mr_hopp

During the first 6 months, you will get the most outbreaks as your body is getting used to having this new virus. After your body develops antibodies for it, the outbreaks will naturally slow down, both in intensity and frequency. I'm always a fan of not leaning on the medication, but to just use this as a great reason to simply take better care of yourself across the board: eat healthy, think positive thoughts, treat yourself well. All of those help your body develop greater resistance to any outside bug, including herpes. And when I was with my partner who didn't have herpes, I wanted to protect her, so I went on daily suppressive therapy. I took 400mg of Acyclovir 2x/day. Now that I'm single, I don't take daily suppressive therapy. I only get 1-2 outbreaks per year, so it's really not needed unless I get back into a relationship to protect a partner who doesn't have herpes. If the outbreaks don't bother you, I wouldn't take the medication. Consider that any medication you take needs to be processed through your liver, so there is a cost to the health of your liver for each pill you take. I only take medication if it's absolutely necessary. For everything else, I just take better care of myself. And I use the outbreak times as my body really telling me to slow down and chill out. When you take the stigma out of herpes, it is just a skin irritation that shows up to remind me to take care of myself. Here's a blog post I wrote about herpes and medication: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/

Hey MissD! Welcome! And FYI, there's nothing on this forum that is TMI. :) Doesn't it suck how the stigma can have us believing strange things like this? The short answers to all of your questions above are no. You'd have to really try to spread herpes in the ways you're asking about. Pretty much the only way to spread it like that is if the liquid within an actual herpes sore gets touched and spread around. And when you're having an outbreak, just wash your hands whenever you touch the sores. Here's a blog article I wrote How can you get herpes?

Yes, if you believe that to be the case, then it's a classic self-fulfilling prophecy. I haven't had any problems with women rejecting me because of herpes. And I know plenty of people out there who see past herpes as a limitation in their life. My last relationship was 3.5 years and she didn't contract the virus. We didn't use protection, but I was on daily suppressive therapy. But the real point here is, what is worth someone taking a chance of possibly contracting herpes? You are. And if you don't think you are, then get to know yourself as someone who actually is. Then herpes isn't the big, cold stone wall that you're making it out to be right now. It's ultimately your choice. And yes, it will require you to be vulnerable, to take a chance. I'm not here to convince you one way or the other, but I am here to show you there are many more options than you are giving yourself credit for right now.

Hi Aim, Even though this guy has seen you naked, the way you disclose will be the same. You're still going to have integrity and honesty. Nothing about that changes. And the whole "how soon to disclose" conversation is a big one on these forums. It sounds like you're ready to disclose. So don't let the fact that you haven't disclosed (yet) be a reason for you to shame yourself. You can disclose now with just as much honor. Have you read the e-book yet? That goes into everything you need to know about how to disclose in a positive way: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP ... Good luck, Aim! And welcome to the site!

Hey Scott, Congrats on a relationship getting to the point of disclosure! This is the time to get excited, not all worried. Moving towards intimacy means there's something important about this relationship. I'm happy for you, brother. There is no 100% protection. Although taking daily suppressive therapy brings down the chances of transmission by 50-90% (depending on what study you read) and then if you wear a condom, that brings it down by another 50%. Also, knowing your prodrome symptoms and how your body gives you signals that the virus is waking up is important. Here's an article I just wrote yesterday on that, by the way: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-prodrome-symptoms/ Sidenote about condoms: It also depends on where your outbreaks occur. If the condom doesn't cover up the area where you usually get outbreaks and you're rubbing that part against your partner, the condom doesn't do much good. And no, why would you segregate yourself to just dating someone with HSV? There are plenty of people out there who wouldn't throw you out simply because of a stigmatized skin condition. ;) Have you read the disclosure e-book yet? http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

Hey amazon! How this thread works is you can go through the people who have already posted, and if someone sounds like a good fit for you, send them a private message! And then if someone sees your posting and thinks you're a good fit, they'll message you. Easy breezy. :)

Coffeepal, 15-20% of people who have genital herpes never have any signs or symptoms. Ever. You may be one of those people who never gets an outbreak and you may not be. Regardless, what you were feeling sounds like what I'm assuming asymptomatic viral shedding feels like. I occasionally get burning/itching sensations where my outbreaks normally occur, but no outbreak ends up happening. I imagine that's the virus silently shedding, so I abstain from anything sexual during those times. Viral shedding happens 5-10% of the time on average (more if you have genital HSV2 and less if you have genital HSV1).

I'm so glad you're asking these questions from the other side of things. And it says so much that you're already seeing through the cultural stigma and seeing the great guy that he clearly is to you. And yes, there is always a risk. (Isn't love risky regardless of whether there's a virus in the way or not?) AND with a partner who knows his status and the prodrome symptoms, you can still stay supremely safe. For example, my now-ex-girlfriend and I were together for 3.5 years, had unprotected sex the whole time — I took daily suppressive therapy with Acyclovir — and she never got herpes. (Don't take this as meaning that it won't happen to you, but it is my story.) I attribute it to a whole host of things: My awesome immune system, my awareness about when my outbreaks were coming and when asymptomatic viral shedding was occurring (itching, slight burning sensations around the area where my outbreaks normally occurred), the daily suppressive therapy I took, her solid belief that she wasn't going to get it, our overall health and communication in our relationship. There is so much to consider in relationship. And when it comes down to it, the main question to consider for yourself is ... Do you feel good when you're with him? If so, all else is just logistical considerations. ;) Congrats on finding a great man, froggygurl.

I'm so happy for you SFD! Thanks for sharing your inspiration with our community. See how sharing one story can help so many? Who knew? ;) And it feels so good to hear you doing so well and excited about life. That's more contagious than herpes ever has been. ;) Much love!

Yes, I hear your sad heart loud and clear. I think what we tend to forget about with our focus so on herpes is that love in general is risky. Love is vulnerable. Putting our heart out there with herpes or not is vulnerable. And indeed life as a whole is vulnerable. We could die at any second. And with that knowledge, living feels that much sweeter. So in each moment are we choosing little deaths or aliveness? Finding love will require us to put our heart on the line. And there is always the possibility of our heart being bruised and hurt. And there is always the possibility of it being seen, accepted, held, and appreciated. Deeply appreciated. It's all a beautiful risk.

Hey Coffeepal! The latest and greatest info will always be available here: http://herpesopportunity.com ... As it stands now, the next weekend will probably happen in the next 3-4 months. And if you're on the email list, you'll be the first to know once I announce the next date so there's plenty of time to plan for it! If you're not on the email list yet, here's how to sign up for that: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

I remember feeling a lot like you describe. I haven't been raped, so I can't begin to imagine what that's like. But i do know my own version of intense suffering, of wishing things would go back to the way they were. But you know what? None of us will ever be the way we were. Moment by moment, we change. Our life experience teaches us and opens us up to who we truly are. That said, I urge you to go to your local rape crisis center and ask for help if you haven't already. You'll be amazed at how much that will help you heal. There is so much love and heartfelt support there. I volunteered as a rape crisis counselor for about 6 months. It was a beautiful experience, even amidst all the pain and suffering and anger and heartbreak. Sometimes immense pain and suffering can open us up to more beauty and acceptance in our lives (if we allow it to). One thing I want you to know about the rape specifically is to not call yourself a victim. That gives all your power away, even in this moment. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are courageous. Your life begins again in each and every moment. You get to decide how to continue. And as for herpes? That will work itself out in the same process you are continuing through learning to love and accept yourself as you are. It's the same process. Once you truly realize on a deep level who you are, that will begin to shift how you relate to others and will allow them to see you on a deeper level, too. I have so much trust in your own process and that time will take care of itself. No matter how long it takes, you are on the path. Don't look to clock time for an answer of how long it will take. Look to your own heart and ask what it needs. That will tell you your next step. Here are a whole slew of quotes I'd like to share with you, said by people whose hearts I trust. "When we come close to those things that break us down, we touch those things that also break us open. And in that breaking open, we uncover our true nature." ~Wayne Muller "You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you." - Sri Ram "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." Mahatma Gandhi And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. — Anais Nin I am strong because I've been weak. I am fearless because I've been afraid. I am wise because I've been foolish. At any given moment you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end. We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. (Kenji Miyazawa) Suffering is given to you that you might open your eyes to the truth. Anthony Demello The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? (Kahlil Gibran) “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Again, I see what you're focusing on even in your response. You're right. There are plenty of reasons for you to be angry. (And plenty of reasons to be grateful, too.) Find the subconscious motivation behind what being angry is getting for you. There's a reason that its there. Then you'll understand yourself better and why it's so important to be angry over being grateful. There's nothing inherently wrong with your anger. Remember that. accept yourself in your anger. Get curious about it. Get closer to it. Strive to understand it and yourself. Stop arguing for your limitations and start living in such a way that inspires you.

Take a look at what being angry is doing for you. It seems to me that being angry isn't doing anything to have you enjoy your life on a deeper level. Practice being grateful instead of being angry. What are you choosing to focus on in your life? The things that will have you react with anger or the things that are worthy of your positive attention? It's a choice you make and it's a muscle that you can work. I feel relieved just reading that you already see your anger as a choice that you're making. That's the first step: realizing you're not the victim of your life ... You're actually much more powerful than you might give yourself credit for. Notice all of those moments in your life where the anger shows up and instead of judging it, welcome it and see if you can shift the anger to something that feels better to you in the moment. The more you do this, the more it becomes the default to feel better moment by moment instead of angry.

I AM SO EXCITED, LELANI! So proud, so blissed out, so feeling good, so better get an invite to the wedding. ;) And regardless of what happens, I love that you got the love and acceptance you deserve. I love that idea that you made love fore 3 days without having sex. That is beautiful. And I know EXACTLY what you mean. Sounds like an amazing guy. And bravo for your courage and your heart. I love that he is the kind of guy who can see past a few Hs. ;) So much love for you! So much! Keep us up to date, promise?

Yes, if the cultures come back positive for herpes, then you have herpes. It takes a while for the body to build up enough antibodies for a positive blood test. From the New York Times: "Virtually everyone will have detectable antibodies by 16 weeks." And from the CDC: "If someone has an initial outbreak, this most often occurs within two weeks of acquiring HSV from a sexual partner." So yes, chances are you have herpes. Good news? It's not as big a deal as you might think. You get to actually find out what it means to you. Especially with all these amazing people here on this forum to support you in that. Ultimately, it's just a stigmatized skin condition, plain and simple.

I feel giddy reading this, Lelani! I'm so, SO excited for you. I hear the healthy fear in it. And my whole body is alive just considering the possibility of this for you. I'm literally buzzing right now. And like you said, regardless of what happens, you will have a unique relationship with this person. If it's meant to be romantic, it will end up romantic. If it's meant to be that you two are in each other's lives for another purpose, it will end up that way, too. And I love that you're wanting this and going for it. I hear the conviction and I feel the desire in your heart. Feeling like it's you standing up for your own heart wanting to be held and wanting to be loved. And that feels so good. I can't wait to connect with you soon.

Hey UnhappyCamper, First off, welcome. Good to have you here. There's a tradition that's been happening on these forums around how we name ourselves. The screen name says a lot. Do you see yourself as an unhappy camper? Or do you want to shift how you're choosing to name yourself? Just throwing that out there as a point of awareness. The words we use have a tremendous impact on how we experience our lives. May seem like a little nit-picky thing, but it has an impact. ;) How about HappyCamper? And I'm glad you're feeling the weight lift. Really glad. I'm curious about your experience around what about disclosing has the weight lifting? And what has you terrified of future disclosures? I get that there's the unknown. But what has the unknown be terrifying instead of hopeful or positive?

I LOVE this conversation. Just had to jump in here and show some love. Big hugs.

Good catch, Bobby. And thanks for being open to me supportively calling you out. ;) The mechanism within us that compares in hopes of us being happy by finding other positive experiences is the SAME mechanism that can find reasons for us to be depressed, too, by finding equally negative ones. Neither direction has us actually focusing on ourselves and actively accepting ourselves AS WE ARE, without comparison. Comparing takes us outside of ourselves. Acceptance takes us deeper within ourselves. There's a beautiful segment to the Herpes Opportunity weekend workshop that has the whole room viscerally connected to that feeling of okayness. And it's profound. The more we can create that full acceptance for ourselves day by day, moment by moment, the more shameless disclosure simply rolls off the tongue with no negative charge. Shameless disclosure comes from the kind of person who knows they are okay and lovable on a deep level.

I couldn't agree more, WD. Rachael, you have such a range of humility and sparkplug high energy. Beautiful combo. Can't wait to take some ice-skating lessons from you! Triple lutz, here I come! ;)

Hey Bobby, I'm getting a sneaking feeling that you're putting a lot on how my experiences might have occurred as hope for how your experiences might happen in the future. The short answer there is that it's going to totally depend on the person. If you disclose to someone who has a really negative association with herpes, they'll react in a very different way than someone who knows there's nothing really to worry about, that it's just a skin condition. Along those same lines, if you disclose to someone who doesn't know you at all as a person yet, they are much less likely to see you. They're just going to see whatever stigma they have in the way around herpes. There are many different layers to this than whether a disclosure goes "good" or "bad." That said, I've disclosed that I have herpes to every single one of my friends and family members. Romantically, I've disclosed probably about 10-15 times or so. I honestly don't remember the number of disclosures. What I do remember is that the more disclosures I've done (whether friends, family or potential romantic partners), I've gotten more and more accepting of MYSELF having herpes. Especially the more and more quality people I surround myself with who know me and aren't swayed in the slightest by a simple little virus, that goes deep into my psyche as proof that I don't have anything wrong with me, that everything is okay. Every single disclosure that I've made since that first one has brought our relationship closer, has given us both access to more trust for each other and has strengthened our connection. Period. The more and more okay I can be with it myself (authentically, not as an act), the more and more disclosing herpes becomes a connecting experience, revealing my humanity instead of revealing my shame. And more times than not, my opening the door to such a vulnerable conversation has given the other person permission to do the same and open up to me. And isn't that what relationship in general is all about?

Yep, all of the above is possible. Welcome to the community, francis. Here's a full blog article on the differences between HSV-1 and HSV-2: http://herpeslife.com/hsv-1-hsv-2-types-of-herpes/

We've been working behind the scenes on that kind of "disclosure cheat sheet" that you could hand to your partner after disclosing that would have all the facts. It's been in the works for a little bit and hopefully it'll be done soon. We're trying to condense all the need-to-know information, including stats and common questions into a one-sheeter. When it comes down to it about protecting your partner, communication is the most important part of it. I know my body now. I am pretty certain when I am having a viral shedding session. I was with my girlfriend for 3.5 years without using protection and didn't pass herpes to her. I believe that with us knowing we have herpes and becoming more and more aware of our bodies and how herpes interacts. 80% of people who have herpes don't know they have it. By us knowing we have herpes first and then developing more and more body awareness, that makes us supremely safer.

Reminds me of the question of where we put our power? Do we give it away to everyone and everything around us or do we allow it to stay with us? Do we look to others for validation or do we already know ourselves to be enough? It's these kinds of situations that you describe where if we looked at them with a more curious and aware lens, we could learn a whole lot more about ourselves. It's fascinating to consider as we grow more and more and get to know ourselves more and more.