mr_hopp

Hey Nic! Welcome to the community! I'm glad you've found our community, too! I love how self-aware you're becoming through this. Herpes can become an excuse for us to not lean into our edge of discomfort. So much of the time, it's not really about herpes; it's about our own fear of intimacy — our fear of being vulnerable in the area of love and sexuality. Herpes just tends to magnify our own self-defeating beliefs and fears that we've always had in this area of our lives (hence, why ultimately it's an opportunity to face all of these head on and intentionally shift them into self-acceptance). Here's an article on that: http://herpeslife.com/is-herpes-your-excuse-to-not-live-your-life ... and here's the thread to tack onto in order to find an H Buddy! http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/223/need-someone-to-talk-to-herpes-buddies#Item_163

Hey KCate! Great question! As you're already figuring out, someone else's ignorant/hurtful/careless joke says more about them than the person being joked about. Here's a previous discussion on these forums a while back about this (including a personal story of when I actually disclosed to a few friends after they made an ignorant joke about herpes): http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1196/my-friend-and-a-herpes-joke/p1 ... and another: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/947/herpes-jabs-not-so-funny/p1

I haven't had direct experience with Post-Herpetic Neuralgia, but from everything I've read it seems to point to it being only associated with shingles (same virus as chicken pox ... herpes zoster), but there have been quite a few posts on this forum that describe very similar sensations to what you're describing. Since herpes follows the nerve fibers from the spine to the surface of the skin, some feel a burning, stinging, tingling, etc. in their nerves as the virus is coming to the surface before a herpes outbreak and as it retreats after an outbreak. This is also known as prodrome symptoms. Here's an article on those: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-prodrome-symptoms These sensations you're describing, do they occur close to when you have an outbreak or have they been pretty permanent?

Hi Mandee and welcome! I'm glad you're asking all these questions so you can get educated on what you have. It sounds like you just have had a HSV-1 herpes outbreak on your lips, not your genitals, right? If that's the case then welcome to what 80% of the American population has! Oral herpes, aka cold sores. That said, oral HSV-1 (cold sores) can be passed to the genitals through oral sex. In fact, 50% of all new genital herpes cases are HSV-1 from oral sex! So be careful about that, but don't be paranoid. Just be knowledgeable about the risk. Here's an article on that: http://herpeslife.com/genital-hsv-1-herpes-and-oral-sex/ ... and for the rest of you wondering if HSV-2 can be passed from the genitals to the mouth, it can't (at least there's a 1% chance, which is so close to nil that I'd consider it can't). So if you have genital HSV-2, your partner can go down on you with a 1% chance that it will spread to their mouth. Here's an article on that: http://herpeslife.com/spreading-genital-herpes-hsv2-from-oral-sex

Hey Angel! Hmmm, that is strange. Everywhere I've looked it doesn't mention any current updates to the trial. It looked like it was quite promising. And hey, for the many years I've been running this forum, many, many supposed herpes cures/treatments have come around and died due to stringent testing requirements. It's the nature of the beast. The latest press release I found for this specific clinical trial was back in January: http://www.aicuris.com/index.php/fuseaction/download/lrn_file/2013-01-29_pr_50percent-recruitment-aic316-press-release.pdf And just a reminder to all of you holding out on a cure, we don't have to wait for a cure to start living our lives now! Plenty of people have moved on from the shame of herpes into self-acceptance without a cure. Here's a blog article I wrote on just that: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-cure/

Did the doctor do a swab and found out it was herpes? It's hard to auto-inoculate like that, especially since herpes prefers warm, moist environments (which is why the lips and genitals are prime areas). But it is possible to spread herpes to the hand if there is a cut or abrasion on your hand and you touch that area to a herpes sore and your body hasn't built up an immune response (herpes antibodies) yet. Usually it shows up right where the fingernail meets the finger. It's called herpetic whitlow. Here's a picture of what it looks like on WebMD: http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/picture-of-herpetic-whitlow

Hi StephanieWS! Most all cases of ocular herpes happens when oral herpes travels up the nerve to the eye, so you don't have to worry. That said, it's always good practice to wash your hands with soap after you touch any herpes sore. No need to be paranoid or OCD about it, just be careful since during outbreaks, herpes is most infectious, but you still have to try pretty hard to spread it by touching the sores and then touching another part of your body. Auto-inoculation is pretty hard to do. Most of the cases of sores popping up in other locations is due to the virus moving a different nerve pathway from the spine to the surface of the skin. What you're talking about is called Herpes Simplex Keratitis and here's what WebMD has to say about it: http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/eye-herpes

I'm proud of you for having the herpes talk. That took a lot of courage. Great, great job. It only gets better and better. And that's super aware to recognize that a lot of your panic was more about you than about him. See how a lot of this is in our imagination? And even the "worst case scenario" of passing on herpes DOESN'T actually transmit YOUR emotional baggage. It's a virus that tends to bring up emotional baggage that hasn't been processed within that person. You don't pass on the emotional baggage. Each person's baggage is their own. So don't take responsibility for other people's baggage. Handle your own and keep your partners as safe as possible, but don't be paranoid to the degree that you hold yourself back from being loved. That's not fair to yourself. You deserve love. You deserve connection. Notice how your own self-judgment is holding you back from that. That is one of the most powerful realizations you can have. Because that starts to switch you from a victim into empowered.

Hey Emma, it's impossible to know since HSV-1 hangs out either orally or genitally. As far as disclosing about oral HSV-1, there was a great long discussion about this last year on these boards. What I think is that since 80% of people have oral HSV-1, the people who DON'T have it, need to reverse disclose ... "Hey, I DON'T have HSV-1 and I'd rather not get it. Do you happen to have it, 'cause chances are you do ..." ;) Why would the burden be put on the people who have something that the overwhelming majority of people have? Just my personal opinion on it, so I'm wide open to alternate opinions. :)

Hey M411235! The whole thing about viral shedding is that it's asymptomatic, meaning there are no symptoms, including any dead giveaways that it's even happening. How often viral shedding is happening depends on the strain of herpes you have (HSV-1 or HSV-2) and whether its located orally or genitally (see handout linked to below for the specifics). However, if you are feeling any sort of itching, burning, tingling in the area where your herpes outbreaks normally occur or if you feel pain in your thighs, that could be herpes prodrome symptoms, which signal that herpes is starting its journey from the base of your spine (basal ganglia) to the surface of your skin. This is why body awareness is such a huge part of keeping your partners safe. Make sense? :) Hope this helps! Here are a few blog articles on these concepts: http://herpeslife.com/what-is-herpes-asymptomatic-viral-shedding http://herpeslife.com/herpes-prodrome-symptoms http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

No need to be sorry for speaking to all this. This is exactly why this forum exists: For you to get it all out there and for others to be able to hear what you're going through. That's the only way support can happen: If one person shares, and others listen. So thank you for sharing yourself here, Lulu. I'm glad you're here. And about the worry that this lessens your dating pool, that's a very common worry when first getting herpes. It's an ironic thing. In my experience of having herpes for the past 8 years (since I accepted myself fully with herpes), having herpes has actually greatly enhanced my dating life. The kinds of people who will see it as just a skin condition are the kinds of people I want to be with: Open-minded, non-judgmental, seeing beyond skin deep, etc. And these people also see my integrity for telling them I have herpes. So many people who have herpes choose to live in denial and not tell potential partners. When I disclose, it's coming from a heartfelt place of caring for them and their health. That goes a long way in starting to set the stage for a beautiful, trusting relationship. And even if it doesn't end up in a relationship, so many people I have disclosed to have become my deep, deep friends. So don't let the stigma create some dismal future for yourself. (Do you believe everything that our culture says? You get to determine your own beliefs.) Your sex life and relationships can be even DEEPER than they were before herpes. In fact, many people on this forum have said just that ... that having herpes actually got them to see themselves on a deeper level, which in turn brought all their relationships that much deeper. Herpes won't allow you to have superficial relationships anymore. Congratulations! :)

Awesome! I'm glad you're seeking out all the information first so you can be knowledgeable if he has any questions. The post-disclosure handout (in the link above) will help you with all that much-needed info. And hey, you don't have to figure it all out now on how it might end up working with him. He gets to have a say in it, too, ;) That's all part of the conversation of what level of risk both of you are comfortable in taking on. So exciting that you have someone you're wanting to disclose to! I always like to think of disclosure as signalling a great time in a relationship where you trust someone else with something vulnerable. That's a beautiful thing. It's not about herpes. It's about the connection you're feeling with this other person.

I'm LOVING what Judith, Katieanne and lulu87 are saying here. Ultimately, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. And hey, don't we risk rejection EVERY TIME we put ourselves out there, whether it be in dating, asking for a raise, etc.? We live in a vulnerable world where rejection and acceptance are two sides to the same coin. The deeper question before asking someone else to accept you is: Do you accept yourself? If you are actively rejecting yourself with hepres and then disclose to someone else, the chances are much higher that you will convince them, too, to reject you with herpes. Get straight on loving and accepting yourself first and tell him from a place of not focusing on your own stigma around herpes; focus your attention on all the good qualities you have and all of the great aspects of your relationship so far. When you focus on those things, they become more magnified. It's amazing how much more infectious an idea or feeling is than herpes. If we feel that we are unlovable, undeserving, rejectable, those beliefs tend to infect the other person's perception of us, too. But if we allow ourselves to accept all the parts of us — the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between — then that opens the space for the other person to do the same. How we see others and how others see us is all a mirror anyway. What happens out there is a reflection of what is going on inside of us. It's up to us what we focus on. What will you focus on? Have you read the e-book yet? That lays it all out there. You can download it here for free: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

A friend posted this on Facebook this morning. Great reminder overall, and I feel it also applies to a lot of the fears of being rejected that come up a lot on this forum: He said: When I see pics/notes about someone not being "deserving" of you if they don't do X or Y (usually un-communicated desires), I tend to see the edges of that person's ego... Which is why I resonate so deeply with this easy mantra: "If one person doesn’t want the relationship, then it is simply not a fit." There's no point in us taking it personally. There's no sense trying to figure out why we think they don’t want it. No sense blaming it on this or that of "their issues". No sense waiting around for them to realize they wanted it after all. No guilt, no shame... they are their own person with their own desires, after all!! And if *they* don’t want it, then *we* don’t want it... because what *we want* is to be hand-in-hand with someone who sees the potential for fun, frolicking, and fulfillment that we can have together... and is "in" for it fully. That’s the thing about a love relationship - it’s an agreement that has to be signed by both hearts. If one doesn’t sign, then nothing has been lost. If it’s not a fit for them, it’s not a fit for me either. And on to the next adventure I go...

Herpes gets transmitted from skin to skin, so it doesn't get passed through fluids or anything internal. Here's more on that: http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/

You are planning on telling him you have herpes before having sex with him, aren't you? I hope so. :) If you need help with how to tell your partner you have herpes, definitely check out the free e-book I wrote here (plus 2 handouts that will give you all the facts and figures you'll need to know to keep him safe): http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

Heya! Welcome back! You officially don't have to worry about passing it to your future beautiful, bouncy baby. Congratulations! :) As the birth day approaches, you can always up the amount of medication to minimize the chances of having an outbreak during birth. And if you do happen to have an active outbreak when the baby comes, you'd have a C-section. If you were first infected with herpes before you got pregnant and you have no herpes symptoms when labor starts, there's less than a 1% chance of passing herpes to your baby. And about the possibility of passing herpes to your baby via asymptomatic viral shedding, since you're having this baby in the future, you will have developed enough antibodies against herpes that you will pass on to your baby. These antibodies will help the baby not get the minimal shedding of the virus that may invisibly happen during birth. Here's an article with all the info you'll ever need about herpes and pregnancy. :) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-during-pregnancy Also, about your question on passing it to your partner, I was in a 3-year relationship where we decided together for me to take anti-viral medication and not use condoms. I never passed herpes to her. I'm not suggesting everyone do this, but just to give you a first-hand account; it's up to both of you in partnership what level of risk your partner is willing to take on. And there's more of a chance of passing it from male-female (10% with no protection/medication) than it is from female to male (4% with no protection/medication). The reason for this difference is more mucous membrane vagina-wise than penis-wise. With body awareness, medication and condoms, there are 3 layers of protection to make the chances of passing herpes to him right around 1% (see the handouts below): http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

Hi Vanaud! Welcome to the forums and a big hug to you. You're going to be okay, I promise. Let all of your judgments against herpes go. "Guys like that" don't have herpes. People get herpes. It's just a fact of having sex these days. The more judgments you have against "those people with herpes" the more you're judging yourself. When it comes down to it, it's just a simple skin condition with a stigma associated with it. Here's an article on herpes medication: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication

Gotcha. :) Here's a blog article on herpes treatment: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/ And if you're simply trying to keep yourself healthy from the illnesses that the school children will bring, then vitamin C and the basics do wonders! :) Really, quelling herpes isn't any different than taking care of your body so you don't get sick in general.

The best vitamins you could possibly take is in fresh foods. Eat healthy. You're right that there are tons of regiments online saying they help with this and that. The only thing that I've found that consistently helps my immune system is to take as much care of my body and mind as I possibly can in every given moment. Work out. Move your body. Eat fresh. Destress. Take so much care of yourself that your body can't help but reward you by being the healthiest it has ever been. :)

Heya Jojo! Welcome to the forums! You've come to the right place for a super solid way to know that your life is indeed not anywhere near being over. I promise you. The blog is a great place to start for the way you think about having herpes and how it's ultimately mostly up to you how it affects you. Here are some good articles/videos to start with (as well as all the videos/articles on HerpesLife.com): http://herpeslife.com/growing-through-the-yuck-of-having-herpes/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-interview-sexuality-educator/ http://herpeslife.com/could-you-use-herpes-to-empower-your-life ... and as far as the logistical side of things, here are some helpful links for that: http://herpeslife.com/doctor-answers-questions-about-genital-herpes-hsv-and-hpv/ http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

Notice how you're making a decision in what you just said. That is your self-fulfilling prophecy. And I have compassion for that belief because I thought the same way when I got herpes. But here's the truth: Herpes as a virus in your body is the only thing that is forever. Herpes doesn't immediately mean sadness, aloneness, etc. You are believing all of those things will come with it forever. It's not fair to you to believe that. It's not fair to your future. But it's your choice. And it's a process of recognizing that on a deep level. The home study course that's coming out in the next few months will help to shift this perspective in a deep way. http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1180/interested-in-an-h-opp-home-study-experience/p1

It's interesting how much attention has been on a cure for as long as herpes stigma was first invented to sell medication (see the "inventing herpes" blog article below) ... I totally get it, don't get me wrong, that I understand why people would want to be cured of feeling shame and stigma. But if there is more attention on a cure than living your life happy and self-accepting NOW, then we're missing something. We're overstepping the moment. Check out the following articles: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-cure/ http://herpeslife.com/the-key-to-being-happy-with-herpes-give-up-hope http://herpeslife.com/inventing-herpes/

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief. Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity: For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen, And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears. On Pain Kahlil Gibran

If it's not an active outbreak on your lip, then there's a very small chance of passing it since oral herpes doesn't silently shed much (look up asymptomatic viral shedding). 50% of new genital herpes cases are HSV-1 from oral sex (most of those cases are females getting genital herpes because a vagina has more mucous membrane than a penis). But only if you're sure that the cuts and such aren't herpes-related. Sometimes herpes outbreaks can show up as what might be mistaken as small cuts or lacerations. Best thing to do is to talk about all of this with your guy. Have open, honest conversation about the small risks and how you will do your best to keep him safe, including not going down on him if you feel an outbreak might be coming on. Open communication is the best STD safety measure there is.