RegularGuy

It would certainly be reasonable to ask your doctor to help you understand dosage. A pharmacist could also offer some advice. Your dosage may be adjusted to account for a myriad of different factors, including body weight, other meds, and pile of other things. I take 1000mg a day for suppression and during outbreak because any more seems to cause my blood pressure to rise, despite the fact that I am otherwise very healthy. In my case, it may be due to my body absorbing the medicine faster than some, and that may also be the case for you. The only way to be sure is to talk to your doctor about it.

It seems like your state of mind is in a pretty good place, and it's really great to know that you are following through with school! You will be proud when you do just as well in school as you always have, and it will reaffirm that being H+ doesn't change your abilities one bit! I know that it isn't easy, though. I still struggle with negative thoughts sometimes myself, but being able to look at who I am, and what I have accomplished after my diagnosis is actually a really positive thing these days. In just a couple of months, I have had a lot of success in work, school ans relationship, which I am really grateful for and proud of. You will too!

You're going through the hardest part right now, and I can assure you that the majority of people here have thought / felt similar to how you do now. I would recommend seeing a doctor and asking about antiviral medication, if you haven't already. Also, you can get some really outstanding support from the "herpes buddies" thread, that helped me a ton! Overall, remember that it doesn't change who you are. It won't stop you from achieving everything you have been working toward. The biggest thing that got me through the hard times was focusing on the future, and making plans to do things that make me feel like myself. Pushing hard at work and school, and planning a trip to go to a concert gave me other things to think about, but more importantly, made me feel like the future wouldn't be so terrible. If you have people close to you that you can talk to, be sure to talk to them. Lastly, look for opportunities to help people close to you, their approval and appreciation will probably help make you feel better, too. As far as dating, I don't know for myself, but it seems like being H+ only ends up helping weed out crappy people. Someone who considers your disclosure for what it is, asking consent, and total honesty, is someone worth your time. I can assure you that there are good people out there who are primarily looking for just those 2 things.

Unfortunately, the medical community does not educate people well about herpes, transmission risk, and what you can do to minimize. I know it is difficult to discuss herpes when in a relationship, I have been through it with my current girlfriend after I found I had contracted a few months after we started dating. Coming from the opposite end of the spectrum, I can tell you she is probably mad at herself, mad at you, ashamed, and experiencing a loss of identity. If you can do your best to be supportive, talk to her about what she is thinking and feeling without getting defensive, she will start to feel more like herself sooner. Expect that she is going to have reservations about sex. Expect that she will have very blunt questions and statements to throw at you. Expect that you will need to prove you can be both understanding and strong for her. You can help her regain her sense of self. Just avoid getting defensive, and make her feel like she can talk freely about it. Remind her that it can't change who she is, that she will continue to be the great person she has always been. And encourage her to focus on things she will look forward to doing in the future. Sorry you are both in a tough place. Let her lean on you.

Parents can say things they regret, just like anyone else. If it helps, you can point out that she's being a downer when she says that stuff. Worst case, drop the parental equivalent of the nuclear option: "I hope you don't keep being an asshole, I wouldn't want my children exposed to this level of callousness." Not a line to use lightly, but it certainly does force a prospective grandparent to take a step back and think. Nobody's parents are perfect, but talking about the way your mom handles your situations is probably worth while. It might also end up becoming necessary to hold of with details about who you are dating until you decide to share. I personally like being able to be open with my parents about some stuff, but not give a lot of detail about who I am dating until after they have met the person (usually). Now that I'm super old (30), I mostly talk to my parents about work and good memories we share. It makes visits much more positive and comfortable. Not sure how close you and your mom are, but it seems like talking to her is important to you, and you want her to approve of your choices. Which she will eventually. Might take some modified behavior on your part.

I would agree that better education on herpes is important for society as a whole. Many people (myself included) contracted from someone who didn't know they had it. Worse, there are people who never disclose. And yet still worse, it is uncommon to test for. I honestly believe that with erosion of social stigma, and better education and testing, herpes would not be so prevalent. I have read some posts where people stated they wish everyone had it so there would be no stigma. While I had the same thought occur, and get the perspective, I would disagree. I think everyone should be aware that you can contract the virus and show no conclusive or obvious symptoms, and should test regularly as part of the normal battery of STD tests. When 50% of the population is aware they have it, and the other 50% understand they have probably shared a drink with / shad sex with / kissed someone who has herpes, the stigma would dissolve. More importantly, people would be afforded the opportunity to take precautions to prevent accidental transmission. Maybe you are on to something positive about disclosing. Or maybe just making it a law would ruin careers and divide families. I think education and setting the standard that it is part of a normal gammut of tests would be better.

It can be extremely stressful to dwell on how and why, despite the fact that it is among the first things anyone would think about after diagnosis. Try to focus on the future. Although you will probably go through a lot of the same emotions many of us had, remember that it doesn't change who you are or what you can accomplish. I would recommend from my own experience that you make plans to do something you enjoy doing, and that makes you feel like yourself. Personally, I made plans to go to a concert I had been convincing myself not to, even though I could easily afford it and knew I'd have fun. I knew that having something to be excited about that I would definitely do in the near future was going to make things easier, and it has. Also, keep hammering away at your goals. Nothing reassures a person like doing what they're good at to gain some long-term benefit. I can assure you that you will get past the anger/confusion soon. It takes some work, but it will happen.

If it helps, I just got over my first outbreak 2 months ago. Through sticking to my standing goals and continuing to put everything I have into achieving them, I have been able to return to my normal state of mind: overly ambitious, and kind of cocky in general. Maybe not the most admirable of qualities, but my degree is in the bag, and the raise I was working toward is being written up next week. So, it works in a ironic way. Point is, I get to continue to be myself in every way, you will too. Focus on your plans for the future, keep hammering away at them. And yeah, listening to some thrashing metal helps.

@secondchances Wow! Reading your post was incredibly inspiring, even though my situation is very different. You hit the nail on the head!

From what I understand, herpes doesn't leave lasting scars. I had an outbreak with about 6 sores that healed about 2 months ago, and have no lasting marks at all. You should probably schedule an appointment with your doctor to have them checked out. You may have something going on other than herpes. Some possibly helpful info: My sores took about 2 weeks from initial signs of infection (painful urination) to fully heal, with valacyclovir started on day 3 after initial painful urination (because that's how long it took for the sores to first start showing). As I understand, depending on a bunch of individual factors, outbreaks take different amounts of time to show and then heal. Some people have multiple outbreaks that last a few months at first. Valacyclovir (brand names vary, valtrex is common) helps to reduce severity and accelerate healing for most people. Have your doctor inspect the area, ask them about the option of suppression medicine, or if they think it might not be herpes. As I always recommend: if you feel like your doctor isn't answering all of your questions to the best of their ability, seek a second opinion. Good luck!

Good on you for disclosing! It is difficult sometimes, but always necessary. For your question: No, you don't need to follow up with him. Just remember that your conscience gave you some flak about how you disclosed, and find a way that won't cause that to happen next time. You should not feel guilty about having consentual sex. You did give him time to think about it, and avoided using the moral loophole of the "heat of the moment", which you should be proud of! In all reality, congratulations for your demonstration of responsibility and integrity! Don't beat yourself up too much!

If you see a doctor who brushes off your concerns, and leaves you feeling like you were not provided answers to your questions, you should find a new doctor. Also, how and why are questions that breed anger and many other negative things for me personally, and I recommend trying not to dwell on those. It's going to get easier to deal with! You are going to keep being the same great person you have always been! Try to focus on the future. Make it a future where you feel happiness, fulfillment, and continue to case down your goals. I find that doing things that make me feel successful, happy, and confident has helped me to regain my sense of self. If you find yourself feeling down, and getting stuck on negative thoughts about yourself, reach out to people close to you, the community here, and/or counseling. Also, it might make you feel better if you seek out opportunities to help out the people close to you. I find that when I'm in a really miserable mood, if I help someone else by listening to their problems, or going to the grocery store, or helping them with any old errand or chore, it makes me feel like I'm a good person, and that my being around is appreciated. Those things have all helped me feel like myself again. But don't take it as bragging, I still feel down sometimes. I have just found a few ways to help mitigate it. You will find things that work for you, too!

@hippyherpy Yeah, that's kind of what I was trying to say. Not "at least I don't have", but more "enjoy what you can while you can." Also, it's good to help people close to you, even if it's just showing up and being a true friend to them. It makes you feel like you're doing something meaningful and positive with your life.

Day 54 update: Being there for my brother, who has schizophrenia, really puts herpes in perspective. His ability to steer his own train of thought, to manage anxiety, and depression is incredible. Not only does his disorder cause these negative things directly, he also deals with a lot of the same feelings of shame, fear, and feelings of loss of identity that we do. He is by no means the Hollywood example of crazy, though. In every way, he is more rational and responsible than most. I have realized that being there for him has made me feel like myself. We talk about similarities and differences in our situations a lot. He clearly deals with a much higher degree of social stigma, anxiety and shame. But he uses similar tricks to feel like himself and to solidify his resolve: Looking forward to the future. Doing things that make him feel accomplished. Steering his mind away from negative things. Reminding himself that he is the same great person he has always been. I don't want to minimize the situation anyone else is in. But I do want to underline that doing the basics to make yourself feel accomplished and whole is the key to gaining the resilience necessary to push forward, especially through depression.

I feel compelled to put in my opinion. From my short 2ish months experience, it seems that dwelling on how and why are only going to cause more negative feelings about myself. I certainly did rack my brain over how and why. Just like many have. It made me feel angry, sad, and cause me to feel crushing depression. Deciding to look to the future, and make plans to do what I enjoy, and makes me feel accomplished, as much as possible has helped me a ton. It's not easy to steer the negative train of thoughts and emotions toward the future, and to make it a positive future that I picture. But, it is the biggest factor in feeling like myself again. Trust that herpes doesn't change who you are. You will be able to accomplish all of the goals you have set for yourself, and to live your life the way you want to! You are, and will continue to be the great person you always have been!

The prescription Valtrex (I think the medical name is valacyclovir) helps your immune system fight hsv (and a couple other things). It does this by helping white blood cells find the virus more easily. Outside of that, I am not sure of anything clinically proven to aid your immune system, but I would hazard a guess that balanced diet, exercise, solid sleep, and activities that relieve stress would probably be worth while. Personally, I take a multivitamin with a high dose of B12 (associated with helping improve mood in some unofficial way). I find that B12, along with the regular gammut of vitamins is either an effective placebo (fooling me into feeling better), or actually has a positive influence on my mood. A lot of people also find vitamin C helpful. It is true that lacking essential compounds from a balanced diet can make health issues worse. So can excessive stress, and lack of sleep. I know that's probably a lot of "duh!" Commentary, but it is the best advice I can give, bot being a doctor at all, and not really having a great deal of education on it. Try to do things that make you feel like you are having a beneficial influence on your health and mood. As long as you are not risking making your symptoms worse, or anything. Take my advice with a grain of salt, I recommend what I feel like works for me without any real trials to back amy of it up.

If you aren't on valtrex (or valacyclovir, as the medical name, I think), you should see about getting a prescription. Like hippyherpy said. I'd also second hikinggirl and recommend that if you haven't been diagnosed by swab taken from the lesions, you should look into that with your doctor as well. I'm sorry to read that you have it tough. That really does seem like a lot of difficult things to deal with. Work with your doctor to get a formal diagnosis, if you haven't already done so. If you feel like your current doctor is not doing everything in their power to help, feel free to seek a second opinion. If you find yourself struggling with negative thoughts and emotions, consider posting in the "herpes buddies" thread. Being able to have a one-on-one conversation with openness and blunt honesty really helped me to deal when I found out, and had my own hard times.

First, the way you are dating is absolutely reasonable, and you are doing exactly the right thing to lessen the impact of rejection! As a dude, I dated this way, but more so because I got rejected a lot before I contracted herpes. Also, I am really glad to know that you are upfront about your diagnosis. You are 100% right in not wanting to make someone else feel the way you did when you found out! As far as how to disclose, I contracted while I was with my current girlfriend, and told her everything right away as it happened. Really glad I did, because we are still together and things are good. Keep doing what you are doing! There are tons of people out there who will find your honesty refreshing, and will be so happy to finally find a decent person in that ocean of bad people that it won't matter. Herpes can't stop you from being a great person. When you do find a great person, you will probably realize like many have said, that herpes helps eliminate dishonest, selfish people. Only someone who genuinely cares about you will take disclosure in stride and take the time to get to know you. I am sure that you are dealing / have dealt with many of the negative thoughts and emotions that are common among the H+ community. It's really tough sometimes. But your attitude toward it, and your mind set seems extremely resilient, and that's a really good thing!

How and why are the most difficult things to think about, and I don't think any good comes from dwelling on it. I understand you are battling a lot of tough stuff, but try to focus on the future as much as you can. Remind yourself that the diagnosis couldn't possibly stop you from being the same person you have always been! As far as what the test results mean, that would be better answered by someone other than me. I got the swab taken directly from sores during my first outbreak, and that is extremely accurate. I dealt with a ton of depression and really leaned on my girlfriend for support. The only solid advice I can give is to talk to your spouse about it as openly as possible. I talked to my girlfriend about everything, even told her I knew she was weighing out leaving me, and that it's okay to talk about. It turned out she had herpes for years and didn't know it, and probably passed it to me unwittingly. But we decided to stick together, to support each other with tons of thoughtfulness and empathy. It has made our relationship stronger, despite lots of feelings of inadequacy, shame, and guilt. But talking about it also gave us the opportunity to reassure each other. In that neither of us would be feeling down forever, just needing some temporary sympathy. We talked about plans for the future and what we want in a relationship a lot, too. That kind of communication made it clear that we are on the same page in a lot of ways, and helped ease a lot of guilt and shame for both of us. Finally, as a dude who has tons of aspiration, and high expectations for myself, let me underline the fact that the diagnosis will in no way stop you from chasing down goals! Despite ghsv-1, I am performing the same as I always have in and out of work. You can certainly expect to be able to attack goals with the same intensity you always have! Your family will see it in you if you decide to focus on the future, and keep being the dependable, strong, achieving person you have always been. Herpes can't stop you from being a really great person. It's just a thing to handle, not a definition of who you are.

Your outlook is definitely strong! I know you are probably feeling a lot of similar things that I have / am. Probably more different things as well. Your determination and resolve will serve you well! It is the biggest factor recovering from the shock of finding out. Makes plans to do something special for yourself soon, maybe something you had been putting off because it didn't seem worth it, despite not being too rediculous. For example, I made plans to go to a concert, and get some really good seats so I wouldn't get tired of the rowdy crowd and leave early. Having something you really look forward to doing helps to keep your mindset on positive things. You are going to keep being the great person you are! While the thoughts and feeling you are experiencing may be difficult to deal with, try not to get down by dwelling on how and why. Focusing on the future is always worth while, and know that your diagnosis seriously will not stop you from chasing your dreams and knocking out goals!

Day 46 Update: I shaved my pubic hair about a week ago, despite a huge deal of anxiety about spreading the virus via razor. So far, no problems. However, it will probably be a couple of months before I'm confident that it's relatively safe to keep shaving. In an attempt to be safer about it, I shave the area around the shaft, and the shaft itself last because that is where I had sores during my first outbreak. Thankfully, I have not had any follow-up outbreak. I have gotten some itching sensation, but it's hard to tell if that isn't just mild razor burn. I'll have to wait to see what happens in the future. Overall mood is back to normal. Discontinued medication in light of a lack of symptoms. Able to use stress to perform as fuel for achievement. Able to steer thoughts away from guilt and depression pretty effectively. Grateful for a bunch of stuff! Thank God!

The medication was a big factor in controlling my first outbreak, and there are a lot of things that make each person's experience different. I think the biggest thing for me has been perspective, focusing on the good things I will do in the future. As far as things I physically do to help: I wash as normal, with the same soap I have used for years in the same way I have always done, except with the added step of washing my hands really well after touching my junk. Another point I have noticed is that there are two distinct kinds of stress: The negative kind, stressing about herpes, fearing outbreak and feeling crushing shame. The positive kind, pushing yourself to do better in work or school. I think that realizing this and avoiding dwelling on the stress related to herpes being correlated was a big factor in helping me prevent stress induced symptoms.

@lostandconfused99 I think many people share similar things when they find out they have herpes. It has been reassuring to me to know that others have had similar experiences. More so that others have had it longer and feel less of the negative stuff. I'm glad you feel like you are on track for getting the hang of things! Keep being your kick ass self, herpes doesn't make the slightest difference in who you are!

Day 45 Update: I am actually doing pretty well these days. I still feel guilt and shame when I think about sex sometimes, which I guess gives me some perspective on how people raised to be ashamed of their sexuality must feel. It's totally lame and not awesome in any way. Sex used to be good times all the time. Stupid virus. My girlfriend has been awesome in helping me deal, but I know she feels bad when I turn her down for sex. I don't offer any explanation about it, but I know I should. At least so she knows it's not a lack of attraction. I'll have to have that conversation eventually... Other than that, I have been helping my brother deal with his schizophrenia a lot lately. It has been hard on him. He has very real, very traumatic hallucinations that include visual, audio, and tactile. I think he is dealing with some post traumatic stress, and that is making his disorder more difficult to manage. I am grateful that he is not like the other schizophrenic people I have met. He has good hygiene, cleans up after himself, takes care of his own medication doses, and keeps his apartment neat. But it is an absolute monster. It certainly puts herpes in perspective. Unfortunately, it has me absolutely exhausted from stress and lack of sleep. Aside from that: College degree is in the bag. Work rolls on, annual raise is on the way next month. Girlfriend remains a really great lady. I think that focusing on being there for the people close to me and chasing goals has made dealing with herpes less shitty. It is a stupid damn virus, and infuriating that it is so epidemic (or pandemic?)! It still angers me that I contracted herpes while in a monogamous relationship after having known each other for months with a really great girl who is smart and responsible. But none of that defines me. It's just stuff that happens. Bottom line is, I'm doing alright.

I totally understand your need to take action to fight for a better degree of control, I am much the same in my mentality. However, I personally don't support the use of home remedies to treat herpes outbreaks (I am by no means a medical professional, and my opinions are my own). I think that especially the use of topically applied treatment increases the risk of spreading the virus. I know there are many people who use and promote home remedies, however most doctors do not recommend it, and my own doctor cautions against them, stating, "There is no home remedy shown to treat herpes at all. The risk of accidentally spreading the virus increases when touching sores." That said, I am still glad to know that you have gotten some relief. I know that herpes causes a ton of snowballing as far as mood, emotions, and sense of identity and it is profound that you are working to control your fate. I don't want anyone to feel like they are being criticized here, and certainly don't mean to derail your thread. I just want to add some input that there are necessary caveats to the use of home remedies, regarding a highly communicable virus. Either way, keep working toward good methods to manage your situation, and find ways to keep your perspective positive!