WCSDancer2010

Ella is awesome... and I posted the Adam Ruins Everything vid awhile back... if you like inspiration videos, we have tons here :) https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4613/inspirational-motivational-videos#latest

Well, again, with 80% of the population having Oral H1, unless we all give up oral sex, odds are it will keep getting passed on exactly as you got it - from people who don't know they have it or even if they do, they don't recognize the prodromes that may come when they are shedding. When you can accept that sometimes life throws you curve balls and ya gotta just learn how to catch them and own them .... because ducking from them and hiding from reality just causes more pain in the end. We call this the Opportunity because we see so many people grow from this once they get beyond the upset and the grieving and the "why me?". So try to keep that in the back of your mind as you process through the grief stages. This is your chance to become stronger and more self possessed. It may not seem like it right now. Just trust in the process and come here whenever you need support or help :)

Have to keep this short but want you to know you are not alone, you have found an amazing place to get educated and find support. I suggest you read all the Success Stories that you can.... because we have tons of them from H+ who found love with H- partners. Herpes isn't a death sentence ... for you or your love life. I got HSV2 from my first sexual experience at 17 ... at 55 life is pretty damn fine and H has only caused me a few speed bumps in my path of life. So - here's the thing. Kids can be a deal breaker. So can Herpes. And Debt. And Illness. And Body Type. And Age. And Sexual Preferences (I've lost 2 potential guys to the fact that I wasn't into their kind of kink!). The list goes on and on. I have BOTH kinds of Herpes and my father is moving in with me soon.... so odds are HE will be another deal breaker for many guys. AND It isn't a reflection on you when you get "rejected"... So don't take it personally. I'll bet you have turned down guys for at least one of those on the list up there, or other reasons.... it's easy to blame everything on H when you get turned down, but I say that H is the best Wingman ever... (and no, I haven't lost my mind!) ... You see, the men that were ok with your kids were more interested in getting INTO you than getting into YOU. **Think about that one** The links below will help you to get more clarity on that perspective :) Gotta go - work calls... (((HUGS))) http://supporttruthanddialog.com/rejection_its-all-about-perspective/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story#latest Wingman example http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 ) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6347/my-disclosure-story 2 very different reactions … but both are “successful” in their own ways :) Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

@LoveChild90 Have to keep this short but want you to know you are not alone, you have found an amazing place to get educated and find support. I suggest you read all the Success Stories that you can.... because we have tons of them from H+ who found love with H- partners. Herpes isn't a death sentence ... for you or your love life. I got HSV2 from my first sexual experience at 17 ... at 55 life is pretty damn fine and H has only caused me a few speed bumps in my path of life. Sadly your "STI" test didn't likely include Herpes.... it rarely does here thanks to the idiocy of the CDC's protocol suggestions. Even if it had been and you found out your partner had HSV1, 80% of the population has Oral Herpes.... so if you like oral sex, odds are you are going to have to run the crap shoot unless you use dental dams... because oral sex is so much more prevalent today it's believed that up to 50% of all new Genital cases are H1. Point being: You are FAR from alone. And odds are whoever you may date will have HSV1 one way or another. Just make sure they are actually tested for Herpes when they go for their next test ... because odds are they haven't been.... ;) (((HUGS))) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

And if you work it out, you can use this as a way to make your sex life BETTER in the long run :) http://herpeslife.com/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5807/list-the-ways-to-protect-my-partner-from-getting-herpes-hsv2 Safe alternatives to sex

It was definitely a herpes test, by a Dr. who studied herpes for decades and clinically diagnosed me but ordered the tests to confirm. So - did this Dr only swab you or did they do a blood test? I'm betting they only did the swab... in which case they were telling to a great story about their "studies" because many swabs come back negative because they are not able to catch enough virus to culture it, and he *should* have done a blood test then and there and if it came back negative, he should have ordered a second one 4 months later. If he didn't do this, he's NOT up to date on his info. And sadly that means that odds are you will come up with a positive blood test now and we can't tell *when* you got it this far out. If you got a blood test and it was negative, then there's a half way decent chance you got it from your wife within 3 months of that first OB, and she has been an asymptomatic carrier. It's not unheard of. I have a client who carried it unknowingly for over 30 years. Had an OB when dealing with a large family gathering. 2 years later and her husband STILL throws it at her when he's had too many drinks... she was the "good girl" before they were married and he was the "bad boy" with lots of women... yet somehow he's (supposedly... I don't know that she's seen the test) still HSV-. He can't wrap his head around the fact that she could have carried it for over 30 yrs and not know it and I can't get her to get him to come to me for a consult. My biggest suggestion is for you (and @Seeker1960) to ask her to go with you to her OBGYN or PP to discuss things (and hope THEY are up to date on this... they *should* be but you never know). With luck they should help her to see that it's entirely possible one or both of you have had this for quite some time. Finally, when you talk to her, just talk from the heart. The fact that you are telling her the truth about this (when you *could* try to hide it) hopefully will get some weight as you can let her know that if she tests negative (she *should* get tested so you know the risks) you will do everything you can to protect her (condoms and antivirals) ... and she needs to know that if she leaves you, she is seriously just as likely to get it out in the dating world because 80% of people who have it don't know they have it and the CDC says most people who get it get it from an asymptomatic carrier. I got it from my FIRST sexual encounter. I'm far from alone with that. And with 80% of the population not knowing, it's not surprising how many people get it one way or another. Roughly 50% of unmarried women have it by age 50. That is HUGE. She needs to get all these facts. One other option - I'd say in addition to seeing the Dr - would be to book at least 1 coaching session with her with @Adrial. He's an amazing Life Coach and knows everything she will need to have answered. You can PM him here to book a time to work with him. Here's some links that may help you to explain things to her. Tell her you wanted to know for sure what you were dealing with which is why you have been distant ... and then give her all the info you can and request the Dr and Coaching to see if you can work through it. And if she walks, tell her that it's important to make sure the kids are not put in the middle and let her know you want to be a "Family Unit" as much as possible for THEM. My ex and I did EVERYTHING together with our kids (all holidays and birthdays) so they never had to choose between us. It CAN be done. (((HUGS))) and good luck! http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ ***************************** http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes-detailed.htm How do people get genital herpes? Infections are transmitted through contact with lesions, mucosal surfaces, genital secretions, or oral secretions. HSV-1 and HSV-2 can also be shed from skin that looks normal. In persons with asymptomatic HSV-2 infections, genital HSV shedding occurs on 10% of days, and on most of those days the person has no signs or symptoms. [4] Generally, a person can only get HSV-2 infection during sexual contact with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. Transmission most commonly occurs from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected. [5] ****************************** http://m.jid.oxfordjournals.org/content/194/1/42.long Knowledge of Partners’ Genital Herpes Protects against Herpes Simplex Virus Type 2 Acquisition Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video

So it looks like you found my posts on treatments including Ammonium Alum ... and yes, it may sting like a SOB at first (tho in your case, instead of putting it on neat, start with a solution so it doesn't hurt as much.... I put it on neat as soon as I feel a little lump coming up now and kill the SOB before it heads up!) but that stuff works - and you can try to numb it first with Bactine - which is EXACTLY the same thing as Oragel Single Dose (which is expensive as hell but knocks my oral OB's right down if I use it ... I keep that handy in my purse so I can treat immediately that I feel an OB if I'm away from home). And Epsom Salts baths are your friend. Soothes the area AND kills the virus. Fill the tub with water, get in, and drop a double handful of salts between the legs so it's a stronger solution there... :) And pour cool water over the area when you pee if you have pain with urination :) As for what to tell - well, even tho I'm totally "out", I wouldn't tell people if I was having an OB. LOL ... even for *me* that's a little TMI .... but I think the kidney infection/UTI is a great one to fall back on. It explains the pain and awkward walk, and many women who get them have a hard time clearing them out.

@FlawsAndAll YES! That's the problem ... the "paper cut" outbreaks are nearly invisible and can be mistaken by the carrier for many other things... esp as everyone is taught that Herpes comes only in blister form and in big, ugly clusters.... Once I get my father dealt with (may not be till the end of the year at this rate) I'm going on a campaign to educate. I'm fed up of the stupidity and ignorance caused by so called "sex ed" classes in schools and the lack of testing and education for adults... :(

So where did you see anything saying this will be available in the next few months? From what I can see they haven't done human trials and viral shedding tracking yet - which means they are still in the early stage of the FDA process.. I've scrolled down a long way on the page and I see reference to work on mice and rats, noting on humans yet nor a hoped for date of release...will be happy to be corrected if I missed it somewhere. The only reference I found about where they are was this: What I hope to make clear through the development of this blog is that a safe and effective HSV-2 vaccine lies within our grasp, but what we lack is a critical mass of support to advance such a HSV-2 vaccine to human clinical trials. So sounds to me like they are still a ways from FDA approval ...

Nice to see a shout out to this forum on there. Now to hope that the FDA approves his work... sadly they often do stand in the way of progress.

If he has HSV2, and the scabs are gone, you *should* be ok - only 1% of all oral herpes is HSV2 as it just doesn't like the mouth region. Even if he has HSV1 genitally, it sheds a LOT less than HSV1 down there, and your risk of getting that one orally is FAR higher with kissing someone who has it orally..... which you likely have plenty of times in your life. Bottom line - you should be ok :)

I suggest you keep a journal of what you are eating, activities, stressors, etc ... see if you can see a pattern for what makes it worse. I often say that Herpes is like a "first responder" to the health of your body ... although in the first few months, it's often just that your body needs time to figure out how to get it under control. Second - attack it from the outside ... I'm going to put a bunch of links but generally Epsom Salts baths (drop a double handful of the salts between your legs so its concentrated there), followed by thorough drying (even using a hair drier to get it really dry), maybe going commando, and using Bactine (which helps to kill the virus AND numb it thanks to the lidocaine in it) ... or my favorite, Ammonium Alum ... but there's LOTS of suggestions in the links. I find if you attack it from the outside, the inside can do it's job better :) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6024/dealing-with-outbreaks#latest includes links below http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7595/bactine-wipes-and-some-motivational-quotes http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/#more-2122 http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1802/going-the-natural-route http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1624/herpes-medication-genital-hsv-1-how-to-keep-herpes-outbreaks-clean-dry#Item_22 My discussion amonium Alum) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1496/bathroom-time- http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/ http://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/2010/genital-ulcers.htm#hsv Links to some of the items suggested in the links http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil http://bit.ly/Zinccream http://bit.ly/Calendula_Salve http://tinyurl.com/bactine http://amzn.to/1oUDY2n Chaga Mushroom http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose http://tinyurl.com/DMSO4HSV

@danceismymedicine Hello to another dancer! There's no studies about showering after sex but I would say it won't hurt. Part of the thing with transmission is the "dose" that you get, so if you can shower and remove any virus that's on the skin, that might reduce the risk. You don't say whether you have HSV1 or 2. HSV2 doesn't like the mouth much (only 1% or all oral H is H2) so you should be ok with oral sex for H2. HSV1 *could* get passed to the mouth but odds are he's been exposed to it through kissing people in his past, and it sheds a lot less down there.... so again he should be fine :)

We don't lose great people to H( mind you I was just told a week ago that I have hsv2.) I do, however, have many many of friends who are HIV positive, so I know enough that you don't lose great people to H. You lose great people to cancer, car accidents, AIDS, drunk drivers, gun shootings, police brutality. But you do not lose out on a person who couldn't deal with what you are or have because your love wouldn't have been good enough. No no no Quoting this because it's sooo important for people to GET this.... thank you for this @SunDevourer

It's assumed if you are looking for a relationship that at some point sex will be part of the deal. AND I have no shame in my game. IMO one of the reasons that the stigma is so strong is the unwillingness of most to discuss it. The silence reinforces the stigma. And the stigma reinforces the silence. So I decided to break the silence. I chose to put it out on my profile, along with some basic info, because I was tired of the ignorance. And I frankly didn't give two shits if I never heard from one guy. So I was really pleasantly surprised at the guys who contacted me.... I knew that they had actually taken the time to READ my profile (my disclosure was near the bottom) ... guys looking for a quick lay or a casual relationship don't tend to read too far down the page...LOL This all happened when I was becoming an advocate. I figured if I can't be 100% ok with my status, it's going to be hard to support others. So I came out not only on the dating sites, but on FB as well. And the really COOL thing? Not.One.Person. said anything nasty or rude. I haven't got one nasty letter on any of the dating profiles. It showed me that if you are *confident* about this, few if any will be ugly.... and that, to me, was HUGE. The way I look at it, I have done nothing wrong. I got unlucky, that's all. And I see FAR too many people who are in misery when they are diagnosed because of the silence. Because they think they are alone in this, that it labels them a dirty, ugly person, and their life is over. And (IMO) it's all thanks to the silence. So if my "coming out" helps others because they read it and realized they are not alone, whether they contact me or not (and several have) then it's all worth it and all good. AND.... I totally honor those who wish to remain silent. I've had this 35+ years.... and I'm an Advocate... so I guess I kinda play by different "rules" too.... after all, *someone* has to lead the charge as far as finding way to make the public more aware of what herpes is (and isn't!) and the fact that people are not being tested nor are they being educated. And I can always take it off if I go back on the sites. But I probably won't. I'm a pretty transparent person anyway. People can take me or leave me as I am.... warts, herpes, and all....LOL... I'm not everyone's cup of tea but I know the right man will find me to be one hell of a great mate because he won't have to worry about what I'm "hiding". My story is here if you are interested in that part of my journey :) https://herpeslife.com/herpes-thoughts-carrier/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1754/im-out-of-the-herpes-closet/p1

@hippyherpy There's no "best way" to go about when to tell, including whether you list it on your profile. I had my info on mine when I was on (I'm taking a break right now as I'm dealing with my aging father so I don't have time to devote to a new relationship) and I actually got BETTER guys contacting me because they honored the fact that I was honest, unapologetic, and knew what I wanted and what I'm looking for: ie, they realized I wasn't there to waste anyone's time. Each person has to find what works for them . My only personal feeling is that if we all could just be up front and be ok with putting it out there early on, the stigma would HAVE to dissipate because people would be overwhelmed with seeing how many people that, to them, might not "look" like they have an STD... and that would be a massive blow to the few that are judgemental out there....because it would take away the one thing that makes it possible for them to hold so tight to their opinions: ignorance. Either way, there's no "right" way :)

Thank you for sharing! I was also on POF and OKC ... I had my status actually IN my profile.... and I had men contacting me to say they found it ATTRACTIVE that I was so honest and forthcoming about my status. THAT is the man I want in my life.... and it sounds like you have 2 prospects who are not judgemental and appreciate integrity. That's a pretty fine start for a relationship IMO! (((HUGS)))

Love this and it's going into my collection of links because we do get messages from people freaking about having HSV and HPV as well. Fact of the matter is the CDC reckons ANYONE who is sexually active will get at least 1 strain of HPV in their lifetime.... maybe more. Outside of the 2 strains that cause Genital Warts, the other 38 or so can hide in a guy and they isn't a test for them... so even in a totally long term/monogamous relationship we women could get it from our partner if it comes out of remission. And it's not that long ago that we women couldn't be tested and we just got "abnormal Pap smears" and never knew it was from the HPV virus. Sounds like you got one of the 34 or so strains of HPV that scare the crap outta you and it eventually disappears. One thing that seems to help btw is Folate/Folic Acid (it's a B vitamin). Won't hurt to take it and with luck it will help it to disappear in 6 months or so. I had the same thing years ago, refused the cyro that they wanted to do at the time, went to a Naturopath and did the Folic Acid and some other supportive supplements, and it was gone in 6 months.... Thanks for sharing your story!!!

@BoatyMcBoatface I tell people All.The.Time. Herpes makes an AWESOME Wingman. Yep. Its true. May not seem like it now, but you just dodged a HUGE bullet with that guy and you can thank your little H man. You see, odds are: 1) He wasn't into YOU... he just wanted to GET INTO you or 2) He's an ignorant and judgemental jerk who thinks hell never get H because he's either "above" such things or he can "tell" who has it (I dated a guy briefly who was CONVINCED he could tell who had it... even after I told him I had it ... I think the thought I was "safe" because he could "tell" if I was shedding. That one didn't last long! LOL). Point being: if he ran that fast, he's showing his true colors one way or another. Be THANKFUL. http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story Wingman example http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 ) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6347/my-disclosure-story 2 very different reactions … but both are “successful” in their own ways :) Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial I suggest you go to the Success Stories section and read all you can there. So many of our SS folks will say after the fact that they are finding love that is DEEPER and MORE MEANINGFUL and BETTER than they ever experienced after getting Herpes.... because their way of dating changes. Their Wingman got rid of the bolters and the players. And it made them MUCH more selective about who THEY would allow to get intimate with. The 2 below are examples of the extremes of where someone started and how they found love in spite of their belief that they would never find love: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3036/i-had-the-herpes-talk-and-he-said-thisisgoingtobeok http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night NSgreenville (READ TO THE END!!) And two of our most recent stories: https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7529/from-disclosing-to-being-his-girlfriend-in-minutes https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7829/hpv-and-hsv-disclosure-success-story "Rejection" also causes a truly *physical* reaction in us.... because it's in our nature to need to be a community based being in order to stay alive.... and with that comes the need to be accepted and not rejected. Now, that was all great and well when there were Saber Toothed Tigers waiting to eat us if we were banished from the group. Unfortunately it doesn't do us much good now and in fact it will make us stay in unhealthy relationships for fear of being "alone" or unworthy of love from another. If you can grasp this and become comfortable with it, rejection won't have the grasp on you that it does now. http://supporttruthanddialog.com/rejection_its-all-about-perspective/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4699/first-real-disclosure-first-real-rejection Bottom line: Give yourself time. Read all you can here. Get support. And work on loving you first and foremost in the meantime. That last point will prepare you to find the love of your life better than anything else ... because the man who falls for you won't even begin to allow the virus to get between you and him :) Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

@Pop We have a few things here as I see it: 1) Unless she has EVERY new partner that she comes across tested for HSV1 before she kisses them, odds are she will be (and has been) exposed to people with HSV1 many times 2) Given her Lupus though, I understand her concerns and fears. Lupus alone is shitty enough. Lupus and any other illness/virus that affect the immune system just plain sucks. 3) You can only give her the info and let her figure out what/where she's willing to take a risk. However, you really can't nickle-and-dime the stats. Yes, the risk of you getting it orally are minuscule... the risk of then passing it to her are also minuscule. But the chance of her getting Lupus was also pretty damn low (depending on whether a family member had it or not, it could have been as low as .25% (no family members with lupus) ... up to 4% with immediate family members who have it, and she got it. So she's already got the crappy end of the statistics stick and you can't blame her for being a little gun shy around stats. 4) *Perhaps* she's just not a good fit for you. Or you for her. If the whole relationship is going to be wrought with her anxiety over whether you have had oral sex with your wife or not, perhaps you need to acknowledge and accept that given her compromised immune system, she's not a good fit. Sometimes, no matter how "perfect" a person seems or is, there are just plain deal breakers that can't be overcome and that doesn't mean either person is bad or to blame.

@BoatyMcBoatface @hippyherpy is a self confessed casual sex lover.... who has a bit more "casual" outlook about the virus than some... but he does make his potential partners aware of his status and they make adult choices to be with him.... he does use condoms and takes antivirals... and anyone who is into casual sex really *should* understand that there is ALWAYS a risk of getting some kind of STD. The fact that HH knows he has herpes and uses protection and monitors his symptoms actually makes him "safer" in a way, than someone who is in the 80% of those who don't know they have it (and who may be having casual sex and unwittingly passing it on) As for this blog - the one good thing is it's making another place for awareness. I agree that some of the stats are questionable. It's thought that at least 50% of *unmarried* women age 50 and above have HSV2 ... but the stats include longer term married women... so really we need to have some of these stats broken down a bit better, but I doubt that will happen any time soon. It also does seem that the stats (everywhere) are generalized HSV1 and 2 for genital herpes. But when they blood test for HSV1 in the research that won't have told them WHERE the person had it so without symptoms that data is useless for the stats. The stats I have are that 50% of all new Genital cases are from HSV1 ... and the cause is an increase in oral sex in the last 20-30 yrs as people have come to think of oral sex as "not sex" ... or they have the belief that it's "safer" (ie, you cant get pregnant and they don't know that you can get HSV1 from anyone who has the cold sore version of the virus). And as mentioned above, people don't tend to use condoms/barriers for oral sex. As with everything else Herpes, the stats and such are variable depending on which research you have. But we are all mostly somewhere in the same ballpark. And attaching to stats isn't always that helpful.... bottom line is that those of us who are aware that we have it (the 20%) are, in a way, fortunate in that we have a better chance of protecting our partners from getting it than someone who is asymptomatic and clueless....the CDC itself says that the majority of H is caught from people who are asymptomatic. Imagine finding out that YOU have herpes when your lover comes to tell you they have just got their results back? Now you get to have guilt AND self shame or however it occurs for you. Instead we can educate prospective partners and give them choice in the matter, and we can do what we can to protect them.

@cier Hello and Welcome! I'm another member of the "35 yr club" with @Katidid .... and I have a similar story - 2 kids, normal life, several loves in my life. My ex hubby did get it from me but only because my "rashes" were never diagnosed as Herpes until after he had his first OB. He never, ever held it against me and he had worse initial OB's for the first few years. Nowadays we both hardly ever have OB's and it barely is an issue for us (I talked to him about it recently... we parted amicably after 20 yrs and he knows of my advocacy for folks with H). I've had 2 long term relationships since divorce and several "false starts" (LOL) and none of the men got it from me... and only 1 had a real issue with it, and then only for the first month until he got educated and decided that I was worth more than the risk.. we also parted for other reasons. I STRONGLY suggest you read the Success Stories here.... we have many many great and inspirational stories .... most of H+ people with H- partners. And read the links below.... perspective and education are the key to getting through the angst that comes with diagnosis ((HUGS))) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

The highest risk is in the first 3-6 months .. and mostly if you touch the OB and then touch the lips or whatever.... standard common sense hygiene should keep you from self innoculating ... after the 3-6 month period you have antibodies that give you pretty decent protection from passing it to another area, but I wouldn't test it by picking an open sore then touching another area without hand washing... just to be safe in case your immune system is compromised at the time... but if you accidentally touch both areas, don't panic. Odds are you have kissed people with HSV1 oral many, MANY times and not got it there ... :)

Self discovery and growth doesn't happen without at least *some* pain. As one of my favorite sayings goes : "The Truth Will Set You Free, But It Will Really Piss You Off First!" It sounds like you have already have some revelations from this.... and this is just the beginning. I love what your two guy friends said .... just shows that there are many out there who won't bat an eye at your diagnosis.... and THAT realization is something many just don't get. And love how you quickly learned how many people have it once you opened up to friends and family. That's much of the problem.... people don't talk about it out of shame or fear, which keeps them sequestered from others who have it and who could support them and help them to realize they are far from alone in this.... in fact, they are only alone because they CREATE that world by not talking about it. (((HUGS)))

Nice blog - interesting that she used at least one reference to data on here :) BUT The Statistics she's used are flawed. By avoiding sex during an active outbreak, chances of virus transmission are 4% a year (Terri Warren, RN, NP – WebMD, 2005). Yes, per year, not sexual session. In the study that this is based off, couples were reported to have sex more than 5 times a month. Over 60% of the couples did not use condoms. So if we look at the findings at the frequent end of the scale we would divide this figure by 120 (12 months x 10 sexual encounters per month). This makes the possibility of spreading the virus during any sexual encounter .0003%, or 1/3,000 (.04 / 120 = 0.00033333333333). #1 - The 4% is female to male transmission - it starts at 10% for male to female transmission #2 - The statistics are 4% -10% assuming sex is had a couple times a week, over the course of the year. But you can't break it down to a "per encounter" statistic. Darned if I know where we already had this conversation ... @Adrial, can you help me here? Do you have the link to this discussion. It's kinda like if you flip a coin, the statistic for Heads is 50%. If you flip it 100 times, the statistic is STILL 50%. That said, there's still no need to get all depressed and feel like a walking herpes petri dish. If you actually KNEW the stats for all the things you do in life that have a risk factor that is similar to passing H on, you wouldn't walk out your door every day. Many of us play sports or have "active" hobbies, and some could cause life-altering injuries to us OR to those we are competing against. I'm a competitive Swing Dancer and I'll tell you, I'm FAR more afraid of getting hurt by some of the guys I dance with (as in, severely wrenched shoulder or being dropped by them in a "dip") than I am of getting another STD or giving this virus. AND ... even *I* could hurt another dancer in a moment where our bodies just move in the "wrong" way and I am VERY careful to be attentive to my partner (I lead AND follow!). Look at how many people have been killed while Skiing, Horseback Riding, Snowmobiling or 4 Wheeling, or whatever. Never mind those who are severely injured during those activities.... often because of the carelessness of someone else (ie, the injured person was doing everything right and just got unlucky). The bottom line is: LIFE. ASSUMES. RISK. At least it will if you are LIVING it! Ok - so think of it this way...because this is something most do every day... **I assume you drive a car **and I assume if that is correct, you may occasionally drive your lover/BF somewhere **And you BOTH know there is ALWAYS a risk of a car accident no matter how careful you are **But you drive him anyway, right? Do you obsess day and night that you might injure/kill him every time he gets in your car? I doubt it. **Why is the possibility of passing on H any different? At least it won't kill him!!! Think on it :) #3 - This is the BEST link that the writer referred to: http://jid.oxfordjournals.org/content/194/1/42.abstract?sid=e67d967a-84df-4763-b938-83d1d649fa1a Because *WE* know we have Herpes, we are FAR less likely to pass it on. And THAT is HUGE. In the driving example above, if we know our brakes are a little sketchy or the tires need changing, odds are we drive a little more carefully while we are waiting to get them dealt with. But if we hadn't noticed the leak in the brake line or the bulge in the otherwise-full-tread-tire odds are we will drive normally and thus be unwittingly putting other people's lives at stake. Understanding this may help you to realize that while none of us would have welcomed this virus, if we put it in perspective with other areas of life where we *could* have got unlucky and had some other life-altering affect from our activity, or realizing that we DO put others at risk in many of our daily activities, that Herpes is just the thing where our luck ran out. That doesn't make us "bad" people, any more than a brain injury from skiing without a helmet (even though you KNEW you should wear one) doesn't make you a "bad" person. Nor are you a "bad" person if you happen to just look the wrong way and you hit another car or cut someone off with your 4 wheeler and someone else gets hurt. Sometimes shit happens. Few get through life without *some* kind of thing occurring to them that had low odds and high consequences to them or someone else. A few get unlucky and have multiple shitty things happen... and a very lucky few somehow dodge all the shitty bullets. But pretty much everyone out there is dealing with *something* that has challenged them at some point in their life. They just don't advertise it, just like we don't advertise we have H. But it's there. Abuse. Rape. Metal Illness. War. Disease. Accidents. Whatever. Few of us manage to avoid having **at least** one of these things happen in our lives to challenge us. What matters most is HOW we respond to the event. And all the statistics in the world won't change ANY of this..... :)