mr_hopp

Hi whiteshadowcgb, You're not the only one to have these concerns. But it's actually quite hard to spread herpes to other parts of other people's bodies when you aren't having an active outbreak. If you want to ease your fears, have your child's nose swabbed and tested, but most likely from everything I've seen, it's probably not herpes. You are not a walking contagion. I promise. :) Read this blog article for more information: http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/

Welcome Redred. :) I'm glad you're here. Know that you will feel whole again. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. It all deserves to be there. Just love yourself through the whole thing. That is the way to heal. Sharing yourself here with the rest of us who can understand the pain and the heartache is also a huge step in the healing process. Being accepted by others allows you to more fully accept yourself as you are. So welcome. And much love. :)

Hey Judith! It works for me just fine ... Might be your internet connection? Do other youtube videos that you watch do the same thing?

Grinning from ear to ear. Thank you for sharing yourself here. Glad to have you. Glad to see you shifting into more and more self-love and self-acceptance.

Well, we won't give you the script to say. That'll come from you. ;) But check in with yourself around actually honoring his decision while also honoring what you want and need in a relationship. Don't make him wrong for making that decision; it's his to make. And his decision just doesn't match up with what you need. If you want some one-on-one coaching on this, I'd be glad to help out, too.

Hey, I hear ya. Staying with him could mean that he could see the light that it actually isn't as big a deal as he's been convinced that it is (the herpes stigma was all made up for marketing purposes anyway — read this article for more on that: http://herpeslife.com/inventing-herpes/ ) And then again, maybe not. He may still forever be entrenched in the negative stigma about herpes. And then you will have wasted your precious time with him. If he's clear right now in this moment that he won't want to ever be physical with you, honor that as his decision. I hear that you don't want to be celibate, so you two seemingly have reached an impasse ... He sounds clear on his decision (for now). If he changes his mind and realizes that herpes isn't something to hold him back from you, someone he feels a true connection with, then he will come around then. But I would suggest not waiting for him to come around ... it just might not happen. And you're worth more than waiting for someone to figure out that you're worth it. He'll get it if he's meant to, but him getting it doesn't mean you need to patiently wait around for that to happen. Just my 2 cents. ;) And hey, the whole "giving up" thing ... Remember that rejection and all this stuff that we go through around having the herpes talk is ubiquitous in the dating world in general! People go through being vulnerable and facing rejection whether they have herpes or not. Let's remember that. We aren't the special ones who get to possibly suffer through rejection from someone we're crushin' on. ;) I'm really feeling protective over your awesomeness and your heart. Herpes doesn't mask those parts of you.

Is this the kind of relationship you want? Someone who is paranoid and telling you that you will never be physical together? (It's one thing to say "Let's take it slow" ... It's completely another to say NEVER.) I feel like you are putting up with this kind of treatment because you are actually buying into the whole "I'm defective" belief that herpes can tend to push on us. That you deserve to be treated as less than because of herpes. I got news for you: You're not defective. You're perfectly fine as you are, with all your amazing qualities along with your imperfections (which is what make us human). The perception that herpes is somehow a big deal is what's defective. Not you. If his decision is to NEVER be physical with you and you just so happen to want to be physical, then that's his decision. Now you get to make a decision on whether or not you want to put yourself through that. There are plenty of people who won't be paranoid about a simple skin condition. Nothing against him, but this is your opportunity to go for the kind of relationship you know deep down you deserve and not settle because of "acne genitalis." ;)

Confidentiality. By being a member of our Herpes Opportunity community, you agree to exercise discretion and sensitivity when re-sharing or mentioning anything shared by others within the group. As a trusted member of this community, you agree to assess if what you will share could be embarrassing or harmful to the original poster, and if so, you agree to seek their explicit permission first. No judgment or shaming (a.k.a. "everything is okay as it is"). These are the main guidelines of the Herpes Opportunity weekend, too. Magic can happen when we all agree to not judge or shame one another OR ourselves. Your emotions are welcome. Being true with what is (anger, sadness, excitement, etc.) is fully welcomed here. Being accepting of how we are in the moment is a huge step toward self-acceptance and ultimately deep healing. Just be aware to not take out your emotions on others community members. Be compassionate. Starting with yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. If you're not doing that, that's something you should post about here and get some support. Then move on and be compassionate towards your brother and sisters here as they post about their experiences. Show empathy. Get their world. Put yourself in their shoes. Get curious about what they're feeling and thinking. Reflect to them what you see. Be authentic. Share your experience or the impact someone else's experience had on you. Don't hold back. Be alive. Group betterment. Hold the intention to leave any interaction in the group better than you found it. (This is a good rule to follow in real life too!) This is NOT a dating site. This site is for community support, not dating or hookups. Leave posts in place. Please do not delete (or Dirty Delete) your posts. If things go sideways, reach out to a moderator. Many people put in a lot of effort in their comments, so deleting yours disrupts the conversational flow of topics. If there are certain posts you would like to edit due to privacy concerns, reach out to a moderator with the proposed edited text so we can preserve the original conversation. No postings on cures or vaccines. If a cure or vaccine is promising, it will be huge news. For as long as any of us "veterans" can remember, there have always been false promises of a cure/vaccine, and to promote them here gives false hope. Even worse, it has people put their lives on hold. Live your life fully now. And if a cure/vaccine comes, be pleasantly surprised. 🙂 Link to reputable sources. If you post a link to a source that is not reputable or is trying to sell something (especially a herpes treatment or cure), your post will be deleted or you will be banned. Name your posts descriptively When you post something, make the title descriptive so others know what it's about upon reading the title. For example, if you have questions about the herpes talk, instead of naming your post "Questions!" name it something more descriptive to exactly what you need help with, like "About to have the herpes talk and need support!" If you are vague, I may just help you out by renaming your post, just a heads up. 🙂 This site is mainly to support people with herpes. If you do NOT have herpes, your membership will be accepted or denied on a case-by-case basis. If someone in your life has herpes, the best support you can give to them is to send them to this forum and encourage them to join so we can support them directly. But in the cases where the person is unwilling to seek help, then allowing non-herpes members to join in direct support for their loved one will be considered. No solicitation. Posting of external links that are not well-established, trustable entities in the field of sexual health are not allowed. No links are allowed that in any way advertise or link products, or are promotional in any way. This includes fundraising of any sort or petitions. You're free to post your opinions and responses to the posted topics, provided they are not focused on "promoting" yourself, a third party or a product, and don't include links to them. We ask our members not to use the membership lists to sell to members using private message. Any of the above behavior is grounds for removal from the group. Love and support. See the possibility and lovability in one another. This is really the lynchpin of everything I outlined above. Do your own research. We are not doctors or therapists. NOTHING on this site is to be followed as medical or psychological advice. This is not in place of your medical doctor or therapist. Please consult a qualified doctor or therapist if you feel you need that kind of assistance. Privacy Policy & Terms of Use. The Herpes Opportunity as a whole (weekend workshop, blog and this forum) operates under the following: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/privacy-policy https://www.herpesopportunity.com/terms-and-conditions Privacy and username. Your personal information (including your email address) will NOT be visible to the general public, but whatever username you use will be public. So if you use a similar username on other forums or any other places where your identity is known and you want your identity to remain private, then choose a username that is not used in other places that identifies you. Your personal information (including your email address) will not be visible to the general public, but whatever username you use will be public. So if you use a similar username on other forums or any other places where your identity is known and you want your identity to remain private, then choose a username that is not used in other places that identifies you. Occasionally I get requests from people who would like to delete their accounts. For the good of the community, it's best to keep all content available on the forums since a lot of content is part of ongoing conversations and threads. If one person's account is deleted, then all of their contributions that run through other conversations are all lost and the context is therefore lost, too. The conversations you have here, while helping you now, will also help others who come to these forums in the future to read and feel supported. With all that being said ... If your username is used in other forums or might identify you, then send a PM to @mr_hopp with the new username you would like to use. (Please make it unique since a lot of shorter usernames are already taken.) If there are concerns that you might have shared something in a post that might identify you and anonymity is important to you, send me an edited version of the post(s) you would like to change and I can do that for you. If you would like to delete your account altogether so you don't get updates from member posts and messages, then as a last resort we can delete your account, but your posts will stay (either still attributed to your username or an anonymized username). Thank you for helping to make this a safe and supportive community.

Where are you from, Kevinrio?

@effemmell - there's no way that you are "SUPPOSED to be"! :) All you are is right here in this moment. Stop spinning your wheels projecting "what ifs" into the future. It's pretty pointless to worry about all that, isn't it? Will you be alone forever? Maybe. Will you fall madly in love with the Mr. Right of your dreams tomorrow? Maybe. Who's to say? And how does worrying about all that now help your future at all? ;) Right now is what's most important for you to heal and love yourself. And worrying ain't it.

My whole body has never itched before. The only itching I've had was my prodrome symptoms, but those only happened in the exact spot where my herpes outbreaks happen, nowhere else. However, I have seen from a few other community members on this forum that talk about itchiness. Here's one, for example: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/119/hsv-2-advice-please-really-itchy/p1 So ultimately, there's no way to know for sure if your itchiness will lead to an outbreak until you actually get an outbreak or not. That's the importance of getting to know your own unique prodrome symptoms. Everyone is slightly different. The longer you have the virus, the less outbreaks you'll have and you'll also get to know how your body is telling you if another outbreak is coming on. Here's a blog article I wrote on that: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-prodrome-symptoms

Hey all! I had the pleasure of chatting with our one and only Brenda over the weekend (code name @Whoopsidaysi from these forums) all the way in Canada! She was a participant at the last Herpes Opportunity weekend — http://thehopp.com — and will be flying back AGAIN this time around to help staff! Watch the video of our chat to get a peek into the phenomenon known as Brenda. :) (Gosh, I love this woman.) ... and here's the blog article she wrote to go with our video: http://herpeslife.com/brenda-talks-about-her-transformation

I got it while in a dysfunctional relationship (if you could even call it a relationship). We were growing apart and not really happy with each other. Our relationship was going downhill, but we didn't speak to it ... So over Christmas holiday she went back home to be with her family and got reacquainted with her ex. He had just gotten herpes from someone he recently slept with and didn't know to tell her. Then she came home a few days later and had sex with me in the midst of what turned out being her first outbreak. Of course, she didn't tell me she slept with her ex. Ouch. ;) So herpes to me not only meant all the stigmatized stuff I had learned about it over the years, but it also meant infidelity and lying. Which is why I'm so big on transparency, honesty and authenticity here. I don't want herpes to be associated with lying and deceit. If each one of us moves through the shame of it and into accepting ourselves, then disclosing becomes not only a way to tell our partners, but also a way to spread the antidote to the stigma: Self-acceptance.

Yeah, that's a good idea. Hands off the merchandise (for now)! Hey, just think of the masturbation as a prize for practicing patience. ;)

hatemyself134? Really? That's the name you chose for these forums? All right, prepare for some good old fashioned tough love! ;) Know that the name you choose on these forums has a tremendous effect on how you experience this whole thing. It's the perspective you are in fact choosing to take on. Not a lot of healing can take place in self-hatred. Just more shame, bitterness and pain. There's an opportunity here for you to LOVE yourself. That's what you're moving toward here. That's where all the big, flashing lights are pointing. And until you realize that you are lovable, we're gonna love you so much that you can't help but see it. How about that? ;) Yes, we are gonna love the ever-lovin' shit outta you until you just can't take it anymore. (Pardon my French.) Check it out: What you focus on becomes bigger. And while being sad and allowing your emotion to be is totally healthy and supported here, hating yourself is not. I won't stand for you treating yourself that way. You don't deserve it. You get to change what sounds like generations of negativity and judgment in your family by changing your relationship to yourself. That's where it all begins. And what better time than right now? You can start in this moment. Look in the mirror. Look into your own eyes and thank yourself for caring enough to join this forum. Just joining here was an act of self-love. Own it. Might I suggest you change your name to "lovemyself134"? That feels so much better to me, but only if you feel that it's right for you. I can change it if you say the word ... And mark my words, that is when the change will begin to happen for you.

Hi effemmell, Thank you for coming to our community and being so honest with your emotions right off the bat. Thank you for being raw with how you're feeling. This is an honest, authentic community and I appreciate you bringing yourself fully here. So much love for you! You are rockin' it. This is how we heal. With being with what is and accepting what is, and loving ourselves through the process ... And I'll be damned if we're gonna let you kill yourself over a simple skin rash. Psh. Please. :) We know you're destined for better things than that. And you know it, too, or you wouldn't have come on here to reach out. And like Beckie said, look at all the shifting you've already done. Imagine what's possible with more time and more loving yourself? That is what it takes to heal: Self-love. Self-acceptance. Recognizing that your thoughts aren't reality. Recognizing that your beauty lies deeper than the depth of your skin. And if you need reminders, we're here to remind. And hey, don't try to heal. You're not trying. You are doing it right now. This is it. And I friggin' love your courage to face this head on and entertain the possibility that you are so beyond incredibly lovable ... :) Come to the weekend. You're ready for it. Big hugs and so much love to you! And remember ... you're an angel of the heart! (corny enough for ya?) ;)

Hi Kevinrio, Welcome to the forums! The answers to your questions are all located within these awesome handouts. Enjoy! :) http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

Don't masturbate when you're having an actual herpes outbreak. Other than that, it's really hard (pun intended) to spread herpes to other parts of your body (also known as "auto-inoculation") via viral shedding due to your body building up immunity (antibodies) to herpes the longer you have it. Read these articles for more info: http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/ http://herpeslife.com/what-is-herpes-asymptomatic-viral-shedding/

Welcome to the forums! FACT: You are not alone. 25+ million Americans have what you have. Have you downloaded both of the handouts yet? http://herpeslife.com/resources/ FACT: You are lovable and huggable and totally worthy. I promise. FACT: What you are feeling RIGHT NOW is OKAY. There is nothing WRONG with you. FACT: There's no good reason to let herpes keep you down. You make the decision on whether or not you believe the hype. FACT: We're here for you if you need us and need a virtual hug. Need any more confirmation? ;) Much love!

I appreciate your concern about passing it, and I'm also getting the feeling that you're overly paranoid (which tends to happen with all the misinformation and stigma out there). No need to be paranoid, but loving that you're asking the question! If there's no outbreak happening, then you're fine with him "fooling around in your nether regions" ... viral shedding doesn't tend to produce enough of the virus to transmit to a non-mucous-membrane area of the body. And if the guy already has HSV-1 (which 80% of Americans age 14-49 do), then he already has antibodies that would have another layer of protection to make it that much harder for the virus to jump to him.

Inspired by your strength and courage in sharing your tender heart. Much love and hugs!

Ah, sooooo awesome! Thank you for being contagious in a GOOD way! You rock, sista.

Yep, it's called the Herpes Opportunity weekend seminar. :) http://thehopp.com There are also great Meetup groups around the world that hold in-person gatherings and hangouts to normalize this thing called herpes. Here's our meetup group that meets in Raleigh, NC:

Thanks for the acknowledgment, Jess. Warms my heart and feels good to hear. I do my best to make sure everyone on these forums know they are not alone. Because we aren't! :) And about Mr. Rejection, I imagine this experience is showing you a deeper cut of accepting yourself (knowing even more deeply that you really ARE awesome). Check it out: If you truly accepted yourself on a deep level, then you would be yourself regardless of whatever others might think of you. Whatever people know about you or not doesn't have any impact on who you know yourself to be. If you disclose to someone, that shouldn't shift who you are and how you act. This shift in behavior seems to be a symptom of still on some level believing you're flawed because of a simple stigmatized skin condition. (Hint: You're not flawed. At all. Pinky promise.) And about the seminar, people are flying from all over the country (a few from Canada) to come, so don't let distance be an excuse not to come. Look at whatever excuses you're cooking up about not coming. Are they worth you not getting the healing you're looking for? Sometimes we convince ourselves that our excuses are the things that are holding us back when really it's ourselves. ;)

I have a followup answer! ;) There is a chance of spreading herpes to other parts of the body during a visible outbreak. Even though auto-inoculation is hard to do, the times of outbreaks are when you're most contagious. Same thing with a partner who has the same strain of the virus (HSV-1, HSV-2 or both). When you have antibodies to that strain of the virus, it gives you a bigger level of defense, but not 100%. Waiting until you don't have any signs or symptoms of an outbreak is the best way to keep your outbreaks confined to one spot on your body. ;)