StillMeButWiser

Diagnosed last January with first ob and blood work, value of 6. Had two small outbreaks before June because I was not on daily valtrex. Doctor would only prescribe enough for outbreaks. A way to charge for office visits. Switched doctors been on daily meds since with no outbreaks. I take the 500mg of valtrex only to prevent partner from getting. I prefer not to take.

@roro thanking you putting a smile on my face. What I learned from much googling and talking through my healing process was..... Bits and pieces (flags) of his character was on the wall through out the relationship. I either choose to not let it bother me or I didn't see it. Looking back it clearly sends an arrow pointing to the exit door. Lol. Another thing his cowardly behavior is stemmed from fear. Fear of having to face those tough emotions and conversations. He wasn't a good communicator. Even though i was spiraling down to a deep place, when I interacted with him (disclosing, couple follow up text and random simple text) I handled it with dignity. Never chased, beg, blamed or pleaded. If I ever do run into him I won't be the one hanging my head low. Hopefully the tears of hurt will stay hidden for those few minutes. Lol. Sometimes I try to imagine the what if. What if I did run into him? What would I say? How would it be? Think finding out later than sooner be best. Lol Jan 2015 was when it all went down . I found out his ex wife of 6 yrs and kids moved back in with him in April. Started off as a temporary bases but ended up permanently. My girlfriend and therapist says the herpes was an excuse for him. Who knows. There is a part of me who wants to call him. Maybe all my questions would get answers. Would I believe the answers, probably not. Until then time is doing its thing. I remind myself the 4 years wasn't a complete waste. He kept me grounded as I went through a nasty nasty divorce, abuse and surgery. We shared many laughs/good moments, never agrued and had very intimate love making. Through him I discovered I could truly love again after dealing with my ex husband and what love feels like. Too bad I ended up hurt. I'm sure he is too. Through it all I never lost my dream to love someone who will appreciate me. I wonder who it is. Keep your chin up. MSG me if you want.

He won't get tested of the fear of possibly having something. Fear is the motivator here. If I just ignore it, I don't have it is the sad philosophy many have. Since he is one to not face his fears, he will not be a good communicator. So better to move on.

@roro, I'm so sorry you have to go through this pain. Something happen to me. Was seeing a guy for 4 years. I was under tremendous stress and grieving my moms passing when I fell suffering from a concussion. Two weeks later I had my first outbreak. Felt like I was handed the death sentence. Couple weeks after when I was comfortable telling him, I did. Well he immediately stopped all contact except for once when he called blaming me, denying it, etc. said he was gonna get a test but never did. I had a bloodtest done month after ob, value was 6. I became so depressed was sucidial. Everything I had been through and now this. I couldn't function, couldn't stop crying, wanted to pop pills to numb the pain. Those sleepless nights or waking up with pretend convo in my head from not knowing. I started journaling those conversations. Got them out of my head. I didn't chase him. Finally couple months later, I sent him two text, one talking about herpes and the other saying his reaction is wrong disrectful and hurtful. My own closure. I got professional help. He left me very jaded. Our very first date he had a coldsore and I saw valtrex in his bathroom. I believe he had it all along and didn't tell me. It's been a year we only exchanged a few simple text. He tried to call me Christmas time, but I responded in text only. I believe he carries guilt and shame from his actions and does think of me often. Found out he ask his sis in law who is my good friend about me and my kids all the time. I think he does miss me too. How can he not, four years is a longtime. His actions were cowardly and mean and speak of his character. When we were together we hung with a circle of people. I disappeared from them to, moved on and started a new life. Not because they know the story, neither one of us told because I needed to help myself and do what's best for me. Did traveling, therapy, cut back to barely drink or going out. I could never go back to him. The trust has been broken and because of everything I am not the same person he once knew. The question which I tend to ask and need to work on is if you love someone, how can you throw them away like a piece of garbage? Does it mean the whole relationship was a lie? What wcdancer said he rather be right than happy. So my friend, you will ride the roller coaster of emotions, just go with it as its your way of healing. His new girlfriend is a coverup for his pain. Men process break up differently than us girls. They go crazy, 6 months later it hits them as we take it hard first then slowly find our fun. Just at the perfect timing, when he is missing us we seemed to have moved on. Which btw is the best revenge. Hurts like hell down deep but time will heal. A better guy will come along.

Because herpes doesn't define who you are! You didn't ask for this. Certainly don't want it nor do you deserve it. Just like you don't deserve to be outcast or critized by anyone. He is accepting you for you. Just like you accept him for him with any flaws. No one is perfect. What is perfect anyways? Consider yourself blessed to have someone who doesn't allow a skin irritation bother him. Say if you found a crinkled up $20 bill on the ground. What would you do? You pick it up. Why? Because it is still worth $20. We maybe crinkled in unique ways but we are still worthy of love, happiness, peace, etc. Are you feeling guilty deep down?

Yea, it's our responsibility to tell them, blah, blah blah, we all know this. However did he stop to have the STD talk with you? Think about it, if they are so concern about contracting they should be responsible in communicating. So go lightly when blaming yourself and feeling guilty. After all he could have this and not even know it.

Ugh so sorry you were dealt such a bad hand on your dream adventure. Life doesn't seem fair! Ride the roller coaster of acceptance. It's all normal. It pisses me off the guy knew but because he didn't want to hinder his opportunity for sex he ignored it. One thing Harry herp taught me was, all guys have dirty dicks. Everyone says they are clean. And that is exactly what I say when a guy says to me, he is clean. Another piece of advise and this is something I started. Carry condoms in your purse. Guys never have condoms on them. Take your health into you hands instead of relying on some else who obviously doesn't care much about their health. Otherwise he would've slapped a condom on.

So sorry to hear you are in so much pain. Go back to urgent care and stress how much pain you are in and ask for pain med, percocet. It's what the er prescribed me because I was in so much pain. Im surprised they didnt prescribed it to you. 10 pills should get you by.

Sorry you had to waste a number on a douche bag. Seriously, thats what it comes down to. People doing this to people is quite common. I'm quilty. Unfortunately I have done this to men. Not because they had herpes but for various reasons, we had different styles, they sucked or were selfish. Something during the act became a turn off for me. (I would never tell them exactly why because as it would be hitting below the belt. Blow to ego). Now there are people who see the most attractive person in the room and wants the challenge of getting them in bed. Then they move on. Now throwing herpes in the mix. It tends to make it more personal. Feeling self conscious to begin with, it is so easy to throw the pitty party. But stop the music! A party is no fun when it is only you in attendance. Think of what got his attention to begin with....you..and all the fun loving personality traits you carry. Now place all that under the party hat and the real fun begins. Next time he sees you act like it didn't bother and you are of much better character. I bet he will turn away first. Next time he texts/calls, say you rather not waste your time. You got this girl! One other piece I just thought of, he had buyers remorse. Never seems to be a big deal in the moment but when he retreated to his man cave, second thoughts came into play. A coward's style is no contact. Blocking and not answering calls. If this is the case, don't chase. Move on like it doesn't bother you. More than likely this is what happened. There have been stories on here where this has happen and sometimes after some time of thinking the guy reappears. No matter the reason go on with your life and remember it's him, not you.

First off all take a deep breathe, relax. Guys process information differently than we do. Mostly reverting back to their man cave and being quiet. I think at this point, the best thing to do is be yourself. Stop worrying and second guessing every move. Show him all the sugar and spice you are made of and why you are the perfect catch. Have confidence in yourself. Don't push sex until he is comfortable. Allow the space he needs to process because it is what it is. Only he can make up his mind and if he feels you are being pushy, he will run. Only positive thoughts my friend. One more thing, has he ever been tested? Could be a good starting ground. Some assume they are clean but results prove them wrong. This website should be the only place he goes for info.

When your boyfriend was tested, it clearly stated hsv wasn't included? If not, he should get tested now. This will give you some insight on who had it first. Like in my case, time of my first OB didnt mean I was recently exposed like I thought. A blood test confirmed I had it for awhile and it was the combination of hitting my head on tile floor (a concussion) and grief of my mom passing caused it to make its debut. I too used condoms. Unfortunately, the piece of rubber doesnt cover our magical spot. Hopefully all will go wrll with you. Take the time to digest the diagnosis and know herpes doesnt define who you are.

@hippyherpy What type of proten powder is it, whey or soy? Sometimes your body can develope a sensitivity to a food when too much is consumed. Lemon/citric acid was a huge one for me. Couldnt have anything with that in it including limes. Bad bad rash on face. After a year an half break I slowly reintroduced it. Another which I coulnt figure out til I got allergy tested was soy protein. Being a gym goer would consume soy proten drinks after workouts for recovery. Developed a rash on face. Went to dermotologist tried various creams and nothing helped. Finally after being tested I got my answer. Try a different type or even a bar instead shake.

@thumper. Wow you are a power house! I want to be your friend. Seriously, lady of determination, courage, confident and the list goes on. After reading all you accomplishments and seeing how strong you are then in regards to your original frustration of this post one thing comes to mind. When you are dating a guy, who is wearing the pants? Obviously you being a strong lady which is not a bad thing but sometimes (and I'm the same way) we can forget to let the man be the man because we are so used to doing it ourselves. An independent women who always done things for herself forgets to take a step back and let him do the manly things. Does this make sense? A confident man will do his part (if we allow him)but if he sees or feel he is not needed he will move on. The insecure man wants the powerhouse lady to take care of hiim. Google manly presence vs non. I was on a date with my Latin master. (He likes it when I call him that. Lol) who is all about his manly role of taking care of his lady. (In part from his culture) Then you got me, who is miss independent always having to do things for myself and sticking up for myself. Well couple times I over stepped into his role and he corrected me. Was almost like I insulted him, unintentionally of coarse. I apologized as I explained, I don't realize what I am doing because I'm so used to having to do everything. He understood but reiterated, no this is my job to take care of you. In fact, he has told me this other times when I didn't step on his toes. Thumper, now is your time to be pampered.

Have they treated you for bacteria vaginious? Women usually get it but, and some will deny this, can be passed on to a male. When I was with my now ex I was constantly getting BV and yeast infections. I believe it was from him. (I could've gave to him and him never being treated kept giving it back) Once we broke up the infections stopped. But I remember When I was pregnant I developed more than normal discharge. The gyno treated me for BV. BV occurs when the vagina's ph gets out of whack. Can happen from wiping the wrong way, dirty fingers, hormones, hot tubs, etc. Another thing, did they test urinary tract infection? Maybe your wife's gyno/ob can treat you for BV. Pill form. Would never hurt.

2legit2quit has some good points on being desperate or should we say over enthusiastic. Take faith in your confidence of knowing what YOU bring to the table; wisdom, great personality, fun, caring, witty, great looks, wonderful smile, etc. Men like confidence. At the same time I understand your point of the age making it challenging. You are a very young spirited 54 y/o who doesnt want an old fart. I wouldnt. Fifty something men fit into two categories, i"ll summarize as young and old spirited. Right? I would say to find someone like you is to look where they most likely would be, gym, sports club, etc. As the old saying goes, birds of feather flock together. Please take heart in knowing you are not the only young 54 yo lady with this challenge. Some of my girlfriends have the same issue. Instead of saying to yourself, im never gonna find a man. Say I wonder who is going to the one Im suppose to meet. See the difference?

Have to like yourself in order to hang out with yourself. Lol. Think about it. No one wants to hang out with someone they don't like. It's torture. I spend a lot of time alone, since I don't work full time and have 50% custody. I do like myself and who I am. It does get lonely. Sad when I'm having a Debbie downer day. So when I'm out at a store, etc, I tend to talk to people very easily. Laughing and making light of the day. Leaves both of us feeling good. Because of the type of work I do (promotions/model) I'm used to interacting with strangers. To Some people this may be uncomfortable. We have the power of opportunity. Simply standing next to someone in line is opportunity to meet someone special.

Sometimes when girls slow things down to slow the guy thinks we are not interested at all and just stringing him along. So he backs off totally. Many guys have insecurity in one way or another. As we slow it down he is thinking, well I don't think she really likes me, she not into me. Their self doubt surfaces and they bolt. So if you did really like this guy and hoped something could be of it, tell him how you feel. Tell him you like him and wanted to take things slow to build trust or disclose then. See what he says. Guys need reassurance. We all do! Many guys like us ladies have preset expectations and when they are not met according to our plan we think something is wrong and stop instead of communicating. Fuel for thought.

They are in denial. Some actually believe washing their penis after sex prevents them from getting anything. It's their version of "I'm clean". Lol no lie. Well I got news for ya, as clean as you may seem it is, it's still a dirty dick to me. Lol.

They are scared of getting tested because no man wants to hear something is wrong with his Johnston. It would mean they would have to change his sex life. You be surprised how many men are willing to have sex unprotected with no questions asked prior.

Run! If I were you, I would not believe a word he says. If he knows he is clean, he wouldn't refuse to get tested. The guy only wants sex as you already know. More than likely when you disclose to him he is going to run. The question is, Has he earned your trust for you to disclose? From my experience and I'm 47, all guys say they are clean. Shit I even said I was clean. Paper is proof. To answer your question. No you are not being unreasonable.

Inspiring. Congratulations.

Keep your chin up! Take nothing personally here for these reasons. 1.) he felt hurt from the break up there needs revenge by hurting you. (Telling others). 2.) he needs to save face not showing he is hurting therefore being mean to you empowers him. 3.). 1 & 2 are strong traits an insecure guy exercise, which he is....insecure or what I say a weenie. A powerhouse like you needs a confident man. One who won't throw mean and petty things in your face to make themselves feel better. Start googling how to recognize an insecure man. Learn the flags and next time this will be avoided, because you will kick them to the curb before disclosing. Don't be scared to date. Perhaps expand your pretty wings to another area (town). When going out to places that you think your ex blab, hold your head high, act like all is together, smiling and being happy. If someone was rude enough to confront answering the way you feel most confident whether it be a lie or not. (Boy, can you believe he has the balls to say such stuff just to make himself feel better?) Key is confident, classy, sassy and sexy. Take a deep breath and repeat after me, This ain't nothing, I'm so much better of a person than him. I got this covered. Mirror talk is a good for this.

@isabellahnt you may want to remove the link for pic. No pictures are posted on this site. After reading your concern was gonna say ingrown hair but after looking at the picture it would be best to get it swabbed to be sure. Ingrown hairs typical don't crust over. Even planned parenthood might help you. The itchiness could be normal from shaving. Herpes appear differently in everybody. Is this the first time this has happened?

OMG, you poor thing. Don't feel guilty for not disclosing at first. Something deep inside knew what his reaction would be, hence the long hesitation. His reaction is totally expected from an emotional abuser. He is nothing more than a weenie! Low self esteem, insecure, puts down others to empower themselves, total weenie. Forget about him and please don't take what he said personally. I give you major credit for staying on the phone for 40 minutes. Probably trying to convince him otherwise. People like him refuse to hear anything but his rights. Personally I would've hung up on him after 10 minutes. Don't seek his approval because You be wasting your time for something that is worthless. Empower yourself knowing you are way better of a person he could ever handle. No guilt needed.

@xtina420 the duct was pre herpes. I went to the doctor, think he would've told me if it looked like herpes. It was a red bump sore at times. Occasionally it would get a white head on it, just like a pimple. I would apply hot cotton all or washcloth to bring the stuff to surface. Once it popped it would shrink in size or go away but then come back. So after a year I went to dr. He cut it opened to drain all the pus, if you will, and it never returned. It was located inside of my minor labia. Have you tried gently squeezing it?