mr_hopp

Well, the truth is that stat is totally correct: 80% of Americans aged 14-49 have oral HSV-1 living in their bodies. That means you're in the overwhelming majority. There was a great discussion around this on these forums a while back ... since the majority of people have oral cold sores, then where does the responsibility lie? With the 80% who have it or the 20% who don't want to get it? It's the hiding that makes it seem that nobody else has oral herpes. And outbreaks only happen every once in a while. And hey, read up on the basics of the virus, bro. Most of your fears are solved by reading up on how the virus actually is passed. You can't pass it except by skin-to-skin contact with the infected area on your lip. 9-18% of the time in between outbreaks is when the virus will be shedding on the lips. Here's a blog article on that: http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/

Hi evergreeen and welcome to the forums! Good to have you here. I feel your pain and your confusion with all this. Big hugs all around. The part that really impacted me is you wondering if you can be the same person now that you have herpes? What makes you think that you have changed as a person? And your question around when to have the herpes disclosure talk is discussed here and in a video I recorded. It's a happy medium, and best to be felt out in the moment as you're getting to know someone. There is no hard and fast answer to when to have the herpes talk. Trust your gut and your heart. They know best. ;) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-talk/ Have you downloaded the e-book and the 2 handouts yet? Those are chock-full of good stuff: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP (free e-book) http://herpeslife.com/resources/ (free handouts)

First off, thank you for sharing yourself so transparently here. That's a strength, a good quality for the disclosure conversation or any conversation. Secondly, how about just talking with him straightup like you just wrote to us? You found out when you found out and now you want to disclose to him. No shame in that. Think of this as less of a presentation and more of a conversation between two adults. If you set it up that way, then it takes the pressure off of it. Let him know what you want out of your relationship, too. And hey, no shame in loving sex. And there's more to it than just sex.

I use acyclovir. Where did you read that, RichardAnton? Can you post the link?

Oh, I LOVE that you posted here, froggygurl. Thank you so much for sharing this. Yes, this is the experience I've had out there in the wide, wide world. And to hear it from the other side is perfect and so validating. You're right. That's what this whole Herpes Opportunity is all about: Recognizing that regardless of whatever baggage you might bring to a relationship (for some, it's herpes, for others its any number of things), the important part is who you are on the inside. Everyone has imperfections. It's what makes us beautifully flawed human beings. ;) Big hug!

Hi stubborn, Be cautious, but not paranoid. I agree. Here's the rundown on how to actually spread herpes: http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/ If you're just cuddling, the chances are so slim that you'd pass herpes that way. Unless you're doing some rough cuddling. ;) Herpes is passed from active herpes virus on the surface of your skin (either viral shedding or a visible outbreak) that makes its way through an abrasion or mucous membrane on the other person. So unless your partner has a cut on their thigh and you actively rub the spot where you have outbreaks on it, herpes won't spread wings and fly over to your partner. It just won't happen like that. Also, download these handouts so you can be up on the facts and figures: http://herpeslife.com/resources/

Hey RichardAnton! Welcome to the site. Well, congratulations for the most random question asked on this site. ;) I don't know about weed's interaction specifically with herpes (plus it's illegal, bro, tsk, tsk). What I do know is that if you do anything that negatively impacts your health, that lowers your immune system and allows herpes to have more of a chance of coming to the surface. So hey, take care of your body. Don't pollute it with smoke and tar. That can't be helping, that's for sure.

Hi Max, You won't know for sure if the bumps on your bikini line are herpes unless you get them swabbed and cultured at the clinic. And no, it's not spreading unless you somehow spread the liquid within one of your mouth blisters and then rubbed it down at your bikini line (and why would you want to do that, right?). If you do have genital herpes, then you probably got it from someone else who has outbreaks around that same area on their body. The fact that you might be having simultaneous outbreaks on your lip and your genitals doesn't mean it's spreading. It just means the outbreaks are happening at the same time. By the way, you don't have to use latex gloves when you wash. You aren't a crime scene. ;) Be careful but not paranoid! But I remember those days assuming that I was so contagious that even if I breathed I'd spread herpes to every part of my body and everyone else's, too! Just so you know, soap kills the virus on contact. So if you do happen to touch a herpes blister, just wash your hand afterwards with soap before you touch anywhere else. It's actually very hard to auto-inoculate (pass herpes from one part of your body to another). You have to try pretty hard to be successful at it. :) You are not a walking disease factory. Know that, okay? And your body is now in a process of building up antibodies for herpes. Take care of your body other than just taking meds, too. That will help. Exercise. Eat well. Think positive thoughts. Be holistically healthy. Love yourself. ;) Big hugs!

Herpes is simply not a big enough health concern for our government to invest money into finding a cure. And the pharmaceutical companies out there are already making so much money that a cure would wipe out a lot of their profits. Who knows if there's a conspiracy going on or if it's just not a big enough deal, but either way, I don't see this happening any time soon. Why I say this is not to dash anyone's dreams, but to be realistic about what the herpes cure actually is: To rid ourselves of whatever sexual shame we carry in ourselves. And live our lives fully. And love fully.

Have you downloaded the free e-book on this site? Look in the right sidebar for that. It goes into all the details you need and it's a quick read. I'm proud of you for being considerate of this new guy, even amidst the fear of disclosing. And check out these handouts, too. They answer a lot of the kinds of questions that are probably swimming around in your head. Please let us know if you have anything else that comes up around this. http://herpeslife.com/resources/

By the way, here's a great handout for you to read over to keep your partner safe! http://herpeslife.com/resources/

I'm so glad you recognize that, Vanessa! (Now that means you can do something about it.) Let's start brainstorming on what that might look like. ;) What would showing yourself that love and support look like to you? Give us 15 things you could do today for some good old-fashioned self-love. (I'm excited to hear!)

There are many hundreds of members signed up, but at any given time as you can imagine the amount of active members vary. People flow in, flow out, flow in again ... The ebb and flow of the forum. :) I love what you have to say about the desire to control life when we can't. Reminds me of the quote "If this, then what?" The "if this" part is the part we don't have control over. The "then what" is the part we do. I'm glad our community is helping you. I'm also glad you're participating. There's something about speaking it all out in a supportive environment that is tremendously healing. Much love!

;) Preach it, sista! I'm focused on being happy in general. And certain foods contribute to that happiness. Bring 'em on. I want to believe that's healthier for me than stressing over which foods I can and can't eat.

I get it. I understand how you could feel paranoid. But I'm offering that paranoia doesn't help anyone. Cautiousness helps. Knowledge helps. Getting to know your body helps. Caring about your partner helps. In my experience, intimacy can't exist in paranoia. You're still in the beginning stages of understanding this virus, so I understand the wash of emotions and feelings. As you understand herpes more and more and how it interacts with your body, you will be able to protect your partners by having that understanding of yourself. That understanding that your other partner didn't have. Read those handouts and let me know what you think! I tried to make them as simple to follow as possible and condense as much need-to-know information as possible into them.

Fascinating! See, I knew herpes wasn't all bad. ;) It can actually save lives in a different context. Good to see you pop in again, Carlos! I hope you're doing great, bro.

Hey JC, I don't get rashes either, but I imagine this is part of your prodrome symptoms. Are your rashes accompanied by a herpes outbreak or not? If not, then this may be a prodrome symptom to a viral shedding occurrence.

I'm with Atlantic. When I first got herpes, I was gung-ho about avoiding ALL foods with any arginine in them and devouring ALL food high in lysine. Then I realized I was just going too overboard. I realized that by me following this diet so strictly, herpes was seemingly holding me hostage, not allowing me to have the foods that I genuinely felt my body wanted (Peanut butter? Chocolate? Really?) I decided I would just eat an overall much healthier diet in general. And it's probably a mixture of eating this healthy diet, but also higher levels of antibodies over time and all this positive thinking and livin' that's holding back outbreaks (I get 1-2 outbreaks per year). Whatever the reason is, it couldn't hurt to live a more healthy lifestyle overall. I'd much rather that than limit my diet based on lysine and arginine. I like to look at this in a more holistic way.

First off: Wow. This is how religion has the potential to create more shame than compassion in people. Please don't go overboard into overthinking this one. If there is a God, I promise you that s/he loves you regardless of what you do. It's you who get to judge yourself or forgive yourself. Getting herpes could possibly be a gift for you to get something deeper about yourself. If that were so, what would that gift be for you that you get to recognize about you? “The next time you face something that’s unexpected, unwanted, and uncertain, consider that it just may be a gift.” — Stacey Kramer

First off, of COURSE you're still able to have sex. Not only that, please do have sex! Don't let having herpes make you paranoid about having sex. You're clearly a man who cares about protecting your beautiful partner. Being cautious doesn't mean being paranoid. And about the questions you have, the handouts on this page will help answer all of those and more for you: http://herpeslife.com/resources/ Thank you for asking and educating yourself. A lot of the stigma comes from ignorance and fear. And please stop using terms like "infecting" ... it makes it sounds like this is some horrible disease. ;) It's a skin rash with a bad rap. Nothing more. And it's still something that is important we try not to spread. But again, nothing worth being paranoid about and assuming the worst like not having sex anymore. Relationships are risky no matter if you have an STD or not. It's a risk to love and it's a risk to have herpes. It's a beautiful risk all around. And it sounds like both of you are willing to take that risk with each other. How beautiful. :)

First word of the day, Ms. Butterfly: Patience. ;) Secondly, can you go to your doctor or local clinic to get the spots swabbed? That's going to be the only way to know definitively whether it's a herpes outbreak or not.

I honor that you're feeling that right now. And if that's your truth, then that's totally acceptable. You get to live your life your way, after all. And I just want to check in your martyrdom if you are considering the kind of person who wouldn't have herpes but would want to take a risk of getting it to be able to love you and be in relationship with you. In effect, when we close ourselves off to non-herpes population, we are pre-rejecting ourselves (taking the decision away) from those people. I'd be pretty perturbed if my soulmate pre-rejected herself like that and didn't even let me meet her and make the decision myself! ;) Everyone gets to make a decision on how they live their lives and what risks they're willing to take and not to take. Part of that is our decision and part of it is theirs. That's what relationship is all about. So just keep an eye on whose decision you're making and why. That's all I ask. And I'll support you either way. Just wanting to be sure you understand your options and motivations behind them. :)

I absolutely LOVE what you said, jumplejump. Nicely put. I always say that a great barometer to see if you're ready for the talk yet is if you feel that you trust this person with something vulnerable. Because disclosure is vulnerable. You're risking something in disclosing. It takes integrity and humility to disclose. And sex is vulnerable, too. Vulnerability = intimacy. Yet so many of us (myself included) seem to want to skip that emotional vulnerability and head straight for the physical vulnerability. Having herpes has us slow this process down and really consider it in a deeper way.

Yeah, I don't blame you for being a bit perturbed! A lot of tests! ;) And I hear the bit of sarcasm in your list of what you're grateful for. In those, you're still assuming that how you feel about herpes now is how you will always feel about herpes. It's only a dealbreaker if you convince yourself it is. Over the long term many people will tell you that it has no negative impact on their intimate lives. And I say this with all sincerity from my personal experience: I have had more intimate, beautiful, passionate relationships since having herpes than before having herpes. Maybe it's that I have grown in life in general, but I believe a lot of this beautiful intimacy is because there is more depth, trust and authenticity in my relationships than ever before due to the vulnerability of having the herpes talk and really, deeply caring about my partners. I promise you it will get better. Just keep loving yourself and keep the possibility wide open that others will love you, too. Because they will if you make yourself available to it.

Yep, I get it. You have a pretty impressive list of reasons why you should be in the dumps right now. And what if you convince us that you should be sad based on everything that is going on in your life? What if we all agree with you that your life is the way that you see it? I'm also curious, amidst this list of stuff you're suffering about. What about the things you're grateful for? Also, it doesn't always have to feel great to be alive, too. This isn't about forcing a smile onto your face when what you really feel is sadness. It's about allowing yourself to authentically feel what is true. And what is true for you can shift based on what you put your focus into. See both sides of that? That is what being alive truly is. Only by truly experiencing our lives as they are can we fully live life. And it's hard to hear this when what you are feeling is disconnected and shut down and spiteful (I imagine you feeling all these things) when all of those things are what you don't want. And again, my heart goes out to you still. Here's to you finding the beauty even in the darkness. Have you heard the metaphor how when photographs were developed on film that the only way that the richness of color came into the photographs was by sitting in the darkness. That's where all the color comes from. Love yourself. Even in the darkness. This may be your biggest test yet. And remember. It's only a test. ;)