mr_hopp

NotAlone — You can have both HSV1 and HSV2. If I had to guess, sounds like you've had 1 and just recently got 2 since it was definitely cultured as 2 but the antibodies aren't showing up in your bloodstream yet. Does that make sense?

IgG tests measure the amount of antibodies in the blood stream. On average, based on what I've read, it takes 4-6 weeks after initial exposure for the blood stream to read at proper levels to test positive for herpes. So depending on the levels of antibodies, there can be a guesstimate on how early the initial herpes exposure has taken place.

Right off the bat, it sounds like it might be more of a battle if you meet him than an honest conversation between two adults. If you can't trust him to even be honest with you, then it doesn't sound like it's worth it to pursue talking with him. And this talk he's suggesting MAY just be him turning over a new leaf to be honest with you. And I imagine for him this has been a difficult path, too. Some people handle this with honesty and facing it directly, others with denial and avoidance (and everything in between). I know I went through the denial and avoidance path for a bit before giving in and admitting to myself and others that I hadn't been totally honest. I was scared about what it would mean to own up to the fact that I had herpes. And interestingly enough, it was going through that suffering of how I impacted others with my dishonesty when I first got herpes that has actually strengthened my resolve for transparency and honesty since then. In short, follow your gut. Maybe instead of meeting with him in person, have an initial phone call to hear him out? If he is still in the space of defending and he still seems dishonest, that'll be a cue for you to not meet. If it feels like there's something there for the two of you to process with each other, then a meeting might be best after all. Just my 2c. Does that help?

Do you feel like it would be healing and/or beneficial to your process to meet with him or will it just make things harder for you? Are you holding on to this anger or will it help to share this frustration with him? It's really up to you and feeling into what feels healthy. And I totally feel your frustration and anger. I've felt that before. Make sure you're taking care of yourself through this process. Being emotionally and mentally healthy is just as important as keeping yourself physically healthy. Much love, Tryingtoheal ... Keep us in the loop on how this goes.

Great idea, Harlow! I added a new category called "Herpes talk success stories." I'm going through all the past posts and recategorizing all the ones that end in success. If anyone else finds others, please let me know so I can re-categorize them! :) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/categories/herpes-talk-success-stories

Tryingtoheal, I hear you. I remember feeling the same way. The big assumption there was that since I will have herpes for the rest of my life that I will feel the same about having it for the rest of my life, too. That was dead wrong. ;) The fact that you have herpes will not change. Your RELATIONSHIP to having herpes (how you feel about it, the thoughts you have about it, how it actually ends up affecting your life) changes dramatically as you grow and realize deep things about yourself.

This site is less about the medical side of things and more about the mental side, how you relate to yourself about it. And lively is right on. Notice all the anger you have inside of you when you relate to having herpes. I have always said that herpes is the physical manifestation of all the stuff inside of us that we suppress (shame, anger, etc.) And yes, I understand it hurts. And it is what it is. You'd be amazed at what happens when you start to accept having herpes. When you take a herpes outbreak as an opportunity to treat yourself better than you ever have instead of getting super angry and upset about it, that's when things shift. Going into those emotions not only helps on an emotional level, it has been proven on a scientific level to better your immune system to be kind to yourself! It's scientific, spiritual and psychological all at the same time! Notice how you're feeling when you talk about these herpes outbreaks, and consciously shift your mindset to something that feels better to you ... It will do wonders. Trust me.

Know that the only way out is through. Stay connected with yourself and to us. Know that this too will pass. The scariest part of this is leaving yourself in the dust. Don't do that. Have this be an opportunity to even more deeply connect with yourself ... Start to look at all the assumptions you might be making about what having herpes means to you and the rest of your life and realize that most of those assumptions are stigmatized guesses at best. Know that you are still beautiful and lovely. And worth it. Deeply, deeply worth it. You know that. And the more you know that, the less having herpes will affect you. I remember that fog. And now my life is more rich and alive than I ever could have thought. Not because of herpes, but because of who I discovered myself to be in the face of something I thought was a dead end. There are no dead end things in life. Only dead end thinking. Powerful to remember. And so true. Much love and big hugs. P.S. If you are interested in coming to the Herpes Opportunity Weekend Seminar, please let me know and we can talk about it. http://thehopp.com

Thank you for sharing this, Lelani. So much love for you and so much support. Thank you for reaching back out here. We have missed you. This reminds me of this great TED talk:

Thanks! I really enjoy bringing it! It's so fulfilling and inspiring to continue doing this work. Can't wait for the next weekend seminar in January!

Judith, there's no way that using the lipstick can cause another outbreak if you're assuming the virus is still sitting on the lipstick weeks later. It's a coincidence. The virus dies immediately once it is no longer on your skin.

Hey Derpes! Welcome to the site. Love your screen name. Here's a blog article on the differences of HSV-1 and HSV-2: http://herpeslife.com/hsv-1-hsv-2-types-of-herpes/ And to your questions specifically, 50% of new genital herpes cases are due to oral sex and passing it from a cold sore on the mouth to the genitals. Just goes to show how uninformed not just doctors are, but much of our general population, too. And yes, there's plenty of talk out there that gHSV-1 will have you develop less herpes outbreaks than gHSV-2, but what really is your motivation behind that question? Your outbreaks will be what they are. And the amount of outbreaks you have will be determined a lot by your health and physiology. As far as rates of transmission, I have heard there is less of a chance, but ultimately there's less science to back that up, so when you are disclosing, go with the numbers for genital herpes in general. You're still going to have viral shedding in between outbreaks that happens about 10% of the time and same rate of transmission.

Nope, stop the presses. Only skin to skin contact. ;) http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/

I'm sorry you're hurting, Kaykay. What is it like to be you right now? What is feeling very very sorry for yourself like? Is there shame in that? Sadness? Self-support and self-love?

I found this image in my internet traversing and wondered what you all thought about the message? http://screencast.com/t/z2OBxAy7

If you're in South Carolina, come to the weekend seminar in January! We're practically neighbors! Let me know if you have any questions about it. It's unlike anything that you're imagining it to be. Trust me. It goes deep and it's a super fun weekend with great people. http://thehopp.com

I've heard herpes outbreaks happening around the bellybutton, on the butt, but I haven't heard of outbreaks on the back ... but if for some reason the fluid from an outbreak got into an abrasion on your back, then it could turn into a back outbreak. But it usually takes some work to spread herpes to a spot that's not the genitals or mouth.

Thank you for reaching out here, Nick. Sounds like the first step for you will be to truly forgive yourself. Mend your relationship with yourself. You can't somehow find positivity if there is a disconnection inside, if you still are holding a grudge against your past actions. Learn to forgive, catch those thoughts in your head when you hear that inner critic having a field day on you. You know the truth that you're just not a hate-able kind of guy. Shame is breadcrumbs that lead to more wholeness, bro. This is a path of healing and self-acceptance that you are now on. And trust me, it's ultimately a beautiful path. Enjoy the process of healing. Enjoy the process of re-connecting with yourself.

I'm so glad, Leslie. You're really getting the hang of this! ;) I remember those days of the gray hairs popping out of your head seemingly as we were talking. So much worry, so much care in wanting to make sure you "do it right." Seems like all of us need to go through that phase before we can just let go and let it be what it is. I remember all the promises to you that it was going to be all right. Well lookie here ... You did it. And I'm damn proud. Self-acceptance is an awesome feeling, isn't it? (Sounds like a great guy, too.) Onward and upward! :)

Hi all! If you haven't heard these interviews from the participants of the first Herpes Opportunity weekend seminar yet, definitely give them a listen. I have a few more waiting in the wings and will post them here once I get them complete! http://herpesopportunity.podomatic.com/entry/2012-12-04T21_20_23-08_00 (female) http://herpesopportunity.podomatic.com/entry/2012-12-04T21_20_40-08_00 (male) http://herpesopportunity.podomatic.com/entry/2012-12-04T21_20_42-08_00 (female) http://herpesopportunity.podomatic.com/entry/2012-12-04T21_20_45-08_00 (male) http://herpesopportunity.podomatic.com/entry/2012-12-14T15_04_05-08_00 (female) http://herpesopportunity.podomatic.com/entry/2012-12-14T18_12_22-08_00 (female) http://herpesopportunity.podomatic.com/entry/2012-12-14T15_22_23-08_00 (female staff) http://herpesopportunity.podomatic.com/entry/2012-12-14T15_22_15-08_00 (male staff) ... and here are some video clips from the very beginning of the Seminar:

It's fascinating how the mind works, isn't it? If you DIDN'T have a date, you would worry about it ... Now you DO have a date and you're still worrying about it. ;) I know the feeling. I've been through it before. And realize it's a dead end of the mind. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the date. Who knows what will happen? You may end up not liking him at all. You may end up both falling head over heels in love with one another and herpes is a moot point. Maybe something in between ... But the point is, worrying about the future does NOTHING to make it better. It only takes you away from enjoying what actually is right in front of you. I wish you a totally enjoyable date. Let yourself go. Give yourself a break. It'll be fun. Sometimes it can just be that easy. Have fun.

Might I suggest you two hop on Skype together and practice your disclosures? That's the best way to do it. And I'm available for coaching if that suits you. You got options!

Biggest tip I can give for now: don't get over your anxiety! It will always be there! It's impossible to get rid of and there's nothing wrong with it. In fact, your anxiety is showing you and him that you actually care, how important this is to you. The more you try to squelch it, the more it will come out in different ways. The best way to practice this is with someone else role playing the disclosure. Either with an h buddy or a friend or me. We can have a coaching session (or a few) via Skype together to polish up your skills if you're interested. I can send you my rates and we can go from there. :)

Thanks for being blunt! It's a good way to be when you need specific information. ;) The short answer to all of your questions is there is always a chance of passing herpes, which is about 10% of the time when there's not an active/visible outbreak going on (due to viral shedding). My girlfriend and I had unprotected sex for 3 years with me being on suppressive therapy and she never got it. And I know my body and when I'm probably shedding the virus. Finding out which strain you have (HSV-1 or HSV-2) will help. That will have a lot to do with what area the virus prefers to hang out (HSV-1 orally or genitally, HSV-2 genitally only). Where did you have your outbreak? If you have outbreaks on your lip and you give him a blowjob, for example, and he has an abrasion or cut on his penis, that's the way oral herpes can become genital herpes. But if you have only genital herpes outbreaks and you give him a blowjob, it can't be passed that way. Only skin-to-skin contact with the area of your skin that normally has the outbreak rubbing up against an area of his skin around his mouth or genitals will pass herpes there. Condoms? Depends on where your outbreak occurs. If your outbreak doesn't get covered by a condom, condoms do little good. But I've heard they cut the risk of spreading herpes by 50%. Suppressive therapy? I've heard it lessens viral shedding by another 50%. Here are some related blog posts: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/ http://herpeslife.com/genital-hsv-1-herpes-and-oral-sex/ http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/

Ah, the whole double jeopardy question. :) From all I've heard, it can be spread to spots on your body where HSV-2 likes to hang out (aka the genitals) if you really try to spread it there, for example if you have sex during an outbreak and you have an easy access into your body (mucous membrane or tear/cut in the skin). Once your body has had enough time to build up antibodies, it's less likely to spread, but there's always a possibility. But don't let this slight possibility turn you completely OCD or paranoid. ;) Communicate with your partner when either of you might be feeling the tinglies of a prodrome sensation so you can lessen the chances of herpes spreading. And about the dating question, here's a blog post about that: http://herpeslife.com/do-i-have-to-join-those-herpes-dating-sites/ ... and another forum post, too: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/96/herpes-dating-sites/p1