mr_hopp

Nice CBK. I'm glad you disclosed anyway, at the very least to get a FEEL for what it's like to say it outloud to someone else. The silence is what holds most of the power in shame. I imagine you felt a release when you said those words without shaming yourself about it. I imagine that was your integrity growing stronger. I'm proud of you, bro. By the way, check out the new video I put together about the H Opportunity weekend. Gets me choked up every time I watch it. :)

This is definitely one of those patterns I see with newly diagnosed people. I remember when I was first diagnosed and went out there looking for a cure ... and when I found there wasn't one, I held out hope for one to be found soon. I found myself putting my life on hold. As if I could only live life fully once I didn't have herpes. Like I said in my "herpes cure?" video — http://herpeslife.com/herpes-cure/ — there will always seem to be a cure on the horizon, but let's not hold off on life until then. :) And by all means let's continue to support this kind of research, too. It's just not the ONLY way to have the shame you find yourself in be cured. Much love! By the way, check out the new video I put together about the H Opportunity weekend. Gets me choked up every time I watch it. :)

Thanks for spearheading this, Kristin. Feels so good to have you as such an integral part of this mission. :) Big hug! See you in a few weeks at the seminar! Woohoo! By the way, check out the new video I put together about the H Opportunity weekend. Gets me choked up every time I watch it. :)

This video perfectly summarizes what the Herpes Opportunity weekend is all about. And it's not about herpes! ;)

Taurus Lady, yes, I echo everything that the wonderful lelani/Kristin duo said. ;) And have you downloaded the free e-book yet on disclosure? http://eepurl.com/b4IPP ... All things disclosure are discussed in there and here are a few blog posts on it, too. http://herpeslife.com/i-have-herpes-two-parts-of-the-herpes-talk/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-talk/ Keep us updated!

Hey Sugar! For now, they are in NC. But as interest continues to grow, they will be offered wherever the most interest is. Who knows where we might spread to (pun intended), but for now our headquarters is beautiful NC. A few people are actually making the trek from California. It's worth it. ;) Looking forward to meeting you soon!

Hey Angel! Sorry your post got lost in the shuffle and wasn't commented on! I don't want you to feel ignored! :) Any update on this since your original post was a few weeks ago? Regardless, I understand your worry about how having herpes feels like it would somehow hamper your sexual freedom. I'm telling you, even that is BS that your mind and the stigma is making more real than it needs to be. Having herpes will have you be as safe as all of us really try to be in these days of rampant STDs and pregnancy possibilities. There are plenty of ways to have incredibly intimate and passionate sensuality while slowly moving toward safe sex. (Wow, trust me.) I thought I would be confined, but it has turned out very differently. And regardless if you have herpes or not, the journey of love is a confusing yet beautiful one. It's rarely a straight shot. There seems to be this belief that if I didn't have herpes, dating and finding someone would be so much easier. Bullshit. ;) It's just different now. Not better or worse. And if you are meant to be with this guy, then he won't mind a potential skin condition. And if he does mind, nothing against him, but he just wasn't the one for you. Sometimes it can be just that simple. We can make it a whole lot more complicated in our minds (trust me, I've done complicated amazingly well). So stay compassionate to yourself and let it flow how it will. Don't force it any which way. What is meant to be will be. (There's a good reason that's such a cliche.) Much love, Angel.

So nice to see you stepping out from the shadows, time4changes. Welcome to our community. So glad to have you. No more pity party. Sounds like you're ready to take responsibility for this beautiful and meaningful life of yours. And I love that you're recognizing all of those thoughts as what they are: Fear-based illusions that are trying to hold you back from feeling potential rejection (which will probably never come). By the way, I might consider talking to the woman you got herpes from. Not just to let her know something she might not know (80% of people who have herpes don't know they do), but to also have closure. I imagine there's some resentment that you're squashing inside. If that's the case, let it out. And find a way to forgive (for the good of both you and her). And how did the relationship with the guy you have herpes to end? How does he feel about you cheating? What has he said to you about how he feels about you giving him herpes through being (by how you describe it) deceitful?

Wow, I have tears in my eyes reading about how empathic and heartfelt your friend is. How amazing is it that you have such a solid support in this. I'm so glad you feel so held and loved. And it warms my heart hearing that you're dedicating yourself to loving yourself. How beautiful. Yes, welcome to humanity. With all its pain and suffering, there is still so much beauty for all of us to experience. Happy Holidays, domh. So much love to you. (And thanks for the shoutout. That felt good.)

It might be less likely to pass it due to not having any more active outbreaks, but there is always still a chance of passing herpes. The e-book is what is linked to in the right sidebar of this site.

WHAT??? Your gyno actually told you that you don't have to have the herpes talk with potential partners? Wow. Uh oh. There is always a chance of passing herpes on, even if you've never had an actual physical outbreak. Hence the whole viral shedding phenomenon. You should always let your potential partners know. I would have a talk with this guy if I were you. Have you read the disclosure ebook?

My guess would be what you're feeling is prodrome or viral shedding. I have had plenty of times where I could swear there's an outbreak about to come on due to slight burning/tingling but nothing ends up happening. If nothing happens, I assume viral shedding (the herpes virus sheds about 10-20% of the time) and if an outbreak does happen, then it's prodrome. Either way, that tingling is signaling that the virus is traveling the nerves to the surface of the skin. It's great to be aware of this sensation so you can keep your partner(s) safe.

You are beautiful in so many days, Janice. Much love to you down under. Good to know the world hasn't yet ended even with you being a day ahead. And our world won't end unless we think it will. It feels good to hear your check-in, even in the sadness. I'm feeling pretty sad myself during this holiday season, still feeling the separation with my amazing girlfriend deeply. And the deep sadness still tells me I'm deeply alive. And that in itself is beautiful. And I look forward to you sharing your beautifully heartfelt life with the person you're wanting.

Yes, this forum has people from all over the world, but the local Raleigh, NC, herpes support group meets the 2nd Monday of every month at Planned Parenthood in Raleigh, 6-8pm. I facilitate the group along with Nicole. And since you're local, come to the seminar January 18-20! Listen to the participant and staff interviews on this page to get a feel for the weekend. Awesome. http://thehopp.com

I can't wait! So excited! And Lelani, you know you're always welcome at a moment's notice. What a great surprise that would be ... ;)

This is the essence of why vulnerability is so beautiful. Being truly vulnerable will appeal to the kind of person you want to have in your life. It's not the herpes or the AIDS or whatever the thing that is wrapped in shame that is actually beautiful ... It's who you are that has you disclose. And that idea of "I won't have him anymore" is the epitome of shame. Said in another way: "If this person finds out I'm human, they won't accept me." Everyone has flaws and imperfections. And in a way, those are also what make us beautiful. Flaws and beauty are the yin and yang. Without flaws, there would be no beauty; without beauty, there would be no flaws. Welcome to humanity, eh? :) Thank you for sharing, Harlow. Beautiful.

Welcome to the forums! Good to see you here, but I'm sorry to hear what happened. What a slimeball guy to do that! If this guy truly took advantage of you, I would either go to the cops or call your local rape crisis center. From what you're saying, it sounds like you have nothing to feel guilty about if he had his way with you! And if this guy has unprotected sex with women he takes advantage of, he sounds like someone who hasn't taken that much care of his sexual health. I would get tested again to make sure you didn't get anything from him!

Wow, I'm really impressed, Trying. Empathy in this circumstance shows me the strength of your heart and your emotional intelligence. It's beautiful. Thank you for sharing and congratulations for taking care of yourself and being true to yourself.

And just to throw my hat in the ring, too, all the women I've disclosed to have accepted herpes except for the FIRST one after I found out (I disclosed with so much shame, I could've sunk a ship!). What has ended up breaking us up had nothing to do with herpes and everything to do with regular everyday reasons that would have any relationship not work. I actually just disclosed last week and it was a beautiful, connecting experience. She just came over tonight and we had a really fun, playful romp. No sex yet, but totally fun and authentic! I think we can get way too tied up in worrying about what it might lead to that we miss all the good stuff in between! Whether or not it will lead to sex with this woman, I have no idea. But I do know I'm totally and completely enjoying myself in the meantime.

You may have given him herpes. And you may not. Regardless of the chances of giving it to him, he deserves to know that there's a chance. There are so many factors involved, including where your outbreaks occur and if they are covered up by the condom, if there is an easy skin access on his genitals where the virus could enter, etc. Bottom line, there's much more of a risk of transmitting it during an outbreak. And he won't know for sure unless he gets an outbreak or he gets a blood test in 4-6 weeks to see if antibodies have built up against either version of HSV.

Also, by the way, just so you don't feel alone in this, when I first got herpes, I went through a phase of not disclosing to a few partners. I was as safe as I could be and as far as I know I didn't transmit herpes, but the point was that I was so scared of the reaction that I didn't even want to broach the subject. It wasn't that I messed up that determines who I am. It is what I have done since. It was those times where my integrity was yelling at me that showed me that my integrity was strong. It is that I recognized the importance of following what I know to be right. It was the pain of not aligning my actions with my own integrity that has me dedicated to transparency and disclosure now.

Hey Harlow, There's only one way to go as far as I'm concerned ... You know, everyone messes up about things in life. (It's called being human, dear.) ;) It doesn't help a lick to worry about it and beat yourself up. It does help to learn and grow from it, ask for forgiveness and move on. It's how we deal with our mess-ups that determine our character. Own up to your actions, be wide open to his reaction, whatever it is. But of course you already knew that. ;) And about your specific questions about transmitting herpes: http://herpeslife.com/rates-of-herpes-transmission/

I've heard the same that it's very difficult to spread herpes to other parts of your body, but that it is always possible. Why don't you just go to the doctor/clinic? You'll have an answer quick instead of worrying about it. :)

JC81 — consider that you also could have had herpes for the 4 years and it just recently surfaced. I had herpes for many years before having my first outbreak. It's not always an immediate thing, which is why trying to pin down how and when we got it precisely can be so difficult! ;)

Insist on getting an IgG test. There's no good reason they would deny access to testing like that.