mr_hopp

Hi starry_eyed! Sorry this message got buried before I was able to respond to it! From what I've heard, 4 months should be enough time for your body to develop the antibodies (if you do have herpes) so that there are enough that a blood test for herpes can detect them. I've heard the IgG test is the best, followed by the Western Blot. If you want a definitive test result, I'd go for one of those in my opinion. And it's really hit and miss when it comes to whether a doctor will give you a prescription simply by explaining your symptoms. I just read on someone else's post on these forums ... here's the link: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1065/suppressive-therapy-and-herpes-outbreaks/p1 ... that a doctor wouldn't give a prescription for herpes medication unless they were able to come in during an outbreak (even though the blood test showed they had herpes). I would call around to doctors to see. Apparently it's a case-by-case basis. I imagine that you would at least need proof that you indeed have herpes, either by swabbing an outbreak or a definitive blood test. But requiring both is outrageous. ;)

That's why I'm trying to get these handouts into as many people as possible, Renee! ;) http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout And I'm currently in talks with Planned Parenthood about going to clinics and training their staff in a workshop setting. If anyone has any connections and they'd like to get me connected to more folks, please send me a private message!

Thank you for sharing your story, Jessi! It was great to connect with you live via Skype the other day. I look forward to supporting you however I can to get your support group started. It inspires me to see others moving into support and love. Because the more we continue to move forward into allowing others to heal and come out from the shadows, the more our hearts grow bigger and our process of healing continues, too. It's a beautiful cycle. I can't wait to meet you in person at the H Opp weekend in July! http://thehopp.com

Oh zebrafish, I'm simultaneously glad you have such a supportive boyfriend AND I wish you wouldn't judge yourself like that, even in joking terms. Tears are cleansing and nourishing. Crying is natural. You're not a baby. You're a human being. We all cry. It's perfectly normal and healthy.

That's sad that pockets of our medical profession (I say pockets because it was easy for me to get suppressive therapy) make us jump through hoops like that. Adds insult to injury in my opinion ... But if their logic is that the only reason you'd be taking suppressive therapy is to avoid actual outbreaks, they're wrong. Taking suppressive therapy lessens the likelihood of spreading it to partners by 50%! It lessens asymptomatic viral shedding by anywhere between 50-80%! Tell them that and maybe they'll listen. And if not, call around to other doctors until they do. I'm sorry you're going through such a rigamarole around this. I wish there could be more understanding and acceptance of this across the board. And it's happening. Slowly but surely. Unfortunately it seems that we are the ones who are meant to educate our medical professionals.

Hey lovemyself (gosh, I love the namechange) & chase. Remember, herpes doesn't have to put you down. Ultimately, it's what you make it. It can be an opportunity (ring a bell?) ;) I wanted to jump in to make sure that wasn't said as absolute Truth. Because for many people, herpes hasn't put them down; it's actually been what had them look deeper into themselves that actually has them raise themselves up. Just a friendly reminder.

Make sure you read this article first before you go on daily suppressive therapy, Chase: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/

Wanting to die is basically saying that a virus is more powerful than you. And I'm just going to call that out for the bullshit it is (in the most loving, supportive, nurturing way possible). :) YOU are the captain of your ship! A simple virus (even through all the itching and annoyance) isn't going to take you out of commission! I promise you! It may FEEL like that right now, but the ironic part about feelings is that the more we are willing to actually feel, the more they are able to move and shift. And then the feelings of wanting to die transform into re-connecting to yourself: A beautiful, worth it human being. Get it? So love yourself. Don't kill yourself. It's just a virus with an unfair reputation.

The first thing I always say to people who are brand new is that you get to now start developing a healthier relationship to yourself. Maybe wanting to curl up and hide is what you need in order to heal. But make sure that the person you're left with (yourself) is treating you like the friend you deserve. This is a natural healing process. Allow it to happen and nourish yourself with what you need. And when you are ready to reach out, allow the people you love to support you. Reaching out here on our Herpes Opportunity forums is a HUGE part of the healing process. It takes you out of your own pain and gives it some breathing room, some opportunity to be seen and acknowledged. So congrats for caring enough about yourself to do this right now. There's so much love waiting for you. When you're ready to accept it. :) Much love and big hugs, Chase! Welcome to our positive little community! ;) And I look forward to meeting you at our weekend workshop in July. http://herpesopportunity.com

Yep, my past relationship of 3 years I didn't spread herpes to my partner. And we agreed to not use condoms, but I was on daily suppressive therapy.

Hey! You know, I can see how it might feel like that one sexual experience might be representative of how EVERY sexual experience might end up being for you from here on out. But do you also see how that's unfair to yourself to start thinking that way? And the more you believe that all experiences will be like that, the more likely they will be (self-fulfilling prophecy). Just like how most people who are hit with herpes believe that they will ALWAYS have the same relationship to having herpes as they do when they are first hit with the news: WRONG. ;) Things change. Beliefs and thought patterns change. It's up to you to help them shift in the positive direction, in the direction that most serves you in your happiness. Here's a question to pose just as a thought experiment: What if it's true that you were going to be alone for the rest of your life. (This is not to freak you out as if it's going to happen, just to really go there in your mind.) What's so bad about being alone? What are you most afraid of? What does that mean about you? When you can come to terms with the answers to these questions, you'll begin to heal those old woundings within yourself to have a whole relationship with someone else. I'm in that position right now after ending a relationship about a week ago. Going through all those thoughts of "Damn, I'm alone again." And then asking myself "What's so bad about that?" I'm taking this singlehood as a time to explore myself, to get to know myself, to "date myself" before jumping right into the next relationship. That's what feels good to me right now even as I also notice the desire in me to find that next person who is going to MAKE me happy. :) I get to find happiness in the fact that I'm simply alive and it's a beautiful day. The little things end up being the big things.

Nope, you don't get the dumb question award! (Sorry to let you down.) ;) Herpes outbreaks generally stay in the same general area. Spreading your outbreak area to another area (also called auto-inoculation) is generally hard to do since you have to actually get some of the liquid from inside the sore and then touch it to another break in your skin or a mucous membrane. Because once you have herpes, the body builds up enough antibodies to not allow it to spread all over you. Read these articles for more info: http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/ http://herpeslife.com/what-is-herpes-asymptomatic-viral-shedding/

Yeah, I feel the same way. Sexual shame is deeply impacting our society and our ability to love and be loved. Hence, why I added a tagline to the top of every page of our websites: Love shamelessly. That's what this is all about. And hey, this new STD is even more of a reason that having "the herpes talk" isn't just keeping others from getting our cute little rash, but saving us from getting a superbug! ;)

Hey Surrealist! Welcome to the forums! Yes, you are NOT alone. I promise you, having herpes isn't as huge a deal as it may seem when you hear all the stigma out there. The psychological implications are more than the actual physical ones. For the knowledge-seeker in you, start off by reading these 2 handouts: http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout Other than that, before starting to take tons of medication and vitamins, see how future outbreaks go. Most of the time, the body is able to keep outbreaks under control after about 6 months to a year because the body immediately starts producing antibodies to protect itself. It's natural medication. And on average outbreaks only happen once or twice per year. Here are some blog articles on herpes medication and treatment: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment Any other questions? Please just ask! We're here for you! Big hug!

Hi all! I remember when I first got herpes, I would scan herpes forums like this one, live vicariously through other people's questions and the answers they got and the ensuing conversations that followed, but I wouldn't DARE post anything ... And that went on for a while ... I was still hiding. It felt safe. And it was quite lonely. It wasn't until I took that next step to participate in the conversation (however anonymously I chose to be) that I actually got a firsthand experience of being able to express MYself and MY feelings, to really get that I myself wasn't alone, to get the support I myself needed. And boy, what a RELIEF that was to let it all out! I've heard from a lot of people through this community that it took them months of trolling on these boards before they considered actually posting anything. If you happen to be one of those people reading this right now, I offer to you a compassionate hand, reached out to you. I offer you my love, my appreciation, my ear to listen. Come out from the shadows. There's no reason to hide. It's a beautiful day out here in the light. ;) Be as anonymous as you'd like to be. Share yourself. Share whatever is true for you right now. Let us support you in whatever is going on right now. Because I promise this: We can relate. Not only as people with herpes, but as fellow human beings all going through our varying degrees of human beingness. ;) And when you reach out and allow yourself to be supported and seen for who you are, that's when the true healing begins. Here's to you on your healing process ... We love you.

How would social services get involved? For example, babies get herpes all the time from grandparents and babysitters giving them kisses while they have a cold sore on their mouth. It sounds like getting a swab would be the best way to settle down your mind and heart instead of having it be big question marks in your head. Your own misplaced guilt seems to be beating yourself up when you don't deserve to beat yourself up. That guilt isn't helping anyone. It's clear to me that you love your son. Love toward him and yourself is 50x stronger than any guilt that you are holding onto for yourself. Let it go. Get the facts. Move on.

How does he feel about taking advantage of you like that? I feel your heart in this, but don't feel your anger/self-respect for him crossing a boundary like that. I'm feeling protective over you hearing how he crossed the line. Not cool at all! It seems that most of your attention is on him, having compassion for someone who would do this to you instead of having your attention on taking care of yourself. He did this to himself without even giving you a chance to let him know! How are you to blame for that in any way?

Yeah, I'm with lelani on this one. It sounds like the pressure is coming from the outside of people wanting to date you when you're not ready. You get to go down this road at the speed that feels right to you. Take care of yourself. Listen to yourself. When you're ready, you'll know. And sometimes being single is just what the doctor ordered! There's nothing wrong with that, too. It's dating yourself. ;)

mlss08, all of those things you dream of are still totally possible and probable if that's what you want. Don't let herpes have all this power. 99% of it is in your head and due to our society's stigmatizing beliefs around a simple skin condition. I promise you that. Don't believe the hype. ;) Herpes ain't bad; it's pretty innocent here, actually. Another thing, how do you feel calling herpes a "disease"? When I read that word, my stomach turns. I don't feel like I have a "disease" ... it may feel like nit-picking, but the words we use have a huge impact on how we experience our lives. Check out this article: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-wordplay-the-power-of-words/ From all of my experience with having herpes myself and all the people I have spoken with through this website and forum, herpes isn't the reason all of these things come up in us. Those worries and feelings of self-pity have always been there. They're just seemingly magnified now. You get to shift those beliefs within yourself now. If your boyfriend truly wants space, let him have space. It might just be an opportunity for you to re-connect with yourself. The desperation to be wanted that herpes can create can also lead to co-dependency. The secret to breaking co-dependency in my own experience is to actually be alone for a while. And to realize that it is okay to be alone. It doesn't mean you're not enough or not lovable. It just means that you're alone. That you're healing yourself. There are certain layers of healing I can only reach when I am by myself. Being in a relationship can tend to be a distraction from more deeper healing. I feel for you, and I know that pain. Will he come back? Maybe. Maybe not. What if he doesn't? Is your life over? No. You'll still be all right. You will heal and you will move on. And the opportunity for you here may just be to love yourself without needing that from him.

Again, I truly appreciate your candidness and sticking here with this. I feel your humanity and integrity more in this latest post. A lot of anger came up for me reading your initial post because I've heard plenty of people who don't appreciate others and devalue themselves because of this herpes thing. These people hide due to shame, then they spread herpes due to hiding instead of being honest about it. And that triggered me to react and assume your wife was all in the clear, too. But with this new information, sounds like both of you were doing unfaithful stuff to each other? Sounds like a big ol' cluster of confusion, bro. Regardless, this isn't the end of the world for you. Not at all. It may just be the shift that your life needs. (It may just be an, ahem, opportunity.) This could actually be the turning point. Know that whole "hitting the wall" metaphor they talk about in AA? When you hit the wall, it hurts. In the moment, it's not something you particularly enjoy, per-se, but sometimes what it takes to rebuild from the ground up is to crumble to the ground. Don't let this be the end for you. Let it be the beginning of a new chapter. A new chapter marked with integrity and openness and respect, both for yourself and those you find yourself with. You'll find that the kind of people you attract tend to be similar to your growth path. So as you shift the way you live, the kind of people you attract into your life across the board.

Thank you for being so transparent with us here. There's so much here to comment on ... So let's start from the top. ;) Where my attention first goes is your wife. Not knowing the full story, but feeling tons of compassion for her and what I imagine she's going through right now. It's fascinating to me how flippantly you speak of your infidelity. Were you and your wife practicing a swinger lifestyle or was this just something you decided on your own without consulting her? How do you feel about treating your wife like that? Have you put yourself in her shoes, bro? I imagine she's hurting a lot (and not only because you may have gifted her with herpes, but also because of how you seemingly shat on the implicit trust that a marriage represents). It seems by all the questions you're asking that all you care about is your own needs and making sure you'll still be able to have sex while avoiding a potentially uncomfortable conversation. Sounds pretty selfish, wouldn't you agree? Have you downloaded the 2 handouts? Those are all the hardcore questions and answers and information you need to know so you can be armed with information when you tell other women. http://herpeslife.com/resources/ Do you tell possible sexual partners your status? Of course! Why wouldn't you? Even though the risks are small when you wear protection, there's still a chance (5% with a condom, 2.5% with both a condom and suppressive therapy). Yes, there is even a chance if you have never had a visible herpes outbreak. (Look up asymptomatic viral shedding — herpes is shed 10% of the time with no signs or symptoms.) If you're intimate with someone physically, the least you can do is also be intimate enough with them emotionally and maturely to tell them you have herpes. And having the safer sex conversation not only protects her, but YOU. Do you want to add to your deck of STD trading cards? (I'll trade my herpes for your AIDS, please, and a side order of gonnorhea.) What you said here confuses me: "If my wife is negative there is no way she will have sex with me so how can I expect any other negative woman to." Do you blame her for not wanting to have sex with someone who was unfaithful to her? Someone who selfishly risked her health and trust in relationships? Bro, let me break it down for you: A quality woman isn't attracted to a man solely based on whether he has herpes or not; no, a quality woman sees deeper: How he treats her, who he is at his core. Please don't do this to another woman. Please. You're giving all of us men with herpes a bad name. This is your opportunity to see how you treat others and change it for the better. Look at yourself. Please. Please. If everything happens for a reason, then perhaps you getting herpes happened so you can work your muscle of integrity. So you can change for the better. For you to be the man you truly are behind the facade. Now is your chance. And it's your choice. Begin now.

You know what, even through all the pain and heartache and how you were treated, I imagine you're a stronger person because of it. Yes, it's cliché, but has a lot of truth to it. It reminds me that even through life's pain, we get the decision on how that pain is going to change us: For the better or for the worse. It sounds like you are allowing it to change you for the better, even when it hurts, even when it's hard. That's courage. And wow, your mom being worried about getting herpes from the toilet seat? ;) Just shows us how far we have to go to get the most basic of herpes facts and figures out there. I'm so glad you joined and have shared yourself here. All of those beautiful stories you have read? You're contributing to them. And I imagine someone out there will read yours and be able to relate, healing them in the process. So thank you for your transparency and for continuing to live from your heart even when your ex wasn't living so fully from his.

Just to put it all in perspective all over again ... Is having the safer sex conversation more of a blessing than a curse? We're not only keeping others from getting a simple skin condition called herpes, but we're also protecting ourselves from getting anything else. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2319818/Sex-superbug-feared-infectious-AIDS-discovered-Hawaii.html

Good to have you and your energy here, Nina. Much love and looking forward to connecting soon!

The emotions of overwhelm, frustration, anger, blame, doubt and fear are HEAVY. They can drain you of your energy and rob you of your ability to live fully, give fully, and to be at peace. There is nothing useful in any of these emotions, and it is your choice how much of their weight you will carry. Replace doubt with a simple question, and fear with reasonable concern. Replace overwhelm with reflection, and frustration with action. Replace anger and blame with a hopeful optimism for what can be. This is the way to the YOU you've dreamed of most. It's for you to decide how much of the problem you will focus on, or if it will be the solution (the light) you seek. — Mike Klinger