Flowerteacher55

Hi, Brian! Welcome to the forum. Please know you are not alone. To clarify, do you have HSV or does the girl? We are here for you! Remember, HSV is just a common virus. It's the social stigma that makes us so fearful of it. Stay strong! We are here to answer any questions you may have! Sending blessings your way! 🌄 -- Grace

I understand. It's really really overwhelming. It is going to be okay. Have you and your partner been tested for STIs before you were together? Remember, STI panels do not include viral STI checks, such as HSV or HPV. However, you can get bloodwork done for a more comprehensive panel. You and your partner can even go together and get tested too. Remember that there is so much out of our control. If someone we were with chooses not to tell us if they have an STI, or they themlsves don't even know, than that is just out of our control. If you were with someone else before your current partner, and he was with someone else, that out of your control. Also, what has happened has happened. It seems that perhaps both of you may be afraid the relationship will crumble because of this possible conversation conflict. Health and sexuality are so so complex, but they don't need to be scary topics to talk to about. With open communication and a logical perspective (versus emotional) when talking about sexual disease and infections, relationships and health can thrive. Stay strong ❤️❤️❤️. If you want to practice what you want to say, feel free to draft it on the forum! ☺️ Blessings, Grace

Hi! I am so sorry that you are struggling. Please know that there is hope, I promise! ❤️ You are not tainted or bad or ugly. Herpes does not have the power to cast a shadow over us! Having herpes orally and genitally may make you feel like you are just contaminated everywhere, but remember, it's society's stigma of the virus that really is what makes us feel this way. There is hope for you in regard to future relationships. You are NOT damaged. As a matter of fact, NO ONE on this forum is damaged in any way. You are perfect, just the way you are. There is a poem by one of my favorite poet's, rupi kaur, that says, "how is it so easy for you to be kind to people? He asked. ... "Because people have not been kind to me." When we know what it feels like to be hurt, we try and avoid hurting others and making them feel the way we have felt, since we know how terrible it can be. But, that means robbing someone of the beautiful chance to get to know you and love you, and robbing yourself of love. And you deserve love. Stay strong ❤️ We are here for you!! Sending prayers and blessings your way 🌄 Blessings, Grace

Hi! I am so sorry. It will be okay. If anything, you may need to educate him about how transmission happens, and how passing HSV-1 from mouth to genital is becoming increasingly more common. I have GHSV-1, too! You can preface it by saying, "I need to share something with you, and your brain may jump to conclusions, but please try to be calm and understanding." And, you also can stress the fact that you've been faithful (one of the conclusions he may jump to). You can also say, "I know this wasn't your intent, but I just got diagnosed with GHSV-1 (herpes), and I think I got it from receiving oral sex from you." Then, he will probably be like "wtf are you talking about?" And then then that is where education comes in. Remember, so many people do not even realize that herpes can pass from mouth to genitals, and people don't realize you can still pass it without having an active cold sore. Stay strong, and try to talk it out! We are here for you! 💛 Sending blessings your way 🌄 -- Grace

Hello! Aw gosh, I completely understand. Remember that a little rockiness in the road is totally normal for a relationship. It is the love and strength you both have that really strengthens the relationship! Herpes seems like something that places a wedge between two people, but honestly, it can increase intimacy, vulnerability, and communication, and this really strengthens a bond between two people. If your partner is upset or not being supportive in the ways you need, it may be from guilt or sadness for passing it to you. If anything, forgiveness and kindness to one another is a key part of building a life together. It will be okay. Love is stronger than all the forces that try and come between it. Also, let your partner know if you need reminders that he still thinks you are attractive and wanted. You are a team, and if you need support and reminders to get you through this, ask for it. He may need reminders that you still love/accept him even though he passed it to you, etc. I hope this helps! Hang in there. You can do this 🌄💛🌻!! Blessings, Grace

Hi!! No problem!! I'm happy to help 🌻 In terms of how you got it, it sounds like this was your first outbreak, especially since you felt flu like symptoms, and you said he preforms oral sex often. It's interesting... some people never pass HSV on to their partners; others pass it right away, other pass it later. It really all depends on timing and biology. In terms of antivirals, it's unlikely you would have to take them daily as a suppressent. GHSV-1 usually results in less outbreaks and is less likely to be transmitted. Plus, your partner already has antibodies for HSV-1, so it's unlikely (but hypothetically still possible) that he would contract it genitally. What you can do is start learning about how HSV is affecting your body. Take note of any prodrome symptoms you have before any outbreaks (if you have any at all). The better you track your outbreak patterns, the easier it can be to manage things. Now, let's say you are getting frequent outbreaks. In that case, daily supressents may help you stay happier and in less pain, as well as keep your sex life happy and healthy, too. Basically, you don't need to think about supressents right now. Observe your body and any changes in potential future outbreaks, and then you can evaluate if you want to be on supressive medication. I hope this helps! Stay well 🌄 you can do this!! 💛🌻 Blessings, Grace

@ConscienceEye_ Hello ❤️ Sorry for the late response. Please know you are not bad. You are not dirty. You are not contaminated. You are good. You are clean. You are pure. You are a blessing who is worthy of love and respect, from others and from yourself. I know the pain you are feeling is so heavy. You have been placed in a tunnel. But, there is a light of peace and acceptance and a happy life at the end. And the light isn't the illusion, the tunnel is!! As someone with OCD, I understand the fear of spreading it to other parts of the body. But, remember, logic beats fear. A lot of times, we manifest our guilt and shame in irrational fears to cope. Like we feel emotionally dirty and guilty so we try and compensate by trying so so so hard to not pass it to ourselves or our children. You cannot give it to yourself; you have antibodies. For right now, if this is your first primary outbreak, you could spread it to yourself since you haven't yet built up sufficient antibodies, but if this is a secondary outbreak or you've gotten a blood test that Was an IgG, you are perfectly safe ❤️. I know it feels like your life is over, but it isn't. Not at all! Your son needs you. The world needs you. HSV is a common virus. That's it. It may feel like so much more than that especially since it's from your ex. You are not tainted; you are pure. You are a mama bear warrior, you are strong! 🐻❤️ We are all here for you. Please reach out if you need any help. And remember, if you ever feel like you would harm yourself, here is the national helpline: 800-273-8255, or, text HOME to 741741. I am sending you prayers and blessings! 🌻🌄❤️💛 Feel free to direct message if you need to! Things will get better. I promise. We are here for you every step of the way. Blessings, Grace

Hello! 🙂 I hope you are doing well! It's great that you have time to think about how you want to word everything while he is out of town. You mentioned that he has had some emotional stress and instability. Remember, the way people react to us is a reflection of them, and it something that they only can control. Even when we try and word things as perfect as we think they can be, it still isn't up to us how someone else reacts. This is both liberating and frustrating at the same time! But, don't let it get in the way of honesty. If you are worried about his reaction, make sure you choose a good time to share it, as often times other factors influence the way someone reacts that isn't even related to us. For example, stress from work, drama with family, just coming home and someone cut you off in traffic, etc. That's why simply asking, "Is now a good time to talk?" is such a great question! If you want to direct message me, feel free! I am so sorry that you got it from someone who was unfaithful. You did not deserve that. And, yes, herpes has such a stigma. Plus, the media and everything makes fun of it all the time, and so do most people. It's so inconsiderate. It's a common virus! It doesn't equate to being bad or ugly or sexually 'naughty'... it's a virus. That's it! It's society that demonizes it! Stay strong! We are here for you! Blessings ❤️ -- Grace

Hello! Well, considering that he has oral herpes (cold sores) and it is most likely HSV-1, which is what you just got diagnosed with, it would be logical that you would have contracted it form him. When was your first outbreak, and what type of test did you get to confirm you have GHSV-1? If you just had your first primary outbreak, and it was swabbed, and it came back positive for GHSV-1, then it would mean you got it from a recent sex partner (your partner). If you have never had an outbreak, or perhaps didn't notice you were having one, and you got a blood test that says you are positive for HSV-1, then one of two things is possible. If you had an IgM blood test positive result, it means you very recently contracted it. If you got positive results from an IgG test, it means you contracted it 12+ weeks ago. Has your partner recently had any cold sores, in or outside his mouth? If so, and he has preformed oral sex on you, it is likely you contracted it this way. Stay strong! ❤️ Blessings Grace

@ConscienceEye_ Hello, my friend! I am sending you positive energy ❤️ I am running out the door right now, but I will take time to respond soon! Hang in there ❤️ You are a warrior! 🌻 @queenb22 Your kindness and support is wonderful ☺️ Stay well!! Blessings to you both, Grace

Hello! This is such a great question. Thank you for asking this and opening up a discussion! I'm sure so many others have had this question. I do not have oral HSV-2, so I cannot relate specifically to you in that sense, but I can relate as a fellow human being! While thinking about this, I thought about a few things. I think that honesty with this would be good, since it's HSV-2, and HSV-2 is typically known to be the more aggressive of strains. But then, I thought, "do people with oral HSV-1 share their status before kissing someone?" Well, usually not, since most the time someone might not know they have it, or if they do know they have cold sores, they don't realize that's actually herpes! So, after those thoughts and pondering, I boiled it down to this... being honest before kissing is kind, not just for the other person, but for yourself. Ethically speaking, it may make you feel good and have a happier conscious if you let them know you have it. You obviously seem like someone who is caring and respectful, so this may help you stay happy and not guilt-ridden. From another ethical point, you never know if someone has a neurological condition or another health illness that would be exacerbated by constructing oral HSV-2, especially since this would be contracting it in the nerve bundle at the top of the spine near the neck and brain. So, I think being honest and upfront about it prior to kissing would be good ☺️. Plus, you know you have it, so not sharing the facts would technically be omission, which doesn't make either party feel good. Also, this really could help start a new trend: being honest about oral herpes of both types. Perhaps if people were more aware that herpes spreads more than just genital to genital, then people could be more aware of other transmission types. Think about it... there are increased rates of Genital HSV-1 because the rates of oral sex have increased throughout the ages. Maybe if people talked about it and realized they get cold sores which are herpes, people could be more aware and potentially decrease transmission rates! Similarly, by being honest, you could be part of a change for the greater good ☺️❤️! I hope I didn't cause any confusion or and I hope this helps! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask! Sending blessings your way! 🌄 -- Grace

Hello!! I hope you are doing okay today. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles and stress. Please know that you are not alone. You are not bad. You are not ugly. You are not dirty. You are good. You are worthy of love. You are beautiful. You are pure. If you have genital HSV-1, please know that this combination of location and type is less likely to result in frequent outbreaks. It typically lays more dormant, and of you do have an outbreak, typically they are less intense and painful than if it were genital HSV-2. It is going to be okay. You have a common virus, that's it. It doesn't determine who you are as a person. It doesn't have the power to overshadow you! If you haven't already, you may feel the need to discuss this with your partner, especially if they do not know they could have HSV. If they don't think they have it or have never had an outbreak, they could get an IgG blood test. The best way to have these discussions is to not be accusatory; to be logical, calm, and kind. If you feel that they aren't being respectful or are upset during the discussion, you can always ask to have the talk later when both parties are ready to be peaceful and calm. Stay strong ❤️ We are all here to support you and answer any questions you may have! Sending blessings your way 🌄! -- Grace

Hello!! Although I am a white 22 year old female, I can sympathize with the fear of disclosure. Remember that you have no reason to be ashamed. You are a wonderful, beautiful person, worthy of wholesome love and respect. Herpes is a common virus; it's just so stigmatized that people have been conditioned to fear it. Since you been with this person for two years, I would assume there are lines of communication and connection already established, which may help make disclosing a little less scary. You have a foundation of two years. Disclosing HSV shouldn't throw a monkey wrench into things, but if it does, and this person is not kind or respectful, than it isn't meant to be. Also, honor yourself. You have a right to know where the relationship is headed! Hold you head high and build yourself up, even giving yourself a pep talk and planning what you'll say when asking or disclosing can help! Also, think about what YOU want. Do you want things to be official? What would that look like for you? What do YOU need moving forward? As my mom has told me, it's easier to lay down the rules of a relationship before getting into than during it, and identifying what we need and want help us evaluate if the relationship is/can work. Since you said you both have been hurt before, this may be good for him too, and he can identify his wants and needs and you can both have an honest and open discussion ❤️. Also, I am going to tag @livingbeyond as she has addressed the intersectionality of being an African American woman with HSV. She's so kind and uplifting and makes the forum a better place!! ☺️ I hope this all helps. Please know you aren't alone and we are all here to support you! Sending blessings your way! 🌄 -- Grace

Hello!! I am so sorry to hear about your recent health struggles. We are here for you! You are not alone ❤️! In regards to the outbreaks, it could be due to your health, and the stress that your two other health issues have been causing. Also, has your ankolosing spondylitis caused you any nerve pain? Because it affects the spine, and genital HSV lives in the big nerve ball at the base of the spine, maybe the two are impacting each other? It makes sense that you aren't taking the suppressant, since you aren't intimate right now. However, some people take anitvirals for their own well-being, not just for intimacy! Similar to how some people take birth control pills for hormone regulation-- pregnancy prevention is just a bonus!. Similarly, daily supressents may help alleviate the constant outbreaks. If you are concerned about taking the antivirals, you can always consult your doctor and even your pharmacist, as they understand the biochemical reactions and potential side effects that antiviral medication has with any other medicine you may be taking. In terms of antiviral resistance, it is possible, however you would exactly know if you were resistant until you started taking them and things weren't getting better, even after upping the dosage and trying different antivirals. Those with resistance usually use strong IV antivirals to help them get better. I hope this help!! Stay well! Sending blessings of health and happiness your way!! 🌄 Blessings, Grace

Hi!! Holy cow! 🐄! It's great that you finally have an answer. Thank you for sharing this with everyone-- I'm sure you've inspired others to seek an immunologist referral! Keep us updated! Sending blessings of health and happiness your way!! 🌼🌄 -- Grace

Hi! Oh gosh, it's great you have your mom as a resource and as someone who understand it! ❤️ If you ever need any other advice or support, we are here for you! Stay well! 🙂 -- Grace

Hi!! Aw, I totally understand. Yes, hopefully a vaccine will exist one day! 🙂 He could have been virally shedding, and perhaps that's how you got it. For the future, if this is HSV, watch for any prodrome symptoms and see if the scabby sores appear in the same area. Stay well, and if you ever have questions or anything, feel free to ask them on the forum. Or, if your partner has any questions, he/you can ask them here, too! Blessings, Grace

Hello! Sorry for the late reply. Those look like healed herpes sores, especially since you mentioned they appeared and were 'moist'. However they could be ingrown hairs that you shaved over and accidentally ripped open/irritated. Is there or was there ever a little black line or dot in the middle of them? Have your scabs healed or have fallen off since you last posted? There is a post on here that is very similar to what you are describing; I am going to search for it and read it and get back to you! I hope you are feeling better! Blessings, Grace

Hello!! This is a great point of discussion. When I first got herpes, I disclosed really early on because I felt guilty about having herpes. Now, I don't find the need to disclose, because, as you and @beihaigirl2004 said, sex isn't my goal and I want someone to see for more than a potential sex partner. I have promised myself to get to really know someone before being vulnerable with them. Protect and respect yourself. Make sure someone is worthy of you before sharing your beautiful body with them ❤️ you deserving a loving and respectful relationship ❤️😶 Blessings, Grace

Hello, First, please know you are NOT dirty. You are not bad. You have no reason to be ashamed. You are beautiful, and you deserve positive and healthy relationships and intimacy. The way others treat you shows who they are, not who you are. The stupid chump who mocked you is a toxic person. They made you feel bad about yourself emotionally and physically. When someone hurts us, we have a tendency to take on extreme guilt and shame. We think it's our fault, and we take on the guilt and shame that the unkind person should feel. None of this was your fault. I am so sorry that everything started after that toxic time and moment. I have my herpes from someone who was abusive, and it honestly acts as this looming reminder of how I got it... however, I have learned to heal! You can too ❤️ ! When you first noticed boils, that was probably the herpes. The lump you had could have been a cyst; I have had those on my pubic area before and they just dissolve on their own (very odd!). In terms of the all-over testing, were those all IgG blood tests? If so, it seems that you could have HSV-1 (most people do, orally), especially since you mentioned a tingling near/in your nostrils. It is very odd that the HSV-2 didn't show up until this month, four+ years later. Hypothetically, it could have taken you this long to build up detectable amounts of antibodies. All of the neurological symptoms you are describing could be post-herpetic neuralgia. However, you mentioned you have Pernicious anemia, which can actually cause nerve damage, as nerve cells need B12 to function properly. How long did you have pernicious anemia before receiving treatment, and have there ever been any gaps in receiving treatment? The intense pain in the area down there could be linked to the pelvic floor muscles; they are actually SUPER important and play a roll in so much of the functioning and health of the anus/vagina/area down there. Also, the pain could be from the neurological issues you are experiencing. Your organs and muscles have nerves, too! It is great that you have reached out to Terri Warren, what a blessing she is! 🙂❤️ I hope this all helps ❤️ Stay strong. You are a warrior! We are here for you 🙂❤️ You are in my thoughts and prayers!! ❤️ Blessings, Grace

Hi! Okay, thanks for clarifying everything! If he's never been tested, did a doctor just visually diagnose him? Or did your partner self-diagnose? The only way to tell the specific strain of herpes someone has is through either a swab or a blood test, and if your partner has had sores both orally and genitally, it is possible he has both types of HSV (pretty uncommon but possible). For both your health and his own health, a blood test would be a good idea ☺️ In regards to the scabs you have, it could be one of many things. Have you ever seen these scabs before, and did you shave right before being intimate? It could be razor burn, thrush, or another non-herpetic dermatological issue. Did they start out as red bumps that then filled with a fluid, and did they pop/ooze at all before scabbing? Also, are they painful or itchy, and have you noticed any burning or tingling in that area? If you answered yes to any/all of these questions, it sounds like HSV. If you wanted, you could get the scabs checked out by a doctor. You are also allowed to post an image of the scabs on the forum if you feel comfortable (as long as the image is only of the scabs and surrounding skin). But, you don't need to post anything at all if you don't want to! Know that you will be okay!! We are here for you. Blessings, Grace

Hello! I hope you are well. That is a great question! Herpes is transmitted via skin to skin contact. Herpes is not a blood Bourne illness (such as AIDS, for example) and doesn't live in our fluids like blood or urine or saliva or semen. Instead, those fluids can act as a transmission route for spreading HSV to occur. Kind of like a lazy river at a resort.... People are all floating on their inner tubes and the driver brings them places. They don't live in the water, but use it to travel. This being said, if someone has an active sore or is actively shedding (prodrome symptoms), then any movement of fluids over the infected area could transfer the virus to another. So, if someone has a sore near the little opening of the penis, and they ejaculate onto you hypothetically the virus could use the semen as a vehicle to get from one person to another. However, if someone has HSV asymptomatically, it's a little more tricky to tell when they are shedding. Your partner has GHSV-1, which usually does not result in frequent shedding or outbreaks. Is your partner currently experiencing an outbreak and that's why you were worried? Or are you just nervous about possible transmission in general? Regardless, please feel free to ask other questions or follow up questions if you need! We are here to help you ☺️ I hope this all helps! Sorry it's confusing. Biology and virology are difficult to explain sometimes, and I am not a medical professional by any means! a nurse practitioner @Ebelskivermay have more advice on this. Any help and insight would be appreciated!! Thank you! ☺️💛 Blessings, Grace

Hello, @venicebeach95! I hope you are doing better since you posted this. I am so sorry for the delay in responding! Did you get a swab test or IgM blood test to see if this is indeed HSV? Herpes can be internal, as you have described, and it is very painful. I had sores inside my vaginal cavity during my first outbreak, and it was just ... ouchie. It could be a blockage, however it could also be from the stress and pain you have been feeling. The body's response could have been to tense up down there due to the inflammation and pain, which could cause constipation. A study at Yale from 2016 showed how herpes (specifically HSV-1) can impact the nerves of the colon, causing constipation. Although the study talks about genital HSV-1, I would imagine it applies to HSV-2 as well. Because herpes is linked to the nerve bundles in our bodies, those nerve bundles can impact all the other nerve sites in our bodies, apparently including our freaking colon (literally what the heck, this is both interesting and just plain bizarre!) Here is the study: https://www.cell.com/cell-host-microbe/fulltext/S1931-3128(16)30204-9 Also, if you had anal sex before the outbreak, is it possible you somehow got an injury from that? Before taking more antivirals, you could get an internal exam at your OBGYN or primary doctor's office to make sure there isn't something organ/muscular related going on (also, they can see if there are still sores present, and if so, they could give you more antivirals). It's important to get an exam, especially because you mentioned seeing blood when you pooed. I hope this all helps. I am so sorry you've been struggling! Please know we are here for you ❤️ You are not alone! Sending blessings and prayers your way ❤️ !! -- Grace

Hello, @Hopefulforhelp! 🙂 I hope you are well. I am so sorry for the delay in responding to your post! I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. Please know you are not alone. We are all here to support you however you need! ❤️ It sounds like your body is really having a reaction to the virus, and your body may be struggling to fight off the virus and keep it dormant, hence the outbreaks in regions all over your body. Every member of my family has Lyme Disease, and it can be such a difficult illness to manage. Lyme Disease is very odd because it sparks without reason, and can trigger other illnesses (such HSV), but the antibiotics they give you for Lyme Disease actually inhibit your immune system from preforming properly (it decreases the body's ability to express inflammation/show an immune response in an effort to make the inflammation and reactions to the Lyme go away). This is good to rid of the Lyme, but if you are exposed to another illnesses or have one already (HSV), your body's immune system is unable to properly fight off infection, and this is probably why you keep infecting yourself. Typically, the body protects you from giving yourself herpes. However, if you are on medicine such as doxycycline, your immune system may be struggling to prevent outbreaks and keep the virus at bay, and may be struggling to prevent yourself from infecting yourself. I am so sorry to hear about this. I admire your positivity and kindness! 🙂 You are SO strong! ❤️ Stay well! ❤️ You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending blessings and health and happiness you way! ❤️ -- Grace

Hello! I hope you are feeling better today! Ugh, yes, 'sneaky' is the perfect word to describe H. 'Sassy,' 'bothersome,' and 'annoying,' are my other top words haha. It's great that you have antivirals. Things should start to clear up 🙂 If your partner did contract it, it isn't your fault. You didn't even realize it was prodrome, especially since these symptoms weren't like the first time! Just tell your partner to be aware for any prodrome symptoms. It will be okay ❤️ I'm sure that you feel guilty or ashamed, but let those feelings go. Love is so powerful, and I am sure your partner understands ❤️ Blessings! -- Grace