StillMeButWiser

@cleocina when I read your rant, I saw all the good things you got going on; house, car, education, good job and two loving kids. All blessings, all signify strength, determination and resilent. The only negetive here is not letting go. Believe me girl, I get the physco ex. My ex hub is a narcissistic abuser (physical and emotionally/verbally). Sitting in therapy only a few months ago talking of his vindictive actions. Therapist said to me, he knows exactly what he is doing. He is not stupid. The statements really hit home. So the next time he was giving me hard time over custody, all I texted was, the smart man you are, you know exactly what you are doing. He shut up. Now, I pretend he is dead. Letting go all that bs, released so much stress. Because of him, im on 3 yr PTI probation for taking my kids to niagra falls NY. Him knowing, im on this he does anything to get me to violate. Threatening to report, etc. By not communicating he has no amo. He must now follow all custdy orders now to since I cant bend, he screwed himself. Lol lol Keep doing what you are doing, because you are doing great. Look at all those wonderful achievements. Be kind to yourself, stay true and the best you can be and you will be rewarded. Comes in little ways. Appreciate. Always smile. A smile is approachable, inviting, light hearted and brings out your inner spirit. Also keeps you youthful. Lol Message me if you want to chat. Are you on daily supplements?

Admiral of you to disclose to her. You did it and survived! I say admiral because the other day a male friend (casual sex partner) and I were talking about my herpes. He agreed undoubtly when I said men won't confess if they have a problem down there. Him being in the swing lifestyle and have seen people at their most intimate time, I tend to believe him. So many kudos to you, hippyherpy. When people are in the heat of the moment pretty much saying stick it in me (lol), they will make rash decisions to satisfy that urge. Go unprotected, taking any type of risk. possibly regret it after. So is the timing fair? All personal preference. However, being told prior stops any blame. Fuel for thought.

Yes, your day will come. Be patient as you ride the roller coaster of emotions. Once it stops, you feel lighter and ready to hit the pavement. Took me a good 5-6 maybe even 7 months. I hated men, very jaded. Wouldn't allow myself to get close to anyone I already knew where I would have to tell my secret. Became a Debbie downer. Best thing now is to be kind to yourself, take the time needed and start to like yourself again. Things will fall into place. You know what? I have ulcerative colitis for 7 years, being treated for major depression, can't remember what I had for dinner last night, Only worked one month this whole year, little money, a laugh that kills and a smile that won't quit. People still like me. Now add Harry Herp to the mix, believe or not people still want to have sex/relationship with me. So guess I'm not that bad! I'm normal! Lol lol

What a great way to ask him. Ooh, that's a tough call. More than likely when they are that upfront, means he just interested in sleeping around or it actually is a deal breaker. But feel him out by asking more good questions or telling him stories you heard from someone (if you know what I mean ). "Read between the lines" and you will have your answer.

What is normal these days? Seriously, how is normal defined? As we look around and picture 1 in 5 people has herpes, think of what the other people have. We might not see at the skin level but doesn't mean it's not there. Mental illness, colitis, cancer, heart disease, etc. pretty much chronic like herpes and all controlled by meds just like herpes. Just like those people didn't do anything to be diagnosed, we didn't do anything either. My aha moment came as I sat in the Epson salt bath probably in tears. Wait a minute this doesn't define me. So I named it...Harry Herp. When I talk to my bffs and say Harry they know exactly what I'm talking about. A little humor always lighten the mood. As time passes you will get more comfortable in the drivers seat while Harry is in the trunk.

Hi, first of all take a deep breath. Sometimes when we have a sore throat, white pus looking things will appear on the tonsil, throat area. The area also gets really red, possibly sores. So this could just be a coincident. Gargle with warm salt water. It really does help and see what happens. Look around are people around you getting sick? Here in the states people are getting sick. I actually have a lump in my throat right now. Time of the year. Cold sores usually appear on lips. I'm guilty of thinking the worst many many times. Jump online search symptoms and next thing i know I'm dying. (According to online). You know what? We have this special power, we can control what our minds think. Even trick it into believing something untrue. Be patient and relax.

@wcsdancer2010 so how do you tamper off, every other day or cut pills in half?

Sorry to hear Harry herp is giving you such a hard time. Dealing with his defiant presence is stressful enough. My suggestion would be check back with your doctor. Maybe he will recommend taking 1000mg daily for awhile or treating your anxiousness so you can relax. This way you can take the driver's seat and not Harry herp. Wishing you the best. Chin up

Maybe try alternative methods in place of valtrex to see if there is a difference. Like lysine, lemon balm, oil of oregano pills, etc. people swear by lysine. If you feel the outbreak is lasting to long or becomes to painful take the valtrex.

Just tonight I disclosed to someone via text. A little background....I dabbled in the swingers lifestyle and had played with this couple before my first outbreak. When the first OB occurred I contacted them (her). She told him. So tonight before I was to see him, and being just shy of year of seeming him and not knowing if she told him. I texted him saying I wasn't sure if she told you but....herpes thing. When he came over we got on the subject...he said he was impressed and glad that I told him personally. He had read up on it but the information he collected wasn't totally correct. Long story short, I disclosed via text and he accepted me totally. It may not mean much to some since he a swinger but to me, only disclosing to a few it meant something to me. And now I think about it I disclosed to couple guy friends via text. To me, it's still as hard as face to face, just without the emotion being exposed. And they accept or not accept on the same value as face to face.

In order for me to tell, they have to earn my trust. If herpes come in a random comment or convo with random acquaintances while I'm out I let it go. No need for them to know. Shortly after being diagnosed, I was sitting at a bar with a guy friend who knew my status. A group of younger people standing next to me. One made a herpes comment. My friend kicked me. It bothered me but still let it go.

But using a condom fully projects me from HIV? Meaning I cant contract outside of the condom area, like herpes. Far as HPV, I already have it for the second time. First time was approx 7 years ago and it went away. Just about everyone has HPV and I know men can't be tested unless there is an actual wart.

I always thought condoms would protect me from stds. What a false sense of security. My worst nightmare came true when the word herpes bitch slapped my ears. Now, 10 months post first outbreak I wonder what other stds does the condom not fully protect me from? Also, It's my understanding having HSV puts me at a higher risk for HIV. Does this only apply when having unprotected sex with an exposed lesion or can it happen with no lesion? I suffer from panic attacks so please don't scare me your answers. I fear HIV.

For the gym/yoga try cotton boy shorts. The cotton absorbs any moisture and no panty lines. Sometimes I forgo under garments if the gym clothes are comfortable enough. Different shorts/pants for different activities helps too. Gynos usually recommend Dove sensitive soap for below. Rough sex, friction, lack of lubication and the condom ring rubbing against the privates can irritate. That is the problem I have, the ring of the condom rubbing. So a different position or I found using my hand, palm facing me and two fingers on each side of his manhood seems to prevent. Also gives him a little extra protection from being exposed to my clit, where I tend to get OBs. One would think the hand interferes. On the contrary it actually stimulates me more by tapping the clit. Sorry if tmi. Use coconut oil for lubication. Unlike other lubes it has no funky ingredients which can cause infections. Makes for great massage oil to. Mainly trial and error finding out what works best for you.

Ladies it is great you are able to recognize the red flags. But keep in mind the perfect guy we invision is not out there. Yea, it stinks we can't take this great quality from guy A, and this from guy B and so on put em in a blender, mix to get the perfect one. (We would have nothing to bitch about afterwards. Lol) comes down to compromise, what we can and can not live with. @2legit2quit. Set in your ways at 34.....girl, I'm 47 and can tell you with an attitude like that, sofa city will become awful lonely. I have seen many people slightly older than you set in their ways expecting the guy or girl to form to their lifestyle. Not gonna happen. Here's why, guy would feel you taking all, not giving and he would feel you are trying to change him. Guys don't want to be changed. Just like we don't want to change. They want to be them. They like being the hero. (So let push the elevator button) lol). They need their manly time to recharge. Both people in the relationship should compliment each other. ( Not meaning, you look nice today compliment) bring joy, fulfillment and respect, etc. to make them want to be the best person they can be. In my online dating profile (which is hidden) I have the statement....let me be me and I will let you be you and we will be pleasantly surprised. Again it comes down to what we can and can not live with. Guys bringing up sex quickly, it's in their blood to mate. So they will always throw the hook out there thinking oh she probably won't bite. When we do they are surprised. We just don't know it. Hey if we are willing to give they will take. Look at this way, guys aren't the only ones benefiting, we are too. Unless the sex is really bad. Lol Come on ladies, us girls are just as curious as guys when it comes to the bedroom. Human nature. To understand them better is to learn how they tick. Also cuts out the nonsense. So don't be so hard, just be open to opportunity cause you never know. :-) Good luck.

Believe it or not I didn't get angry. Yes, I did question why me. But I had no one to get mad at. No fun being mad at myself. Like I told my guy at the time, who denied possibly giving me herpes, we were two consenting adults having unprotected sex. Things happen. Not life threatening. For instance my son came home from camp with ring worm on his face. Somehow I got it on my scalp then I could've potentially passed it on to my guy during cuddling, etc. All bout timing and luck. Herpes is same way. What I have realized after being diagnosed, every one thinks they are clean if no symptoms are present. Some guys feel since they wash up after they are washing possible std away. At 47, I had my share of sexual encounters and never had a partner tell me they had an issue. My BFF says something. If you think about it, having sex w an H+ person w condom and on meds has less risk than with someone unprotected who doesn't know for sure. Guess what I'm trying to say is circumstances out of our control had more to do with it than we give credit for. Release the anger so healing can begin.

Hi Ladies, I believe today's dating, relationship is much different than years ago. Taken more casually. Maybe because today's society has accepted casual sex, multiple partners and the opposite sex is a dime of dozen. So easy to dump and fish again. After experiencing the fishing scene for awhile catching nothing but crazy catches one starts to believe all fishes are same, therefore treating them likewise. Unfair to the rest. In my dating experience, guys believe sex should come date three. It's in their blood to always try. My saying is, guys always want to get laid but want to marry a virgin. Lol. When I said that to the guy I'm with now. His response was, because those girls we score with are for the other guy (to marry). To be fair, the shoe can easily fit on the other foot. Girls do the same. I'm guilty. Bottom line, to find a different kind of fish one needs to try a new fishing spot with a different approach, technique and attitude. Changing expectations helps too. Allow yourself to stand out among the rest by being yourself. Confidence is key. Herpes is only a piece of this puzzle. Good luck. Most importantly have fun.

I believe if any one of us had 7 outbreaks since May we would feel the same way. Does wear on you mentally. Are you on suppressive meds? If not, it can certainly help your body out till it gets a handle on the virus. Very selfless of you to help your friend. Sometimes in order to help others better we need to step back and check in with ourselves first. It's ok. Do what you need to do. Even though you felt to be in a good spot, as a newbie, subconsciously you are still processing and coming to peace. Maybe tell your friend, you want to be there for her (him) 100% but at the moment you are overwhelmed and need to step back. Doesn't mean you won't be there, just not 100% or maybe set a limit. For instance instead of spending the hour conversation talking about herpes or the topic which is draining you, spend two minutes then move on. Doing so may actually help her (him) with the same token. Everyone who has this unwanted Harry Herp deserves the best quality, normal life like everyone else. Just because we were dealt a bad hand doesn't mean we are a bad person. Choice had nothing to do with it. If it did no one would have herpes. So don't allow a few bad days take you down. All these feelings are normal and part healing journey. We are here for you.

Maybe these rashes are an allergic reaction to her lipstick, gloss or Chapstick. I'm personally allergic to Chapstick and if someone kisses me my lips get tingly.

@kbutterfly take it one day at a time. Hour by hour, moment by moment. You are in the hardest part of this journey. The fact you are here and reaching out is a huge baby step down the right path. Be proud of yourself.

Go commando, loose pants. Over the counter meds do help for inflammation. Pee in water or pour water on u when peeing. Sleep w no undies and a pillow between knees might help.

There is a product for men to protect against shafting. Comes in a solid deodorant looking packaging. Unfortunately I can not remember the name. Drug stores and probably sporting stores sell.

@2legit2quit. Sometimes ex appears to be happy, have it all. . Right? But thats in our jealous, weak minds. Think about it, they really dont change. Creatures of habit. So all those irritating habits, selfishness, narcissistic behavior still remains. We are no longer the chosen one. Be thankful. Next time you are thinking vindictively think of why you really divorced. Then think of all the good that has come your way since divorce. Thankful now, right? Dont waste precious time on him. more than likely you are much happier than him and he knows it. Thats the killer part.

Yes. I went through the same thing after I was diagnoised with herpes. So depressed days were spent curled up in a ball crying. Wanted to pop pills to numb the pain. Herpes was only part of the reason. Certainly the straw that broke the camels back. 6 months prior my dad was In a horrible motorcycle accident. Four months later, before he was released my mom died. I was responsible for removing her from life support. Hardest thing ever!!! Almost two months later I had a head injury from falling. from this and being first Christmas with out my mom (stress) herpes made its debut. After I told my guy of 4 years he dropped me like I had the plague. I was not on anti depressants at the time. I couldn't stop crying. Hours on end. Up all night, didn't work for 7 months. Days I sat on the couch paralyzed in my own skin. It got bad. One night I wanted to drive myself to the hospital. But was afraid my abusive ex hub would find out and hold it against me with the kids. So next day I sat there calling doctors. Finally got on anti depressant. That little pill gave me so much energy, like I was manic. Lol. That was in April. Coupled with therapy I am in a much better place. Barely cry and I have come at peace with all the changes in my life. Just in July, I realized while avoiding men or any situation were my secret might be exposed I was also depriving myself of everything I once found fun. Carefree doesn't mean careless. Once I experienced fun, I rediscovered me. First I had to work on me. Are you talking to a weekly therapist? Maybe your meds need to be adjusted. Another helpful tool is Google. I would type in random stuff regarding why I was depressed (including relationship stuff) and just read, read and read. education is power. Just doing one thing on your to do list is so rewarding and motivating. Make a pac with yourself to get better. There will always be bad days pretty soon good will out number them. Don't ever think you are strange, something wrong with you for feeling down. It's life, it's more common than you think and things do happen. Chin up.

Yes, it is one of the stages of grief. It does seem so unfair especially when we compare ourselves to someone who we don't like very much and they seem to be "happy". For instance, when I was married my hub (at time) cheated on me numerous times. Fast forward, been divorced two years and I get herpes. Why couldn't it happen to him? He has a gfriend now for about 4 years. Because of herpes I lost my guy who I truely loved. Just seems so unfair and at times, when I dwell on it makes me pissed. Pissed cause I got the wrong end of the stick. But did I? The grass always looks greener. Because of herpes, being dumped and having major depression I have grown, learned and became more resilient. And you will to. The catch is...to allow yourself to let go, like yourself for who you are and believe in your strengths doing so builds confidence. Confidence is pretty damn sexy. People will see this sexiness over any skin condition. The days you feels hard on yourself do the opposite, gym, walk, nails, volunteer, kickboxing, whatever makes you feel pretty, sexy, got it going on feeling.