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I agree that you need to tell him, sooner rather than later. Think back on how you felt when you were not disclosed to. Please don't do the same to him. Even though you've already had sex, there is a good chance he was not yet exposed via shedding. Please let him know so that he can make an informed choice about whether to continue the sexual relationship. As a side note: Please don't ever have sex with someone new without a condom, HSV or not. There is a lot of risk involved there as well. Don't hate yourself. You made a mistake. The important thing now is to own up to your mistake, let him know the facts, and then let him make his decision. He may be upset, he may say it's no big deal. When I disclosed to my boyfriend (it was before sex, but not by much), his response was that it was nothing and he wanted to continue on. We're still together and it's still a non-issue for him. He is still negative and we no longer use condoms.

Diva Cup. Tampons and pads are both full of chemicals.

I don't have anything to add regarding your post, but wanted to say that I love your screen name with the Smiths reference 🙂

I do not take antivirals. I have no intention of taking them... HOWEVER, if my boyfriend (HSV negative) asked me to start taking them, I would.

I did not contract H though a sexual assault, so I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel in that regard, but in terms of letting go (excuse the backstory, but it's important to how I am able to let go, so bear with me): I was in a horrible marriage. I was with my ex for over 9 years. During the time after we got married, I learned things about him that were true before we ever got married but I never knew. Things that were an awful side of him. He is also my giver, I believe. He was emotionally abusive, although luckily for him, never physically. He was (and still is) a liar and a narcissist. By the time I left him, I was barely a shell of myself. I was angry, I was hurt, and I didn't know how to move on from that. However, over time, I came to love myself more than ever before. I had to learn how to let go of the hurt that he caused me, and the lingering effects that his actions left me with. I came to the realization that even though I had a shit history, I am worthy of happiness. I am worthy of love. I am a good person and I have a lot of love to give to someone else. But the first step to being able to move on was getting right with myself. Rebuilding my life. Being completely independent. Knowing that I didn't need to rely on anyone else for my survival. When I got to that point, I knew I was ready to move on. The hurt that I felt was replaced with empowerment and pride in myself. I was ready to date and find that one person that I could share that love with and get love in return. And then I went to my doctor for an STD panel so that I could let a potential future partner know that yes, I had been tested, and I was free of any/all STI/STDs. And then I got that news that the test for HSV2 came back positive. I had no idea. I had the wind knocked out of me. I did allow myself a few days to feel sorry for myself and cry, but then I had to stop and remind myself that no matter what, I am still worthy of love. I am still worthy of happiness. I am still a good person and I still have a lot of love to give someone else. HSV does not change that about me in the least. If anything, knowing now that I am positive for HSV has made me even MORE selective about who I open myself up to, even more selective about who I date, even more selective about everything. And I am, in a way, thankful for the diagnosis because it forced me to slow down. And I found myself an amazing man who I care for very much who, when I disclosed, made it abundantly care that it is a non-issue for him, and he loves me for who I am. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You WILL get through this. I suggest that you slow down, take the time to get right with yourself, allow yourself time to grieve what happened to you, allow yourself to be angry...you have EVERY right to be angry about what happened to you. But, please...don't let what happened to you Define you. You are NOT defined by the sexual assault. You are NOT defined by a diagnosis of HSV. You are NOT at fault. But you need time to hear this, see it, speak it, and believe it. Take the time to heal.

It could be coincidence. But I have also heard that trauma, for lack of a better word, can trigger. Even a waxing can be traumatic enough to trigger an OB. That said, I have had full Brazilians and not triggered an OB, and some pretty rough sex and not triggered an outbreak. Everyone is different. Hard to say if you were about to have an OB or not. If you are experiencing an OB right now and had sex 3 days ago and your new guy was HSV negative when you had sex, I'd say that there is probably a higher likelihood that he could have been exposed during the sex. If you are taking suppressants and used protection, his chances are lower, but still higher than they would have been if you were not about to have an outbreak, I imagine. I'm assuming you disclosed your status to him prior to becoming intimate, so I would just talk to him and let him know that you're now experiencing an outbreak that you didn't feel coming and for him to be on the lookout for any symptoms so that he can treat himself right away if he did end up getting exposed. He knew going in that there is always a chance that he could be exposed, and having the conversation to let him know the potential of him having been exposed when you were about to have an OB is, in my mind, the right thing to do.

I say go for it...if you never try, the answer is always no. He can only say yes if you tell him.

It's probably dyshidrotic eczema. Starts as small clusters of sores that pop and have pus and then scab over and hurt. Skin peels away from around them and the sores can last a couple weeks before finally going away.

Congratulations! I still remember (very fondly!) the first time my boyfriend and I had sex after I disclosed to him...we didn't wait nearly as long (maybe a minute? lol), but it was still such a great feeling that he knew and wanted to carry on with me because it wasn't a big deal to him and he wanted to be with ME, H and all. We're still together and things are great. I agree that things are never as bad as we make them in our heads. In my head, I had played out SO many scenarios of how the disclosure would go. And in a lot of them, he rejected me...and I was SOOOO in my head that I was terrified to tell him. He had previously told me that he was clear of all STDs...so I was even more terrified to tell him! And then it was seriously nothing. I didn't make a big deal of it, and I still made it a bigger deal than he did. He seriously gave absolutely zero shits about my HSV status. Literally told me "that's nothing". I hope I never have to disclose again. This guy could really be the one...time will tell. Congrats again! Now go get ya some more sex! 🙂

I have never not shaved. Had HSV-2 for at least 10 years before I was diagnosed. Never got an OB that I know of at all. I even went and got a Brazilian 4 weeks ago and nothing happened. I may be the outlier since I've never had an outbreak, but for me, shaving/waxing is a non-issue.

I was diagnosed last October. I have since found a man who has accepted me fully and we have a great relationship, amazing sex life, and he is amazing. I really think that disclosing that I have HSV-2 and having that acceptance showed me a lot more about who he is as a man and his commitment to me. I have disclosed twice total. Once to someone who initially rejected me (and then changed his mind and wanted to be FWB and I rejected him), and then to my now-boyfriend who accepted me immediately and has not wavered. HSV is not the end of the world by any stretch. It has made me much more selective in who I choose to date and that's a good thing!

In a FB group I'm in, a woman posted that her toddler was having her first HSV-1 outbreak...and that she was exposed to it by someone other than her or her husband (they are both negative). What got me was that she said that it was "NOT the STD, it's HSV-1, NOT the other one"... I responded to let her know that although HSV-1 can be spread by non-sexual ways, it IS still an STI and that her child will need to be aware of the risks of spreading it as she gets older. The mom seemed to appreciate the information and told me that her child's pediatrician told her that it's NOT an STI (she believed me that it is and figures that her doctor was just trying to lessen her fear), and then someone else posted that HSV cannot be spread when you have no symptoms. I kindly told her that she was 100% wrong about that and posted a link from the WHO that says that it can be spread without symptoms. Her response? "I've had it for 35 years and have never spread it. Maybe you should do more than just research. Personal experience has a lot of weight" (or something to that effect). She's obviously not a member here or she would KNOW that what she was saying was absolutely false. Took everything I had in me to not respond with "Listen here, Bitch...I was exposed by someone who had NO symptoms at the time..." Didn't want to out myself in a FB group, so I instead just told her that I personally know a handful of people who Have spread it without symptoms and that although she may have been lucky, or may have spread it without knowing...HSV most certainly Can be spread without symptoms. The misinformation out there is insane!!! Just needed to vent.

I was entering the dating world and was anticipating (hoping!) that it would include sex, and I figured that since I was going to require any future partner to get tested, I should, too. What's really crazy is that (for other reasons completely unrelated) I had been STD tested 5 times in the past ten years...and no doctor had ever tested for HSV...but I didn't know that. So, I was assuming that since all of my tests came back negative, it meant I was negative for everything...and I had Zero partners during those 10 years. So, when I went to my OBGYN and asked to have the STD panel done, I figured it was also going to come back negative for everything. But my midwife added in the HSV testing without saying anything about it...just included it as part of the panel. And it came back positive for HSV-2. I was crushed when I found out because I had always assumed my previous tests included HSV...and to find out that I had it after 10+ years of not having sex was not at all what I expected! I let myself cry and feel sorry for myself for a few days, maybe a week? And then the pity party was over. I decided that I was not going to let HSV run my life. I'd had it for 10 years and life was good...why was I suddenly going to let it change all that? So, I changed my attitude.

I posted my disclosure story a bit later in this post. I was definitely scared because this guy is like a freakin' unicorn and I was terrified that he would reject me...but I knew that I could not have sex with him without telling him and allowing him informed consent. I have also never had an outbreak, and should really get the Western Blot to confirm the diagnosis (or find out it's negative), but it's expensive, so until I do get the test, I am going on the assumption that I have it and disclosing accordingly. I'm still with the guy I disclosed to, so hopefully I'll never have to disclose again - I can see myself marrying him.

That may not necessarily be true...no one I know knows that I have it except my boyfriend. How I got the confidence to tell him...I pretty much knew before that particular date that it was the night that we would most likely become intimate, so I spent a lot of time telling him in my mind...going over what I would say, anticipating what he would say. I had both positive and negative scenarios running through my head. And I was scared. The night I disclosed, we were drinking, which I honestly think helped me to relax and not feel so scared. And when it became clear that we both wanted to rip each other's clothes off, I stopped him and told him that before we went any further, we needed to talk, and no, it could not wait. So, I sat on the couch, he poured us each a glass of wine, and I just told him. He looked at me and was like ,"That's it? So, what you're saying is that you don't have HIV?" And when I said that was right...no HIV. He was like "That's nothing...non-issue - so can we have sex now?" And that was the end of that. Had sex that night, and again the next day when we were both completely sober. Not too long after that night, he mentioned in passing the disclosure, so I know that he fully understands everything that I told him, and it really is a non-issue for him. So I don't know that it was that I had the confidence so much as I had some liquid courage? lol BUT, I made sure I stayed sober enough to keep my shit together. I didn't cry. I just gave him the information. I was planning to tell him so much more, but he stopped me because he already knew about HSV, and isn't scared of it. So, he just made sure that the only thing I have is HSV, and then was like, "It's nothing".

You WON'T be alone forever! I was diagnosed via blood test almost 6 months ago. I immediately (within 15 min, bad idea lol) disclosed to a guy I had just started seeing, but had known for a year. He initially rejected me. But, then he changed his mind, decided I was worth the risk, and wanted to be with me. I then rejected him for a multitude of reasons, but HSV was not one of them. I had just decided that he was a douchebag. At the end of January, I met someone. An AMAZING someone. He's HSV negative. I disclosed to him. And he accepted me fully. We are still together and going strong. There are certainly people out there who will accept you for all of you. People who are not afraid of HSV. People who are willing to take the risk (no matter how big or small) because they want to be with YOU. Don't lose hope!

I actually think it's a good thing. He clearly is not right for you, and I'm sure he also knew that it was just a matter of time before you got sick of his shit and lying, and didn't want to take the risk of potentially contracting HSV when he knows that he doesn't stand a chance with you in the long run. When you find the right guy, your HSV status won't matter to him because he will be intending to spend a long time (if not forever) with you, so it would be of little consequence if he did get it. The goal is to find that person that you'll be with, and then you'll never have to disclose again.

Yeah. I also don't trust the CDC on just about anything...they like to pull a lot of stuff out of their arses and claim it's science. They most likely didn't do a study and are just guessing. I wish I had something better to give you to help you. Sorry.

If I had to wager a guess, I would think that perhaps they did a study and had a bunch of people come in for testing. Of the ones that tested positive for HSV, 80% of them did not know prior to the testing, and the results of the study were likely 1 in 6. BUT, I don't know if a study like that was done...but that's how I would do it.

My understanding is that HSV-1 is ridiculously common. People who get cold sores on their lips have HSV-1. And some have it genitally. HSV-2 is less common, but still pretty common. In NYC, 1 in 4 people have HSV2. 25% of the population in NYC alone. Otherwise, I think it's 1 in 6 in general. HSV-1 I cannot recall. I paid more attention to the HSV-2 numbers as that is what I was diagnosed with.

Only two months. I don't have any advice on how to prevent except to avoid sex when you feel an oubreak coming or if you currently have an outbreak.

When my boyfriend said that he didn't want to use condoms (I'm not on suppressive therapy, but do not get outbreaks), as long as I'm not ovulating, we go bare. I have made the risks known to him, and he is willing to take them.

I've been with my boyfriend for a couple months, and I regularly get oral from him with no barriers. I've never had an outbreak and I'm not taking antivirals either, but if I do get one, we will abstain. So far, so good...he has not contracted it from me either orally or genitally.

My first reaction is that doctors don't call and suddenly tell you to come in and discuss test results from a few MONTHS ago. I think he's lying and knew all along and this is his way of disclosing to you...but I think he's full of crap that he's just now finding out. Doctors don't wait to give you results like this. When I was tested, I got my results within 4 days. And my doctor's office called me to tell me over the phone that one test came back with a positive result. I also did not know that it was something they were testing for when I went in and asked for a full panel. Or maybe I assumed they would, but I thought it would be negative since I had been tested for STDs many times before and never was told I had it (and it turned out that for 10 years, they never ran that test...this was the first time it had been run). It is very possible that you will be negative. Just because he has it does not mean automatically that he gave it to you (I've had mostly unprotected sex with my boyfriend and he is still negative 2 months later).

YES. When HSV was given to me, I was not disclosed to, and I had no right of informed consent. I will NOT do to someone what was done to me. I have disclosed twice, and although the first initially rejected me, he changed his mind (and then I rejected him) The second one accepted me (and the potential risk) with no issues at all and we are still together.