lelani

I there...a big hug for you honey - I know just how you feel, I was in the same place as you this time last year. YES it will get better...I remember the mess ;-). Why haven't you told anyone? It feels really lonely when you don't, and there is NO reason not to find someone who cares about you and share what is going on for you. Are you feeling ashamed..(we all have this hurdle to overcome). There is no shame in getting this and its hard on those who love you to not know what is causing you to be unhappy. The best thing you can do for yourself is to talk to someone. Some of the deepest connections I have made with people have been since, and because of H. Yes H changes how you express yourself sexually and it means you have to be brave and honest with potential partners. It means sometimes you have annoying episodes that can be uncomfortable and inhibiting (and I don't mean with just sex - couldn't ride my bike the other day as my ladybits weren't too happy!). And sometimes you have to deal with the emotional backlash of thinking negatively about having H (...no one will want me...how do I tell anyone...I am ashamed....the list goes on and really it would be the same thoughts if you had excema, psoriasis, dandruff, warts - and they are all just skin conditions). It's time to look after yourself and take time to heal. Talk to someone, exercise, eat well, do things that bring you joy, forget about relationships for now while you heal and know that we are here to help you feel better :-). There are amazing people here and we all support each other to the max :-). I'm glad you reached out and posted. I am sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts - you will get through this sad phase and will learn that H is only a small part of who you are, you just gotta get used to having it around. xx

This is a place of light aye?! I thought that when I found it too...trawling the internet for something - information, support, affirmation, a place to share. Somehow we have all stumbled upon Adrial's H 'oasis' and it really is an amazing growing community of awesome people. I love the positive vibe from everyone - even when we are venting, each of us either finds a gem within our darkness or there is someone there to show us what it is and to send us love. I journal every day and its the best thing ever...good to read back on and see how far I have come, or to see what I need to work on. So yeah I can relate (and don't get me started on the medical profession and H lol!). I'm glad you two found us! :-) xx

Love it Love it Love it!!!!! This was the coolest thing ever to read diversity....I felt like I was right there with you - you write soooo beautifully:x! I am so glad you felt brave enough to talk about it and even more glad at how empowered you felt. H has a way of deepening connections with others, but more importantly with ourselves. You came to know yourself at a whole different level - and feel good about it. There is no shame and YOU are awesome :-)!!!!

The biggest hug from me too cbk...thanks so much for sharing your story - like Adrial I can see you are a good man :-) welcome to our community too! I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out, but you are right, it really was doomed from the start because of her dishonesty (can't figure out why she didn't disclose to you too when you created the space to share and would obviously be supported - I would have breathed a sigh of relief and been like an open book!). Sounds like a lot of denial and lack of self responsibility there - best be free of it I say :-)! I can understand that emotional tie...once you are hooked its easy to forgive, to look for the best and then push down that little voice that whispers "run" (been there - done that! %-( ). Its wonderful you have been honest in the past in telling partners...now its just 'two for one'. I have both HSV2 and HPV...I could possibly also have HSV1 as my ex-husband of 25 years had it orally but I have never showed any symptoms anywhere and none of my three adult kids have either. Do I get tested? Two is enough to deal with and do I talk about my ex having it and me not having symptoms with potential partners when I disclose about the other two. Fun isn't it 8-| ?! I love the face you consider the woman you are interested in as much as you consider yourself - you deserve someone worthy of that :-).

Go you!!!! I understand about putting yourself out there and feeling vulnerable. You are so beautiful with a gorgeous smile - keep smiling like that and any negativity will just dissolve! There is such personal power in being transparent...and the world needs more strong hearted and courageous people like you :-) And if you have paid Hybrid Amigo then yeah make him finish the work...but you know what..keep smiling and being kind - you are a light for him and he is offering you an opportunity to teach about love and courage. I know how upsetting it will be...but you are bigger than that, and bigger than H :-). A big hug diversity and let your light shine :-) ! x

This is such a lovely post D...so beautiful to have the love and support of family and friends..and that you get a buzz out of sexy shoes and painting your nails too :-). I understand totally how it has been for you - this time last year I was 2 months into H and have had friends pass away and get seriously ill in this time. We do all have stuff we have to deal with. This doesn't minimize the impact of getting H...it does just mean we are not alone. I'm glad you are loving yourself by getting help when you need it and loving yourself by doing nice things to make you feel loved... you really are worthy and thank you so much for posting. xx

Hey Brenda...I so know where you are coming from with Experiment boy...Shingles can just roll so easily off your tongue aye?! One of my work mates had a shingles episode just before xmas and showed us....OMG it was ALL over her stomach - she got sympathy from everyone and was very nurtured. I was having an episode at the same time but its not appropriate to say anything just because the same blisters are on my lady bits and not my midriff! Needless to say there was no nurturing and understanding coming my way! haha Atlanta I love 'the H bomb' ...yeah it does feel like that. I'm the same, super fit, intelligent and men think I am hot...hot from a distance now I have H. Yeah there is sooooo much misinformation about H, its not taught properly in schools and there is widespread misinformation from the medical profession. Your 'match' is testament to that! And I am sitting on the couch with my cat and dog ;-)

So great to hear back from you and see how you are doing...again you write beautifully :-). I am so glad you are sharing again and it sounds like you don't feel so empty now. I think its awesome that you feel strong enough to support others and I would like to see your dream happen...you have so much to offer people and a beautiful heart. You would make such a difference in the world. I will love to see you more often :-). This group of people has helped me evolve over the last year...I have been inspired, supported and feel a lot of love for everyone here. There are always dark times when we struggle and evolving seems to come to a halt or go around in frustrating circles...and then someone posts something that is a confirmation, and affirmation, a shout or just a whisper to us, and a light goes on. We feel become more aware, easier on ourselves and feel connected again. So no matter how detached you are feeling I will send you love and blessings. xx

I loved reading this Cas...I looked past H and it warms my heart to hear that others do too (especially now I'm in the H club myself;-) ). You were brave and vulnerable and there is so much power in that...if you ever have to do it again it isn't quite so hard. I am so happy for you, I know that feeling of being accepted and knowing you are bigger than H - and someone else sees it too. Thanks for sharing your story too :-) x

See...perfect ;-)! Love the bandaid rip off - I tend to do the same lol. Interesting that meeting him again you are aware there isn't a strong enough connection - that's when I actually think H is helpful in sorting it out. If we didn't have it there is the tendency to jump in without full awareness...so yeah it is a blessing! And Brenda I think you are pretty amazing Z:-) xx

got my toes crossed too ;-) x

I'll be with you in spirit :-)!!!!!! Seeing he has told you about some history that obviously may have contained a deal breaker for some, you are in a good space to share now too. I haven't used any sites to recommend to anyone I disclosed to...just told them what I know, so can't help you there sorry. I know you are going to do just fine and I have a feeling it will work out perfectly :-). Good luck with the great guy! xx

Love it...love the comments and the corresponding words flowing through. Thought I might be able to make it...only now my car has gone to heaven I have to buy a new one...obviously the timing isn't right yet ;-). xx

I so love you Carlos...wish I could give you a huge hug. Every time you post I get it and feel a connection. Thank you for sharing. xxxx

Awesome krisitin! What would I have like to be told...? All the stuff I have learned since my diagnosis. I have a great doctor but she fell waaaaaaaay short with this, and I have told her too. Not sure if it will chance her approach with H though. So...here's my list :-) 1. How common it is and stats 2. What to expect in the first year re outbreaks 3. How I can expect to feel emotionally dealing with it 3. Where to go for support 4. Commonly used Natural remedies I could try to relieve symptoms 5. Diet and supplement that could help 6. How it will change sex 7. What to expect long term with the virus. I am going to start a support group here in my city this year...my New Year resolution :-)! Big hug my lovely friend...love your drive and compassion and BIG heart! xx

Brilliant!!! Yeah no need to disclose if you don't have a connection and yeah its H has a way of forcing us to be more in tune with signals and intuition about if someone is right for us. And every opportunity to disclose is good practice, even if you don't end up to telling! I'm glad my post helped you...I really felt for you and so know how it feels! I have just joined a standard online dating site...feeling bit freaked out by it but I need the practice again after a year on my own! I'll let you know how it goes ;-)! I dated online a couple of years ago (before H) and had so much fun..met some great guys who are still friends. So here goes!!!!

I love this JanetD! Your posts always seem to speak directly to me. I am taking up this new thought...the old one has been hard to ditch..or moreover it keeps coming up like a weed that I have to dig out. Somehow over the Christmas season its been hard to dig up and get rid of. Thank lovely...this has given me a boost today :-) x

That is such great advice Kristin, just found the this thread...I appreciate it too Tauraslady - great you have joined us :-)! I know when I am feeling low it feels like a big hurdle to overcome with disclosing and yet by experience it has been positive so far. I think it is more the loss of a fantasy that we can just fall into someones arms and not have to deal with the reality and the frank discussion of the state of our lady bits (and man bits :-) ). It just don't feel sexy /:) ! The day I was diagnosed i told my ex who I got it from (it was on the cards as I knew he was H+), the guy I was currently dating (I ended it as i couldn't deal with it and was scared I would give it to him - we are still best of friends). Then I told an old lover who came back into my life...and he accepts it totally. I met someone new and told him immediately as there was a strong attraction for both of us (turns out he had it too and was going to tell me). So four disclosures in about two weeks! Now I have been on my own for just over a year...but two guys wanted to date me and I just wanted to be friends with them...so two more chances to practice disclosing (only... this sounds awful...I was able to let them down gently by telling them about H and that I couldn't deal with a sexual relationship - so we are still friends too and they have been wonderful). I shared this because like Kristin says, every situation is different and there can be different reasons for disclosing. It's the hardest when the other person becomes important and you don't want to loose them. But if you don't tell them you aren't really 'with' them fully anyway...so its better to be authentic and speak your truth, when you feel comfortable and before you get intimate. As for attachment? I tend to not want to get attached and fall hard so I would rather do it sooner than later...but maybe its better to let some attachment form. I honestly don't know...I think we each have to be intuitive and go with what feels right (its usually when I feel overwhelmed by not saying something - better to spit it out that sit on it!). Let's know how your next one goes?! :-)

Sending you hugs too Humour..yeah I had piggy back episodes for about 7 months even with a super healthy diet and lifestyle. I think it helped and since then I have only had two episodes that happen after the only periods I have had in that time (so hormones are my trigger it seems). Yeah H has a way of sorting out vices...not a bad thing actually. And just keep up with it and yes they do get better. Your body is trying to sort out how to deal with H and if you have only just started living healthy then it may take a bit longer. And how wonderful to have man who thinks you are worth it ;-)

What awesome posts thanks everyone - you are truly amazing people and I love checking in with you. I am getting back into the swing of things slowly, grief has a way of hanging about and spilling over for a little while. Had a slight set back with totalling my car a few days ago (really bad weather conditions and a blind spot). I decided that has to be the final kick in the ass for 2012! I'm ok and he's ok, that's the most important thing...and I will get a new car out of it so its kind of good. I hope you all had lovely Christmas's despite sadness and struggles. That you found special moments and deeper connections with people because of them. I had a really broken girl I am mentoring say to me last week "Well life is a bitch, but that doesn't mean I have to be sad and my new year resolution is to choose to be happy no matter what". Was an amazing thing for me to hear...just a few months ago I was waiting for a call to say she had ended her life because she couldn't cope with finally confronting her abusive upbringing. That was one of my special Christmas moments...not fun or entertaining but hopeful and all about renewal. Now New Year is approaching I will be celebrating friendship with someone who may not be around next New Year. She supports me dealing with H and I support her dealing with cancer. But we will celebrate hope and faith and the connection we have. And I will be celebrating all of you...you have all been a gift to me and I am glad I found you. I'm sending you all humongous (H)ugs ;-) x

Great post! Things we constantly need to work on as the curveballs don't stop coming. Needed to read this today thanks time4changes :-) x

You are gorgeous cbk...and if you disclosed to me I would have the utmost respect for you and know you care about me. Yeah it is scary to disclose but your intention is good and honorable...and while you can't predict if your disclosure will meet with acceptance you have done the right thing. Maybe go for a walk in a lovely park...that's always my favourite talking place...or along the beach. Sending you courage and lots of good thoughts. And i love your preparation, I have done the same thing myself! Writing stuff down seems to add power to it :-) Let us know how you get on?

Skroy honey....Carlos is the man ;-) He has a way of speaking the truth so beautifully so all I can say is ditto. And you don't have to fly or fight...just surrender and know that when you tell him whatever happens will be the right thing for you. If he runs he will run with other heavy stuff that comes up and you may as well find out now. If he stays and accepts this part of you he is a keeper and worthy of you... And you are not dirty, unwanted, unlovable, alone, damaged or unworthy. They are just things you tell yourself...and we all go through that. I have told myself the same and I also understand the fear of disclosing. I have had good experiences but I still feel nervous...but we wouldn't feel any more nervous if we had psoriasis, burn scars...even cellulite - anything we would feel ashamed of and could cover so no one can see. Getting close to someone means they will see...and we want to be accepted despite our flaws. He's already said he can accept anything...yeah it's a big call but maybe he has a big heart and that is why he is so amazing?? In you telling him about H it is his chance to live up to what he says...then you will know you have a man of integrity :-). An you know you have to tell him for you own...you can do it and it can bring you closer together. :-) x

I have just gone on the same suppressive therapy too. In NZ Acyclovir is cheap - cost me $3 for two months...plus the doctor visit. I don't like taking medication for anything but want to see how it goes before I meet someone and have to take it. Have to say the worst thing is remembering to take it! I can directly link my episodes with periods...I have only had two in the last year (yay for menopause!) and had a long episode the day after both of them. Doctors don't know everything and I think the best knowledge comes from our own experience and that of others who have H. :-)

Hi everyone...I just wanted to wish you all a loving Christmas. We are a day ahead down here in New Zealand and the celebrations start in a couple of hours for me. While I would like to say I am excited and loving the festive season its a toughy and I know for many of you it will be too. H has woken up for me this last month and I have had another episode that's taken about 10 days to get over. I went on suppressive medication (decided that instead of resigning myself to being alone I would take every measure to feel more confident and responsible when someone does materialize 8-> ). Not totally comfortable taking daily medication but I want to know how my body deals with it before I have to take it if I am in a relationship. So far so good. Interestingly despite this big step for me (I don't take medication for anything unless I absolutely have to) H has taken a back seat with so many other things being more important...I had to fit the doctor in between visiting two sick friends who were diagnosed with cancer within days of each other. Another close friend died and I also put my house on the market and I may loose my job in the New Year. Life itself is bigger than H and my little patch of spots and job insecurity pale to insignificance when friends are going through bone marrow transplants, major surgery and chemotherapy. My longing for someone special hasn't gone (it's been a while!)...only if I had someone now I couldn't be there for my friends in the same way. My time is my own and I can spend it with them. The depth of our connection has increased tenfold and is such a gift, talking about life and death, appreciating our friendships and having to be very open and brave with each other to be authentic in the face of pain and fear. Having H has also given me these things when I have been brave enough to be open and share...and they really are gifts. This Christmas I am happy and sad all at the same time...I have cried buckets in the last two weeks but very few tears have been for H (except in the doctors office having to acknowledge that my Genital Warts are back again with the H episode - 'two for one' again dammit!). So if you are feeling some sadness at Christmas too I send you a hug...its OK to not be jumping for joy, just make sure you find ways to love yourself and connect with others. Create special moments that make you feel good and know that everything is just a season...and I wish you special moments and loving times this Christmas season. Janice xx