mr_hopp

Here's my take on it: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication :)

Hey superwoman! Why don't you start a new thread so everyone can benefit from the answers? :) Much love!

[this was posted by Lelani on a duplicated thread] I love love love this virgo girl!...yeah disclosing isn't so hard when you decide to do it and let go and be open. I'm open with my friends and people I meet who I feel a connection with and who I feel I can trust....and they have been the same in their reactions. It comes up in conversation more than once after that and they want to know more and are so glad I talked to them about it. I go through times when it is harder to tell but mostly I am pretty ok about it...I do consider my kids, as we are well known so I am careful with who I talk about it. I used to think that that was about my shame but its more their privacy and I respect that. I'm so glad you had a magical night, that you had the courage to be authentic. And I think its just bloody fantastic how its worked for you!!!!!!! xxxxx

Hey LL! I emailed you a link to download the e-book. And as far as when to disclose, that's all covered in the e-book, too. :) It's a fine line between forcing yourself to disclose too soon and disclosing too late. It all comes down to the question of do you trust him and feel close enough to him to share something vulnerable with him?

There shouldn't be any restrictions since herpes is not a blood-borne virus.

What are you making the freak out mean about you? If a freak out reminds you or proves to you that you are dirty, disgusting, unlovable, then I could see why disclosing wouldn't be worth it to you. But what if a freak out simply means that someone else can't handle a simple skin condition with a stigma? What if someone else's reaction has more to do about them than it does about you? That is where self-love and self-acceptance become so powerful. Outer conditions don't affect your inner world unless you want them to.

And yes, NC in January will be quite the party and quite the experience overall. Already super excited for everyone to meet one another! Such awesome people!

Well for all the people who are in other countries, there are already a few people who are organizing Herpes Opportunities that will allow me to fly to those locations so we can have international seminars! Just throwing that out there if you're interested in doing that, too. :)

The Denver ladies are coming (Strengthfromwithin and Alyssa) and a few other people (one from New Jersey, another from Africa) and a whole bunch of others I'm going to be following up with! It's gonna be one inspiring party!

Did you know you had herpes when you gave it to him? Or did you not know any better? I'm just curious about that to see how to support you. And either way, jumping to wanting to kill yourself is just not the way, dear. I know it feels so huge right now, but in the scheme of things, it's not worth so much stress and heartache and suffering that you're putting yourself through. Trust me. We're here for you if you'd like to post more about where you're at right now. I'd like to hear more from you. How is your boyfriend handling it? Are you trying to work it out? What sort of support do you have with friends and family? Big hug.

I hear you LNL! I've had those moments, too. Thinking "Do these people not get that percentage-wise, there are quite a few people in this room who have herpes?" People are ignorant. I know I was totally ignorant about herpes before I got it. And it had me realize how many times I used to say off-color comments like that all the frickin' time! So yeah, it's not like I'm condoning that kind of ignorance, but if we're not going to speak up in the moment from a place of educating people, then we might as well flex that muscle of compassion for them being so ignorant to their offhand comments impacting people. I try to take those kinds of comments as a reminder for myself to be more aware of the kinds of things I say in mixed company. It's certainly made me more aware of everything I say and what the purpose is behind it.

kitcattat, there are a few amazing ladies I'm going to put you in touch with in Denver.

Can I just say how thoughtful Alyssa is? When Alex and Alyssa came to scoop me at Denver airport to drive me to Boulder (wow, so sweet for you to offer, Alex!), Alyssa gave me a package. I open it and it's Brene Brown's new book! Not only that, it's signed by Brene! Anyone who knows me knows that her TED talk video blew my heart wide open. Alyssa, thank you for thinking of me and giving such a beautiful, heartfelt gift. And yes, it is still on my bucket list to meet Brene in person and buy her dinner! ;) By the way, here's a pic I took of Brene's signed book. Can't wait to read it! http://herpesopportunity.com/images/brene-book.jpg

I'm happy for you, WD. Nice work! And those %s you listed are right on. My only suggestion for discussing this with him is to be as balanced as possible (realistic yet not paranoid). Yes, you're so right that you knowing your status and knowing your body might actually keep him safer from getting an STD from any other person out there who is ignorant about their status (which 80% of people are). Sounds like you already are balanced about all this. Some people tend to focus on the possibility of rejection instead of knowing that it's a preference that he is going to make for himself after you giving him all the facts about it without the stigma and shame. I've been reading your perspective on all this, WD, and it sounds so healthy and self-accepting. That's all you can hope for is to love yourself and leave it up to him to make his own decision about what he's willing to risk in relationship. (By the way, have you considered what are you risking in relationship with him? The beginning of any relationship involves each partner taking a risk on getting both awesomeness and not-so-awesomeness.)

I'm not too surprised that you're an acceptable catch. ;) Regardless of whether she had Hep C or not. And I'm happy for you. Nice work, bro. Way to follow your integrity. I'm impressed. Enjoy!

That is interesting, Michael. I've heard plenty of people say that before they get an outbreak that they get nerve tingles as if the virus is starting its hike from the basal ganglia to the surface of the skin. I don't tend to get those nerve sensations myself, but I do get the prodrome sensations on the part of my penis where my outbreaks always pop up (right near the head in a small patch of blisters). That prodrome shows up as a slight burning sensation, almost as if I have the cutest little sunburn right on that concentrated spot on my penis. I am assuming this means that I'm having a silent episode of viral shedding. Your specific situation I haven't heard of exactly, but maybe some other community members have had it or heard of it? Also, for these more medically-specific questions, call either of these free hotlines to speak with a live knowledgeable operator (Herpes Opportunity isn't connected with any, but it's an awesome free service): (919) 361-8488 (M-F, 9a-7p EST) (206) 344-2539 (MWF 6:30-9p EST)

I love that you're speaking to this, JAO! I do think that we as males naturally tend to hole up in our mancaves and try to figure out our stuff on our own. It's a universal thing that when women need help, they tend to reach out; when men need help, they tend to isolate. And the sneaky thing about shame is the more we isolate, the stronger the shame gets. It's ironic: The shame tells us that if we start talking about it that it'll get worse, but it actually gets better; it normalizes it, takes the power away from it. It makes you realize you actually aren't alone, despite all the bullshit stories the shame will have you believe. Sharing your shame allows others to connect to their own humanity, too. It's a beautiful cycle, but only one that can happen if the vulnerability of sharing happens first. And everyone has their own process. Lurking is totally acceptable. And realize when the right time to start stepping out from your own shadows is. And when you're ready, we'll be here. Maybe that time is now?

TO EVERYONE POSTING HERE ... Can we try to keep this thread only for people reaching out for (h) buddies support specifically instead of having conversations? If something comes up on this thread and you want to post about it, please start a new post instead of adding to this one. It's more likely to be seen and it won't water down this post. AND I'm LOVIN' all this community support and love. Let's just keep it organized for the masses. :) Thanks all!

Anyone listen to this? What do you think?

Wow mariii! I'm glad it went so well, but even if he would have reacted just the opposite from how he did, I really want to honor you for doing the courageous thing and vulnerably disclosing about herpes to him. And it seems that he likes you for all the right reasons and sees the strength in your vulnerability. Enjoy your shameless relationship! Big hug! ;)

Check it out! First participant interview here! :) Soooo excited right now! http://herpesopportunity.com/podcasts/herpes-opportunity-participant-interview-01.mp3 Want to come to the next Herpes Opportunity Weekend Seminar? When: Fri-Sun, Jan 18-20, 2013 Where: Raleigh, NC http://herpesopportunity.com

Hey! I've been hard at work interviewing all the participants from the first Herpes Opportunity Weekend Seminar that just happened this past weekend. Here's the first interview for your listening pleasure! http://herpesopportunity.com/podcasts/herpes-opportunity-participant-interview-01.mp3 FYI, the next Herpes Opportunity Weekend Seminar is already set for January 18-20, 2013! Full details and earlybird special here: http://thehopp.com (There are only 12 spots available and a waiting list of 4, so jump on it!) See you there!

Shannon, this article really hit me in a beautiful way. So beautiful to read how your seed is growing. Sounds like all it needed was some nourishing water and sunshine to burst up out of the ground! So excited to be on this journey with you! And thanks for the shoutout in the article! Much love and big hugs. :)

Something fascinating is happening to me ... There's a small seed inside of me. It's pushing for more attention daily. Changing, growing, morphing. It's always been there, really, but never nurtured. I've been in therapy most of my life trying to coax the seed to gain roots and prosper. In the end, I think I was afraid to make real changes in my life to love myself and be happy because being a victim and sad all the time was easier. Real growth takes work and dedication. So the seed of my inner strength lay stagnant ... Here's the rest of Shannon's blog post on Herpes Life: http://herpeslife.com/genital-herpes-stigma-as-an-opportunity-to-help

I'm glad you made sure of that beforehand! Ironic how getting herpes can actually make us that much more aware of our own health in general. Something tells me that having sex with a person who knows they have herpes is more safe than having sex with someone who is in denial about their sexual health. lol, no need to apologize about my cringing. :) Just call me the Awareness Police! *whips out official-looking badge* ;) The words we use have an effect on how we experience our world and our situations. So "infect with herpes" vs. "get herpes" has a very different feeling associated with them even though they ultimately are referring to the same thing. I've found that the quality of our words actually points to the quality of the thoughts we're thinking.