mr_hopp

Cool! Looking forward to hearing what you come up with! My next big project for all of you is developing the H Opportunity Home Study course so that people who can't make it to the in-person weekends here in NC can transform their shame from the comfort of their own homes. ;) So I'm putting my efforts into that over the next few months. :) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1180/interested-in-an-h-opp-home-study-experience/p1 By the way, whoever is interested in being involved in the first-launch beta version (read: save money!), sign up to the early interest list here: http://bit.ly/12jBAjH

... and to tack on to james81's post, herpes stigma was quite possibly manufactured so that drug companies can make a profit. Check out this blog post for more: http://herpeslife.com/inventing-herpes/

It's the same %s from the handout based on who is receiving sex with the person with herpes. Whether a woman is having sex with a man with herpes or a woman with herpes, the % is the same. The higher percentage (10% vs. 4% without any protection or outbreaks, 50% lower with suppressive therapy, 30-50% lower with condoms) is due to women having more of a mucous membrane than men. http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

Great idea! Want to take the lead on that? Do you create apps? I wish I had the time to create all the things I'd like to create for you all, but time is quite limited and I'm only one person. I need help from all of you! :)

I'm hearing that on a deeper level this isn't really about herpes at all. It's about how you feel about yourself. The next Herpes Opportunity weekend workshop is starting tomorrow, so I can't write much now, but know that I'm feel your pain. But remember that suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem. Please don't kill yourself over something so insignificant as herpes. You are so much bigger than that. You'll look back on this moment and be flabbergasted (yes, I just used that word) that you even CONSIDERED something so drastic. I promise you, your imagination is running wild. It only feels real that you're unlovable. But it's all one big, scary lie.

A few things about what you said and then I'll share my friend story with you. :) 1. The whole phrase that you use that "this happened TO us" feels like you're seeing having herpes from a victim's perspective. Is that true? 2. "I got to hear just awful and disgusting my situation was." How much of that did you take on as actual capital T Truth? Notice that their opinion is their opinion, close-minded and ignorant as it is (not judging them about it, just stating the facts). Your relationship to having herpes doesn't have to be impacted by how other ignorant people judge it. Just like if someone who walked up to you and called you ugly doesn't mean you're ugly. You get to decide that for yourself. 3. I LOVE how you called it out to stand up for people with herpes. That takes courage. I'm so frickin PROUD of you for speaking out! Beautiful. I got chills when I read that. That kind of talking shows something really important about the kinds of people these friends are. It says less about you being dirty with herpes and more about them being judgmental. The whole conversation about HPV being "better" than HSV just shows the level of denial people have around STDs. It's sad, yet true. It sounds like she's deep in denial based on what you've said. Instead of looking at her own emotional landscape around what it means to have HPV, it's easier to feel better by judging "those dirty people with herpes." I'm really curious: What positive things do you get from being friends with these women? 4. "Afterwards I felt awful, and pretty much torn apart by my friends." Notice that it's actually not really them that tore you apart. It's actually your own self-judgments that somehow became validated once you heard them talking so negatively. If you didn't have those negative self-judgments about herpes, then their ignorant negativity wouldn't affect you. I'm not saying you shouldn't be affected by people like that, but just saying this so you can be more aware of where this is coming from and you can feel like less of a victim of your circumstances. It's you who gets to change your own relationship to yourself. No one else can do that for you. And no matter how many people you try to educate about this, ignorance will still be around. And now my friend story ... One of my best friends had me over for dinner with her new fiancee. We had a great time together, laughing, chatting connecting ... Then afterwards we were playing a board game together and her fiancee said something extremely ignorant and rude about how herpes was dirty. He laughed out loud like it was the funniest thing. Immediately, I felt a jolt in my body. Anger. Sadness. Hurt. I was considering what to do next ... Did I really want to bring it up after such a great night or was I just going to let it innocently pass? I made sure to let my anger go and sink into a more vulnerable space so I didn't react by lashing back out to try to hurt him. I simply looked him right in the eyes and said, "Do you know that I have herpes?" His face turned beat red ... he stammered. He was SO apologetic. What came after was an amazing conversation about how he makes jokes like that about all sorts of stuff that he doesn't know anything about because he doesn't have any actual faces to put with the joke. The second he realized I was one of those people he was making fun of, his heart broke and he saw me instead of some faceless, dirty mob of sexual deviants with herpes.

Coming to this weekend is a brave thing. Courageous. And this quote couldn't be more true: "The cave that you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek." I'm proud of you for taking this step for yourself. Looking forward to seeing you in a few days! :)

Hey, don't fall into the whole idea now that sex has to be REGIMENTED. Please. ;) Sex is still just as fun, sexy and deep. Anything other is just something you're choosing to believe. Be careful, but don't be paranoid. That's what I always say. Check out this video for a reframe around sex:

There are so many factors at play when it comes to herpes transmission: How much you shed the virus, your immune system, his immune system, if he already has cold sores (HSV-1, which would make him more immune to getting HSV-2), if there are any breaks in his skin from shaving or rough sex, etc. ... Also, it takes many weeks for antibodies to build up enough in the blood stream to be detectable in a blood test, so if you just had sex last week, I'd also get him tested about 2 months from now, too, to know for sure.

Yes, it is possible. I was in a 3-year relationship with a woman without herpes and never passed it to her. (Of course I knew I had herpes, so I was as safe as I could be with her and I took suppressive therapy.) Also, the chances of passing on herpes to your boyfriend is much less than the chances of passing it from a man to a woman. The stats are 4% to a man vs. 10% to a woman (more mucous membrane). Check out these handouts for all the stats: http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

So true. Sound familiar? And Pema doesn't even have herpes. (At least as far as I know.) ;) This feeling that we are unique in having something that seems to be a block to our happiness is, in fact, universal. "Nothing ever really attacks us except our own confusion. Perhaps there is no solid obstacle except our own need to protect ourselves from being touched. Maybe the only enemy is that we don’t like the way reality is now and therefore wish it would go away fast, but what we find is that nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. If we run a hundred miles an hour to the other end of the continent in order to get away from the obstacle, we find the very same problem waiting for us when we arrive. It just keeps returning with new names, forms, manifestations until we learn whatever it has to teach us about where we are separating ourselves from reality, how we are pulling back instead of opening up, closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter, without hesitating or retreating into ourselves.” — Pema Chödrön

Yeah, it sucks when busy schedules take us away from healing and taking care of ourselves, doesn't it? :) And I know where you're coming from, too. It's a balancing act of living life and keeping an eye on all our priorities. Thanks for checking back in, BOOH. Good to hear from you again.

How about now? :) And if not, here's a link to youtube directly: http://youtu.be/BVo6mS1pwMY

Hey all! My friend just posted this to his Facebook wall and I wanted to share it with you all. It touches on some beautiful points that we tend to talk about on this forum. It speaks to what to do when we find ourselves in a heavy place ... not just the kind of heavy that might have us considering suicide, but the whole range of heavy. This guy has a beautiful heart and I love him a lot. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVo6mS1pwMY

Hey Moveon! I hear you. I can see how that could be discouraging. And it could seem like saying "He's not the right one" is simply a cop-out. But ultimately, that's how it played out: He thinks it's a "problem" ... You said it yourself: You're just not that into him. And you see what you said about you being the type of person who wouldn't date someone with an STD? Of course you'd feel like this is a dead end. You're hanging onto that belief now even as a person with an STD. I find that the people who don't think getting an STD is a big deal are the people who never did judge STDs to begin with; the people (like you and me and plenty of others) who struggle with their STD diagnosis are the people who judged "those dirty people" with STDs. The work here is to actively shift that belief within yourself that having an STD means all those horrible things. The deeper you truly believe that no one without an STD would want to date someone with an STD, then you will attract those people who won't want to take that chance. But think about it: The person who truly connects with you on a deep level and appreciates what they find will not see a simple skin condition as a barrier to moving into a deeper relationship. Be careful you aren't actually creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Especially considering how you got herpes from a guy who basically lied to you, that feels like another layer to your beliefs around what herpes means to YOU. I'm hearing that herpes means 2 major things to you so far: 1) No one without herpes will want to date you, 2) herpes means dishonesty and distrust. Those are beliefs you are choosing to hold onto on a deep level. And I'm not judging you for that. I held onto those beliefs for so LONG ... until I realized I was holding onto them and I had the choice to let go of them and live my life. And no, of COURSE you aren't wrong wanting to have sex with someone who actually loves you. ;) Listen to yourself: You just said as if it's a matter of fact that you are destined to be alone the rest of your life! Be careful of making absolute statements like that as if they are absolute truth. They aren't. I can find plenty of proof to disprove your definitive statements. If you take a few rejections as grounds for a 100% belief in how your future with herpes will be, then your future will undoubtedly be that way. I promise! I speak from experience. Now herpes is NOT a block for me in the SLIGHTEST. And this has happened for many people on this site as well. It's a deep, profound perspective shift that happens, and after that shift happens, you won't see the world this way anymore. Give yourself a break, please. It hurts my heart to hear you talk so definitively about something that could ultimately have such a minimal impact on your life if you shift your attitude to yourself. Give yourself the option of considering that you will find plenty of people who will love you regardless of herpes. Because that's the actual TRUTH. I promise you. Pinky promise. ;) And with all that said, let me be clear: I also honor all of your pain, sadness, anger ... Allowing yourself to feel all of that is perfectly okay and healthy. I am standing up to all of those cruel things you're saying about yourself. It's just not cool with me when you treat yourself like that. It's not cool with me that you are saying hurtful things that will have you feeling less than about yourself. I am standing for your greatness, your lovability, your beauty, your sexiness, your future. This isn't the end. It's the beginning of a deeper path for you.

I agree that herpes itself doesn't deserve to be glorified, nor does it deserve to be vilified either! It just is. And ultimately it is what we make it. I am thankful for the awareness and consciousness that allowed me and all of you to realize all the bullshit stories and beliefs that I was believing (I'm not lovable, I'm not worthy, etc.) ... I'm proud of myself and all of you who have recognized that WHO WE ARE is more important than herpes, that we have the power to choose where we put our attention, and hence the experience we create for ourselves. Moveon, what jumped out to me about what you said is to ask you this: What are you getting by not letting him off the hook? By choosing to hold on to the anger, the revenge, all that energy, how does that feel for you? It reminds me of the idea that anger toward someone else is like us taking poison and expecting the other person to die. And HCTS, that's another video I actually have shown on the H Opp weekend! ;) We're really on the same page, darlin' ... ;)

This is definitely a case to seek advice through the medical channels. Do you have a regular doctor you see? We can't help you figure out what's going on without an actual checkup. But we are here for you for emotional support regardless of what you find out medically! We're her for you, SW!

How's this for a therapeutic drug? The mind. ;) http://www.highexistence.com/the-wim-hof-method-revealed-how-to-consciously-control-your-immune-system/

These days, I almost hesitate to post these kinds of things based on what I voiced previously on this post. It gives people hope, yes, but there have been so many hopes very similar to this that have had people put their lives on hold waiting for some sort of cure that may never come. It's a double-edged sword: Awesome that there seems to be a cure in sight, but live your life NOW. That's what we're all about.

Exactly. I understand that totally. And just know that it's a mental block, not a physical one due to herpes. Hence why I call this place the Herpes Opportunity. It's an opportunity to dig into all of your emotional/mental blocks that each of us have around intimacy (hey, it's called being human) and clearing the blocks that don't serve us. It's about having more options in how we choose to think about our sex lives. What originally might feel like a block around herpes actually turns into feeling like freedom once you get past the shame and into the self-acceptance. I promise. And it's a process. :)

With sex these days, there is no such thing as 100% safe. You're never 100% safe from ANY of the STDs, even wearing condoms, taking suppressive therapy, wearing a biohazard suit ... ;) If you're having sex, there's always a risk. This is not to freak anyone out, but to just be real about the world we find ourselves in. That said, the more suppressive therapy and condom usage, the LOWER the risk. Take a look at this handout for more on the contagiousness of herpes and transmission rates and such: http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout Also, since it sounds like you already have the other strain of herpes (HSV-1) on your lips, your body already has built up a lot of immunity for as long as you've had the virus in your body. That gives you another layer of protection from possibly getting HSV-2 genitally. And with all that said, again, there is always a risk. Just be smart about it. I like that you're a fanatic about being safe, but be aware when your fanaticism crosses the line into worrying yourself sick about it. Sex isn't supposed to bum you out or make you paranoid. Be as safe and as smart as you can be and enjoy the rest. Sex is fun. (Adrial's quote of the day.) ;)

Possibly, but also possibly that your body got a lot of sun, too. I've heard a lot of stories of sun triggering herpes outbreaks because it overextends the body and puts a strain on the immune system. And the longer you have herpes, the better your body tends to naturally manage it, so little triggers here and there don't push it over the edge into an outbreak.

I can't wait for the upcoming H Opp weekend! It's only 10 days away! :)

Hey all of you lovely H Opp family! I'm now putting my efforts into developing a home study course based off of the H Opp weekend workshop and all of my knowledge and experience in coaching many people through herpes shame and into self-acceptance. I get people telling me all the time that they'd love to come to the weekend workshop here in North Carolina, BUT they just can't afford to travel here to attend in person OR the shame makes showing their face in person seemingly impossible. I want to be able to give all of you who can't make the in-person weekend a structured way to move through your own shame with group support and into acceptance ... from the comfort of your own home. :) Click here to join the early interest list for a special beta discount! This home study course will include: • Videos of me (Adrial) coaching you one-on-one through each carefully-crafted exercise • Role-playing videos to give you experience of how to take action on "loving shamelessly" • A structured and proven way for you to heal in a step-by-step fashion • Practices to do on a consistent basis that will move you through your own healing process • All of my experience in leading the H Opp weekends and coaching private clients over the years • A built-in family of support and compassion that will last long after the course is complete • An affordable pricetag and a 100% moneyback satisfaction guarantee Are YOU interested in going through this course? If so, go ahead and submit your name/email to this interest list and I'll give you a special discount on the beta version when it's finished: Click here to join the early interest list for a special beta discount! I'm really excited to create this for all of you! Much love!

Hey SE! Read this article first and then if you have any other questions, let us know! http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/ And to answer your specific question, Acyclovir is super cheap if you get it through big box stores with pharmacies like Kroger or Wal-Mart. I think I paid something like $40 for a 3-month supply. But be clear on why you're taking the medication if you're not with a partner you're protecting and if your body is already starting to develop antibodies against future outbreaks. (Think about it: If you only have 1-2 outbreaks per year that last about a week, you're medicating every single day just to avoid those few days of discomfort.) You don't HAVE to take medication. There are only 2 reasons to take meds. All of this is in the article above, but it's important you know that. Any medication over the long term will hurt your liver, so take medication wisely only if you have a good reason. Just my 2c. :)