be sure, you can get the western blot, which tests for 14 or so proteins found in HSV instead of one from the IGG test. I think Westover heights clinic is the only place that coordinates that test, and you can call them for more information. They charge $5 a minute, but they are experts and can provide some good advice on your situation, considering all the details.

Hey, you should probably stop taking them, as it could affect your results. The stress you are feeling is likely not helping the situation. Assume you don't have it until you get confirmation, instead of assuming you do. But obviously, proceed with caution on the relationship front... which is something you should likely avoid anyways until you calm down and get things together. I have been dealing with all kinds of skin conditions for as long as can remember, and so it's not uncommon to see bumps here and there. This doesn't mean herpes is everywhere. Skin conditions can come and go, react to foods and other triggers (stress!), develop early or later in life, and have very similar symptoms, or appear completely different on different people. Just try to stop assuming the worst, until you really know. It's not doing you any favors. You'll get the answers you need soon enough.

Hi, I can't be certain that I got it from the last person I was with... but all signs point to him. I chose not to tell him, for the very same reasons you are listing. (I did tell the person before him, who I respected and trusted because I felt he would have offered me the same. Although I am still not entirely sure his STD testing included herpes.) This person in question is not mature enough to handle a disclosure, and he would likely point the finger in my direction. I live in small community where everyone knows everyone, and although I am uncertain of whether he would actually tell a bunch of people (for his own shame of potentially having it), the thought of telling him didn't sit well with me. He might have known before we actually had sex, or he may have not known. I have no clue. But none of that changes the fact that I contracted it, and so I chose to let it go. I am just living with the reality now, accepting that I may never really know how and when I got it. That's ok with me. But i suppose you have to decide what you are willing to live with... Hope this helps a bit.

Agreed! Thanks for taking the time to share your story, and words of wisdom. So refreshing to hear someone who has come so far from diagnosis, living a happy and healthy life. We all have so much to look forward to, and you are living proof! :)

Hey everyone, I am contemplating whether my words will offer any solace... but I am going to share them anyways. I think like anything that is hard to accept in life, ie: being diagnosed with herpes, mourning the loss of a loved one, experiencing heartbreak, losing a job or a home, or being diagnosed with a terminal illness, it takes time. We can't look back, dwell in the past and beat ourselves up for the choices we made. What purpose or good will that really serve us? Instead, the first step in accepting all of this, is forgiveness. Forgive yourself for the hurt, guilt and disappointment you carry. And be patient with yourself. We are not invincible, and we will have days that will be hard and painful... but that's ok. It's ok to cry and to hurt when we need to, but by the same token, recognize your life is still beautiful. I strongly believe that the depth of our pain is mirrored by the heights of our joys. This means that no matter how badly you are hurting, you can and will heal... and when you do, you will be that much more grateful for the happiness and love that your life offers you. Forgiveness, patience, gratitude and self-love, are all choices we make. I don't want to imply it's easy, but it is worth it. I would agree with @Ihaveittoo1975... if you are still coping with the diagnosis, trying to heal from the pain, and trying to find self-acceptance, don't jump back into the dating world just yet. Give yourself some time to get things together, to make yourself whole again. When I was first diagnosed, I was always very positive (It's the way i chose to live), but I felt empty... like I had nothing in me to give anyone. I was shattered by the diagnosis, but more by the man who chose to leave upon my immediate disclosure. In a way, his act with selfless... yes, he didn't want to assume any risk, but he also recognized that the healing was something that I needed to do on my own. It didn't dawn on me until later, when all I had was myself, that I needed so desperately to re-fuel my heart, for me. How can I offer love to anyone, if I don't have love for myself? In striving every day to find peace, love and acceptance within me, I realized how badly that was actually missing in my life in the first place. I thought I loved myself, but here was opportunity to see how clearly I needed more. Somebody else won't make you feel whole, loved or accepted, no matter how hard you try, or how perfect they might be. That always comes from within. I guess, all this to say, feed your own soul first. It will lead you to acceptance. Try to find ways to love yourself, but don't beat yourself up when you falter. Accept pain as an opportunity to find greater joy... and try, as best you can, to stay positive, to see the glass half full. There are always things in life that we can be grateful for, and always an opportunity to see light in the darkest of moments. If anything, know that time heals all. Give yourself time. A quote to leave you with: "Peace is the result of training your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be." Sending you all lots love.