mr_hopp

Hey Domo! I don't know when I'll be having the next group call, but for now have you downloaded the audio recording?

Yes! Totally! Here's a discussion posted in December around this exact topic! http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/422/putting-herpes-into-perspective-/p1 Also, what's important is to realize that even though comparing ourselves to others might make us feel better about our specific situation, that same mechanism of comparison can also find examples that show us how much our lives suck. It's a sneaky thing. I say let's live our unique lives without comparison and practice gratitude for what we do have. (If you figure out how to do this 100%, let me know. I'm definitely working on this myself.) ;) Much love!

You know, I read a fascinating article once about the possible evolutionary reason for depression. It ultimately said that depression is our natural way to tune out the regular distractions in our life and focus on ourselves. To focus on our broken hearts, to tend to what we had previously been avoiding. To go back to the source of us. In that way, depression can be seen as a beautiful biological way for us to reconnect to ourselves. Depression is another one of those things that has a tremendous cultural stigma also. If you're depressed, it's harder to reach out due to fear of being judged. But reframing it to recognizing it as your body and heart's way of healing is beautiful. There's nothing wrong with that. Ultimately, the question becomes: When you are alone with yourself, depressed, how are you treating yourself? How are you treating your heart? Is being by yourself healing your tender wounds or ripping them deeper? And about your fear of rejection, definitely have a listen to our most recent group phone call about how to never feel rejected. It goes way more in depth into all this. :) http://eepurl.com/tNKir

Enjoy it, bro. Soak it all up. Flirt up a storm! Play! Live it up! :)

I totally understand. I used to be like that, too. And many people when they first came to the Herpes Opportunity have felt the same way. Then there's a big realization: WE are the ones holding ourselves back. Not herpes. It's the bullshit story that we aren't enough that holds us back. And we are choosing to believe it. Listen to the "How to never feel rejected" audio. It'll change your perspective quick. :) Here it is: http://eepurl.com/tNKir

Hey need2talk & Atlantic! Great to have you here! I'm totally a fan of everyone finding the love they deserve (of course), and if going to herpes-only dating sites is your way to do that, that's great. BUT, consider how going to herpes-only dating sites is actively segregating yourself from 86% of the population! It's pre-rejecting us from all of those people out there who would LOVE to be in a relationship with you regardless if you have herpes or not. And for the most part, people staying in the herpes-only dating pool is only due to being afraid of having the herpes talk (ultimately, fear of rejection). What are we so afraid of? Here's an article I wrote a while back on this topic: http://herpeslife.com/do-i-have-to-join-those-herpes-dating-sites/

We are doing it one by one in our daily lives. We are doing it by participating on this forum, practicing relating to herpes and ourselves without judgment. Being less and less taken by shame. Believing less and less of the bullshit story that we aren't enough and that we aren't lovable. When we disclose, we do it with less and less shame. The people we disclose to get to be exposed to a perspective of having herpes that is positive, not oozing with shame. Breaking down the stigma begins with each of us accepting ourselves and others. And becoming more and more transparent and open about having herpes and that not being a big deal. At all.

Here's a link to the audio: http://eepurl.com/tNKir

Thanks, Brenda! I'm glad you got so much out of it! It was super fun to host it. And Nicole and Kristin are awesome, aren't they? ;) I'm going to be posting the audio soon for anyone else to hear who couldn't make the call.

Thank you for sharing here, CBK. I love your viewpoint and love your contributions to our community already. Feels really good to have you here. I can see you're a man of integrity and heart. And that seems to be rare these days amongst men. It's the people who still refuse to get educated about herpes and aren't responsible who unfortunately perpetuate the stigma of this being something horrible ... If everyone were educated, we could both protect herpes from spreading AND realize it's just a simple skin condition — ultimately not a big deal at all. But unfortunately with herpes being spread a lot through dishonesty and shame (I originally got herpes when my girlfriend cheated on me), herpes has evolved from a skin condition to some deceitful disease. It sounds to me that you are one of the people who is helping to quell the stigma simply through your heartfelt honesty and care. Thank you for that. It's not always easy, but it's worth it. The right woman who deserves an honest and connected relationship will see that and extend the same level of honesty to you. I just know it. ;) Big bro hug!

First things first, have you downloaded the free ebook on disclosure? (Linked to in the right sidebar here.) Secondly, there have been quite a few threads on this forum on long-distance disclosures. If you scan through this disclosure category, you'll see quite a bit of great ideas and advice. Ultimately, disclose when and where "feels" right to you. Don't force it. Be authentic. Welcome any nervousness. (It shows you care, after all.) Good luck and please keep us posted!

That is a great podcast, sugarplumfairy! Here's my blog post on it with the audio embedded if anyone wants to check out its awesomeness: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-is-not-a-big-deal-dan-savage-love/

Nice CBK. I'm glad you disclosed anyway, at the very least to get a FEEL for what it's like to say it outloud to someone else. The silence is what holds most of the power in shame. I imagine you felt a release when you said those words without shaming yourself about it. I imagine that was your integrity growing stronger. I'm proud of you, bro. By the way, check out the new video I put together about the H Opportunity weekend. Gets me choked up every time I watch it. :)

This is definitely one of those patterns I see with newly diagnosed people. I remember when I was first diagnosed and went out there looking for a cure ... and when I found there wasn't one, I held out hope for one to be found soon. I found myself putting my life on hold. As if I could only live life fully once I didn't have herpes. Like I said in my "herpes cure?" video — http://herpeslife.com/herpes-cure/ — there will always seem to be a cure on the horizon, but let's not hold off on life until then. :) And by all means let's continue to support this kind of research, too. It's just not the ONLY way to have the shame you find yourself in be cured. Much love! By the way, check out the new video I put together about the H Opportunity weekend. Gets me choked up every time I watch it. :)

Thanks for spearheading this, Kristin. Feels so good to have you as such an integral part of this mission. :) Big hug! See you in a few weeks at the seminar! Woohoo! By the way, check out the new video I put together about the H Opportunity weekend. Gets me choked up every time I watch it. :)

This video perfectly summarizes what the Herpes Opportunity weekend is all about. And it's not about herpes! ;)

Taurus Lady, yes, I echo everything that the wonderful lelani/Kristin duo said. ;) And have you downloaded the free e-book yet on disclosure? http://eepurl.com/b4IPP ... All things disclosure are discussed in there and here are a few blog posts on it, too. http://herpeslife.com/i-have-herpes-two-parts-of-the-herpes-talk/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-talk/ Keep us updated!

Hey Sugar! For now, they are in NC. But as interest continues to grow, they will be offered wherever the most interest is. Who knows where we might spread to (pun intended), but for now our headquarters is beautiful NC. A few people are actually making the trek from California. It's worth it. ;) Looking forward to meeting you soon!

Hey Angel! Sorry your post got lost in the shuffle and wasn't commented on! I don't want you to feel ignored! :) Any update on this since your original post was a few weeks ago? Regardless, I understand your worry about how having herpes feels like it would somehow hamper your sexual freedom. I'm telling you, even that is BS that your mind and the stigma is making more real than it needs to be. Having herpes will have you be as safe as all of us really try to be in these days of rampant STDs and pregnancy possibilities. There are plenty of ways to have incredibly intimate and passionate sensuality while slowly moving toward safe sex. (Wow, trust me.) I thought I would be confined, but it has turned out very differently. And regardless if you have herpes or not, the journey of love is a confusing yet beautiful one. It's rarely a straight shot. There seems to be this belief that if I didn't have herpes, dating and finding someone would be so much easier. Bullshit. ;) It's just different now. Not better or worse. And if you are meant to be with this guy, then he won't mind a potential skin condition. And if he does mind, nothing against him, but he just wasn't the one for you. Sometimes it can be just that simple. We can make it a whole lot more complicated in our minds (trust me, I've done complicated amazingly well). So stay compassionate to yourself and let it flow how it will. Don't force it any which way. What is meant to be will be. (There's a good reason that's such a cliche.) Much love, Angel.

So nice to see you stepping out from the shadows, time4changes. Welcome to our community. So glad to have you. No more pity party. Sounds like you're ready to take responsibility for this beautiful and meaningful life of yours. And I love that you're recognizing all of those thoughts as what they are: Fear-based illusions that are trying to hold you back from feeling potential rejection (which will probably never come). By the way, I might consider talking to the woman you got herpes from. Not just to let her know something she might not know (80% of people who have herpes don't know they do), but to also have closure. I imagine there's some resentment that you're squashing inside. If that's the case, let it out. And find a way to forgive (for the good of both you and her). And how did the relationship with the guy you have herpes to end? How does he feel about you cheating? What has he said to you about how he feels about you giving him herpes through being (by how you describe it) deceitful?

Wow, I have tears in my eyes reading about how empathic and heartfelt your friend is. How amazing is it that you have such a solid support in this. I'm so glad you feel so held and loved. And it warms my heart hearing that you're dedicating yourself to loving yourself. How beautiful. Yes, welcome to humanity. With all its pain and suffering, there is still so much beauty for all of us to experience. Happy Holidays, domh. So much love to you. (And thanks for the shoutout. That felt good.)

It might be less likely to pass it due to not having any more active outbreaks, but there is always still a chance of passing herpes. The e-book is what is linked to in the right sidebar of this site.

WHAT??? Your gyno actually told you that you don't have to have the herpes talk with potential partners? Wow. Uh oh. There is always a chance of passing herpes on, even if you've never had an actual physical outbreak. Hence the whole viral shedding phenomenon. You should always let your potential partners know. I would have a talk with this guy if I were you. Have you read the disclosure ebook?

My guess would be what you're feeling is prodrome or viral shedding. I have had plenty of times where I could swear there's an outbreak about to come on due to slight burning/tingling but nothing ends up happening. If nothing happens, I assume viral shedding (the herpes virus sheds about 10-20% of the time) and if an outbreak does happen, then it's prodrome. Either way, that tingling is signaling that the virus is traveling the nerves to the surface of the skin. It's great to be aware of this sensation so you can keep your partner(s) safe.

You are beautiful in so many days, Janice. Much love to you down under. Good to know the world hasn't yet ended even with you being a day ahead. And our world won't end unless we think it will. It feels good to hear your check-in, even in the sadness. I'm feeling pretty sad myself during this holiday season, still feeling the separation with my amazing girlfriend deeply. And the deep sadness still tells me I'm deeply alive. And that in itself is beautiful. And I look forward to you sharing your beautifully heartfelt life with the person you're wanting.