Anna01

For me, I feel that "probing" can be misleading. People often say things to put out an impression or they say things just to be talking. Often times we don't truly mean what we say. I can't count how many times I have said "Oh no way. I would never do that." Fast forward 2 months and I'm doing exactly what I said I wouldn't do. Sometimes I feel I must've scared the S*** out of my ex when we talked about stds because I was running my mouth saying "I take my sexual health very seriously. I always get tested. I am scared to get anything...blah blah blah." All the while, he is sitting across from me knowing he is H positive. I had no clue! Little did he know I was trying to prove to him that I was a worthy partner. It was not my intention to say I wouldn't mess with someone who has an std. I can imagine how nervous he became. I wasn't speaking rudely or anything but he just probably thought I wouldn't take the risk. However, he was wrong. I would have because I cared about him. SO like Dancer said, I say follow your instincts. We have a sense of our connections with people. Feel him out. See if he is someone you really want to move forward with it and if he is worth it, tell him.

@2Legit2Quit Let me tell you I was so annoyed when I discovered I remembered his number UGH....I mean really, you are so right, I remember like 5 numbers and they all belong to family members haha. So sad but atleast we have come to our realizations that number memorized or not, they are not meant to be part of our memories :)

@WSCDancer2010 You couldn't be more right. It has really opened my mind and made me think in a way I never thought would happen because of Herpes haha it is such an odd yet pleasant surprise. I have NO DOUBT he is interested in getting INTO me and not into ME. Thank you for that wonderful phrase because I think about it and I admit I have used it to encourage people on another site. It is so helpful and true.

@Brynn2012 It is mind blowing how much we will cover up someones actions to justify pursuing them! I am so happy that we have eachother on this site. It is amazing the stuff we have in common!

Oh man you are worrying yourself sick...literally. The BEST thing you can do is get tested. It feels 20 times better knowing than living in the doubt and fear that comes with not knowing. IF you do have HSV1 or 2, it is better to know so you can do what you need to do to start healing physically and emotionally. Hiding from reality does nothing but hurt. Trust me, I avoided getting tested. As soon as I did my mind went from "What the heck..please don't let it be this...please...I don't want to see..I dont want to know...whats going to happen????"....I had doubt and more fear and it did NOTHING FOR ME. Getting tested was my first step towards a more powerful me. Know that you can handle anything that comes your way. This is so minor on the grand scheme of things. You are still young so you might not understand that just yet. There are so many things to overcome in life...this is just another thing. At this point you are not sure you have this! So stop worrying yourself sick and just face it :) Take control of the situation. You are in control whether you believe it or not. Your life is so far from over...I can't even tell you how false that statement is. Your life has only begun. So cheer up, calm down, enjoy life, DO NOT go to homeschooling. This is not some airborn disease. It takes a little effort to contract. So try to relax. Play with your family, do things you love and keep your head up. Like WSCDancer said, you might have something else going on that you are hiding behind your symptoms. Maybe you need to work on your inner strength a bit more. We could always use a bit more of that. Cheer up butter cup :)

@Ttidal I know you are a virgin regarding penetration but have you and your ex bf ever done intense grinding without clothing aka dry sex? Please understand there is a purpose to my question...I am not a weirdo haha

@LittleStar Thank you! We all do. I just wish I could've had this happen without the neccessary kick of H to make things clear.

LOVE LOVE LOVE AND........LOVE THIS POST!!!! I love this and thank you! We all can be a valtrex commercial haha

So I am about one month in to this unexpected journey. Although I still shed tears here and there, I am feeling extremely empowered. I will share with you exactly why. About two years ago, I met this extremely attractive and charismatic guy. I don't know why but I was drawn like a moth to a flame. Over a several months, he toyed with my emotions. He literally hit it and then quit it but we still talked at times. He was just no good for me. It really broke me down emotionally and was damaging my self esteem. I cherish my self esteem, so I knew I had to let him go. So on more than one occasion, I deleted his number out of my phone (which resulted in me remembering his number! Ugh mission fail)....He was like a roach that wouldn't die. He just kept coming back and I would take whatever nugget he would toss at me. So I moved on finally, got into a relationship, with my *giver*. We broke up and ofcourse my roach was waiting for me. He called like 2 weeks after I was newly single. You would think I learned my lesson...obviously this guy doesn't care about me in the slightest but I starting spending time with him again. I was celibate so he had no chance of getting in these pants. He tried to act like he accepted I didn't want to have sex but ofcourse always would try. He tried and failed :) Luckily this time I am stronger than I used to be, so he didn't tarnish my shining self esteem. I kept him at bay and in the meantime I found out I was H+. Now I am VERY proud to say, I have come to the priceless realization that this guy couldn't care less about me! I have accepted it and I am delivered from this completely pointless relationship. I have ZERO desire to win this loser over. I KNOW if I decided to tell him, he would not accept it. He would not accept me for everything that I am. I know this because he NEVER HAS. Thank you Herpes for letting me see the person I was so desperately trying to avoid seeing. I see the man for who he is and I am ok with it. There is no love in this "relationship". I am done and have no desire to pursue it any further. I have been delivered! Now I am getting to know a man that is full of depth and extremely interested in ME. He does not know I am H+ but he will know, if things continue the way they are now. IF he doesn't accept it...I am ready for it! Whoever loves me will love all of me. I will not settle for anything less. I truly believe HSV has helped me.

@Littlebird81 I am sorry you got H :( I know it can suck BUT it looks like it has really opened your eyes to things that can really improve your quality of life. Don't run from it. I think this can be really good for you. There are benefits to having H. I am learning it more and more every single day. So keep your head up. Keep growing and pushing forward! You are on the right track. @2Legit2Quit I cannot express how much I agree with what you just said! I was SO vulnerable to a guy that just honestly doesn't give a s*** about me, although he can be very convincing that he does, when he wants to be. I tried to cut him out of my life multiple times because I knew deep down he was no good for me but I was always so tempted by him. It was extremely unhealthy for me and my self esteem. I swear H has laid that toxic situation to rest. It made me ACCEPT that he is not the guy for me. I don't have any desire to pursue him anymore because I know he would never risk anything for me! It revealed his true nature. I didn't have to disclose a thing to him because it made me realize already who he is! I have been delivered. It's all thanks to H. I can say that with honesty. I think I will post about it :)

WOW! Total douche bag! I know it doesn't seem like it now but You dodged that bullet girl. Like WSCDancer said "Better now than later." He revealed who he is and that is a blessing in itself. Keep pushing forward and move on from him. He is no good. Not for you, not for the other girl and not for himself. Thank goodness you got to see him for who he is. I am sorry that it is hurting you so much in the process though :( Keep your head up. This will become a distant memory over time.

@itsgabby So just wondering, have you asked him about his status. Does he have any sti's?

Honestly, this entire post makes me want to say "Get the h*** out of this relationship!" I do not know the details of your relationships history but I don't care who it is, they have no right to treat you that way. If I were you, I would strongly consider breaking up with him regardless to take some time and focus on yourself. You are having problems accepting the fact you are H+. You need to realize that you are still an AMAZING 22 year old girl with a whole life ahead of you. Do you really think you should be wasting your time on this guy? He is draining your positive energy. That is the last thing you need right now! You need support. You need to get back in touch with yourself and your worth. I can tell that you are a loyal girl. You deserve so much more. Honestly, I would've dropped him like a bad habit already. Don't ever think you need to accept his behavior because you are H+. H will not be a big deal for someone who truly cares for you. In my opinion, he just doesn't care and that is ok. You are able to move on from him. Don't let this situation get the best of you. Surround yourself with people who love you for you. He is like a weight...weighing you down. Your boyfriend should lift your spirits, not cause you depression. Someone better is out there waiting for you. When you become stronger in yourself, he will come. I promise you. So talk to the guy, if you must. If he is still being rude, tell him you are done. We are here for you ok :) Try to keep your spirit up. His behavior is revealing his true nature to you. Consider it a blessing in disguise.

WOW! I love to hear this. It warms my heart and gives me hope. Thank you for coming back and sharing this.

First let me say, please try to relaxxxx and breathe. Worry has zero benefits. Your Dr was absolutely right....it is manageable but I completely understand your fears. I was right there with you about a month ago. Like WSCDancer said you need to be tested first to know anything. So don't become a stressball. It really helps to get to a place of acceptance. Accept things and find power in knowing you can handle this and anything else that comes your way. I want to ask you some questions to see if we can get more of an idea of what could be causing this. It also helps to talk about what you have going on. So I know you have had some sores since you slept with the guy 2 years ago. Have you been active since? If you don't mind, can you share any recent experiences? The testing advice I will give you depends on the date of your last sexual encounter. Remember try to find peace. It feels much better than freaking out.

@WSCDancer2010 I understand what you are saying. I have thought about my ex and why he didn't tell me. I have thought about the fact that he has had it for 15 years. I know there has been a lot of new info put out that he is possibly not current on. So he might've genuinely thought that without being sick, he was not contagious. I don't know. I do know that everyone is different and he really did have a lot of insecurities he was dealing with. I can always empathize even though I do not neccessarily agree. I can't help but feel hurt and betrayed right now. I have no hate in my heart towards him. I am just hurt.

@wscdancer2010 OK thank you :)

Im sorry but as soon as you said "or is it because my pubic hair is growing back" I would say ding ding ding we have a winner. There is NOTHING more itchy than when hair grows back in! haha do not sweat it. It is probably a mix of hair growing back and lingering symptoms. This will pass. You can survive this, I promise ;-) Keep your head up ok

It definitely sounds like stress to me. Try to relax and just go with the flow. Don't put pressure on yourself and increase your stress levels. Like @2Legit2Quit said I recommend getting on meds. Try to find ways to relieve your stress. For me, a calm workout, like yoga or walking helps be destress. I also write out my thoughts and feelings. Find an outlet. I hope it gets better

@2Legit2Quit I have had symptoms that were somewhat confusing lol I have had bumps but I can easily confuse them with razor bumps. I do believe when I contracted the virus I had a HORRIBLE sore throat and muscle aches. I thought it was some kind of weird cold but looking back Im like "That was it!". My ex was sick and we had sex anyway but I didn't think he was sick from herpes lol I thought it was a cold or something. smh. I have some bumps here and there that I now believe are H related. It is hard to know just because I have ALWAYS been sensative to shaving downstairs and even my armpits. I have super curly hair. I think mine is more of an internal thing. I get kind of sick vs OB...maybe..not really sure yet.

@NothingGoodGetsAway Amen sister! I LOVE Dane Cook. Honestly, H is something that really should be expressed openly. It is nothing to hide and be ashamed of. Slowly but surely the stigma will weaken. I can feel it! :) Also your friends sound amazing. A great support system is a blessing for times like these. I love how involved you are with gaining knowledge and sharing experiences. For me, it is a life saver. I found out almost exactly a month ago and communicating with others on this site is such a relief. It really shows how many people get diagnosed everyday. We really are part of the majority. Although it may feel like the exact opposite sometimes.

Hey :) I am so sorry that this is causing you so much physical discomfort. This will pass and the OBs will become less painful as time goes on. I really like when you said "I remember thinking to myself "please just let the worst news I hear this week be that I have herpes." How's that for perspective?" I think that is so awesome in revealing the reality of this condition! It really is just a skin condition. Is it something we have on our bucket list? No haha but it is something we can overcome. I think you are on a good path to a speedy emotional recovery. Keep focusing on getting yourself better physically and emotionally. I truly believe that H forces us to appreciate our lives, our bodies and find an inner strength that often hides out inside of us. Someone will absolutely love you and appreciate the woman you are. This is just a part of your story. So keep moving forward and please reach out anytime you need support. We all need a shoulder sometimes, H related or not :) XOXO

Hmmmm this whole thing is weird. I think the doctors might have it backwards. Is there anyway you can share your exact results with us? For example mine was HSV1 5.00 HSV2 5.00 Just to be clear, you both had a type specific IGG blood test?

@MissK2015 I think he needs to take a long look in the mirror and see who is really the one being juvenile. It makes PERFECT sense for you to want to see his results. Hell I even wanted to show my sister my actual hard copy, just because. If he is truly negative, why wouldn't he WANT to show you to prove it. That is the first thing I would do if I was showing a partner that I came back H-. I don't trust this guy. My personal opinion, he is a douche bag and seems very self centered. When someone cares for you, truly cares, they want to help through hard times and comfort you in your time of need. He is doing the opposite. You deserve better honey because the truth is, you are absolutely loveable and amazing. Someone else will appreciate you for the gem you are. H or not some people just do not care, it has nothing to do with your diagnosis. This guy is in general, is not in your corner. Take H as a blessing. It revealed this guys true colors to you. It is an unhealthy relationship that you need to get rid of.

@wscdancer2010 So did anyone ever get upset that you were kissing them and didn't say anything until you were going to have sex?