2Legit2Quit

Yup... I usually disclose my autoimmune diseases first and yes, I have been rejected over just discussing one of them. Herpes would be next to disclose after some more time and then last but not least, my depression. People who become friends w a depressed person unaware they are and eventually that Friend tells them, makes that new friend or even old ones pull away from them. They think you're going to bring them down or they're going to have to carry your burden. Time and time again we are told by advice columnists and love experts that men don't want women they think they will have to make happy and carry all the weight on them. So disclosing depression to a man, often sends this preconceived msg, that they're going to have to be responsible for our happiness, which isn't true. An old boss shared w me that his wife suffers from depression. I asked if he knew she had it when they first started dating and he said no. I asked would he have stayed w her, had he known up font and he said no. He said when she did finally tell him, that his first thought was "she's bat shit crazy". I asked why he stayed then and he said because he had already fallen for her. About a month ago when I was sort of talking w someone, I asked my gf who has H as well, if she thought I should disclose depression or H first and she said H and wait quite some time till I disclose my depression. I asked her why, did she think that depression had a worse stigma than H and she said yes. Who would have thunk? I appreciated her raw honesty, bit that's the reality of it. People have this assumption depressed people just mope around, can't laugh and are always whoa is me, but if you actually hung out w me, you'd have no idea I was depressed unless I told you. A night on the town I'm all smiles and cracking up and cracking jokes nonstop, but this isn't the image of a depressed person to most. Some people are worried about catching H and then there's some who don't think H is a big deal, but worry about feeling like thwir partners depression will be thwir burden to carry.... There's a stigma around so many things, not just H.

Now I at least know where puff daddy got his beats for that song in the 90s he did.. Lol

@Optimist @wcsdancer2010 maybe we should start a change.org petition to demand that. What do you think? I feel it's the only way to get rid of the stigma and to stop typing one as better than to have than the other.

As I mentioned to you yesterday on WhatsApp, I too said this before and after my ex husband, but I still married him didn't i? I too also said it for reasons Dancer said it... 1. Because my fear of being cheated on again... I'm feeling them out when I'd say it. 2. To let them know that I'm not sleeping around and that deep down, my fear is about being played by someone. . again. A lot of this was me feeling the person out and seeing how they respond. This was before H too.

It took me time after my primary where I had ulcers, for the skin not to look redder there. It's only been a month and if it's red, then it's not a scar yet, it's collagen being stimulated there and still going through the healing process. Keeping the area hydrated and using vitamin E and A should help.

Just remember... Don't stay because you think no one will accept you w this, because it's not true. I can't say I'm fond of the idea of him going out and partying, while you're on the couch feeling ad you do. You deserve a supportive partner and everything you've shared, sounds like he is very self absorbed. Someone at his age still partying, while you're living the life of sobriety, doesn't exactly sound like the best fit for you if I may say. Remember, you're just as beautiful as you were pre H, as post H. Who cares if he didn't want you? The only thing that matters is if you even want HIM. You have been through so much worse, battling the demons of what makes one an addict and loving the life of sobriety, which is so much harder than dealing w H. You can get through anything. I know you're a strong powerful woman, that's a force to be reckoned w. Don't let H or the lack of a supportive partner bring you to your knees. You've got this!

Well, this is actually why @wcadancer2010 has told people on this forum, such as @hippyheerpy, to not see an infectious disease doctor. That's pretty scary how negligent and incompetent she was. I am so sorry you had to go through all that and the state department came to your place, I can't imagine how humiliating that must have felt for you. I had no idea that the state gets involved in such matters. Did you know they were coming? That is insanity girl. I hope you had a support system standing behind you. How are you doing now? Try googling an GYNO that specializes in Herpes and that may give you soneone who is much more understanding. Planned parenthood may give you the same, but even then they can have some jaded docs. Hang in there. You are strong, you are smart, you are powerful and you can make a difference w that law degree. Maybe helping those in medical malpractice would be very rewarding for you, after you've gone through what you have. Hugs and we're always here!

No, that's called post herpetic itch and it puts the itch, in bitch. It's absolutely terrible.... That's the nerves sending broken signals to the brain, from the inflammation and damage to the sheathing of the peripheral sensory nerves at the surface of your skin. I'm telling you, Epsom salt baths is the only thing that gave me relief.. I probably spent 4-6hrds in 24hrs in the tub (thank God I wokr from home) during those times of the itch. I'd that you projecting on him feeling like he's just staying out if guilt, because you feel he doesn't wanna deal w that? I know it can take some of us longer. By end of week 3, the itching likely will be minimal. Just gang in there, it gets better and yes; sometimes it can take very few even longer to feel normal down there. I just don't want you to set yourself for certain expectations, because of this perception that most are good to go in a week or two, so why isn't your body handling this well. People feel let down and betrayed w thwir own body believe it or not and feel like what's wrong w them? H can really play a sick twisted psychological warfare game against yourself. Everyone is different and I found the older you are, it seems like you don't handle the primary really well, likely due to wear and ttear in the immune system dealing w multiple infections over the years. So just remind yourself one day at a time when those thoughts come up.

I think they look at that more like out if thwir area. That they don't want nor have time to also have a "therapy" session in their minds. Wrong, but it's the truth.

Well how soon did you get that first blood test, after your first OB? Sounds like you waited awhile until second one came out, right? If that's the case, that would have been the only way to tell if it was new or not, had you taken it immediately after that first OB. At this point, it can be either one of them. You won't know unless he gets tested.

@topp so sorry to hear.. We all repeat that over and over in our heads when first diagnosed. You'll notice each week that passes after the first month or two, you say it less and less. It took me sometime, but eventually you'll go full days not thinking about it. This is just one of those things that takes time . hang in there.

Actually you can't make the assumption, about where it came from. I'd take the blood test and have your current partner be tested. I've never used baking soda myself ... What do you mean by dripping? The sores are oozing? If yes, that's normal. Yeah, the itching can be worse than the pain of the sores sometimes. Epsom salt baths would relieve the itch for me so much, that I stayed in the tub as long as possible and was taking several baths a day. Bactine may help numb the itching some. No, the swab doesn't tell you how long you've had it. That's why you need to take the blood test asap, so you can see if your positive or not. If you come up negative in blood, then that means it's a new infection. If you come up positive in blood, that means you've had it for 3-4 months or more. It takes 3-4 months for detectable levels, which a positive result is .90-1.10. If it's a new, no you won't have antibodies yet, it takes 3-4 months to develop antibodies after infection. Are you asking if they should start to crust? Not everyone gets the crust, I didn't... Especially of they're in the inner lips and not on the outside, you won't really see any crusting or scabs. Lol... That was cute on the play of my username. Thanks!

Awesome! You go girl!

Not sure what severe side effects you're referring to. I've only seen a couple people have some unpleasant side effects. I had headaches for like a week or two and that was it. Maybe some fatigue, but taking at night resolved that problem. Antivirals are very safe, unless w an existing kiver and kidney problem, then it could possibly be TOO much for your liver. If it was so bad, theydrmot prescribe it to pregnant women.

@ihaveittoo nailed it on the head. It feels this way at first... Some time from now, you're going to look back and luagh and shake your head at the intended emotions of feeling like your dreams and life are over. We have plenty who enegage in casual sex w H and they disclose it. @hippyherpy can attest to that. @sil88 is located in the UK. There are our active guys on here and they can tell you that it's not the end of your dreams. Hang in there.

Well, you've had this for 8yrs... You're long past seeing how your body handles the virus. I think it couldn't hurt to go on it, until you get used to having sex again and then slowly wean back off.

Everyone is different, but yes the nerve pain can longer for a bit. I know it's hard to get daily meda in Europe, because of their bloated healthcare budget, but I would go back and ask. It can take a bit for things to calm down and feel normal again. You actually cleared up very quickly and I vet you're pretty young .. I've noticed H is handled well it seems, by those who get it Late teens and 20s and even into their late-mid 20s. It's a very new infection, so be patient. Takes time for your body to get things under control. When you feel prodrome, it's safe to believe you are shedding... At least that's the precaution we tend to take here. You probably has internal sores, which will give a bad discharge and odor... Itching usually is what takes place the second and third weeks.

Welcome and I'm so sorry to meet you under these circumstances. I understand how you feel as we all do. We all go through the emotions and thoughts you are having right now. I'm not sure what articles you're referring to, but nobody wants H. Nobody wants cancer. Nobody wants any chronic virus, infection or illness of any type. Unfortunately this is a part of being alive. This is no way will limit your life or freedom, only if you let it. We tend to over analyze and go into paralysis analysis after our diagnosis and come up w the most insane thoughts about what this means for our lives. I think the fear of not being able to have casual sex is a big i for people and that's not true. Many still have casual encounters w H and people do accept them and the risk w it Outside if having to disclose,. Which in the grand scheme of life in its entirety, is at a minimal. That's the only thing it changes for you.. It's like getting oral herpes, but on your genitals it tends to have a stigma out if ignorance. Don't feed into the stigma. Europeans from my understanding are a lot more accepting of H, than Americans. Plenty of people w H are very happy. Before I got H, I had 7 gfs w it and 4 are married w kids, one just married and one in 9urs w it has never been turned down. People continue thwir lives w herpes, it changes NOTHING, but a tiny portion. You won't always feel this way, I promise. Hang in there. Hugs.

*own

From what I googled, doesn't look like HSV which is chronic. Cause inflammation in that way. The type of inflammation test, is looking for a type of protein, which is the type where it's attacking it's one body. HSV doesn't do that.

I dunno... I'm not sure I feel that you have gshv1 after all this time.

Yeah I just checked and HSV is not something that would cause high Inflammation ... If that were the case, just have everyone would have elevated inflammrin their blood tests. Not working out, smoking, unhealthy life style, autoimmune, heart disease, inflammation in arteries, etc causes that. Did you ask her if HSV can cause the high Inflammation?

So do you come up positive in blood for HSV 1 at least?

Everyone is different, because our immune systems are as unique as our thumb prints. For some the recurrents are consistent, for me, they're not and change up every few months. I would start journaling your symptoms, locations and possible triggers. I am a yr n half in and I still journal. Don't worry, your recurrents won't be like your primary if that's what you're afraid of.

Well, that's a different story. We were just talking about numbers. Me personally, if I was w someone I'd take the meds. My best guy friend who was w his ex for 7yrs never tokk Ed's or used condoms and he didn't get it. I just wanted to clear up the perception about what's considered high.