lelani

I will so be there with you girls in spirit....my dream to come too, just can't do it right now. I find out in two days if I still have my job or not (funding cuts). Putting my house on the market in the new year...if it sells and I can find another at the price i want I could maybe squeeze in at the last minute?? :-)x Would so love to meet you :-)

Hi C...I had the same, constant outbreaks when I had my first episode and i hate to say it..for about 6 months. I ended up just accepting it would be like it for the first year and worked on dealing with it physically and emotionally. I did pretty well and after the 6 months I stopped having the back to back. I didn't take medication but that was my choice. Anyway..today I got a prescription for the same drug you are taking...having another episode, that I now know is hormonally triggered (second in six months). I have not worried about medication as I wasn't in a relationship and I would rather not use medication for anything unless I have tried everything else...but an old lover/friend has come home from overseas and there is the possibility of us getting intimate again (we were lovers before H and he accepts me totally since I got it). I want to reduce the risk to him as much as I can. I was in rude good health too (love the expression - rude is such a good word!) and still am...sucks for me that depsite that my bloody hormones like to wake up H. And I am a pretty strong woman who laughs alot and feels very centred and thankful for all I have...but today getting the medication at the doctors I was a sook. H has a way of making you stronger and weaker all at the same time! And can make you pissed off too...I get you C. All I can say is that over time you learn to deal with it and it makes you develop a deeper connection with yourself and others. My body is in more control of H now so I feel better...this hiccup will pass and I know what has triggered it rather than guessing. Your body will do the same. Stay being healthy but have fun too! x

Love it....romping is the best ;-) Happy for you Adrial - enjoy every minute :-) x

Oh honey..you aren't selfish at all! You are hurting from being betrayed twice and that takes time to heal from..and now with H...that takes a bit of adjusting and healing too. It really is new for you and it is totally normal to feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster. You may have got H from your boyfriend, don't assume it was from the rebound guy. Has your ex boyfriend been tested? Have you told him..he needs to know too as he cheated on you. It is so wrong that they won't test if there are no symptoms! H will change things in your life and at the moment it seems like in bad ways but it isn't all bad and there are ALWAYS gifts with challenges. You will be more discerning with men and trust your intuition more, you will meet amazing people (like the ones on here :0( ), you will be very aware of your body and health and eliminate things that don't serve you well in your life, you will spend time on you - developing yourself and following your dreams ( and H doesn't stop them - some of my best adventures have not involved sex so H means nothing in terms of having amazing things happen :-) ). Yes sex changes, but that isn't a bad thing either... when I can't go all the way I get really creative and make it fun. It's just different. I am not sugar coating this danielle...yeah it sucks and I still have sad time...still have episodes (yay have one right now :-) ). But dark thoughts about H don't consume me anymore. It is annoying and sometimes I wish I didn't have it...but if I don't have an episode or am thinking of disclosing to someone I don't think about it. I am too busy doing things I love and being with people I love..living! I you are feeling really consumed by it get hold of Adrial and have a chat with him...I KNOW you will feel better. And message me anytime if you want to vent or ask questions. I have had H a year but I have also had HPV for 28 years...yeah I was cheated on...I know just how you feel. So I am sending a huge hug..it does get better. Be kind to yourself and find ways to love yourself. Janice xxx

Me too! =D>

As much as you feel sad about it...and I soooooo do know that feeling...think about all the things you are thankful for in your life and think up some new things you could try. You will feel up and down for a while emotionally for a while and forgiveness comes in its own time. Eat healthy, excercise every day, do things that you love and be around people who make you feel good. Leslie is right...save all this for yourself and healing will come. Try writing a journal...I just read mine from my first episode and diagnosis just over a year ago. I can't believe how far I have come, how much I have grown and how much better I feel (despite a few sad times along the way, but they get shorter and I know how to deal with them :-) ). (and I am glad he isn't in your life anymore...he wouldn't have been good for you) x

It's really hard to feel forgiving in the ealry days gifted...if the person you got it from doesn't seem to care. Forgiving is a process and sometimes its one step forward and then either one step back or getting stuck for a bit... You wrote 'I don't know what to do' twice. I always look at what I don't want to do when I feel like that...if I don't want to feel angry I find ways to deal with that, if I feel unforgiving I practice forgiveness meditations to let it go, if I don't want to cry I just let it happen and let go. Is the guy still in your life? If he is then think about why you want him there if he is not supportive of you...you deserve more. If he isn't then be thankful...his lack of care and loving is something you don't need! Keep reading posts on here and posting...we are here for you and understand what you are going through. You will get through this and it really is an opportunity for you to grow and be the best person you can be :-)

The biggest hug for you...you will be ok honey. When you show bravery, integrity and strength of character like you are doing you can't go wrong :-). You have given him the opportunity to grow to and he has been honest..being able to listen and understand someone elses experience while trying to be forgiving is an amazing thing to do K Keep practicing being forgiving because that is what will set you free and get you to a happy place of acceptance and love...just remember,things don't have to be perfect to be happy. Let me know how you get on with his results. x

I got teary too...have been in the same position and know that relief when they say 'I have it too"...and how cool it is to be able to talk totally openly about it with that special someone. It is such a great start and I am soooo happy for you :-) Janice

Awesome! It's so hard when you go against your values and compromise your integrity. Not telling him and having sex wasn't the greatest but you did something about it, kicked your secret in the ass and found yourself again. It could have gone either way with his reaction...and I am so glad for you that it has gone the way it has. Enjoy this time and whatever happens in the future you know not to make the same mistake again...you are bigger than than H now :-)

Hi Domo...yes listen to these gorgeous women....get those tits out and go get 'em!!! Good on you for deleting his number...let him go. You knew him for two weeks and yes he made you smile...its easy to do that in the first couple of weeks. The real test about his intention, his integrity and his character is when the 'shit hits the fan' over anything - his reaction is the promise of things to come with anything that is challenging so best be rid of him. And I can understand you missing him...actually its not really him, its the heady rush of feelings that you have when you meet someone. The hurt will pass - throw yourself into doing stuff for yourself and treat yourself. You do deserve more than a guy who behaves like that!!! Big hug. x

I'm glad you feel safe here I am...good that you found us :-) I get the shock you feel...I cried on and off for a long time (at the beginning I couldn't stop!), and Kristin is right (she is such a honey too!)- its normal and we have all felt it too. Your dream isn't over and you will meet someone...in the meantime just focus on all the things you have to be thankful for as you are doing...get through school and don't worry about boys because you are right - many are young and silly. Work on doing the things you need to do to be an independent, strong and amazing woman...and then H will be just a small part of who you are :-) Harlow...your post is great!!! She's worth listening too I am :-).

Hi M...hey I know how you feel, I had months of episodes when I first contracted H and wondered if it would ever stop. My body just needed to sort out what to do with it. Managing H is about healing your whole self...eating super healthy, thinking in ways that heal, minimizing stressful triggers in your life and believing you can heal your body. Yes don't give up. Really look at how you are living and thinking and see what changes you need to make to feel more balanced and centred. Coconut oil (organic) is amazing stuff like Judith says. Practising breathing deeply and imagining your body healed is really powerful too...and doing things that bring you joy. Take care of yourself and be kind a loving to yourself...and H will go to sleep and you will feel better. I use natural healing too so if you need any information you can message me too. Big hug. x

Thanks for the posts...love you all! Am trying to check in when I can but running between hospital and home alot. Wow Adrial the video is just what we have been talking about during hospital visits...and I am so proud of my friend who has had the worst week ever with complications and yet is still smiling and being positive. You know it doesn't matter what the challenge is, whether it's H or cancer...its all about looking for the gifts...being thankful...and being present. I listened to this woman and saw myself 27 years ago - different disease but with a 90% mortality rate...but I wanted to live and saw the gifts. Thanks for posting this... xxxxxxx

Hi M...glad you posted here and welcome to our amazing group of people! Oh...what should you do? Actually you do know what to do...you just don't want to, through fear of being judged and rejected like the rest of us. But not being honest about having H has obviously become a bit of a dilemma for you...and you feel uncomfortable enough with it to ask about an alternative. Bottom line is...give up the 'why me' struggle to start with because you aren't a horrible person, you just toyed with the odds alot and didn't treat yourself as healthily as you could have - but you were young and it happens! We all have regrets and have to forgive ourselves. I think you need to forgive yourself. It's not about getting what you deserve, just dealing with consequences. It's actually not a punishment but like this site says..an opportunity to grow and let go of guilt and shame, making bad relationship decisions and about living bravely :-). Hey and remember that what you think about expands...so if you think its a burden ALL THE TIME its gonna be a mother of a burden until you just do it some of the time ;-). As for the girl you love...if you have already been intimate yeah she might get mad. The real question is how much do you love her? Enough to be honest and brave and care enough about her health and wellbeing? This is an opportunity for you to give up the dishonesty of not telling women you have H. If you love her enough you will give up your wants and fears and put her first. You aren't disgusting and you deserve love...the thing is you have to give love too and real love demands honesty. I think you know you need to tell her..or you wouldn't have asked the question - so listen to that inner voice :-) Good luck.

Love your last post Virgo Girl...you 'knew'...you had that deep connection. But all that fear showed how much you cared and were willing to be authentic no matter what. He has got a goddess of integrity ;-) and you have a gorgeous man who loves you totally. The gift you talk about is definitely the H gift. Thanks for sharing this journey...and yeah aren't there amazing people here!!! x

Hi everyone...just a quick post. I haven't been on here due to a couple of crises in my life - I have missed being able to check in. I had just come out of an emotional herpes downer and suddenly life put everything into perspective again. Two close friends were diagnosed with cancer within a day of each other...one has had surgery and they both start chemo in a couple of days. Herpes seems like the most insignificant thing in the world at the moment...I suppose it's all relative. I get to deal with some annoying herpes symptoms that I have to ride through while they are fighting for their lives. I have been in their position and it's scary and consuming... So today I am thankful for my health...and for only having herpes. Sending you all good thoughts and remember all the things you have to be thankful for. I'll be back when things settle down and I have a bit more time. xxx

Thank you to all of you too...this site has been a godsend for me and it helps me clarify how I am feeling all the time. I don't have anyone I can talk freely with who has H ( only knew my giver and the guy who left me for his ex, and neither of them are exactly in position to chat with moving on with other partners) so its a blessing to have you to share with and get inspiration from. Sending a group hug :-) x

Hi Nick..Oh yeahth forgiveness thing...so much harder to do for ourselves than someone else. it's early days for you and it is a process. Just focus on all the things to be thankful for like you are and you will get to the happy side again ( but like with any other life challenge with a few sad but short times that inevitably happen along the way!) Welcome aboard...I found this site a few months ago and there are some amazing people here, and yeah we are all going through the same thing. Made it through...? Still a work in progress I think and always will be..but I have found the happy side again and H is just a part of it. I still have sad times about H, they just don't last as long and its great to pop on here and open up or read other posts...it kind of gets me back on track. I don't freak out anymore lol...soooo remember that feeling!!! When you start dating again the talk will come up and just be authentic and caring and you can't go wrong. There may be rejections of H but you get rejections for all sorts of things anyway (I had one for being 'too independent' once!). Glad you have got to a turning point...Kritin is right, love yourself first and work on yourself to be the best you can be :-)

Hi Dimples :-) Welcome :-)! Isn't it funny how things work out...just when you think something is over it isn't! Well if he really loves you he will accept this part of you...it could as easily have been him having to tell you. I've had to tell an ex that I got if from him (he had it and I knew but it was several months after we broke up that I had my first episode)...then told a new guy I was dating and I ended it over H (I was just diagnosed and was all too much even though he was awesome about it), a man I totally fell for and turned out he had it too.... What I am trying to say is...telling each one of them was the same, didn't matter about the circumstance. And all of them were supportive and I am still friends with each of them. You two have been together for 4 years and he wants to work it out too...well H will determine how badly he wants to be with you and if he doesn't over this then it wouldn't work out in the long run anyway. It would pay for him to be tested too, he may have it and not know. Take a deep breath and be brave...you obviously have a deep connection and this is just another test to see how strong it is. I'm sending you lots of good energy :-).

Hi there...love both your posts!!! I too was fearless with dating (after a long process of learning how to date, coming out of a 28 year relationship!) and had a lot of fun. Yes I have lost that fearlessness too and just lately have been going through feeling like I am tricking someone if I date them (interestingly it comes with an episode after being free of them for 6 months). I don't think negatively about H at all unless I have one or need to disclose. I have to remember its just my thoughts and I can change them...and that I don't need to disclose until things heat up or I feel comfortable enough. I tend to want to get it out of the way asap so I can let it go. And yeah there are all kinds of deal breakers...smoking is one of mine too, drugs is another, arrogance...narcissism...being unfit (they wouldn't be able to keep up with me!) and being negative. I don't care if they are tall or short (I have dated a couple of gorgeous short guys...talk to them about stigma!) and I chose to be with my man who was H+...yet I still struggle sometimes with feeling fearful of connecting with someone. For me its not about being rejected, its the fear of how will I deal with it if I passed it on to them. I know its their choice and responsibility but unless you have it you don't realise the reality of living with it and future implications. And that's a crazy thought too as I was with someone for 28 yrs who had HSV1 orally and I never got it...so really I am worrying about something that in all likelihood may never happen because I am careful. And if it did it is really only a skin condition that emerges when you aren't balanced in your life! I just hold the thought that H is a good insurance policy of making sure who does want to be with me really does want to be with me. Anyone who thinks it is an issue does't truly love me and the universe is just telling me they aren't right for me! Thanks for posting girls! :-)

Domh you ARE awesome and fabulous and I am glad you are smiling again. I love your words. Happy thanksgiving to you too :-) x

Oh so many things to be thankful for...just being able to write this and share gratitude, along with my struggles and wisdom, love and pain with all of you is huge. To still be in the world when so long ago 6 months was all I was given. That some of the things I have learned through a lot of struggle I can pass on and help others. To have not planned to be a mother and then be given three amazingly beautiful surprises who have turned out to be my best gifts. I have so much gratitude about how much I learned from their father...and that depsite the sadness of ending my marriage I am still thankful that I chose to trust myself rather than deal with a partner whom I couldn't trust. I even thank my disfunctional family relationships in that they have shown me the destruction of jealousy and resentment...and they aren't emotions I want in my life. I have learned to not take things personally, to love even when it doesn't come back. I am sooooooo thankful for living in a country where I can climb a mountain and walk on a beach all in the same day if I want to. Where I can find places to enjoy being alone and be in awe of the universe. I am thankful for my health...H is only a small part of it really. I have a strong body that can move freely and I can delight in being able to dance. To experience joy every day from that is something I treasure. For the last 25 years before I go sleep I go through my 'list' of things to be thankful for...when I started this ritual couldn't think of one because I was so scared of dying....now I can find so many things every day (even on the sad days). And the funny thing is the universe gives me more. So yes I am celebrating gratitude with you all my lovely H friends..I am so glad I found you, that we connect and love each other invisibly but powerfully. And I thank YOU Adrial, for your vision, your commitment and your love to make this community happen. Happy Thanksgiving everyone :-) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Kristin - love you back :-)! Alyssa...I know just how you are feeling - yep when it wakes up again its hard to ignore and brings out all those alone kind of emotions. The tough days don't last although this time it has got to me a bit...didn't realise until I felt sad this afternoon so decided to go crazy and hard out weed the garden. I found a whole lot of snails in the lillies and burst into tears when I realised heaps of them were mating (yeah full on snail shagging!). Even the snails are getting some loving!!! But i know this will pass I will feel fine again in a few days. H is only one of the many things we are challenged with in life and I have had worse...and I know that how you feel about it changes like the seasons, and changes with your thoughts. My affirmation this last week is "I now attract a healthy and fulfilling relationship with a man I respect and adore"...I thought that was the most positive one I could use to counteract my negative ones about feeling alone! And as for the snails...they got dunked in a bucket of salt water! Chin up honey ..we really are ok and we aren't tricking anyone, we are only thinking that. xx

I feel for you honey..yes I can imagine the deep breath. I'm glad you stumbled on us...yeah its a lovely group of people who get what you are going through because so have we. You can get a lot of support on here. Now when you take that deep breath as you let it out just let go... relax and know that everything will work out whatever happens. When you tell him avoid any blame...just say its been an awful two weeks, you have been ill and there is something you have to tell him. Did yo have a blood test or just a swab? The blood test will tell you if it is a recent infection or if you have had it longer. You may have had it a while and not known. He may not know he has it either if he's had no symptoms. If he has it and knowingly hasn't told you its pretty much a deal breaker. If he chooses not to get tested and share the results with you...another deal breaker. . But he may not know, or the information about having H and transmission facts given to him if he does may have been completely wrong...and you may have given it to him if you have been with someone else before him. So be as calm as you can...whatever happens you will be ok!!! You might be angry and upset..that's ok! No matter how he reacts... respond with honesty, integrity and kindness - you will feel better and good about yourself and that is what is important. Yep you have been thrown the H curve ball but its up to you to catch it and run with it, being the best you can be. I'll be sending you lots of good thoughts and hugs ( we all need them :-) ). You are right it won't always be this painful to deal with and you will get through it. xx