Anna01

Also, it is normal to go through a roller coaster of emotions. It is very fresh and new for us. We are still coping. So keep your head up and be the amazing self you are :) The rough patch will pass and you will feel like yourself again. We all have ups and downs. So try to comfort yourself with things you enjoy. I for one, don't mind a good distraction. ;-) I am here if you want to talk k?

First, calm down and just breathe. It sucks when we have to actually deal with real symptoms. It's like "dangit! I have herpes! sh**" BUT it really isn't so bad. We all have uncomfortable situations to overcome. Remember how common Oral herpes is. It is EXTREMELY COMMON (80% of the population common). No one is going to judge you for it. A majority of people who get cold sores have no clue that it is the same virus as herpes. I am surrounded by people who get cold sores. Literally. I have two jobs...3 of my bosses I know for sure have OHSV! My dance teacher had like 3 right on the middle part of his upper lip. I noticed it (just like I notice a pimple or a scar) and literally moved right along in my thoughts. I didn't think anything about it. This was prediagnosis. I still thought he was super hot and it didn't bother me in the least. So I know it seems impossible but try to not overthink it. It is all in the power of the mind.

Well Clay the only way to find out the truth is to get tested. It could be herpes or it could be a rash. We can give you some educated guesses here but that is about it unfortunately. I would start by going and getting a type specific IGG test. Don't get on antivirals until you find out if you need them. Every person has different responses to the virus. Your sores (if they are herpes) might not ever open up and just disappear. I get a little bit of sores but they don't hurt and they don't cause me discomfort. It is very rare that I get them. Usually it is due to shaving. So I don't know if it is my usual skin irritation or herpes. lol its kind of confusing. I want to encourage you to get tested and find out what you are actually dealing with. I am sorry that you felt the need to break up with your girlfriend. If you don't mind I want to give you some advice. I would say, if you see a future with her and really care for her, tell her what happened and see what she says. Women have big hearts and most of the time are understanding and forgiving. I know you don't want to be the bad guy and you don't want to hurt her but we prefer to know the truth. I would want to know if my guy broke up with me over guilt instead of lacking feelings for me. That actually hurts more. So I say if you think she is worth it....give it a shot. :)

Wow! What a story! First let me say, I think humor is awesome and it helps us cope with frustrating situations. Isn't that amazing though....celibate for 17 YEARS and then you get herpes one out of the two times you had sex. That is so crazy to me. PROOF that it doesn't matter who you are or the situation....we all are vulnerable to stds. SO in my opinion it seems like it could possibly be guy #2 since it is HSV1. Most new genital herpes cases are HSV1 oral to genital. So that is my guess. However, it very well could be the first guy. How did he sound when you called him and told him about it?

I love the way you are handling this. It reminds me a lot of myself. I was sad but I knew that there are worse things in life and this is something we can overcome. My name is Anna! I too love coffee and music. No tattoos haha although I like to see them. I love dancing, food and meeting new people. Welcome and congrats on being on the path of overcoming :)

I had to disclose long distance and I know exactly what you mean. It is difficult to determine if you should do it in person, over the phone, should you wait to see how it goes before your next trip etc...haha I was trying to decide the perfect time myself. I decided to tell him a couple days before I was going to see him. He was in driving distance at the time, about 3 hours. So I didn't have a plane ticket or anything like that. I ended up telling him over the phone during a very long conversation. It just felt right, so I told him and it went extremely well. I still got to see him and we had an amazing time. I have a seen him a few times since I disclosed. Now he is back home unfortunately and that is about 2500 miles away :-/ Not sure how much I like it just yet. It is pretty difficult. I for one, don't see any issue with seeing how it goes with your guy for the next month. For all you know, you might not want to deal with him anymore by November haha. If you still like him by November and feel a moment where you guys are talking and you feel safe, I say go for it.

@Dolly213 I am telling you right now, it is not a good a idea to stay friends with him. Not one reason is there that you should. If he treats you like crap as a boyfriend, he will treat you like crap as a "friend". The "just friend" technique is a poorly disguised attempt to slither his way back into your daily life and eventually back into your heart/bed/mind etc. He is not good for you in the slightest. So pick up the pieces you have left, move on and rebuild. No one deserves to be treated this way and you need to realize that you are included in that. You DESERVE the best. So like @2Legit2Quit said, delete all previous conversations, his contact, and keep him blocked on social media. He doesn't exist at this point. Give yourself time to see that you can and will live without him. Not only that but you will live a life a thousand times better. Manipulation, control and abuse is not a relationship. Work on being a strong, healthy and happy woman. Then a truly good man can come along and you will be ready for him. :)

I know exactly how you feel. I call it "disclosure remorse" and I think it is completely normal. It's like telling a guy you love him or after you buy something and you just think about it afterwards. It is a bit nerve wrecking BUT like you said if he is meant for you...he will accept it. Try to relax and enjoy the ride. If it works out it does and if it doesn't, it doesn't. What is meant to be will be. I have to tell myself that sometimes. So don't let it stress you out. Be honest about your concerns or your fears. Try to just live and not overthink the situation.

You know, I am not sure what the stats are from F to F transmission. I wonder if it is less but I mean the skin to skin contact is still there. The grinding with no clothes on is still going on. So I am not sure if it is less or not :-/ I wish I could be more help

Hey Dolly :) I am sorry for my delayed reply. Life has been extremely busy lately! I am sorry that you are dealing with such a jerk! Our stories are somewhat similar. I am in my late 20's and my "giver" is in his mid 30's. He wasn't neccessarily verbally abusive. He was just emotionally shut down. It took me a little while to notice but now I see. He was feeling guilty about hiding something very important from me. I have forgiven him (although he doesn't know that) and I have moved on. The best gift that guy gave you, was your freedom :) Now you can move on and live your life! Yay. It is hard enough dealing with changes in life but to also have someone who brings you down is just too much. I say, keep him blocked and don't let him back in. Herpes is not a big deal at all and no one should settle for someone just because they both have it. That is just plain stupid. This guy is BAD NEWS. He has some deep issues that are not your problem. So I say dust yourself off, move on and focus on you. You sound like a sweet woman and you deserve so much more. I have completely moved on from my annoying situation with my ex and I have never been better. My life keeps improving and I won't let anything, especially a skin rash, stop me! Neither should you :) Keep your head up and ignore your childish ex.

OK I am so sorry. I thought I knew already but you are female, correct?

Maybe one day I can be as courageous as you two ladies. I am still a pup and need to get a bit stronger. Ha ha I can foresee it in my future because people need to WAKE UP. So many are ignorant of the statistics and the information regarding Herpes. I think the more people going public, the better. Herpes is nothing more than an inconvenience!

Well if she wasn't having an outbreak and is not on any meds, I believe the odds are about a 5% chance of transmission if you have sex 2 times per week for a year. So the odds are VERY low that you got it. You both should go get tested since you are having unprotected sex. Just my personal opinion. If/when you do, make sure you request an IGG type specific blood test so you can test for herpes as well. Without requesting it, they will not test for it.

@2Legit2Quit I JUST saw it and responded.

I write music too and let me tell you A LOT of rappers write anything that rhymes. Sad but true. This guy has probably never in his life been tested for herpes. He speaks out of ignorance. Those jokes don't offend me for one reason...IT ISN'T TRUE. YOU ARE NOT NASTY BECAUSE YOU HAVE HERPES....PERIOD. I KNOW who I am and I am not nasty in anyway. Some stupid skin rash doesn't change that. I sum it up to that man is just a moron who says anything to complete a song. I do find jokes about it funny. I don't take it personally because I know it isn't true.

Yes yes yes!!!!! I love this and that quote is amazing :) Thank you

I get the tingly itchy sensation

Hey :) I am sorry to say but welcome to the club. You will realize it isn't bad at all girl. Inconvenient at times but not bad. I will tell you that I was diagnosed in June. My ex knowlingly gave it to me. Although I do not believe that was his goal. He just was being a scaredy cat. It is a tough thing to deal with, the stigma, not the herpes so much. It is like a rash, fever, acne etc. It is annoying but it doesn't kill you. Life goes on and it will be as amazing as you allow it to be. My diagnosis hasn't slowed me down for one second. I still do all the things I love and I even disclosed to someone about a month ago and he hasn't changed one bit. We are still going strong and I am going to see him tonight :) yay. I can't wait. If you keep H in its proper place, which is in the background, you too will move on to have a wonderful life! You are still sexy, beautiful and desired. You already seem like you are in a good place so far. Keep moving forward. Learn more about what you are going to be dealing with. Knowledge is power. I too am very close with my family. I told everyone except for my Dad and I finally got the courage to tell him a few weeks later. He just hugged me and asked if I was ok. I shed a tear and reassured him that I was fine and this doesn't change anything about my life. My whole family doesn't think about it, unless they have a super random thought but it doesn't weigh on them you know. I have told a couple of close friends and honestly it is great. I am confident and I am ok. So others have no choice but to feel ok you know. They mirror my energy. H is EXTREMELY common. You may feel alone but you are FAR from it. If you ever want to chat I am here for you :) Keep your head up and keep this in perspective. You are still YOU! You hold the key to your happiness and quality of life. So enjoy the ride!

Same here

Hahaha that is too funny. Thank you for sharing

I didn't have bad outbreaks. just a bump here and there. Not sure if it was due to shaving or not because I have very curly hair. Ingrowns have always been a problem for me. I went on antivirals to reduce risk of transmission to my guy and hopefully get rid of any form of breakout. I think it made things worse for me. My razor burn was the worst I have ever had in my life. So I stopped taking them and now its clearing up.

Also think about this....you feel like you are a good girl right? You feel like someone "like you" would never get something "like this" right? I think it is safe to say that you feel you would never sleep with someone who would have something "like this". Yet, here you are. You would NEVER know by looking at me that I am H+. You would have absolutely no clue. I don't let it bring me down and I live each day to the fullest. I am positive, healthy and take great care of myself. According to society, I am very attractive, have a great body and have a great heart. Please understand I am not bragging haha I am making a point. You can't point out people who have this and who don't. People of all ages, shapes and sizes are H+. No one, including myself, thinks something like this could happen to them BUT if you EVER have sex you are at risk. PERIOD. IF you are H+, that means someone you trusted enough or liked enough to sleep with, already had it. You couldn't tell they had it. You had no clue. So why have this horrible image in your mind of people who have it. Before you had any noticeable sympstoms, you were living your life, enjoying each day and feeling like "I am a good person. I am so sexy and amazing!" :) Why does that need to change now? Why generalize people that way? I feel that certain people have a lot of courage and they put their picture up on sites. I feel people like you and myself have some silly image to uphold so we are a little more reluctant to do it. Don't try to put H+ people into a box because it just doesn't work that way. I feel that I handled my diagnosis well because I never judged people for having stds. I knew that I was just as vulnerable to getting one as the next person. I knew a girl that got it when she was 17. She had a fast and awful reaction. She was actually my sisters friend and I remember seeing her after she got her first outbreak. I was only about 11 but somehow I knew she was still awesome. She wasn't nasty. She wasn't a slut. I never judged her and I never told a single soul at our school. It changed nothing about her. She was still funny, beautiful, and a good person...ofcourse. So it is about the mind. If you already judged people and felt these people were nasty or slutty, then how can you expect to feel any different about yourself. You need to change your way of thinking completely. Don't be so quick to judge because you could very easily just be judging yourself.

I really think you need to slow down and get tested first. At this point you are diagnosing yourself and it is possible that H is not the issue here. You need to get it confirmed. So go to the doc and order a type specific IGG test. That is the first thing you need to do because you could possibly be worrying over nothing. Also, there are plenty of people in Pittsburgh I am sure you could link up with. @WCSDancer2010 Do you know of any meet up sites.

The reason you feel that you are the only one is because people don't run around yelling "I have herpes!" It is something considered private and personal. Not to mention it is something that is just not noticeable. Do you see how you said you got cold sores on your lips before but did you ever want to end your life over it. No! It was not a big deal because, hey, pretty much everyone gets them right? Cold sores come and go. People do not realize that cold sores and genital herpes are almost identical. They are the same virus. What you need to do is find out what you actually have going on down there. Get an IGG type specific test and see what your truth is. Also, please wipe out the stupid association of herpes and bad/nasty people. That is just not how it works. Your boyfriend could very well be a carrier and it wouldn't change who he is in the least. He was still brought up well and respectful. He could easily be an asymptomatic carrier and not have a clue he has it. That is EXTREMELY common. Herpes does not care how you were raised, your number of partners, your religion or race. Every single person on this beautiful Earth can get it and the majority already has it. The best thing you can do is wipe the stigma from your mind because it isn't real. A lot of people that talk negatively about people who are H+, have never been tested for it. They have zero clue whether or not they have it. They could be running their mouth about how nasty it is but be a carrier. It is very interesting to me. You need to focus on inner strength and not let something like this be a "make or break" thing for you. The fact you consider ending your life over it just hurts me so much because it is not that bad....trust me. It really isn't. You need to get a strong mind and not let anything break you down. In every aspect of life, you need to be like a rock. You need to stand strong and realize you can deal with anything that comes your way. You are stronger than you will ever know.

First thing first. You should get tested. Dealing with the reality instead of dealing with fear is key to moving past this. You need to find out if you even have it in the first place. When you are not certain, it is 10 times worse to deal with, I promise you. So rip the bandaid off and get tested. Don't be afraid. This is something so minor on the grand scheme of things. It is literally like acne or a rash. It is not a death sentence. Only you can change your way of thinking. Take time to breathe, meditate and be thankful for all the wonderful things you do have. Some people have ALOT to overcome outside of herpes. So try your very best to focus on the positives in your life. Also, how are you sure that, if you are H+, you didn't get it from your current BF?