Anna01

@stillmebutwiser I was sooooo thankful my ex admitted it when I called him and told him my results. He kind of couldn't deny it since he told me he had it the night we broke up but then took it back. Even then he could've lied when I told him he gave it to me but he didn't. I am thankful for that. I would be more thankful if he would've told me prior to sex of course!!! Haha

I am not sure exactly when I will tell him because he actually doesn't live here. I may or may not see him soon because he is traveling. I am prepared to talk about it but I prefer to do so in person. I am at peace with any outcome. I pray he will empathize but I won't be mad if he doesn't...just a little disappointed. Good luck to you and I hope your disclosure goes well! :)

OK so first let me say "Calm down...breathe...count to three" :) No matter what, you will be ok. Trust me. So tell us the story and timeframe of you using this sex toy. This will help us brainstorm with you. Like @2Legit2Quit said, someone would've had to use the sex toy right before you, for it to even be possible. I mean RIGHT before you. The virus lives like 10 seconds after exposed to oxygen and approx 2 hours in a moist and warm environment (which is very rare).

Wow it blows my mind that people will hide this. It seems so selfish to me. I refuse to give my body to someone if I don't feel I can be honest with them! That is just how I feel about sex you know. So you told two potential partners prior to sex and they already were H+?!? That is crazy. I hope that is how it goes for me and the guy I like :-/ *fingers crossed* lol

Amen! That is it! Do not fall in the countless traps society creates. It is a waste of energy! Well said :)

OK so he had it prior to me dating him. He told me he was H+ the night we broke up. I was extremely into him and loyal to him so if he told me prior to sex I would have done research and seen how there are ways to reduce transmission risks, I most likely would've continued seeing him. I was celibate for awhile before I met him anyway. We could have taken things slow. That was my original plan but things got all hot and heavy one night and we did it. After that we got more and more serious. We were together almost everyday. Sometimes we used protection, sometimes we didn't. A lot of times he didn't want to use it. I was stupid but I was in love. After he maliciously told me he had H I was very nervous for several months prior to getting tested. When I left his house the night he told me, I later text him and asked if he was serious or just messing with me....and he said no he doesn't really have H. I just couldn't let it go. Part of me was in denial...I wanted to believe he was joking to avoid the truth and then the other part of me was thinking "Who in the hell would say something like that but not mean it??" We broke up the end of November and I finally got tested the end of June. Test came back + for HSV1 and 2 :( Thank God I remained celibate since we broke up so I don't have to break the news to anyone other than future partners.

We were together for 8 months. He claims he was afraid to lose me and that he wanted to tell me but didn't. He apologized a lot but the damage is done. So needless to say, he has lost is chance

No I am single. My ex has it and had it for 15 years prior to us dating. He never told me until we broke up :-/

Such great advice here :) I would say, do not take it personally. It is just another topic of conversation that people don't get right. The real sad part about it is that he is completely ignorant of the people he was speaking around. For all you know, some of the others laughing could easily have it! Hell....He could even have it! Some people will talk about anything to just have something to talk about. Unfortunately, a lot of times they choose topics that aren't really the best party talk haha. Don't let that kind of behavior bother you. H has no reflection on you as a person. It is amazing how much it can humble us and keep us from being a jerk. We know what it feels like to be misunderstood and we are now more careful about the things we say. BTW your boyfriend sounds like a really cool guy :) I have yet to deal with this situation but I am sure the day will come. Stay strong girlie. Remember people are ignorant and people can be jerks without even realizing it.

So just out of curiosity...would you say that you are sure H is the culprit here? Does your boyfriend really arouse you? I ask because my ex and I needed lube a few times..let me tell you..the last thing I NEED is lube lol. When I am turned on, lube is the last thing I need. I discovered that I wasn't really letting go with him and so I wasn't nearly as into it as I have been before. I do think that H can potentially cause you to be in your head a little bit more which can absolutely mess with the amount of moisture you can produce.

I know that I used to be like him. I would say that I really am paranoid about getting STD's and I always get tested blah blah blah. It was because I wanted to show the guy I care about my health but it had nothing to do with me saying I don't want to be with someone who has an STD. I never thought about it as a warning to someone who potentially had an STD. It was like I was proving I care about my health. Does that make sense? Little did I ever think about the fact that I was probably scaring the crap out of the person I was talking to. haha I think it made my ex very scared to tell me he had H. He hid it but I truly believe I would've accepted it because I really liked him. SO I say go for it if you REALLY like this guy and see what happens. Rejection never kills us right? ;-) Good luck

Hmmmmm I am not sure I really dig the guy you have an open relationship with and I am not sure it is necessarily healthy for you to be involved with him. He lives a risky life and sounds pretty immature. I honestly wouldn't want to sleep with him because he could get something more harmful than H. I don't really know how likely it is to get herpes from one sexual encounter but I do know that it happens. So it is very possible that you got it from that one time. Also, it is extremely possible for you primary partner to have it but be asymptomatic.

Hakuna Matata :) Put the past behind you girl. You can never rewind time and go back to when you should've left this guy. I had to let my past go too. I tried to break up with my bf like twice before I got the virus but he convinced me to stay. Now I look back and I think I can remember when I got it but not certain. Yea, so I think I could've avoided contracting the virus if I would've listened to my gut but oh well right. It is what it is now and we have to keep pushing forward. With this new guy I think that was a funny joke and don't put too much weight on it. He obviously thinks you are amazing. So I believe he was just being funny and you never know how someone will react until you tell them. I mean, you accepted your ex's condition right? :) We all make mistakes and I hope you would choose a man that has enough humanity to understand we all have flaws. We all have been stupid one time or another in our lives. You are young and from your post I can tell you have a big personality :) So try not to stress about all of this. It is just another phase in life. I would try to slowwww things down with the next guy. Try to keep your body to yourself until you are sure he is worth going to the next level. Your body is your temple ;-) Take care of it. I am here for you if you want to talk more about this.

Also, have you always disclosed having both HSV1 and 2 at the same time or have you ever disclosed HSV1 to get into the kissing stage with someone, then later disclosed HSV2 when you felt it was progressing to a more intimate level?

What is everyones opinion on disclosing HSV1 oral to partners? I am just curious because at this point I am planning on disclosing before even kissing a guy. You both have had it for a long time. So I figure you are a good person to ask :) Thank you in advance @WSCDancer2010 @2Legit2Quit

After talking to a lot of amazing people on this site about disclosure, something has crossed my mind a lot. H makes us very vulnerable when opening up to somoene we like. We are nervous and sometimes so afraid that when someone accepts us, we become so excited that we dive head first thinking "Yay, lucky me!". What concerns me is we are so happy with the result of disclosure that we can sometimes forget that there is still a risk out there. There are people with different STD's and they could very well be unaware or even worse be hiding it from you. So two things, first, you are not a "risk". So don't believe that you are damaged goods and that you should take anyone that is willing to "put up" with you. You are as amazing and as priceless as you ever were. Please, try your best to remember that :) Second, do not fear making someone get tested prior to being intimate with them. You are worth protecting, no matter what. Just because you have H does not mean that you don't have the right to be careful and look out for your best interest as well as your partners. Guard your heart, for out of it flows the issues of life. Take care of your body, take care of your mind and take care of your heart. That's all. Have a blessed day!

I don't know...to me, it seems like he is seeing your opinion on this. However, like WSCDancer2010 just enjoy his company and tell him when you are ready. Instead of wasting energy and peace attempting to be a psychic...go with the flow and handle the situation when it actually happens. Worry does absolutely nothing in the outcome.

OH yea...word is crap. I went off my ex's word and he blatantly lied. So he sounds kind of sketchy to me. The fact that he didn't show you results, I mean, if he was H-....why wouldn't he WANT to show you??? That makes no sense

Try to hang in there and not over think this. When do his results come back? I thought this was too funny. I mean her username is Overthinker!

@Amethyst21 Hey :) I really think the way you are thinking about future partners safety is extremely mature and more people need to think that way. If that was the case, I might be H free right now. As would a lot of people. Just know that you are doing everything in your power to do this right and if someone thinks you are worth the risk of a skin condition, so be it :) Atleast you have given them the opportunity to make up their own mind vs. people like me who never had the chance to decide. My ex made my mind up for me :-/ H does carry some emotional baggage but I do feel that the circumstances in which you acquired it may have a lot to do do with the weight of the diagnosis. A break up is harrrddd....it is no easy thing. Then to top it off with H...that is really tough(I know...I had the same thing happen). So like everyone is saying I would focus on loving you some you. Take time to realize that life goes on and you are still the same person you have always been, hopefully a bit wiser now ;-) H does not lessen your worth in ANY WAY. Try to not carry the burden of guilt. It is very deceiving. As long as you disclose and give the person the information, you are good. That is the right thing to do. If someone wants to be with you, don't you think they have the right to make up their own mind! Ha ha. Just take the necessary precautions to keep possible transmission to a minimum. Also, have you ever considered looking into a dating site for H+. I haven't but it might be a good option for when you are ready to jump back into the casual dating scene. Like @WSCDancer2010 said though, don't ever forget to protect yourself. Too many times we look at ourselves as the "risk" but the reality is just because we have H it doesn't mean we accept any guy that accepts our condition. Guard your heart. Protect your body. Be safe. Focus on getting yourself back to being you prior to the toxic relationship. :)

@justagirl72 I am sorry you aren't doing too good right now. Life does have its moments of suckiness. Find comfort knowing you aren't alone and this isn't the end-all be-all. You are still you. Now you just have a skin condition. Now you have to be more careful. I am positive for HSV1 and 2. Now I can't even kiss without disclosure but there are worse things in life. Keep your head up girlie. This is the toughest part

@Girlwhogetseveryugh1 I agree 100% with @WCSDancer2010. This situation is hazardous to your mental and physical well being. Sometimes we need to take a step back and really have a moment of reflection. Ask yourself "why in the world am I sticking with this guy?" It might be time to work on yourself and worry about a new guy later. He has zero respect for you and couldn't care less about how he is effecting you! That drives me crazy. So do what you have to do! Move on because a better man is waiting in your future. This current guy is just delaying your progress. So drop him and I mean drop him fast. Matter of fact, just throw him to the ground an go. I feel that with him in your life, herpes is the least of your problems. He is the number one issue that you need to deal with. The second is reclaiming your self-worth. We are here if you need some encouragement :) XOXO

@notmyrealname I really don't think it is a good idea to have sex with him and not tell him. Why have sex with someone who won't accept your flaws? If you feel so nervous about telling him this, maybe he isn't worth your trust. Perhaps he isn't worth your body. You already stated you don't see anything long term with him. So why tell him if you think he is a blabber mouth? Also I second @2Legit2Quit question

@WCSDancer2010 I understand what you mean about meeting him for that purpose. I am so reluctant to do it. It kind of gives me bad nerves when I think about it. So on that reason alone I will wait. Maybe one day I can but right now I am working on myself. I just hope he is doing the same. I will consider it in the future. Thank you for your always sound advice :) ((HUGS))

@Brynn2012 Geez Brynn the more I here about your guy, the more I want you to leave him in the past! I don't care for the way is handling this at all.