mr_hopp

Hey! Totally normal to have this kind of experience during the first year of infection. Sounds like nerve pain? That's pretty common. Hang in there. Your body is still in the midst of building up antibodies to naturally suppress this over time. You got this.

So to clarify, you have oral HSV-1, correct? To your question, the longer you've had herpes, you do tend to shed less, but since it's asymptomatic, you really just won't know when or how much. Safe to say you're shedding 9-18% of the year. (Read the free handouts for all the facts and transmission numbers broken down on one page.) But it's certainly nowhere near that it's a given that he now has herpes just from kissing one time if you weren't having an outbreak and haven't had an outbreak for 4 years. I'd just be straight up with him. Definitely no need to avoid anything here. Say what you said here: I was unaware that it could possibly negatively impact you since cold sores are so minimized in our society since most of the world has it (70-90%).

Get a western blot test to get a definitive result. Swab tests are accurate, so you probably have HSV-2 and your most recent blood test is probably a false positive (was it an IgG?). That's what I'd guess based on what you've said here. And your understanding of HSV1 and HSV2 is a bit off. It's more complicated than that since both strains can be found either orally or genitally, in varying numbers. Around 1/2 of all new genital herpes cases these days, for example, are genital HSV-1 due to giving oral sex while having an oral HSV-1 outbreak (cold sores). Here's a breakdown: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/hsv-1-hsv-2-the-two-types-of-herpes ... and you can download the handouts for free that summarize all the facts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Hello! No, not selfish. Just a fellow sexual human being. 😄 Some things to clarify: It's actually super rare to get HSV-2 orally. Only 1-2% of ALL oral herpes cases are HSV-2 (in other words, 98-99% of all oral herpes cases are HSV-1). As long as you pause the hanky pank while you're having outbreaks of course, he's much less likely to get oral HSV-2 via oral sex than you may be assuming. Download your free handouts for a breakdown on transmission risks: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook I hope this helps!

Hello and welcome! I can totally appreciate where this anxiety is coming from since I was there myself in the first few years of having herpes. (I felt like just breathing around people would give them herpes!) 😄 And the antidote to this worry is to educate yourself on the actual risks. Transmission rates, especially for genital HSV-1 are much lower than you might think ... It's actually pretty rare to pass HSV-1 genital-to-genital (in fact, Terri Warren told me straight-up that she hasn't seen a case of genital-to-genital HSV-1 transmission). Since it doesn't sound like you get cold sores (oral HSV-1), then kissing them or licking nipples is totally safe. Another thing to consider is if they go down on you, it runs the same risk as them kissing any of the 70-90% of people in the world who have oral HSV-1. Same virus, just different location. In fact, it's even harder to transmit HSV-1 genital-to-oral than oral-to-oral since HSV-1 sheds so much less genitally than orally. (Read the handouts that come with the free e-book for more on that.) Of course don't engage in any sexual activity if you're having an outbreak or feel like one might be coming on, but other than that, the amount of viral shedding genitally for HSV-1 is so small, and since the vast majority of people are carriers of HSV-1, then most people will have antibodies already established, which gives them an extra layer of protection. Of course disclose to your partners and let them know the deal, but use this as an opportunity to be open, educate and show them the kind of relationship of integrity you'd like to have. Again, read the disclosure e-book for all the tips on disclosure, and here's a helpful video (oldie but a goodie): https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/the-herpes-talk-and-your-perspective I hope all this helps ease your nerves! In summary: Your love life is NOT over. Not in the slightest. I promise. 🙂

Hi Paul, It's difficult to give you a definitive answer via forums, but hopefully this can help. Some folks get outbreaks that look like fissures, also known as papercut herpes, which might be what you have. Have you had a genital outbreak with blisters before? If so, then it's probably not papercut herpes. The only way to know for sure is to get the area swabbed if/when it happens again. And absolutely use lube. Overall, the less friction the better as far as keeping an outbreak at bay (too much friction can certainly be a trigger for an outbreak) .

Welcome @notyourmango! It does tend to take longer for an initial infection since the body hasn't developed antibodies yet, so for each subsequent outbreak you'll have (if any), healing time will speed up. So hopefully that will help put your mind at ease for the future. For now, it sounds like you're doing everything you can, so continue flexing that patience muscle (easier said than done sometimes) 🙂 and let your meds and your immune system do their good work. Passing herpes from one part of your body to another (also known as auto-inoculation) can happen within the first year of having herpes until antibodies are established, so wash your hands after every time you touch an active outbreak (no worries about viral shedding passing herpes to other parts of your own body when you're not having an active outbreak as there doesn't tend to be enough virus shed to infect).

Welcome @SeanJohn — I'm positive for both HSV-1 and HSV-2, I've been with my wife for 7 years now and we have a baby boy who just turned 4 (my how time flies). I take daily suppressive therapy but we decided together to stop using condoms years ago (hence that sweet baby boy I mentioned earlier). 😉 That brings her risk down to 5% per year. And she hasn't gotten herpes yet. 🤞 Life does certainly go on and it's up to each person and each couple to determine their risk tolerance together. It's certainly a risk/reward scenario to balance, and for each person it's different. Speaking of, have you downloaded the handouts that come with the disclosure e-book? Those break down all the numbers in an easy-to-understand way: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Sorry you both are going through so much confusion! False positives and negatives are unfortunately quite common, especially with IgM. And yes, definitely go for the western blot to get a definitive result. By the way, here's an article on herpes tests with more explanation.

Hi Sarah, Hm, that does sound odd. If you're having genital outbreaks, that wouldn't *seem* to be related at face value; the nerve pathways HSV takes for genital outbreaks is from the base of the spine to the outbreak spot (so generally nerve sensations happen in the below-the-belt area in the thighs and butt). Even if it were an oral outbreak we're talking about, the pathway would be from the top of the spine to the oral outbreak spot, which wouldn't pass through the shoulder/arms area. I wonder ...

Well, the smoking (cigs or weed) certainly isn't helping the outbreaks! 😃 Smoking in general is a big hit to your immune system, so any natural immunity you have built up over time gets decimated when you smoke. I would definitely suggest at least slowing down to give your body and the meds a better chance of staving off outbreaks. In the long run, planning on quitting (or dramatically decreasing) will be most healthy for you on multiple levels since it sounds like you're using weed as a crutch to feel better. And you know what, you have the ability to feel better inside yourself without any substances, I promise you! And I get it; it might feel like all too much to process without some numbing or distracting agent to help distance yourself from the feelings, but here's the thing: Those feelings will still be there in the future, to be worked through eventually. So get the support and tools you need and take this as your opportunity to dive into releasing the shame. It's a process that takes courage and commitment, but ultimately it's such a freeing process ...

Great question! As far as I know, the short answer is yes, but with a few caveats: Obviously refrain from oral sex if an outbreak is happening or feels like one might be coming on (prodrome symptoms). Spreading HSV-2 orally is very rare (only 1-2% of all oral herpes is HSV-2; 98-99% is HSV-1) If it's been recent that you have gotten herpes, then it takes about a year or so before your body will build up natural immunity (antibodies) to help protect herpes from spreading. So even though it's rare to spread HSV-2 orally, be extra careful within this year window. Here's a clip from an interview I had with Dr. Peter Leone where someone asked him point blank about herpes and oral sex:

If you don’t currently have a partner who doesn’t have herpes that you are trying to protect from transmission, you might as well go off the medication to see how your body handles it. Worst case scenario you have an outbreak that will heal, and you’ll have a helpful datapoint. After the year mark, most people’s immune systems can handle it pretty well and they’ll have infrequent outbreaks even without medication. If I were single and not sleeping with anyone, I wouldn’t be taking daily suppressive therapy. But since I’m trying to keep my wife safe, I take meds daily. So in short, there are really only 2 reasons to take meds; if your outbreaks are frequent or severe or if you are trying to keep a partner safe. Check out this article for more: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-medication

Welcome! What you're feeling is totally normal. It's part of the 5 stages of grieving ... which might not take the feelings away, but at least it gives what you're going through some context! (And knowing you aren't going through this alone helps, too! It's a great step that you're already reaching out and talking about it.) Be vigilant around watching your thoughts and consciously choosing the beliefs and identity you are taking on around this diagnosis. Work on strengthening your relationship to yourself instead of being disgusted toward yourself. What you need most now is self-compassion and forgiveness. You get to give yourself that instead of grief. Also, there are so many success stories of people not only "moving on" past herpes, but actually living *better lives* than they might have had if not for getting the wakeup call that herpes can give. (I'm certainly one of those people ... happily married with a wonderful 4-year old boy; when I first got herpes I thought this would never be available to me!) Have you watched this intro video? It's a good place to start: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-facts And definitely download the e-book and handouts to start reframing this as an opportunity for deeper intimacy (not necessarily the herpes itself, but the deeper opportunity for vulnerability that it provides): https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Hi all! Another gentle nudge to post to the H Buddies thread so we can keep these kinds of buddy requests centralized. I'm going to lock this thread. Thanks! Here's the link: https://forums.herpesopportunity.com/topic/9776-h-buddies-unite/?do=getLastComment

Correct, if you both have the same strain (HSV-2) then it's basically the same risk that either of you have of spreading herpes to other parts of your own body (also known as auto-inoculation), which is hard to do once you already have established antibodies, and especially if you are on daily suppressive therapy (which cuts viral shedding in half). Any small amount of virus from asymptomatic viral shedding will be small enough that your antibodies will take care of it. Of course use common sense like avoiding sex during an active outbreak, but other than that you can indeed enjoy that "regular sex"! 😄

Congrats on officially moving into the "trying for baby" phase of the relationship. My wife and I have a 4 year old boy and it's an absolute joy (and also the biggest self-development journey you'll ever go on)! 😝 Good news is that the chance of passing herpes to your baby is extremely rare. Less than 0.1% of babies in the U.S. get neonatal herpes while 20-25% of pregnant women have genital herpes. And since you've had herpes for well over a year (the time it takes on average for our bodies to build up antibodies), your body has had enough time to get the virus under control, which will lower outbreak risk and overall viral shedding. Those antibodies your body has will also help to protect your baby, too! Here's a great trustable article that goes into more specifics: https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes-and-pregnancy/

Hello! There’s a whole category on this forum dedicated to success stories. Check it out: https://forums.herpesopportunity.com/?forumId=9

Hi @Confusedanddepressed, Well, this video is right up your alley! https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy What this is all about is shifting your perspective about how you relate to herpes. To be in relationship with your partner with the desire to keep them safe because you care. Then it becomes less that herpes is a brick wall that stands in the way of intimacy and more that it becomes a doorway into vulnerability and deeper trust with your partner. You can even turn having an outbreak into an intimacy game: "Babe, I'm having an outbreak and I want to keep you safe, but I'd love to still explore and have some fun with you. How would you feel about enjoying each other, but the underwear region is off limits?" Say this while feeling in touch with your desire and vulnerability. You'll be amazed at how different an interaction this can lead to instead of letting shame take the wheel! (In fact, I always used to call my outbreaks my "man periods" to make a little joke out of it and get the point across. It was more of a connecting playful thing than a disconnection.)

Yeah, you’ve stumbled into confusing territory here, and there’s a lot of misunderstanding. The IgG does tend to give a lot of false positives and negatives unfortunately even though it’s the most popular. (IgM is even worse.) The most reliable tests are either a direct PCR swab and the western blot. The western blot is the gold standard yet pretty pricey. But at least you’ll get a definitive result.

No dumb questions here! Glad you’re asking to be clear. It’s a common question, so you’re in good company. If you have genital HSV-2 then you wouldn’t shed virus around your mouth; viral shedding only happens around the general area of the original infection. So if you have genital herpes, it sheds below the belt; if you have oral herpes, it sheds around the mouth. Does that help?

Hi @paul123789 and welcome! Have you downloaded the free e-book and handouts yet? Those will get you on the right path. You can download them for free here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook ... and here is a video on disclosure that you might find helpful:

Yep, 12 weeks is the standard time for antibodies to achieve detectable levels. And to be sure, get a Western Blot instead of an IgG.

Hi @Katie2222! Ah, probably a false negative. IgG is rife with false negatives and positives, unfortunately. (IgM is even worse.) And 7 months should be more than enough time to establish enough antibodies to be detectable on a blood test. Western Blot is the gold standard when it comes to a herpes blood test. Check this article out for more on that herpes blood tests.

You will get your body back, especially since it sounds like you're super healthy. That gives your immune system a leg up! It normally takes about 6 months to a year for your body to really get the virus under control, but it's not always going to be like it is now. It gets progressively better.