mr_hopp

Have you downloaded the post-disclosure handout yet? The risks are all broken down there. And yes, it is very rare (only 1-2% of oral herpes is HSV-2). Still important for your partner to know, but to let them know the chances are super low, basically to the point of being non-existent. From our meeting with Dr. Peter Leone Monday, he says there's no reason any of us should not allow oral sex to be a healthy part of our sexual diet. ;) http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout ... and here are some blog postings about this: http://herpeslife.com/genital-hsv-1-herpes-and-oral-sex/ http://herpeslife.com/spreading-genital-herpes-hsv2-from-oral-sex/

Ah, Lelani. I love you. You have been such a powerful, loving and beautiful pillar of our community. You deserve all the love and joy that you have coming to you! I'm so proud of your courage to be yourself, your integrity, your care, your dedication to the growth of yourself and others, your positivity. Thanks for the update and the inspiration! I'm glad I have a damn good excuse to visit New Zealand. ;) Big hugs!

Herpes outbreaks generally last a week or two until they're completely healed, so it doesn't sound like herpes to me, but keep an eye on it. Again, be cautious but not paranoid. :) Much love and enjoy your beautiful baby!

I hear you. The stigma will have us believe that we're a living contagion. ;) We're not. We just get the occasional skin rash. Why don't you go to the doctor and have that place swabbed to ease your mind?

Here are my answers to the questions you posed: I believe so many of us have herpes (25+ million Americans aged 14-49) because of ignorance, denial and misinformation. If more people knew the symptoms and basic facts about the virus, it's fairly easy to protect sexual partners. It's only when people don't know that they inadvertently pass herpes. I know plenty of people (myself included) who have kept they're partners herpes free through condom use and/or suppressive therapy and knowing their prodrome symptoms. And per the handouts you've read (linked to above), you can see that the chances of transmitting herpes are minuscule. And yes, the herpes virus dies once it's outside the body and touches air. I suppose if you somehow manage to get the liquid from inside a herpes sore and then put that on someone else's cut or mucous membrane, then yes, that would pass herpes to them since the virus is still protected from air. (You'd have to try pretty hard to get this to happen.) ;) Does this help?

Hey all! Check out an interview I just finished up with our new forum member (and sexuality educator) Ashley! We had a great time chatting about herpes (go figure)! What an awesome person! And she'll be coming to help staff the next Herpes Opportunity weekend workshop — http://thehopp.com — yay!

Were you having an active outbreak? If not, it's hard to pass via viral shedding unless there is the kind of skin-to-skin abrasion that comes with sex. I would keep an eye on it, but don't stress yourself out and see yourself as so contagious! It's actually pretty hard to pass to sexual partners, much less a child sitting in your lap for a moment! Be careful, but not paranoid. You're not as contagious as you might think. :)

No, you can't pass it through water. Skin-to-skin contact only with the infected area onto another person's mucous membrane or break in skin. Have you read the handouts yet? http://herpeslife.com/resources/

:) I'm glad my story helped you. And hey, luck has much less to do with it than shifting a perspective that no longer serves you to one that empowers you and has you understanding how lovable you really are. And thanks for the birthday wishes! Here's to another awesome year! Woohoo!

Well, thanks! :)

What I like to do on my birthday (I try to do this every day, but on my birthday especially) is reflect on all the things I'm thankful for. And something that I was reflecting on was appreciating our community here. Having started this forum only a year and a half ago (October 2011) and having it grow like it has with all of you blows my mind. I was so depressed for a long time about this whole herpes thing, so to have such a dramatic shift in my life seeing it as an opportunity and sharing that opportunity with all of you has been such an honor. It was from my own shame and heartache that this community was sparked. And it warms my heart to see each of your heartache transforming to opportunity and self-acceptance and self-love. I'm appreciating each one of you for showing up here and being your raw selves. For supporting one another. For supporting yourself. Because it's only with us being able to be our raw selves and loved for who we are — in all of our beauty, celebration and love AND in all of our shame, pain and grief — that true, deep, sustained healing can take place. When we can accept all of it as okay, then we can accept ourselves. Then we are whole. It's truly a gift to have such heartfelt and beautiful people here. Thank you for being a beautiful birthday gift to me yesterday and every day. Thank you for holding the Opportunity intention of these forums with me. I love our growing community. :) Here's to another year and beyond! Here's to Opportunity!

Hey CRM! Start here: http://herpeslife.com/hsv-1-hsv-2-types-of-herpes/ 50% of new genital herpes cases are HSV-1 from oral HSV-1 being passed through oral sex. It's super common. And you're right, having genital HSV-1 does mean that on average you'll have less outbreaks with less severity, but it all depends on your overall health and how your body deals with the virus. ... and here are a few handouts to read over that go into more clarity around all this. If you have any further questions after reading up on it, let us know and we'll jump in to hopefully clarify! http://herpeslife.com/resources/

It's true that herpes is herpes and you're going to care for yourself the same way regardless of whether you have HSV-1 orally or genitally and whether you have genital HSV-2 (very rarely — 2% — do people have oral HSV-2). The important part in all this is to be knowledgeable for your partner's sake if they don't have herpes (or if they have a different type than you have). They will most likely want to know what the chances of transmission are. So knowing your HSV type will help them understand the risks involved.

Niki! There are tons of success stories out there! Have you read all these? http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/categories/herpes-talk-success-stories There's absolutely no reason to believe that a simple little virus called herpes is going to stop you from your dream of marriage, children, love. Stop believing all the stigma hype and really get on a deep level that you are totally worthy of love. It's a process of self-acceptance. And what a beautiful process. I would count myself as another positive success story. I am in one of the most loving, supportive, deep and powerful relationships of my life. We are close friends, amazing lovers and beautifully transparent and vulnerable with each other. We inspire each other daily in living our purposes in this world. (She even helped staff the last H Opp workshop in January, in fact.) And she doesn't have herpes. Now if I believed all those things you're believing about herpes meaning we won't have the type of relationship we deserve, I would have never believed this kind of relationship were possible. I wouldn't have been available for it. I wouldn't have allowed it to show up in my life. Believing that we're not worthy closes us up to the organic opportunities that are constantly surrounding us every day of our lives. A shift in perspective can make it seem like the whole world changes, but what actually changes is us stopping from getting in our own ways. Good luck on your journey of self-love. Hopping on these forums and sharing yourself like you're doing is a beautiful first step. Honored to be one of the ones supporting you in such a worthy goal.

Yes, it's so true. When we can sidestep those learned behaviors and beliefs that have us convincing ourselves that we're less than, then we can return to being ourselves. It is like we come into this world perfectly whole and beautiful, we learn all these beliefs that have us believing we aren't, then we spend the rest of our lives breaking down those beliefs to return to that pure place of knowing we're whole. Wow, what a ride. ;)

Thanks for sharing your story here, bro. I feel sad hearing how you're relating to having herpes and what you think that means for your future. Reading "Being 37 and always dreamed of being a father and having a family, it doesn't seem as if it would be possible anymore" hit my heart hard. What convinces you that this is going to be the case? There are plenty of cases that point to the fact that what you're believing simply isn't the case. And I remember feeling that was true. It's up to you how that belief will play out. Whether you decide to believe it as true or take a chance on it being bullshit that you choose to believe about yourself to keep yourself safe from possibly being hurt. But let's be honest here: Dating in general is vulnerable. We face possible rejection on every date, herpes or not. So don't let the fact that you have herpes sentence you to being a childless, lonely man. I want you to prove to yourself that you're worth it. Because you know you are, don't you?

Nice. He basically took the words right out of your mouth. ;) Congrats on the mutual disclosure and all the fun to be had!

I hear ya, stubborn. And I'm glad you had such a positive aha moment! :) And yeah, it could be worse ... But I imagine people who have HIV or cancer reading this would be a little peeved to hear you have a glum perspective on having those things, too. ;) What if you do get cancer or HIV now that you've run that comparison? Will it actually be the end of your happiness then? Or would you actually be able to find your opportunity within those things, too? I'm currently helping other wounded healers start their own Opportunities. One of them is the Cancer Opportunity. And Nicole is finding plenty of beauty in her life thanks to cancer. So yes, there are so many people worse off than where we're sitting right now. In fact, if you’re reading this on your computer right now, you’re already in much better shape than the vast majority of humanity on this earth. There are many things you can find out there in the world to prove that you’re in much better shape than many, many others … And it could be better, too. Uh oh. ;) Yep, you can find many more people around you who seemingly have it much better than you have it right now. So where do you focus your attention? That leads us to the next topic ... Comparison’s a bitch! ;) The same exact mechanism that has you comparing in one direction also has you comparing in the other direction, too. It's like building the muscle up that immediately has us comparing up or comparing down. It's equal opportunity. I say we throw out the comparison altogether and practice gratitude for what we have.

Thanks for sharing! This is good to know. AND I want to underline that what I want to really focus on in our community is that we are disclosing not out of fear of possible legal ramifications, but out of genuine care for another human being, out of honoring integrity and vulnerability.

Great! Thanks for this, Learningasigo! Here's an older post with a lot of great quotes, too! http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/303/who-made-the-mess-and-other-inspirational-quotes-#Item_32

And in the meantime (because trust me, over the years, there have been MANY of these kinds of hopes out there for a cure/treatment), the way for us to actually overcome the stigma is to accept it for ourselves. Be contagious. Spread knowledge. Spread acceptance. Spread love. Spread okayness. That's what the herpes opportunity is all about. We don't have to wait for a cure for that to happen now.

Here's a new finding (just 3 days ago!): http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/03/130325160231.htm

What's possible when you switch your perspective? That's where the power comes back. That's where your beauty is able to be seen. You're here for a reason. For many reasons. Let those reasons be seen in all their beauty. Stop covering them up. The world deserves you. How do these videos parallel your experience with herpes?

I get the fear. And that's why disclosing takes trust. Disclosing is a vulnerable act. If you trust the person you're disclosing to with something as vulnerable as saying that you have herpes, then you also trust them not to be a dipshit and spread rumors about you. ;) In dating, people are getting to know each other and trust each other. You don't disclose until you feel that trust. Period. That's one of the big barometers for disclosure. You can still get to know this guy to see if he's even worth disclosing to! Don't cut it off before you even give the relationship a chance to prove itself. You can choose whether to continue or not down the line. You're pretty much pre-rejecting any possibility of anything by assuming a whole bunch of things that will probably never happen. Make sense? It's a trick the brain pulls on us to keep us supremely safe, but it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy to keep us alone. That's why this takes courage. But on the other side of it is happiness and freedom and growth in integrity.

Nice. I love these "told-you-so" moments. ;) I'm happy for you! Enjoy your blossoming relationship! Soak it all up!