The Ladies' Man's Disclosure Success Thread

[hippyherpy]

We haven't had sex yet. This was a phone disclosure. She isn't on the pill and I'm not looking to make a baby hippyherpy right now so condoms will be used.

[hippyherpy]

I think this girl is love with me now because we both have herpes and I told her I had it. If you define your life as herpes than all you can hear is herpes.

 

I think a lot of girls feel very lonely after getting herpes whereas men are more used to dealing with adversity, women might think.. I'm done for etc.

 

You aren't done for.

 

We are on the cusp of a revolution with regards to herpes. Mark my words.

[johnderp]

I remember meeting a girl who had it, lived right where I wanted/needed her to live (traffic, etc) and was like head over heels. Too head over heels haha so she was not about it.

 

I'm glad you're crushing it. It's definitely slowed me down, and I think we're very similar in the amount of sex we have /did have prior to this. But my finding out was timed awkwardly with moving to a new city and not going out a lot.

[jax13]

Thanks for the comments Hippyherpy. I am a woman who also does not want to settle down (until I meet the right one). It's been really hard for me to date so I took some time off from dating, just now getting back into it and I have disclosed to my new partner with success!

[jax13]

BUT I don't like to use the term "clean" to mean "free of STD's"...because dammit, I'm not "dirty" and we all know here that "clean" or "free of STD's" is a fluidity - because people don't normally get tested for herpes so they have no clue if they have it or not (like me, who is asymptomatic, NEVER had an OB in my life) AND tests are only so accurate. I could have a battery of STD tests and be negative, then go out the next day, have protected sex and still contract an STD. If you have sex, you're at risk for an STD. Period. I still take that risk, as I enjoy sex!

[Sil88]

We are on the cusp of a revolution with regards to herpes. Mark my words.

 

I agree - the younger generations seem to be getting the idea now. Check out this I saw on 9gag.. the OP is clearly a douche, but I bet he didn't expect his meme to get shot down by the - surprisingly well informed - general public the way it did.

 

Scroll to the comments from half-way down the page..

 

http://9gag.com/gag/aM9b6ex/i-ll-just-be-making-my-way-back-to-the-friend-zone

 

 

[optimist]

@Sil88 - Thank you! Most of those comments were super encouraging. That was a really nice surprise! While there was still quite a bit of misinformation in the comments, there was so much more understanding than I expected. It's funny, I've read reddit threads that are so completely different from each other, some super encouraging and others really discouraging and awful. I hope you and hippyherpy are correct that a shift in understanding is beginning to occur.

 

It's not that there is more herpes around than ever before. It has always been common, though primary location sites have fluctuated with societal and sexual trends. For instance, when oral HSV1 rates go down, GHSV1 rates go up due to lack of partial immunity. But there seems to be more understanding of how "cold sores" are also herpes, most sexually active people have herpes of one type or another, and there is a wide range of symptoms, including no symptoms at all. I wonder what's driving that understanding. The Internet? Better sex ed? Advances in type testing that has revealed the extent of GHSV1? More sexually active people choosing to test for HSV? Outspoken bloggers like Ella Dawson? I wonder.

[Sil88]

I'd imagine it comes from more information, meaning people are in a better position to disclose to potential partners, and they're doing a good job of it (and possibly more often with the likes of Tinder). Social acceptance doesn't happen overnight, but this one has really been drawn out - over decades, with speed bumps along the way like national scare campaigns. The guy on 9gag took it the wrong way, but possibly the people who replied are among many who've been disclosed to in the past.

[optimist]

@Sil88 - I hope you're right. Not sure about the Tinder part, though. I think it depends on whether the Tinder user is seeking a one-nighter or something more ongoing. Studies have shown that even people who typically disclose in more traditional dating situations and relationships are much less likely to disclose in more casual sex situations. This doesn't surprise me as I've read some Reddit threads that reflect this mindset and I have a couple male friends who told me (in response to my hesitation to return to Tinder after HSV+ diagnosis) that one of the beauties of Tinder is that there is not an expectation to share this type of personal information and those who are hooking up should assume they are vulnerable to STIs. I tend to think it's also about lack of fear of consequences. If someone thinks they'll never see someone again, maybe they're less likely to be concerned about possible fallout. I have returned to Tinder and I do disclose (twice so far, and both people were accepting) but I'm afraid I'm probably in the minority.

 

One interesting thing I've discovered in using Tinder is that a lot of guys strongly prefer to test regularly and not use condoms. Almost every guy I've encountered from Tinder, before and after my diagnosis, has attempted to leverage frequent testing as a way to justify not using condoms. If HSV was included in standard testing, this could open a lot of people's eyes to how common it is, but I think more often people just assume it's included when it's not, so it's having the opposite effect. :(

[hippyherpy]

I've been doing a lot of disclosures lately and have not had outright rejection.

[hippyherpy]

Have had some more successes recently.

 

I think the girls these are actually more likely to reject not based on herpes, but on myriad other things that they would reject a guy for.

 

From my experience, the herpes thing gets some rejection, but not anymore or less than other factors.

 

I had one recent rejection over text due to herpes. Then I've had girls tell me they don't care about whether or not I have herpes.

 

A few chicks have mentioned that they know people who are seeing someone who has it etc. I think the perspectives are changing on this topic and herpes might be getting more accepted. That's better than any vaccine or cure I've heard about in the last year.

[hippyherpy]

I've been looking back at the last year since I've been diagnosed with H, and I realized that not only have I pretty much been able to continue having casual sex with disclosure, I've also had relationships with some of the most beautiful women in my life so far. Not just beauty but also making strong connections.

 

Now, I don't know if this is related to having herpes, but if it is, than yes, herpes has presented a real opportunity for me.

 

If the quality of my romantic experiences has increased due to getting herpes, I have one theory as to why..

 

Essentially it boils down to tightening up my presentation and getting a whole new level of confidence that has been built from going through the process of disclosing this thing that is considered so stigmatized in our culture. In essence, a more disciplined game and a somewhat phoenix like transition into a more disciplined approach to meeting, dating, loving, and fucking.

 

 

I wanted to mention this because I know y'all might be getting the impression that I onlt due casual sex, but I've had a few "deeper" relationships this year as well.

 

Maybe the increase in quality has nothing to do with herpes, but I'd bet that it does. I think it's affected me in a deep and meaningful way that other people can pick up on.

[chargeit2thagame]

thas wassup bro...you never had one of them tell all they friends like yo this dude got herpes blah blah blah??

I think you be on backpage bro hiring escorts n shit...lmao im completely joking with you...you definitely be snappin real talk you realize you could make hella money out this shit...it sounds like you come from the PUA school of thought based off some of the vocab u use maybe not idk just a theory I have but if you made a youtube channel or even wrote a book about how u got herpes and still pullin hella females...youll be sitting there with Steve Harvey ass on his show lol....(steve harvey a fuckin lame btw)

basically this my weird way of saying you inspirational and a real ass mufucka...man props to you bro....you essentially could be a trendsetter...keep doin tha damn thang lol

[chargeit2thagame]

oh and of course along with money you would be helping people and de stigmatizing also I forgot about that lol

[MMissouri]

I have to admit, there have been times after reading your success rates that I wonder just what it is that makes girls want to take the risk so readily. I've come to the conclusion that you're either hotter than hell, have one of those personalities you can't resist, or are loaded with money...

 

I don't think I've ever seen your age mentioned, but the playboy attitude makes me think you're young, or you've no reason to settle down. Still brings me back to the above theories. I have to say, I can't wait to see you find that one girl that makes you want to settle down (or at least I hope she does! LOL). It's gonna be something for sure. I can't wait.

[hippyherpy]

I've been tempted by girls - even a playboy falls in love sometimes.

 

What I've proven with this is that the herpes can be minimized if you maximize other things. It's the age old story of adversity building character. I've yet to not disclose. Maybe I'll settle down with one of the hollywood actresses that already has herpes from Derek Jeter hahaha

[MMissouri]

LOL! Don't be taking someones leftovers, get your own girl to infect. (Gawd that's a poor joke, and I feel the need to clarify it IS a joke.

 

Although, I'd like to think if a person really loves you, they wouldn't care.

[chargeit2thagame]

In his defense...Derek Jeter has been with 98.8 percent of hollywood lol....

dammmmnnn thas how you feel @hippyherpy jus gonna ignore my compliment mixed in with dark humor...its all good Ill be aight haha...

I'd take alyssa milano any day...jessica alba too...lol

[Katidid]

@Hippyherpy do you have sex more than once with a one night stand...meaning when you disclose and have sex do you have several episodes of sex that night or just once? I'm just curious as to how you've had so many and not passed it on. So is a one night stand for you a "one sex act" night or several times or just depends? Sorry, I just am curious and you seem so open to answers. I think you said you usually wear a condom, but some of your dates choose to go raw. I'm def in your court and so glad you are so successful!!!

[hippyherpy]

It depends.. last night I was with a girl I met the day before and I think we did three rounds. She's European and didn't really care about the H thing it seemed. We even did raw for a bit but got worried about preggerz more so we strapped on a big ole condom so there won't be any baby hippyherpes strutting around Europe any time soon.

 

In general, as much as raw feels better, I'm very cautious about it for my own sex because I am not trying to HIV as it it is three times more likely to transmit if you got herpes. That said, I'm pretty sure none of the ladies I been hittin with got HIV.

 

I got tested a few weeks ago and I don't have HIV.

[hippyherpy]

ONE YEAR LATER

 

It's been a year since my first breakout, and I got about half a month until my anniversary of getting diagnosed.

 

Since then, I've had sex with around thirty two girls to whom I've disclosed. The majority of these girls I had never met before. There were a few that I had been sleeping with before and I disclosed to them and we kept sleeping with each other. Several of these girls even agreed to having unprotected sex.

 

I didn't know what to think when I first got diagnosed, and, at the time, definitely wouldn't have bet that disclosure was going to be this successful in general.

 

History can't be erased, I've proven beyond a doubt that it is possible to disclose and have a sexy life of variety. I've learned that the stigma isn't anywhere near as powerful as I thought it might be before, and that if you explain things to people in a particular way, the stigma doesn't really stand a chance.

 

I've had two breakouts since my initial breakout a year ago. Taking Valtrex everyday. Stopped taking lysine pills, but I was doing that for half the year.

 

Just today I disclosed via text to a girl who said she wants to have sex with me and she still does. Maybe we will do that tomorrow.

 

Don't let anyone tell you it's not possible. The opposite is true. I've been with some beautiful women this year with whom I've felt a strong connection.

 

 

[chargeit2thagame]

32??? lmaooooo....u killin like majority of men that have cars, money, etc...you doin it B I G...question...has any of them told they friends and if so howd u respoind to that and have u ever had one of there friends or w.e try to get with u knowing ur dx?

[hippyherpy]

I don't give a fuck what they tell their friends. I don't usually hook up with a girl's friends. That said, I still haven't haven't done a threesome with disclosure yet. Maybe that's the next step hahaha

 

Last night I got rejected by a new girl but it was entertaining. We right about to have sex and I told her. Gave my entire spiel and even showed her the Adam Ruins Herpes video. She gone from horny and turned on to almost mad at me or very serious. Meanwhile I was having a good time with it because it don't make a difference to me either way.

 

I consider it a success because even though we don't have sex, I felt almost completely normal and confident about the whole thing. She's a little bit older than types of girls I usually go for, so maybe that had something to do with it. The minute I told her she was all like "I should go" and has a worried look on her face. It was actually kind of funny.

 

C'est la vie ;)

 

Tonight I have another girl lined up who I had already disclosed to over text. Pretty much a done deal.

[GotWhat]

@hippyherpy Dude I gotta' ball up and do this. I've been been turning it down and it sucks. I think what you are saying in so many words is NO FEAR.

[GotWhat]

This thread is the best thing in the history of the internet.