The Herpes Talk with C....from confident, to scary, to nerve wracking, to success!

[smilesfordani]

I disclosed to C last night. (Finally).

 

We've been officially together for a couple of weeks, and unofficially for I don't know how long. You see, I was with him about a year ago, in the 2012 fall semester for a few months before I left to study abroad and then have an internship in another city. Because we knew I was leaving, both getting over long term relationships, and didn't wanna have a "break-up" at the end of the semester, we made the joint decision of not putting a label on us...but when I left I was miserable. I had really been falling for this guy, and although we left in really good terms and knew we were doing this just to make it easier on us, it might has well have been a break-up because it felt every bit as awful.

When I studied abroad was when I contracted (h). No, it wasn't from a 1 night stand or sleeping with a lot of dudes. I met someone that I really liked, that liked me even more back, and that I felt comfortable enough to sleep with. At some points we did not use protection but 90% of the time we did.

As soon as I slept with L I told myself: this is good. Because now you know you have no chance with C. So get him out of your head! -- I was literally trying to set myself up for failure to get over this amazing man that had become so freaking ALOOF around me in the past couple of months. I thought he was completely over me and that I was the idiot hanging on.

Needless to say -- that perspective perpetuated even deeper in me when I had my first OB. Went to the gyno and she did a visual exam and confirmed it. I freaked the fuck out. (Of course she thought I was completely insane because, of course, in most countries (h) is not a big freaking deal. I was the weird crazy lady in this situation.)

 

I thought my chances with C were DONE after this. With any guy whatsoever. I was considering suicide. Why me? HOW?

 

At first it was denial. Then my second OB came soon after I landed in the US, had a swab test to confirm the type of (h) was depressed for a few hours, and as if a guardian angel suddenly touched me on my shoulder I realized: Shit. This could be so much worse and here I am feeling sorry for myself about a skin condition when I'm healthy, alive, driven, and successful. What the hell is wrong with me?

 

The stigma, which was the main thing I was concerned with, was SOCIETY'S problem in the US and not mine. I got my prescription and started on suppressive therapy

 

Fastforward to end of summer.

 

At this point, I'm kinda seeing another guy, but had kept in touch with C, although I was pretty sure he was talking to other girls. Things with T were going well but I was leaving that city to go back to school soon and he was heading back to law school as well. When I got back to school C and I saw each other at one of the bars that both our friends go to and we basically forgot about the world. We were glued to each other the whole night, didn't really talk to anybody else, danced, talked, smiled, laughed. It felt like we'd never left. He dropped me off home with a good night kiss.

We were both talking to other people, but we within 2 weeks we had chosen each other instead. It just felt RIGHT with us.

 

Fast forward to last night.

 

We're in the car, heading back to campus from the city from date night. This is the day I had decided on. I had talked to Adrial. I had practiced. I was doing this for the right reasons. I counted the traffic lights and decided that when a certain one turned green I would start.

I turned down the music.

"Hey...I wanted to talk to you about something"

"Okay.."

"I really care about you. And this may be one of, if not the best relationship I've been in because you are such an amazing person and we are just good together. And I believe in you, and I believe that this is the start of something that could be really good. And so as good as it is, I also wanted to be 100% honest and transparent with you about a part of me that I don't talk much about, and I trust that you're caring enough to understand."

"Okay."

"When I was abroad...I was dating this guy. I really cared about him. He was great but...I contracted HSV2 from him."

"Oh."

"Do you know what that is?"

"Umm...I think so?"

"It's also known as Herpes Simplex type 2. The chances of passing it for me are 1% or less in a year of regular sex but I still wanna communicate because..."

"Right. Because it's still a risk."

"Right."

"So what is it? Like you get a rash or something?

"It's most common form looks like a cold sore, it's the same thing as the cold sore virus"

"So it's Herpes type 2?"

"Yup."

"Oh, yeah. I know exactly what that is. I'm a health studies major babe. I had a class on this stuff."

"Well I have it now. And it's not a big deal to me because I know that it's not a health concern and the chances of passing it are very low with the precautions I'm taking. But I wanted to open up a discussion about it and answer any questions or concerns you may have."

"Well. Thank you for your honesty. That means a lot. I definitely need some time to take it all in. But it's not like it's a deal breaker." He held my hand. Silence. I started getting nervous. "I don't know what to say right this second but I don't want you to take my silence as a sign that I'm revolted and am planning on a way to break up with you. That's not what's about to happen, you know that right?" He kissed my hand and I started crying.

"I just care about you so much and this was so scary for me to bring up because it's not something that I could fix, but if I could fix something about me for you I would."

"Hey, it's okay. This is a relationship. Like anything else, this is just something we have to discuss and work on."

 

He asked me a few more questions about the virus. About when/how I got diagnosed. And we opened up a couple discussions about it. I was really nervous till we got my place. He talked to my roomates that were drinking for a little while and I just went in my room and got under the covers, trying not to cry. I knew things were gonna be at least okay when he came in and said "Oh no....now you're gonna be in a bad mood all night about this aren't you? Don't be silly." We talked extensively and I think what really hit home with him was when I showed the strength that I had gained through contracting this. His immediate family has had several hard hits in the past few years such as breast cancer, a car accident that almost made his father lose his memory, one of his brothers attempting suicide, an out of wedlock pregnancy. I told him "I think you and your family out of all people can relate that life sometimes hits you hard. You don't expect this, you can't plan it or prepare of it, but when that shitty group of cards is handed to you, it is still YOUR choice to fold or not. And I'll be damned if I let something this small get in the way of my happiness, my success, my relationships, or finding love. I refuse to let it define me or affect me in that sense and I refuse to give up."

 

Needless to say he hugged me sooooo tight when I said this. He kissed my neck and told me that he was really glad I trusted him enough to put my ass on the line to be honest with him.

 

No, we didn't have sex. Which I did NOT want to anyway, lol. He was actually teasing me because I was unconsciously putting his hand away whenever it wondered somewhere and he complained "Why are you being so weird right now? Do you not want me to touch you? I can stop if you want!"

 

Lol.

 

He thanked me again for telling me at the end of the night...it's now confirmed that I have an AMAZING man. Even if we're not having sex right now, HE ACCEPTS ME. And was very quickly able to see past this condition to realize that yes, it's still me, the girl he's been crazy about since last year. :) So happy!

 

Moral of the story: not all guys suck. Some of them will even see past the herpz. So smile and keep your head up while you find him!

[lively]

Wonderful, good for you girl! Thankyou for sharing your story in so much detail, it's really helpful for all of us to hear such a positive disclosure story. Congratulations on your success, your strength and your great guy. Keep us posted :-)

[GreenEyes727]

I am so happy for you smiles! Now, one question, does this guy have a brother who is 54 and single? Ha Ha! I'm really bummed today because this guy that I had a date with a month ago, who was talking to me almost every day on Plenty of Fish and who kept saying we had to get together again, closed his account yesterday. I feel like I lost a friend. He was the first guy who I have liked in many years.

 

Thanks for sharing your awesome story!

[smilesfordani]

GreenEyes do you have any of his contact info? Even an e-mail? I haven't tried online dating, but I feel like I did, after a month of talking and a date, if a guy hadn't given me his phone number or e-mail wouldn't be that interested in me anyway (with (h) or not!). My rule of thumb is: If I am CRAZY about a guy, I'll make the first moves, but normally, if a man wants to be with you or see you he will make damn sure he does! It shouldn't take much effort in our end (which sounds lazy...but if we chase then the guys think we're clingy/desperate/crazy/overattached lol) to check and see if the guy has full interest. I feel like if he was only sending you a pm everyday/every other day and then poof...then on to the next one! unless he was a hermit this dude HAS to have had a phone that he could call you from and CHOSE not to do it! ---psht. Not worth your time, imho. NEXT ;)

[Marie2005]

Omg your post made me cry! Lol this is awesome! I think I found an amazing one too just posted my story about tell him last night and its some what similar! Thank you for sharing!!! I wish you all the happiness In the world!!

 

[Kath_R]

This is such a sweet story! I like that some posts on here are really just kind of love stories. Herpes with a happy ending. It's a relief to know that there are such understanding people out there.

[lola]

I loooooved this post. I'm very new to all this so I am ONLY reading success stories in an effort to stay positive! You're a very brave young woman and your guy sounds like a very mature fella. Congrats and good luck to you. Thank you for sharing such a positive message! :-*

[domh21]

I loved this post. I totally needed to read it. I am 28 and found myself wondering today in the line at starbucks when I'll be kissed again or date again. I know it will happen. I am so happy for you. Thank you for sharing this

[Angler89]

Great story im happy for u Smilefordani im recently diagnosed and am worried about start dateing again but this story helped me realize there are still peole out there who will look past us having 'H and see us for who we really are.. :D

[Domo2012]

Omg! Great story! Hope everything works out!!! I am taking some of your disclosed combo and using with with the next guy I really care about ;)

[VirgoGirl]

I loooove this story! i've actually re-read it several times when I have needed a little extra boost and reassurance that the disclosure can be a good one!

I myself feel that there will be a time of disclosing sometime soon, so will use some of your conversation as well.

 

So happy for you!

:)

[Judith]

Very nice story,i am so happy for you.Even if this is not my story,it let me feel more accepted in this world...it gives me hope.To see that there are still people around who dont see only the stigma, somebody who see you as the person ,as you are.I wish you the best.big hug

[smilesfordani]

JESUS. I've been away so long and never saw all these comments. I almost started crying! :)!!! Thank you everybody! C and I are still together, 5 months strong! He graduated in December but we're working it out long distance. He's coming back again to see me for valentines in 2 weeks. So excited. ^_^ He's seriously been an angel in my life. I couldn't be happier with anybody else.

[mr_hopp]

I'm so happy for you SFD! Thanks for sharing your inspiration with our community. See how sharing one story can help so many? Who knew? ;) And it feels so good to hear you doing so well and excited about life. That's more contagious than herpes ever has been. ;) Much love!

[lelani]

Yaaaaayyyyyyyy! Very cool you are so happy, thanks for updating us :-) x

[verv13]

Awesome story!! I recently told my guy about my HSV2 and he was in shock but I think maybe things will be OK for us but I need to print out some things for him... Can someone link me to the 1% chance of transmission?? THANKS.

[designergal]

Thank you, thank you for posting this story. Im newly diagnosed with hsv1 and still trying to come to terms and this was definitely the story I needed! I hope things are still going strong. Just know that this story has really touched many of us.

 

Thank you!