StillMeButWiser

Did you mention to the dr about some Percocet for the pain? Try Motrin sometimes it works better than Tylenol. Wear skirt or dress to work with cotton undies. This way will be comfortable and providing air flow. The pain should be letting up in another day or so. Hang in there, you are one strong trooper.

Possible urinary tract infection. Have you gone to doctor?

So sorry you are going this difficult time. I can't help but to be frank here. Tell your husband to man up and stop acting like a selfish child. It just bugs be how some men refuse to take responsibility for their actions. If he is so sure he does not have hsv orally then he shouldn't have a problem having a blood test done. Did you have a blood test done? That may give you some insight on when you have gotten it. Takes at least 4 months for the antibodies to show up in testing. Perhaps both of you go to the doctor together. Doing so will answer any questions you may have. Also be helpful for him to hear it from a third party. Far as your husband making herpes jokes and rehashing your indiscretion is just wrong. If he has forgiven you, then he shouldn't be throwing it in your face. Herpes can lay dormant and by the sounds of your note you were going through a really stress time. Herpes feed off the stress. Therefore decided to come out of dormancy. Just remember you are not alone.

Very trying times for you both indeed. Perhaps it's just all bad timing and making the correlation between herpes and possible infidelity is premature which is not fair to her. As a women who was in your wife's shoes, (boyfriend of 4 yrs accused me of cheating and left when my herpes decided to come out of dormancy). I can tell you accusing her at such a time is very hurtful. Being diagnosed with herpes is not easy to digest and being rejected from someone who you love simultaneously just amplifies the emotional pain, if not cause more distress. Sounds like you are forcing her to take accountability for something that may or may not be true to satisfy your suspicion. Selfish on your part. If she did have an affair, she will come clean when she is ready. When I was married, my husband cheated on me numerous times. Through marriage counseling I learned it takes two for one to have an affair. In other words, just because she (may) have cheated on you doesn't mean 100% of the blame goes on her. Yea it seems unreasonable to us. But think about this; For a person to cheat they have to feel their needs at not being met at home. From simply desiring more attention, communication, out of the ordinary love making, feeling their opinion matters to wanting someone to cater to them. Yes there are exceptions to this scenario. You sound like a wise man. So before the explosion, take a step back, show your manly side by giving her support and if marriage counseling is needed so be it. Far as the gps tracking her. Many times I have left my car parked in a parking lot when meeting my girlfriend because it's easier than driving to her home and we take her car. Hope things work out for you both.

Would it soften the blow if you suggest to him, before we go any further lets get std tested? And have it come out that way. Hey you never know, he might be a carrier.

HPV is very common. When I was in the gyno office, I noticed a sheet on the desk with patients name and reason for appt. every single lady was having an HPV thg done. Seven years ago my pap came back with abnormal cells (HPV). Doctor did a colposcopy and I had to get Pap test done every 3 months for a year. The HPV did go away. I didn't disclose HPV to any sex partners. More than likely they gave it to me. The problem I hear these days is men are getting oral cancer possibly caused by HPV.

Could it be that particular sore is not herpes? Perhaps a wart. Just a thought.

OMG! The video was great, funny in an educational way. Tactfully done. Definitely why it is passed around. Very shortly after I was diagnosed I was sitting at a bar with a friend (my possible giver, he is one for I don't know so I don't have). A guy standing on the other side of me ordered bunch of drinks for his friends and yelled out herpes for everyone. My friend kicked me, as I turned and looked at him, he raised his eyebrow with a head motion. My response was said with a facial expression. I felt insulted. First time in my life I heard a herpes joke in public and I won't forget how it made me feel.

@wscdancer2010 under normal circumstances sharing with teenagers is a good idea. Believe me, I thought about it. Decided best if I don't. I can not take the risk of their father, my ex hub, finding out. He would have a field day and the harassment would be never ending. As a narsarcis he refuses to be held accountable (possibly giving me this) in anything that would make him look bad. So maybe when the children are grown, married with kids. Lol.

Yes it is hard to say herpes out loud. To a friend not so much but to someone who I hesitate to tell it is. I gave mine a name Harry Herp. To my girlfriends as we speak on the phone if my kids or their kids are around we say Harry. (Our kids are Tweens to teenagers and have big ears) If no people are around I will say herpes. I think down deep by giving it a name distinguishes it separately from me, so I can still be me. Harry doesn't define me. Also adds a little humor which never hurts.

@cloacina your story is inspiring, relatable, brutally honest and you are courageous to tell it. Be proud. I'm so sorry you have gone through so much. Remember Cloacina, you are still vertical! Know that you are not alone. I too was in an abusive marriage and only got worst after I filed for divorce. Kicked, choked, hit, spit on and tried to run me over with his car then all the mental/emotional abuse. No human should be treated in such a way. Given the opportunity he would still try to hurt me. narcarsis are clever and very fooling. Don't believe the judge. Do you know what you deserve? Respect, respect from others and self respect. I don't know where you live, see if there is a battered women's services. They offer support groups, shelter and other services. Usually free. Very helpful, I learned so much. Far as herpes, me and I'm sure many newly diagnosed members had/ have the same feelings. Quite normal I would presume as it is taken as a personal loss. Take the time needed, ask for assistance. Gain a lot from the personal stories on this forum. Best wishes to you.

@wcsdancer2010, thank you for putting a smile on my face. Yay! I can dive in. Lol. My concern wasn't transmitting but getting an infection on my part with having paper cuts. I want so badly to feel normal. Knowing this rash is there really stops me dead in my tracks to the point I'm willing to take the risk for higher dosage for as long as it takes. The whole month of April I have been to the gyno every single week like clock work. Since I have state insurance thank god I pay no copays or for prescriptions. Stress definitely keeping this active. So I'm working w another doctor to lower my stress and going to see a neurologist to make sure the concussion I sustained from hitting head on tile floor didnt damaged the brain and influencing stuff. Nothing can be easy for me.

@sadpanda, it is very frustrating. Fire crotch is annoying. I stopped everything, epson bath (it stung), the lemon balm actually made it worse with only one application. What I used and found to help a tiny bit is aquaphor which my son got when he was in the hospital. It has a Vaseline consistency. Also aveeno oatmeal seemed calming for it. But don't do it now.Yes commando is good. All honestly, I stopped wearing undies all together. Unless jeans. Since I'm not working I don't need to dress up. Such a sensitive area to begin with, do you think you are doing to much and possible irritating it more?

My first outbreak was in January. Had a bad bv infection at the same time. Treated with oral metro. Since then I had red streaks (clit to vag on both sides of labia minora) couple spots looked like large paper cuts. Went to the gp end of January, culture no infections but I was burning bad. Told me to see a gyno. Not having insurance i decided to use metro gel which I had at home. Helped with the burning but came right back. Finally I got state insurance so went to the hospital womens clinic end of Feb. Again the doctor tested for yeast and bv. Negative. Said there is a little irratation (same streaks as before) and gave me a steriod creme. Which made it worse. Stopped after one application. This whole time I was not taking any antivirals and had constant burning. Finally get bcbs insurance April 1st. I go to a private practicing gyno. He takes one look and says its herpes outbreak. Are you kidding me? A 4 month outbreak. He prescribed valtrex, 1000 mg a day. Frustrated, I take 2 1000 mg daily. Guess what, the rash is disappearing. I go back on the seventh day, he tells not to take the 2000 only take 1000 for next 5 days. Well within 2 days I'm right back where I started. So I go back he again gives me exactly 10 valtrex 500mg take twice daily. Did nothing. So now we are approaching 5 months. I go back today. Mentioned how the 2000mg worked and I'm just so stressed out also depressed my body's immunity is low. He finally agrees to the higher dosage. Again only prescribing the exact amount of pills. Which I know I'm gonna need a longer treatment. Why is he only prescribing the exact amount of pills? Pain in the ass. Summer is approaching. I want to go in the hot tub or pool but am afraid until this clears up. My point is perhaps this is happening to you. I had to go to 3 different doctors to realize what's going on. Meanwhile it just adds to the stress. Keep pushing for answers. Good luck.

I remember being in the exam room with my gp dr. I had said something to her. Her response, this is why you should use condoms. I looked up at her and said, I did use a condom. Again something similar but this time with a good friend. She said, you got to use condoms. Again my response, I did. Oh, her was her reaction. So then I had to explain. The next time someone says the condom thing to me, my response will be, "obviously you don't know much about the skin condition to say such a rude comment." My luck I'll forget the statement. Lol

I'm new to the herpes world so correct me if I'm wrong. If we limit ourselves to only date H+ People In fear of transmitting wouldn't we be isolating ourselves even more when we already feel somewhat of an outcast? In my eyes, being intimate with someone is an adult responsibility. When two consenting adults have intimate relations protected or not, things can happen. Sometimes they are are out of our control, sometimes not.

Too funny. Men barely want to wear condems, so this will never fly. Far as men leaving underwear on, I personally wouldn't want to grab captain underpants in his stained uniform.

Yes this time can be extremely challenging and seem never ending. But it will improve. My first ob felt like electric shocks inside out in labia and clit area. Worse than birthing 3 babies. Fortunately the hospital gave me Percocet. I found epson salt baths helped with the pain, ibrophen for any inflammation/pain (I would piggy back this on the Percocet), applied aloe Vera straight from the plant to help with burning. I read some people use talc powder or corn starch to keep the area dry. Tree tea oil helps but will burn a little. Go commando. Sounds gross but actually is more comfortable than thong or undies. It always seemed like the itchiness, burning and pain would come middle of night/early morning when I was trying to sleep. The antiviral meds will definitely help. Good luck.

Congratulations! That's awesome. So he has herpes too? Did he plan on disclosing to you or was he not gonna mention it until the std talk was brought up?

To combat feeling lonely I will try to do stuff. Gym, thrift shop /goodwill shopping, even going out to bars where I know I will run into people I know. Surprisingly, I usually have a fun time. It's not about the alcohol but socializing. Sometimes I find myself starting a conversation with a stranger when food shopping. Other times, I take advantage of the quiet times; baking, garden, pool time, painting, currently been raking the yard. Last year I decided to do something on my bucket list...to be body painted. Well from that experience I met very talented artist and joined couple groups. becoming their go to model. I love it and I get to forget about my troubles for the day. Sometimes I'm even paid. Recently I decided to do something I always found fascinating, learning the "stripper"pole. Got to love a fun challenge. (Good distraction from being dumped and herpes) Remember only boring people have boring times.

@lotus45. I speak from experience. Pretty much same thing happen to me. No matter how much love we had for each other, it was easier (his decision) for him to walk away than admit any wrong doing and/or take responsibility. Now, as I think back through out our 4 years together I see discrepancies. Some I saw at the time but had let them go. Interesting part, the discrepancies evolve around him not admitting when he made a mistake or for taking responsibility. Says something about his character. I felt like I was nothing more than a place holder similar to you feeling played. It's them not us. They are choosing not to be educated on herpes. They are choosing themselves over us. We might disagree, be frustrated and just want to slap them straight. Lol. Not gonna work. They loose out. Don't be hard on yourself. This is the time for you to be selfish to heal, accept and move forward.

Sounds to me like he doesn't want to take responsibility for anything. His herpes was no big deal, didn't disclose to you and now he is treating your herpes as if it's the plague. Unbelievable. As hard as it is to accept, please move on. Deserve better. I bet you anything he won't disclose to the next girl either. No wonder us ladies are in the herpes community. Good luck.

Some good points mentioned. Thank you. I definitely know what is right and what is wrong. These questions, scenarios and what-ifs run through my head guess a way of me processing and moving forward. I'm gonna allow as much time as needed, also seeking professional help, so when my time comes I will ready 100%. My fear is meeting a gentleman at a nearby bar that I occasionally go to. As we start to get to know each other I disclose and he rejects. He then tells his friends or others who see me out. Bam! I've been labeled. After all it a a small world. In my opinion, from what I have seen & heard from my lifestyle friends, people who are swingers are more proactive in protection (condems, dental dams, changing those condems frequently, condems on toys and testing) than the people I know who are not. Not saying I totally agree with this lifestyle. To each their own. There is a guy I know who never wears a condem. Stupid, he just doesn't care. I won't touch him with a 10ft pole. Lol. If you think about it, he is very selfish Putting every girl at risk.

@ihaveitto1975- this morning I was reading about adrenal fatigue and how this can effect herpes. Read up on it, perhaps this is happening to you. Long term stress effects just not immunity but adrenal gland. If this is the case, cardio might be aiding it. I believe this is happening to me. A constant outbreak (red streak/paper cut from labia to vagina) since initial outbreak in jan. Just started valtrex. 1000mg not working. 2000mg works but dr said not to take too much. But it works, dr. Driving force has to be stress. I have been beyond stress since October; my moms passing, me taking her off life support, my dad was confined to wheelchair in nursing home recovering from horrible motorcycle accident. So everything fell on me. Home now but not as mobile. First holiday w out mom, single mom to 3 kids. Falling flat on my back hitting head on tile needless to say cocunsion. I believe this is what woke up dormant herpes. Bf of 4 yrs slammed door on me because of herpes. Of coarse the ongoing outbreak doesn't help either. Doing my best to adjust to my new life. Freaking hard. I miss my mom, I miss my health, I miss that warm feeling that kept me going. But I'm still standing, little wiser, determined, certainly not damaged because this cute little package is still priceless. Just like you. Now reading this thread and finding out cardio can cause outbreaks. Great. All life's little pleasures (exercise, chocolate, sex, alcohol) are culprits. Lol. So I think the best thing for us is to boost our immunity, lower stress and antivirals. Side note, from my personal experience, a chiropractor can help too. Your spine is your central nervous system and if that is in check the body can operate 100%, healing itself. Worked for my allergies but the fall caused a set back. I so feel your frustration. Don't give up. This to will pass.

Since my diagnoses in jan, I haven't disclosed to any potential contenders. (Not ready to date). But I did learn from my abusive marriage...By settling and tolerating mean treatment it is going against who you are and eventually you will loose yourself. If their love for you is hurting you, it's not love. Know this, you didn't do anything wrong to be treated so poorly. It is the unmanly man with their insecurities because real men don't act this way. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. It is scary to think this maybe your only option. But it's not. Don't give up, think positive and know who you are and what you have to offer. Never let anyone take that from you. True love will come.